Legacy: Fragments of John Tracy, Starman (pt3)

 FLASH BACK  (original here)

 (warning, this section contains references to self harm. feel free to skip to the next present day section if you need to.)

“How is that even possible?”

“I would have though the blood would have rushed to his head by now.”

“Maybe that's why he thinks he's flying a spaceship in his sleep.”

Gordon and Virgil where standing by the piano, watching their youngest sibling Alan sleep upside down on one of the living room couches. His hands were moving as he slept as if he was going through the motions piloting the spacecraft he had been learning to fly in his time at NASA during his time as a junior cadet. Jeff may not have agreed to John giving him the lessons or liked the idea of them but even he had to admit that his second eldest son knew his stuff.

“How long has he been at it do you think?”

“Who knows? Maybe a few minutes... an hour?” Virgil shrugged. “Honestly have no idea. I touched down home same time you did. This is totally new to me.”

“If this is what happens when he's been around John on his own for a whole year then I'm curious to know what we are like when we are asleep.” Gordon gave his older brother a funny look. “We  also spent time visiting him while we did our studies from time to time... maybe he brainwashed us in our sleep?”

“Your being over dramatic Gords.” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“You're just saying that because you're dreading spending time with Scott learning how to fly.”

Virgil poked out his tongue. Truth be told Scott was having to learn to fly two different machine set ups, one of which he had to sit in a simulation with John for over three hours just to figure out how to ignite the engines. Sure, John had programed the damn things but it didn't mean he was ever going to have to learn the machines theoretical layouts too.

“You're going to have to learn to steer those extra things dad said that are suppose to be assembled together on the spot.. we all are.” Virgil smiled. “I heard those are confusing as hell.”

“Well they certainly made the controls on the submarine layout fairly interesting I'll give them that.” Gordon scuffed a foot on the floor. “I don't think Brains has ever seen inside a one man submersible before but damn it's a nice and clean set up when you sit in the simulation. You can see where John really got the coding to replicate it... I mean the real deal looks amazing... I can't wait to finally be able to sit in it. Few more practice sessions and yeah.. we're all sweet to go.”

“You and Alan both by the looks of it.” Virgil chuckled.

They watched Alan a little bit longer until they could hear their father's voice waffle in from his office. He'd been talking to someone in there since they both got home and since Scott was out with their Grandma on a shopping trip to buy things for the whole family's home coming it had to be John. For once it wasn't angry but it still sounded pretty strict and serious. Both of them were curious as to what trouble their elder sibling had gotten into now... it seemed to be a great deal these days as far as they were concerned.

Eventually their father emerged and greeted them with a smile, looked at Alan slightly baffled before shaking his head and walking downstairs to the kitchen. Whatever he had been discussing must have been something fairly interesting if their father wasn't going to greet them with the usual formalities.

John walked out after a few more minutes, his expression rather impassive and unreadable. It softened when he looked up from the floor and saw his brothers whom he hadn't seen for a few months.

“Hey, did you guys have a good flight?”

“Could have been worse.” Gordon chimed in cheerfully with an answer lined up straight away. “Could have had Scott flying us in.”

“I'm sure he'd find that amusing Gordon.” John smiled sarcastically. “How you feeling anyway? I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit you in the hospital after the crash.”

Gordon noticed the guilty expression flicker for a moment on his older brother's face and felt he should put him out of his misery.

“I'm fit and as game as ever Johnny, no need to worry about me.”

“You were laid up in hospital for six months. I think I have every right to worry about you Gordon.” John rubbed his arm without thinking, a nervous habit he picked up when something had happened that he wasn't present at to stop or at least, make sure the person hurt was alright. Virgil knew it was a sign that their father had interfered preventing John from doing what he usually did which was try to come to the rescue. He wished their father just gave up already and just let John be the person he always had been, always there when you needed someone.

Usually Gordon forgot all about that stuff but for once he let it slide. Maybe he had a pang of pity on his brother for being chewed out the second he got home over something or another, or he was a better reader of John's expression and body language than Virgil assumed he was, Gordon didn't seem too upset over the whole thing.

And there it was, the other awkward thing that John did when you knew he had been dealing with their father for a long period of time, something Virgil had seen on more and more in the past few months... the hesitation on whether he was able to physically interact with his siblings on a personal level. It was as if his brother had forgotten what it was like to give someone a hug. In the end he just gave Gordon a tight squeeze and then quickly let go as if he was afraid someone might be watching.

Virgil looked back at Alan as he couldn't at John anymore as it was just an alienating sight to have his more caring and affectionate sibling acting as if they had all suddenly caught some kind of disease. He was forced to when he realised John had spoken to him.

“Sorry, wasn't listening.” he quickly apologized.

“It's alright Virgil. I've sort of gotten used to it by now.” John gave a half-hearted smile but didn't re-ask his question again. John patted his shoulder and then walked over into the inner cut out part of the living room where the chairs and the holographic coffee table were and sat next to Alan, gently giving the youngest brother a nudge.

“You're sleep flying again Alan.” he said softly, amusement in his features. The expression was more alive than the ones he had shown his other brothers, mostly because around Alan John didn't have to pretend to be anything else other than himself. He didn't have to pretend their words or their father's words hurt from time to time, he didn't have to struggle to be worth something to Alan because he already was.

Alan stirred and smiled when he realised it was John trying to get his attention. The younger Tracy didn't have much to smile about these last few days. John was going to have to leave him and that made him sadder the closer to the day it got.

“Dad moved it to this afternoon.”

“What? But Scott isn't even here yet! We haven't even started setting up for his birthday!”

“I know... but what dad says goes remember? Otherwise you won't be allowed to help with the rescue things dad is going to get the others to do. Besides, this is your chance to show him you're capable of doing something on your own. Think of it as your turn to finally prove yourself.” John let out an amused huffing sound.

“I don't really want you to go... it's going to be lonely without you here.”

“I don't know how Alan, everyone else will still be here.”

“You won't be. I know dad's not going to send anyone up to relieve you from there... I don't trust him.”

“I will try to get him to see reason Alan.. I don't really want to be left there indefinitely either but that's the arrangement otherwise -”

"Otherwise what?"

"Otherwise he'd kick me off the island." John said quietly, so as to not have Gordon and Virgil's ears wriggle and make things more complicated. "Please don't tell the others...it's not their concern." 

"But that's blackmail!" Alan hissed between his teeth. 

"Fully aware of that, however it's one I'm willing to let him hold over me at least until you start getting call outs from me up above."

"What then?"

"There might be wriggle room for change."

Gordon and Virgil both watched the interaction despite it all being hushed to them and then looked at each other. Something was going on and they were beginning to suspect it wasn't anything good.

**

“Alright Alan, you ready?”

“F.A.B John.”

“Right, now carefully pull out of the docking bay and head back to earth. You can do this, I know you can. You should be excited for your first solo flight and landing.”

“Do I have to? This space station is tiny! I could stay a little longer, they are not going to miss me at home.”

“No Alan, you should go back and enjoy Scott's birthday.... at least what's left of it.”

“It's not going to be the same without you.”

“Sure it will... it's not like I do anything special.”

“You keep Scotty from getting into trouble, that's tons as far as I care.”

John laughed over the comm feed. “Nah, he doesn't need me to shadow him on his birthday. Now go Alan... before dad calls here again for the third time wondering where you are.”

“Alright. Please be safe up here John.”

“You too Alan. Going to miss all of you.”

John sighed as he looked out the glass window of the gravity ring of the huge space station called Thunderbird five and watched his brother in the large red rocket disengage from the stations docking bay and release it's claws from the ring and fold back to make the ship more streamlined for it's return trip back to earth. It was a beautiful sight, one John was going to burn into his memory as it might be the last time he was going to see his youngest brother for a long while. He even found himself waving even though Alan wouldn't have seen it.

“Goodbye earth.” he whispered, placing his hand against the cold tempered glass, before resting his forehead against it. All his life he wanted to be amongst the stars and now... he wasn't so sure. At NASA when he was doing a launch he at least knew he'd eventually get the chance to walk under a real sky when he was finished his repair shift at the international space station... now he had no idea when he was ever going to feel the warmth of the sun's rays, smell cut grass and the chlorine from the pool. The last year training Alan had been fun, being able to share the very universe with someone was special, something he knew he might not ever get to do again if the arrangement with Jeff had anything to go by. John was worried exactly how much out of the way he was forced to be without the reprieve of a return ticket home.

He watched the red ship vanish into the distance back towards the planet and started to already feel homesick. He had a job to do up here so he better get it started as soon as he could.... just after he could get his thoughts together.

 

**

Virgil was tampering with the communications network in the living room. The tiny little hub computer he carried in his pocket was carefully checked and recheck to see if he could obtain a signal. His birthday had been alright but there had been something... or rather someone missing from the whole experience.

John had left to do things on the space station for several months now, leaving on Scott's birthday and completely missing Alan's thirteenth. Virgil was determined that his older brother was not going to miss out on his. Alan was upset that John didn't call at all and Virgil discovered that it wasn't by choice this morning when he tried to contact him from their father's office.

Virgil found a few unlabeled audio data slates in one of the desk draws, dated for Alan's birthday. He had sat down with Alan in the kids bedroom before the party with him to listen to them and both of them got a nasty shock with what they contained.

They were messages from John. Not just any messages but ones of him trying to get through to wish Alan happy birthday. One of them even had their brother in tears when he himself had realised that he was never going to get through to talk to anyone at all on the other end of the line.

That was in March. He had only been gone about a month... now it was August and the only contact they had with John was when their father got a rescue mission for them to attend to and even then it was minimal as their father got the information sent to him and the just left John to sit it out. The downside to this was if anything changed their father didn't know and some rescues had ended up disasters. They really needed John to be more involved as the eyes and ears of these things - hell the other audio recordings he found from John suggested he had even proposed this very idea several times - but their father was convinced otherwise.

Virgil was more determined than ever to talk to him, to find out if his brother was alright.

Virgil had spent a large portion of his birthday sitting out on the roof, the second story was accessible from the top level balcony and even though it was slanted, it gave the best view of the sunsets over the ocean and the most beautiful place to watch the stars. He found himself out there a lot of late without his drawing books, finding that without John sitting there reading beside him, motivation just fluttered away. Sometimes Alan would climb out and sit with him later at night to watch the stars in silence, something that was unusual for him as talking about the night sky and it's constellations was something Virgil didn't mind listening to. Again... it was because John wasn't there with them.

Frustrated with more static than before Virgil was about to reach under the holotable and rip out the wires and start all over again when a voice came through, mid sentence.

“...I'm even sorry that I'm not there to make the stupid damn cake. I know Grandma will buy you a chocolate one because everyone else likes it, but I know for a fact you'd rather a Strawberry one with vanilla icing. You know, that's one thing you can't do in space.... cook food. I know it's probably the middle of the night down there so you might be watching the stars with Alan... at least I'd like to think you still are....I miss you guys terribly.”

“John!” Virgil hissed at the little device. “It's me Virgil! Can you hear me?”

There was a pause. “Virgil? Holy Hob-Knobs how the hell?! Are you in dad's office? Did the call actually come through this time!?”

“Calm down John! I just hacked the communications network. I wanted to talk to you.... it's been pretty boring without you here you know?” He relaxed a little. “Been missing you.”

“Missing you too Virgil. Missing all of you. It's too quiet up here. How was your birthday by the way?”

Virgil smiled. Typical John, getting right to the point. He stood up and started heading towards the stairs to the bedrooms while he continued to talk. “Pretty basic. Had the fellers from where I had been working over... boy they can drink!”

“Get many good presents?”

“If you call gift cards presents.”

“Surly Alan, Gordon and Scott gave you something nice?”

“Alan tried to make me a cake as dad hasn't really let him off the island since you left. He's going a little stir crazy... Gordon bought me tons of art supplies although he never ever gets the one thing I really need which is damn mix media paper and Scott was the one who organized the fellas around so I guess that's a gift in itself.”

“I guess it was rather a good party then?”

“Sort of... I hid on the roof most of the day.”

“How come?”

“Because.... it was a nice day... and I was sort of hoping to see you walk out onto the rooftop to sit with me.”

“Oh Virgil...” He could hear his brother's voice breaking. “I.. I'm so sorry.”

“It's ok. I heard you arguing with dad a few days ago. Dad hasn't got any volume control when it comes to talking to you.”

“What's new?”

“I didn't hear much, but I got the feeling you were asking to come down.”

“Yeah...sort of..I didn't realise how much I'd be made to just listen to you guys get into situations that I could have prevented. I don't like it at all Virgil, Scott got seriously hurt on the last one and knowing that I had the information to stop it....” John's voice trailed off.

“Sounds really stupid. I had hoped he changed his mind on that.” Virgil huffed. "We're struggling out there and would be good to see the full picture."

“It does, but unless I finish the rest of this up here, I can't do alot to change his terrible set up." There was a quiet laugh as he seemed to be thinking of something else. "You know all day today I've been sitting here by the console holding onto that damn photo you took when we stopped over in Knoxville at the Johnny Cash museum... I guess I'm as bad as you sitting on the roof all day huh?”

Virgil found himself smiling more as he slipped into his bedroom and closed the door. “Yeah I guess we're both alike on that front.” He was aware John was changing the topic but let it go.

“Wouldn't have said it like that, we just... need the old fashioned company.”

“Would you be able to sing a song for me.. like old times?”

“Maybe... what do I get out of it?”

“The satisfaction your younger brother will sleep happy and feel safe tonight on his birthday.”

There was a sound that was almost a chuckle. It was warm and friendly and it made Virgil wish his brother was in the same room right now to give him a big hug.

“One problem... I don't know any Johnny Cash.”

“It doesn't matter anything is fine... as long as it's from you.. your voice.”

“Alright. Just one. Don't start crying on me though, alright? I can barely keep it together on my end and this might just tip me over.”

“Promise.”

There was an intake of breath before John started to sing. Occasionally it was blurred by static, but Virgil didn't care. He still needed to hear his brother's voice for the security it gave.

“ Exile... it takes your mind, again. Exile... it takes your mind... again. You've got Sucker's luck, Have you given up? Does it feel like a trial? Does it trouble your mind the way you trouble mine?”

Virgil listened in silence till his brother had finished. By the end he was hugging one of his pillows on the bed, trying not to cry. He promised.

“You still there Virgil?”

“Yeah.. still here John. Thank you.”

“No worries Virgil.”

“You sound sad John.”

“You could say that.... I just never realised how much I would want to come home.”

"Maybe one of us could -"

"No Virgil. You can't. It's between me and dad. If I can just hang in here and... hold out maybe he'll realise he needs me for more than just -"

"John, he will NEVER listen to you or give you the time of day. How long is it going to take for you to see that?" Virgil let his feelings slip out and only realised too late that he had.There was a moment of silence before John responded, utterly dead pan. "Good bye Virgil. Hope you have a better day tomorrow." Then the communication died.

The damage had been done.

***

Grandma Tracy shoved Jeff aside. “For the last time, Son... when are you going to grow up? Your own son is all alone in space on his birthday, you could at least let someone call him to make sure he's alright.”

“He'll be fine mother. He always is. I wouldn't trust him up there on his own otherwise.”

“Jeff you have had it in for that boy since Lucile died... and now you're just taking advantage of him.”

“I don't see how giving him what he's always wanted 'taking advantage'. He's loved space since however long... he is fine up there I assure you.”

“Just let me speak to my Grandson Jeff. If it wasn't for him being born you wouldn't have pulled through from your accident. He is a tall, smart young lad now... it's time you treated him like it.”

“Fine, I'll hook you up for a while. Just for the record, he gets all the respect he deserves, No more, no less than his brothers.”

“Somehow I fail to agree with you on that Son.” she sighed. There were times she really wished Jeff would see things from her point of view.

Jeff turned the holoscreen on in his office and pressed a few buttons so the call would connect through to the space station. “I'll leave you to it.”

“Aren't you going to say anything to him?”

“No.” he walked out of the room and before closing the door he added, “It's already been said.”

As the call connected a visual of John looking worse for wear came up on the feed.

“Dad? Is something wrong with the last lot of relay code? I've been working on that for a few days and I thinks I found where Brain's made an error - ”

Grandma Tracy watched on the holographic projection as her second eldest grandson struggled to function like a normal human being, rattling off something as if he was expected to the second the call connected. He looked terrible, like he had not been eating or getting any real sleep other than random napping here and there.

“Johnathan it's me, Grandma... I'm calling to wish you a Happy birthday. You remember? It's today.”

“It is?" John seemed to hesitate and look confused. Being alone in space, he'd lost all sense of time. "Thank you.”

“Are you feeling alright John? You look awful.”

“I've been a little unwell. That last lot of supplies that had been sent up have made me feel sick. Can you send one of your cakes up next supply run?”

“Ok, who are you and what have you done with my Grandson?”

“I'm serious Grandma, I haven't been able to eat anything for the past three days without bringing it all back up. I haven't been able to shower since I left, the one here has been installed wrong and there's not enough air in the suits tanks so I can go outside and fix, Actually can I get some better oxygen tanks for that? It feels like an incredible oversight...”

Alan had heard his brother's voice and had snuck into the room, sitting down in front of the desk on the floor where John couldn't see him in the holographic projection. Grandma Tracy was tempted to shoo him out but figured that just hearing his brother's voice was probably going to cheer Alan up after the amount of moping around he had been doing since Virgil's birthday. She just wished it wasn't when John was in a bad way and off on his own little world.

"John, you're waffling." Grandma gently pointed it out.

"Oh? I'm..I'm sorry."

“No need to be sorry." she sighed. "Your brothers are missing you a lot you know.”

“I miss them too." John's voice suddenly sounded weaker. "I thought that this would be different Grandma... but it's the same as living in the states and being told I can't come to visit on my holidays. This is supposed to be an experience, a Job I'm over qualified for that I'm suppose to helping with and being useful."

He suddenly looked annoyed, the emotion flickered across his features like a feverish flame. "It feels like a prison designed just to lock me away. I'm not even allowed any books up here! What am I supposed to do to stay sane? There's not even a telescope up here to explore! Why does dad always keep trying to put me in a box out the way, Grandma? What have I ever done? Please... tell me what I've done to make him hate me so much?”

“John please calm down sweetie.”

“Calm down? Grandma this is the first genuine emotion I've been able to feel all week! I think dad's got something in the food... I haven't been able to think straight since Virgil's birthday...” John's voice trailed off. “I want to come home. I miss not being able to take a shower, sleep in my own bed, reading books, cooking stuff... heck I miss using a REAL toilet! I miss spending time with you... talking to Scott, singing along to music with Virgil and even watching Gordon swim laps around the pool! Most of all I miss Alan's warm smiles and all his silly little games. It's not fair!” The signal was cut suddenly and Grandma Tracy shouted his name at the holoscreen as it went blank. John must have smashed something at the one on his end as it wouldn't have gone dead as fast as it had otherwise.

She peered around the desk to see little Alan hugging his knees, looking a lot sadder than before. He looked up as she sat down beside him and put her arms around him.

"Why is dad doing this to John?" Alan asked.

“I don't know Alan. I wish I knew. I really do.”

"When we were doing the flight training and Gordon had the accident, dad said something to John that made him rip the phone from the wall. I've never seen him so angry before." Alan said softly. "Then he sat on the floor in the apartment kitchen and cried. He never does that Grandma, he never cries."

Grandma Tracy held Alan tighter as he began to sob. 

"I want to tell him everything is ok. Make sure he's alright like the last time and that he's not broken. No one can break him, because he's the unbreakable one." 

"Even the most unbreakable person can crumble sometimes, Alan. In the end, we're all only human, not statues."

**

“Hey dad, it's been almost whole year...... I think I've almost got all the stuff set up here in the space station... is it alright if I finally come down for Christmas? One day out of three hundred and sixty couldn't hurt.”

“Well son, I think we still need to wire in some of  the other machines and the software so you might need to stay there so Brains can patch the schematics through.”

John sighed. He really needed to come down for some sort of social occasion sooner or later for the sake of his own sanity. Heck just send Alan or someone up instead of Brain's speechless robot on a supply run, that would be enough. An hour with a person in the same space as him would be appreciated just so he could have some kinda of interaction? Heck Virgil had been in a nasty crash last week and John desperately wanted to know if he was ok but Jeff seemed to brush off his concerns  saying it was all handled and John wasn’t needed to help care for him.

John totally lost his temper that day too, smashing tools into the main console he was suppose to be hard wiring, making his job take even longer. He couldn't keep this up even though it's what he agreed to.

“It's not going anywhere dad. I can come straight back up and finish on boxing day.”

“No it won't do, you need to stay up there so we can send you the other components.”

John slammed his fists on the communication panel. He was getting more agitated, unpredictable and uncooperative as far as Jeff was concerned, which gave him more reasons to leave him up there out of the way. If he wanted to be trusted with his new position, he wasn’t doing a great job trying to prove he deserved it.

“Damn it dad! Can't you just let me see everyone at least once?” John shouted over the intercom. “I've already had them mad at me at least once this year, they already think I'm the worst person in the entire universe!”

“John, we agreed that if you wanted to still be a part of this organization you are to do what you are told. You are to stay put and that's final.”

The com had been shut off leaving John alone up in space with his own thoughts. Several times over the year he had wanted to just walk outside and just let the lack of oxygen take his life. He sat back against the floor... or wall.. whichever, it was hard to remember what was the right way up in space once the gravity was turned off and tried hard not to shut down. Every time he spoke to his father they had some sort of a fight and John was tired of it. Tired of being lied to, tired of being shut out and excluded, sick to death of his father trying to keep him away from his brothers... the list went on.

He could always try begging his father again, hoping to appeal to his better nature. He needed to get off this space station. He had been violently ill more than once and when he tried to figure out why he discovered the food he was being sent up to eat was laced with stuff to keep him calm and emotionally vacant. No wonder he had periods where he couldn't feel anything when he knew he should have been angry or upset or just in tears. He had pulled apart some of the tools he had on board and had started experimenting on himself and his own pain threshold and discovered that it was far higher than it should be. But what else was there for him to do once he finished repairing things? Besides, he was making pretty little patterns along his arms, things like stars, birds and trees... that and the blood gave him something to write with as there was no way he could fix Brain's coding mistakes without writing some down though the only place to do that was on a wall. John had been very careful where he did that, last thing he needed was his dad to question his mental fitness but he wouldn't have been surprised that's what all the messed up food was for, to keep him under control and compliant.

He leaned back and banged his head a few times. What on earth was he trying to do to himself? He knew if he tried anything he'd be no better in his father's eyes... and then... there was Alan. The only reason he was hanging on right now was because of his little brother and how much he wanted to hug him when he finally got to touch down on earth.... and then maybe Virgil as well... the big guy still needed John to sing him to sleep occasionally... heck he STILL had not heard if Virgil was ok after the crash, the audio he heard of him screaming in pain replayed over and over again in his mind. He could have prevented it! All he had to do was override the controls to Thunderbird Two but the stupid machinery up here wasn't designed to give him that luxury.

Unless... he ripped it apart and built it again from scratch. 

He grabbed the tools which lay beside him and started to dismantle the communications control box. Fuck dad and Brain's stupid relay systems. He knew there was a better way.

'Meteor shower in vicinity in five minutes.'

John pulled himself up. Sure there was nothing for him other than work to do on board the station and listen for incoming emergency calls but you could always rely on the universe to give you a show to cheer you up once in awhile. He stood up and walked along the bronze coloured steel corridor and into the communications hub where usually the gravity was turned off, but after how sick he had been from the food he had been sent up on previous deliveries he had the gravity turned on as he wasn't about to chance it. He opened the hatchway that lead into the gravity ring and walked around it until he could see the meteor shower streaking across the emptiness of space, passing by the earth.

It was beautiful. He wished his brothers could see it. Right now Virgil and Alan would be sitting on the roof of the house looking up at the sky to watch the light show. John placed his hand on the cold tempered glass, trying to imagine sitting there with them. He forgot that his hands were covered in blood and streaked the glass with it.

“Hey John... can you hear me?”

John looked around. He must be going crazy. Either that or he left the intercom on... but it shouldn't be working in the gravity ring as it had not been switched on in there.

“John? Can you hear us up there?”

John looked up at one of the many cameras that was fixed to a rail inside the space station. They were suppose to scroll around the ship and him to create holographic projections back on earth when people called on the holophone. John wasn't sure why, they had only ever been used once for their intended purpose when his Grandmother called in October. His father only ever called on the audio and John kept finding the coding being altered every time he send a distress call through to them back home.

They moved in a way that to John felt invasive but it could also be his growing paranoia that was making him think that. Everyday his dream was turning into a nightmare, his place of adventure was now a prison cell.

“Hello?” he said to the air in general. Maybe he was starting to finally crack and that conversation with hi father made him hit his head on something and this was all a dream.

“HEY! We got through!”

“V-Virgil?”

“Don't forget me!”

“Alan? How'd how did you?”

“Virgil hacked the computer systems in dad's office and routed it to a remote audio caster.” Alan's voice sounded excited. “We got audio up through the camera systems but no visual 'cause Virgil doesn't know how to code something that complicated, especially when dad is still in his office.... but we can talk to you no matter where to are on the station now which is awesome!”

“At least till dad discovers that I have done it a second time.” Virgil's voice added. “I got into a lot of trouble on my birthday for it.”

"It won't take him long. I've just spoken to him and pissed him off." John let some of his tiredness slip though. if they couldn't see him he could take off the mask of bravado just this once. "How... how are you doing Virgil? After the crash?"

"Better now I'm talking to you. Never thought I'd miss your stupid 'get well pancakes'."

“Can you see the meteors up there Johnny?” Alan cut his older brother off, changing the subject. “We're watching from the roof of the house. Is it prettier than down here?”

John sat himself down, back against the glass. “I can't watch it Alan.”

“Why not? Isn't the gravity ring made out of tempered glass? It's clear isn't it? I'm sure I remember it is..”

“It's... it's not that Alan...” John found himself looking at his hands, covered in his own blood, relived his brother's couldn't visually see what he had been doing. “I just.... watching it makes... makes me miss you guys.”

“We miss you too John.” Virgil's voice sounded really sad. “That's why we're trying to contact you.”

“I know... but you shouldn't.”

“It's worth every lecture, believe me John. He can't just send you away like this and expect us to forget you exist.”

“Hey John? You remember the little song you use to sing when I was little and sometimes sing with us on the roof?”

“Yeah.”

Unprompted, Alan's voice started singing the tune. He was really rather good too, something he had also picked up from John. Neither of them were musically talented like Scott and his violin, Virgil and the piano or Gordon and his guitar but only both of them could hold a note with their voices.

“Starman, it's time to go to bed, Starman, you need to rest your head. Rest your head on a bed of clouds, look into space and see universal galaxies. Comets dancing across the sky, meteors showering from way up high, Starman you need to rest your head, Starman you need to go to bed.”

John couldn't stop himself if he tried. He broke down into tears.

“John?”

“Sorry Alan... you sound so beautiful.”

“Are you going to come home for Christmas? You can at least do that right?”

Virgil looked at Alan who was sitting beside him holding onto the audio caster. Alan looked like he was about to cry as all they could hear from John's end was their older sibling in tears.

“I've tried to fly up there a few times.” Alan admitted quietly to Virgil, while his other sibling's sobs filled the coms. “Dad manages to somehow re-route the ships systems and then keeps me grounded.” Alan took a deep breath. “After that last rescue I came with you guys on...” he shuddered.

“I know Alan, I was there too. I remember the faces of those children.... and their parents.”

“They wouldn't have died if John was telling us what to do. I know he'd have figured something out to have prevented it and you wouldn't have crash landed back at home.”

“I know Alan.”

“You guys still there?”

“We're still here John.”

“Sorry about that, couldn't help it. I will try much harder next time.”

“It's alright.” Virgil sighed in response to his older brother's voice as he hugged Alan who looked like he was on the verge of tears too. “Guess it's hard to keep control of how you feel up there huh?”

“Heh, a little... yeah. Just a little over worked and the rest of it. If there was more to do up here and maybe if I got to talk to you guys more it wouldn't be so bad.” There was a slight chuckle as he tactfully changed the subject. “You know bad Gordon smells after he's been swimming down the beach all day?”

“Yeah, it's awful when he refuses to take a shower.”

“Imagine that, but twenty times worse.”

Alan's nose wrinkled and Virgil looked horrified. “You're joking?”

“Nope. There's no shower up here. I think I lost my ability to smell anything after the first two months.” there was a snort which could have been mistaken for a genuine smile. John could picture their expressions and it made him start laughing. “Yeah I know, the clean freak with the messy bedroom finally has become a stinky space hobo. Tell you what, when I finally figure out how to crash this puppy back into the planet you can do the honors of chucking what's left me into the pool and maybe get the scissors out to give us a much needed hair cut. I'm pretty sure I've done a lot of damage here using wire cutters... though my attempts have not been half bad. It's still short if that helps.”

Scott stood on the second story balcony and was about to shout at his two younger brothers to get off the roof before their father found them till he heard bouts of loud laughter, something he had not heard for months. Sure he couldn't hear the conversation but the cheerful mood changed his mind about calling them back inside.

**

It was the day after Scott's twenty fourth birthday and the last thing he wanted to do was deal with was a towering inferno. He was hovering above the building in Thunderbird one and had been trying to find out if there was anyone still trapped in the building but the information that his father had briefed him on was redundant the second he had left the island. Residents had been evacuated but the problem was now was it worth risking his own life to search the blazing inferno to double check or wait till Virgil arrived with Gordon and Alan with the firefighting equipment and then try and find any survivors.... which might have died by the time they got in there.

It was not a decision to take lightly.

“Thunderbird One, this is Thunderbird Five, do you copy Scott?”

Scott froze. He had not heard John's voice since dad's office.

“Thunderbird One do you copy? Scott, there's a life signal on the third level of the building in the corridors on the north side that's moving around trying to get out. You need to move around to that side to help get them out before they die of smoke inhalation.”

“John?”

“Scott, you have a job to do.”

Scott got a hold of himself. “F A B.” Scott shook himself out of it. Someone was finally making his decision for him and for the first time in a rescue, he was grateful. As an ex air force officer he was used to taking orders as much as giving them and in a situation like this he needed someone to take control that was not himself, something their father couldn't do from the ground half way across the planet.

John was at the control panel of Thunderbird Five, his fingers deftly running over the holoscreen controls and opening up more screens as he went, from diagnostics, to code and rewiring communication channels from the base back at home to the station so he had full control of everything. This time he was not about to just sit around and watch his brothers be hurt trying to be heroes. Sure he still needed time to do all of this properly but he couldn't wait, people's lives were at stake.

 He shunted all the auxiliary power into the main console to be able to redistribute everything, locking it so that Brains couldn't hack the system and give his father control again. John liked Brains, he just wished he wasn't so loyal to the old man... and maybe could of helped John try and redesign the entire system, which he had been doing since before Christmas.

John had figured that his father had no idea what he was doing up there in space and when you don't give someone with his intelligence something to do, they were going to find another way to entertain themselves. Hard wiring all the systems together and coding them to filter through the space station back to earth where all the control can be? Not a chance. John had all the systems and the equipment right in front of him to the job far better than anyone on earth. He had to show them with proof.

He opened up another holoscreen and typed a whole string of code, while glancing up at the ones he had open in relation to Thunderbird One -which showed the controls of the ship, kept the communication channel with Scott going and started to hack together a channel with Thunderbird Two, which he knew wouldn't be too far away.

“Thunderbird Two, this is Five, what's your ETA to disaster zone.”

“Huh? John? What are you doing on the com link?”

“Don't have time Virgil, need an answer right now.” John replied to the audio feed back and he swiped screens back around and kept typing till his fingers felt like lead on the keypad. The screen that had the schematic of the building he found were starting to flicker in areas where the building's supports were located as the structure was starting to give signs that it was not going to be stable for very long.

“ETA five minutes tops.”

“F A B Virgil, when you land I want you to use the CO2 foam instead of the other stuff Brains had first and keep well clear in case the building collapses. The structural supports are rather weak and won't be able to hold once you guys arrive. Be prepared to pull back on my word.”

“F A B.”

John flicked the holoscreens around again and tapped the one in relation to the coms for Scott. He could tell by one of the other screens that showed a cutaway version of the building in wire frame and showed where Scott and his survivor were located. It also came up with a whole lot of debris where Scott's exit was.

“Scott, You are going to have to walk back down the opposite direction to where you came in the roof seems to have collapsed, you'll need to get out the window at the other end of the corridor, be careful the room on the immediate left is at risk of a back draft so DO NOT I repeat DO NOT open it under any circumstances.”

“That's a huge drop Johnny! I can't get out the window without Thunderbird One!”

“Already thought of that Scoty, Going to swing her round remotely.”

“You're what? Can you really do that?”

“If Brains hasn't figured out how I hacked the whole network between here, home and all the craft yet then yeah, I'm pretty confident that I'm able to.” he pulled up the communications for Thunderbird Two again. “Virgil, the second Thunderbird One pulls away clear from the building, get Gordon and yourself the hell out of there. Once the building collapses on itself it will extinguish most of the flames and the main fire services and take it from there.”

“F A B.”

“Right, Scott, I'm going to bring Thunderbird One around to that location ASAP. Better get a move on before the whole building gives way.”

“F A B John.”

John swung the holoscreen around behind him where he had plenty of room to load up a holographic view of the internals of Thunderbird one's cockpit, however the setup seemed to struggle, flicking up warning lights that there was not enough power to complete the operation. With a quick movement of his slender fingers he re routed the power and ignored the warnings he was getting about removing it from the back up systems of the space station. When that didn't seem to be enough he shut down all non essential systems to find the remaining power.

“Right,” he muttered grabbing the virtual control sticks and carefully maneuvering the craft around the building towards the other window. He clicked the com feed quickly, “Alright Scott, better hurry I have very limited power to be able to do this...Plus I have no blockage on transmissions from father and Brains anymore so if they realise what I'm doing they can take control off me and we're totally fucked, you got that?”

“F A B John. I appreciate this.”

“Just trying to make up for the past year, Scott.”

John could see on the holographic readout that Scott was trying to get himself and his new passenger on board while at the same time he took glances at the big red gleaming warning beacon that was flicking up on the left of him indicating that the excess power from the space stations was almost drained and the auxiliary power that had been left running to supply the station with oxygen was cutting out entirely. John knew the system was designed to send a distress call out automatically to his father's office back on earth if anything was to happen out in space but there wouldn't be a single person who'd get the call.. or at least who'd get the call and do anything about it.

“One last time... One last time..” he hissed through clenched teeth. “One last time to protect them... to keep them safe. Just grant me that.”

“Alright, we're on board taking controls back now and pulling away!”

“F A B Scott.” John replied, finding himself smiling at hearing his older brother's voice and that he was ok. “Relinquishing control now.”

He shut the holographic controls down and everything that was still struggling to function died. Power was completely cut and the only light was coming through the glass from the stars outside the station. There was no sound, not even the gentle hum of the oxygen generator that had driven him crazy the past several months. He had half an hour at the most... he knew that by the time he found the helmet for his space suit he'd already start dying, not that it would have done anything.... he drained all the air out of it when he was hot wiring the space station from the outside several days ago just to overwrite the signal relay.

“John... John, do you copy? Thanks to you everything worked out A-Ok, mission was a success!”

Scott tried the coms again. He was worried when he realised that all communications with his younger brother had died as suddenly as they had had first filtered through.

“John! Are you there? Did dad cut the transmission?”

“Scoty... no matter what they find up here.... tell them I always loved them.”

“John? What are you... John?!” Scott shouted at the com, but the channel to the space station had gone completely dead.

***

“Where's dad? Tell him we have to get up to the space station right now!”

Scott barged into the living room, stalking it with vicious purpose.

“He's been and come back Scott.” Grandma Tracy looked up from her seat around the coffee table. She had a huge photo album open on her knee filled with pictures of her grandsons as babies. “John's in the medical bay, but your father has made the entire area off limits to you boys alright? Your father is busy trying to organize a place to take him in.”

Scott paused. “Take him where?”

“Somewhere he can get help. Your father and I both agree he is in need of it when he awakes. I don't like the idea but your brother's mental state is highly disturbing.”

“What do you mean, 'mental state?' I was just talking to him on our last rescue! He was perfectly sane, more so than usual. He saved lives today Grandma, something we are supposed to be doing and been failing miserably at since we started!”

Grandma Tracy frowned at her eldest Grandson. “What are you talking about? Your brother managed to completely block all communications here for hours and the only time Brains got through was at the end of your mission and it was then we got all these alerts from the Space station, from power shortages, Gravity malfunctions and the complete shutdown of all life support systems on board. Your brother was trying to mask his own suicide Scott.” she said the last part with great sadness, like she didn't want to believe it.

“No.. that can't be...” Scott swallowed. He couldn't believe her words. “He used the entire power of the station to help us out with our rescue.... not to kill himself... he would never.”

“It's your word against ours.” Grandma Tracy said flicking a page of the album over. “I went up with your father.... the station up there....” her voice faltered. “I should have tried to get your father to go up there sooner, the warning signs were all there.”

Scott walked over and sat with his grandmother. “What do you mean by that Grandma? Tell me please?” he rested a hand on the book so he had her full attention.

“He had been writing things all over the walls of the station, mathematical equations, star map references, code.... in his own blood Scott. A lot of it was old, some fairly recent... I took a photo of some so your father could show the institution we send him to.” Grandma Tracy pulled out her phone and loaded the pictures for Scott to see. They were indeed algorithms and computer code, all of which Scott recognized. They were all to do with the communications network on board the station and how to correct its function to make it an open circuit network. Then one picture came up and it sent a chill down his spine. It wasn't like the others, which looked as if the person in question was only writing things down in that fashion because they had no pens or paper on board.

It was a bloody hand print with crude little drawings around it, presumably of himself and his brothers with the message, 'I won't fail them.'

John had tried so desperately to keep himself sane, there had been some severe lapses just like this one apparently scattered around the ship amongst all the other highly intelligent scribbles. Truth be told Scott wouldn't have lasted a week up there alone in space but John had been forced to for a year.... it would have been stupid to think it wouldn't affect him.

“What was his condition when you guys brought him in?” Scott asked quietly.

“Unconscious but he had only just stopped breathing after we docked with the station. He looks like the living dead, Scott. He hasn't seen sunshine for a whole year so he's a pale as anything..... it's hard to tell how sick he is. He's lost a great deal of weight, the suit is supposed to be skin tight but it was so loose he could have worn something belonging to Alan. All his muscle mass is gone, he's just bones. The suit is in shreds down the sleeves and one of the legs from where he'd been slashing at himself with some of the sharp tools up there. He looks terrible Scott... he doesn't look like little Johnny anymore.”

Scott wrapped his arms around her as she stared to cry. All of her grandsons meant the world to her and when their father was busy with his work it was John who picked up all the slack running around after his little siblings... and Scott too come to think of it. Then when their father retired, everything changed.... John was clearly being forced to stay away from them despite how much he tried to do otherwise. Scott remembered how much it bothered his sibling being apart from them and being told he couldn't do as much as he used to with them all anymore. Scott could remember all the conversations he had where his brother stood torn between doing what he knew was right by them and trying to please their old man.... something he never seemed to be able to do. Their father was lucky that John forgave him for all the emotional abuse he had shouldered from him over the years, while not sounding like much... had really shaped the person John grew up to be.

And now this....

Scott let his grandmother go and stood up. “I'm going down there, fuck dad's ban. It's dad who should be sent away for holding John up there as a prisoner.”

“Scotty, don't make this harder than what it already is.”

“No, Grandma I'm calling him out. I've watched how he talks to John for years and this year alone I've noticed he's also started talking to Alan in the same way and I'm going to stop it before it gets worse. Sure, I love dad but it's gone on long enough and it's taken something like this to happen to get anyone to do something about it. I'm disgusted with myself for letting it happen quite frankly so it stops right now.”

And with that Scott turned on his heel and headed out of the living room and down the hidden stairwell that led back towards Brains lab, the Thunderbirds hangers and the medical bay. At least doing this now meant it was over with before his other brother's arrived back to find out.

He found his father Jeff on the phone in the room with John, who was still on oxygon.

“Yes, that's right... I'm asking to have my son committed. Yes I understand that.... I know it won't be a quick fix and that he may never recover enough to come back home... but it's his life we're talking about here.”

Scott was furious. He walked up and snatched the mobile phone and smashed it on the floor.

“What's the meaning of this Scott?!” his father demanded. “That was a very important phone call!”

“Get out. You have no right to send John away again, not after what it's done to him. He saved lives today, something we could have done since we first started with his help! But no... you sent him up there telling him he would be useful and left him up there to rot!”

“It was for his own good Scott and he was never left there on his own to hurt himself.”

“No.. it wasn't. You've never done anything for his own good ever! Sure, you've looked after us when you could, even took us on extravagant holidays and things... but you were NEVER really there when we needed you to be. John always was, has been and will be. All he's ever wanted was to have you be damn proud of him, the same way you are with the rest of us but for some reason that I clearly don't understand.. or any of us... you can NEVER SEE THAT.” Scott growled. He had never shouted at their father before but now, at the age of twenty four there was room for a first time. Respect is one thing, but clearly this time there was none to be had.

 Before Scott could strike him, Something grabbed his arm.

Scott froze. His shouting had disturbed his brother and John was looking at him from his resting place, struggling to focus on the people in the room.

Scott was quick to get down on his knees by his brother's bedside. Grandma's description didn't cover the half of the amount of damage being left all alone up there in space had done to his sibling, John's usual gentle fine structured features made him look ghost like and it was clear he must have had a lot of problems eating in the past few months as holding his hand and squeezing it tight, Scott could feel every single bone and joint in them something he shouldn't have been able to. He looked up and shot their father a glare and held it till Jeff gave up and left the room, leaving John in Scott's care.

 

PRESENT DAY

The scene Virgil saw when he tried to land his plane was something from his darkest nightmares. Thunderbird One was in pieces all over the runway, the bulk of the craft smashed up against the mountain side covered in flame retardant after it continued to overshoot the runway.

Getting out, he immediately ran across the tarmac where a body lay unmoving except for the wind blowing across the shreadded pieces of flight suit.

Lucky for John, The digital signal from his prosthetic was bleeping on the rest of the suit so Virgil could easily tell he was still alive despite how mangled his body was. Shakily, he removed the shattered helmet, afraid what might be beneath.

 Even after all these years and the odd random holocall for machinery parts, Virgil found looking at his brother's face rather confronting. John had desperately pushed them all way after his second divorce, taking extreme lengths in some cases to keep them away. Virgil really wished he hadn't as it would have been nice to have someone to talk to when his own started to fail.

As he lifted his brother into his arms, a feat that surprised him as he had been letting himself go and his strength wasn't what it used to be and started to head for the house stopping dead when he saw a faint hologram standing on the runway. It was John in the pilot suit, EOS having recorded his image billions of times was able to replicate him with extreme accuracy.

The hologram then spoke, Johns voice aged like a vintage wine that was still professional and pleasing to the ears. 'This recording is being sent out to my Nieces, Nephews and their children if they have any. Once you receive this, EOS has preformed her last function for me.' It smiled before continuing, 'If you are watching, I've either been in a accident or have died to other circumstances. If you've never seen pictures of me before, that's because I had a falling out with yout fathers... but for the sake of introductions, I am what's left of John Tracy of International Rescue, his memories and his consciousness. This recording of course kind of like a will and you kids have hit the jackpot. You will be given the location to...well let see if you can get here first. I can't wait to give you this... gift in person.'

Shit, he had actually contemplated this eventuality, Virgil cursed. It wouldn't be long before his kids - hell all the kids would be asking - called or at the very least flew out here. He ran as fast as he could with his barely breathing sibling towards the house, rushing through the docking bay of Thunderbird Two as it opened for him and made his way to the medical bay where once he carefully lay John down the machines came to life and took over. It had been a long time since Virgil had marveled at how efficient and meticulous they were, the one thing John made their father build so none of them would die on a rescue. 

Another hologram appeared beside him of his sibling as he stood behind the glass wall watching the machines work miracles. It was casually dressed in something that looked as if Gordon had chosen it. 

"I'm actually surprised, Virgil. How did you know there would be a crash?" It said, turning it's head to acknowledge his presence.

"Wait, is this another per-recording?" Virgil looked back at it in mild disjointed shock. "If so how do you -"

The hologram folded it's arms. "I wish. No it's one hundred percent me. I've just never told any about this." It gave Virgil a wink. "After Brains and Muffy left I finalized the last of the program I had been building with EOS since he gave me that electronic leg. Years of work but you know, ever since Brain's connected it all up to my head as well as my leg...I've been tied to this house and no matter how much I have tried to run away I could never really leave."

"This is insanity, you're lying there broken and dying, not fucking standing here!" Virgil turned and stormed off.

The hologram looked amused. "This didn't go to plan, this was supposed to happen after I kicked the bucket. Though I guess we could call this a success for the real thing."

***

Virgil stormed through the living room and was flabbergasted by the same hologram sitting at the piano.

"EOS, knock it-"

"Told you, EOS is gone. The last of her program was over written when after the crash. I guess it's because she expected me to die." The hologram sighed heavily and leaned on the closed lid of the keys.  "You know even though I have had years to learn while by myself I still never figured out this piano. Guess I never will now seeing that I am more or less a vegetable."

"I don't believe you!" Virgil snapped at the visual of his brother. "You're not the real John."

"No shit Sherlock." The hologram rolled it's eyes. "I'm fucking trying hard not to die. Give me some credit that my mind is trying to reach out to the only thing that would give me a reason not to give up as right now there isn't alot for me too keep fighting on for."

It stood up and walked around Virgil before standing in front of him. "If it makes you feel any better I'll stop the machines in the medical bay. They've just cut me open to reset all the broken bones, so turning them all off while I'm under anesthetic will kill me. Huh, I have the power to do that now...It feels kind of wrong."

The fingers clicked and a different hologram of him appeared in different clothes that suggested was per-recorded a few years ago. "Clearly you don't believe the actual me is talking to you so I guess I'll leave you with a real recorded message instead." It then vanished, leaving Virgil with one he couldn't interact with.

John's secondary hologram looked up at where presumably EOS was speaking to him from and sad with a heavy heart "I gave them the one thing our father could never do."

It smiled, as if it was talking to someone, who couldn't be seen or heard. "Freedom from this place and his obsession for them to be in service their whole lives. Sure, burning bridges between Scott, Gordon Alan and Virgil hurt more than anything but I had to. Otherwise they'd still be here, instead of out there with their own families, living a life they truly deserved. I wasn't the only one still stuck under dad's invisible rules after he died... we all were. It took me Virgil's wedding day to realise that. Getting you and Brains to lock them all out of Tracy Island... I wish I never had but it was that, or they'd do what I did after my second divorce."

Then the hologram headed out onto the balcony and Virgil watched it lean in the glass railing. "Their kids are growing up EOS, never having to know the hell we put ourselves through to keep some arseholes dream alive."

There was a brief pause before it continued ,"Yeah. Did I tell you about how Gordon's daughter Olivia won that gold medal in gymnastics? That was a good day to be in the crowd, sure I should have been in the coaches box... then there was Alan's twins sons David and Andrew and the rocket that they apparently destroyed the living room with."

Fascinated Virgil, walked around it. Had John just... offered up a confession?

"They'll never find out EOS. If I can be present at Scott's daughter's high school graduation and have none of them know I was there years later they will never know that I've tried to stay in their lives."

"Yes, well changing my name, putting on a disguise to pretend to be her maths teacher everyday isn't hard and let's face it, my brother's won't ever see what they don't want to be there.  In fact I hope Virgil's boys get those presents I sent. Their mother thinks they're from Virge but you and I know he'd never send them tickets to that concert as he hates that sort of music." The hologram burst out in laughter.  

"So that was you who gave them those? Melissa went crazy on me thinking I sent them...." Virgil's surprise was evident. "You... after all you said to Scott and Gordon and ghosted Alan and I....you still did all of that for our kids? You couldn't stay away could you?"

The recording continued, "I keep telling you EOS, they... aren't missing me and if anything happened here they'd never come. I did all of that on purpose. I guess I achieved another thing my father couldn't on that front." 

The hologram then flicked out, and back inside where the door lead from the lounge to what used to be their fathers office, a light went on inviting Virgil inside.

FLASH BACK (original here)

The funeral before the ride to the hotel was part of the worst night of Scott's life. All five brothers were now squished together in the one vehicle, all of them emotionally ready to explode at one another. He tried really hard not to show how frustrated he had been not with his siblings but at himself. Scott, who was driving, occasionally glanced at his brother John in the front passenger seat hoping to see some sign of emotion but he wasn't going to be granted any... at least for now.

Also flicking a glance in the rear-view mirror gave him another cause for worry. Virgil, who was in the seat directly behind Scott was also pretty impassive emotionally since the funeral, his eyes dark with a mixture of things Scott couldn't quite put his finger on.

Both of his brothers he knew did not get along with their father as much as everyone thought they should have. Sure, Virgil was favored over John but the reality was their dad only did it because Virgil didn't care what their father thought of him and try as he might to get Virgil to see things his way, the big guy was never going to swallow it. So their father always played up towards his brother's sense of loyalty which in some ways had been abused in more ways than one, pitting him against his own siblings on occasion when their father was wrong about something or another and Virgil was forced to take sides.

Scott had to admit, when it came down to the nitty gritty Virgil would turn on their dad when it came to anything involving his older brother John. There was a huge reason for that, it was because out of anyone in the family, John was there for everyone – he backed you in a corner, he'd put his own life on the line to get you out of trouble and on a few occasions had managed to prevent Virgil from getting kicked out of University...amongst other things. Their father always butted heads with John and even at times when John was in the right, their father always tried to find a way to put him in a position where he had to sacrifice something to just make him do what his father wanted. Their dad knew John only wanted to protect his brothers and would do anything to make sure they were never in harm's way... which caused a lot of fights.

Both of them were their father's worst nightmare when push came to shove and vice versa.

Gordon, on the other hand was like Scott. He could never do anything wrong in their father's eyes. Granted, Gordon had absolutely no idea how much both Virgil and John did for him in order for it to stay the status quo, so when the funeral had wrapped up Gordon was like a loose cannon and had fired all his artillery at them- specifically at John- who should have been in a position to have prevented their father's disappearance, though being chronically ill after what their father had done to him seemed to have been forgotten.

John didn't fight back, he was pretty famous for that.. There had been no response to the explosion of hatred, no counter argument....he took every verbal fist without throwing any back.... and that made Gordon even angrier.

Alan had stood there and watched and then started tearing into Gordon. He should have been torn between the two sides about it had it not been for the fact he had heard about the retrieval of John from Thunderbird five. That did not end well at the time and it was still vivid in Alan's memory.

It was clear John and Alan must have had a big discussion on the way down to the funeral home as Alan was pretty somber on returning and John was trying to hold himself together. Hearing their father's final moments was something that was going to haunt his brother's dreams for the rest of his life.

Scott knew the whole experience had left John terrified it could happen to anyone he was close to. You didn't need to have it said, it was visually there in his actions. In some ways Virgil was similar but at least he would voice what was bothering him if it concerned someone else. Gordon however never really caught the subtle hints unless they had been spelled out for him. Admittedly when Scott was mad himself he tended to miss them too.

He glanced at John again and felt himself sigh. With Alan and Gordon fighting with one another after the funeral, that's when John eventually snapped. He never once shouted at anyone other than Scott before and that was when they were small... and Scott had deserved it for being a bully.

***

“Will you two knock it off!? Dad was a complicated man, good in nature and did what he thought was right even if it meant alienating some of us because he thought it was going to be a benefit for the family. Sure, there were times where he was seriously wrong but you can't fault the man for doing the things he did. I may have hated him but I didn't want him to die either. It doesn't matter how it happened either or why and regardless of how fast I acted to get you guys to his last known location it can never change the fact we couldn't even recover his damn plane, let alone a body. He knew he was about to die, he didn't even panic on the damn radio signal from the plane! There was nothing we could have done."

John took a deep breath to calm himself down and fight back any other sort of emotion that was threatening to show itself. Gordon was about to start insulting John all over again when John grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him off the ground. “I don't want to hear it.” Hs voice growled low and dark. “I have spent  so many fucking years being told that I was never good enough to be born into this family, years of pleading, years of begging to make sure you guys got the best of everything while trying to prove to be good enough to be seen as a worthwhile son and not some waste of space. I don't need you or anyone else to call me useless as dad made that clear every single time he spoke, heck there's times you all do but I've gotten good at ignoring it... so just don't....don't...”

He let go of Gordon and walked outside. That was hours before Scott found him again wandering the cemetery in time to finally leave for the hotel. Scott remembered the distinct silence and look of stone on his brother's features when he found him right at the back of the graveyard in the rose garden for the cremated.

After a few minutes of silence, the tallest Tracy spoke.

“I can't do this Scott. When we finally get home, I'm going to pack and leave the island. It would be better for everyone. Dad was right about me being completely useless and nothing to be worth being proud of. All I do is make everyone fight... I have to go.”

Scott grabbed him by the shoulders. “You're not going anywhere John and you're not useless. Dad failed to see you for what you really are and have been for a long time. It was his loss.” Scott put an arm on his brother's shoulder. “Dad thought he could run everything from the ground... and you can't. You need to be able to do it from a higher vantage point to get the full picture. I'm certain you can still do that.”

John snorted. “Seriously? To be able to do that Scott we'd have to reprogram every single Thunderbird and hot-wire all communications back to the station so it's the central hub instead of dad's office. That's not an easy task, it would take Brains and I several months, minimum, I mean the stuff I did to Thunderbird One remotely took me a month or so. Just the program for Thunderbird Five to handle it alone would take a good month and a half and that's on a basic coding level... Then before the funeral me and Brains finally got to talking and thought you'd needed another craft... a stealth jet if you will... maybe get Tanusha to pilot it-”

“What?” Scott was taken by surprise.

“Don't be like that, you know she wants a piece of the action and has been begging dad to be in on this whole affair. I may not have spoken to you at all directly but dad forget to turn transmissions off from time to time and I've overheard a great deal of things that I shouldn't have. She's a trained fighter pilot just like you and did a complete stint at the Global Defense Force. She'd make the perfect liaison officer for International Rescue and you know it.”

“Ok... fine on one condition?” Scott looked into eyes that looked tired and old for someone of his brother's rather young age. “That you stay onboard and you don't ever give up, not matter what. If one of us is in trouble you do your damn hardest to get another one of us out there to recover them or get your arse down from space to give us a hand. We need you John. Without Dad, you have the most important job in the whole team and we need you to be able to be good at it. I believe in you and I bet the others do too... even silly little Gordon. I want to get Brains to rebuild Thunderbird Five and make it a more functional space station and also provide a way on and off the station when we are unable to use Thunderbird Three to get you down off there... and the other thing...”

Scott took a deep breath and held his brother's sides. “I am going to make it a rule that you have to keep in contact with us when you're in space, like regular check ins... and at least spend one day a week on the damn planet with the rest of us. Can't afford to have the brains we need to do all these things to go stir crazy right?”

“You're layering it on rather thick aren't you?” John gave Scott a rather pained expression.

“If it keeps you from trying to run away then, yeah... I guess I am.” Scott forced a smile.

John rolled his eyes. “Really?”

“Yes, really. I saw your arms yesterday when I accidentally walked into the bathroom when you were having a shower.... how long have you been still attempting self harm since coming down from there?”

“Since I could start walking around….. I'm still way too chicken to really go ahead with it though. Luckily for you guys....” John looked worried. “You're not mad are you?”

“No... not at you at any rate... dad however... is another thing entirely. You missed out on a lot of stuff when you used to get sick all the time, I didn't think it was fair that dad's mind set failed to change when you tried so hard to prove that you were more than that.” Scott pulled his brother in close and gave him a hug. “You have me worried... please don't do it anymore.”

He could feel his brother sigh. “I'll try. It's not going to be easy. Don't try to drug me up and maybe we have a deal.”

“Deal.” Scott squeezed his sibling tight.“I'm still damn proud of you though. Heck your intelligence puts me to great shame most of the time!” He laughed. “Seriously though... when Virgil had all that trouble at university, who was it who got him out of it? And who was it who saved Gordon from drowning on more than one occasion and was there to cheer him on when he won that gold medal at the Olympics in Toronto? Who was it who taught Alan to fly a damn rocket ship into space and used to dance and sing and play games with him around the house? Most importantly, who was the one person in this whole family who has the right to call me an idiot when I'm being a total utter butt-head?”

“You're really not that bad Scott.” John let out a half-hearted laugh.

Scott slapped his brother playfully. “Come on, you just got to survive a little longer ok? Gordon will eventually blow over and I think Alan was really worried about you. It's going to take a little time. We'll help you and Brains get these things in working order as soon as possible and get Tanusha into this whole operation properly so that when Brain's new machine is ready for action, she's all ready for it.”

**
The silence in the car was eventually broken... by John of all people.

“Hey Gordon, how'd you feel about some serious drinking?”

“Huh?” Scott caught Gordon's confused expression in the rear-view mirror. “Why would I want to drink with you?”

“Because I'm asking, you numbat. I'm sure I saw a really big bar and buffet at the hotel....”

“You're unbelievable! We've just gone to a damn funeral!”

“Yep.. I feel like drowning some memories. Want in?”

Alan started laughing. “I'd join you if Gordon won't. But I have a problem... I'm underage.”

“That's fine we can get you some mocktails. They are pretty nice too and have fancier names.”

“Awesome.” Alan sounded excited.

“Technically I'm still under age here in the states.” Gordon said absently, forgetting he was annoyed with John for a minute.

“That's cool you're a duel citizen right? You still have your New Zealand driver's license... I'm sure you can get away with it.” Scott could see John smiling to himself, entertaining the idea of trying to convince the bar staff his brother was twenty one. John liked a challenge, even if it was a rather dumb one.

“Can I be in on this?” Virgil asked, looking rather interested for the first time all day. “Mocktails for me too mind, I'm afraid I'm going to say dumb things if I get hammered.”

“Isn't that the whole point though Verge? We get drunk as hell, talk about the most stupidest things and because we are so pissed we forget about it the next day. Thought that was the plan here.” John said playfully.

Scott couldn't contain himself. He had to laugh. He had not heard John say something so devious and silly for a long time and really missed it. To him, hearing that meant trouble... and it was trouble most welcome.

“You up for it too Scott? No wine or rubbishy stuff either.... Galliano or bust.”

“You are a demon in disguise sometimes John.”

“Your fault, you're the one with the devil's number.”

“Sometimes I doubt that.”

“What on earth are you two on about?” Gordon frowned.

“Nothing.” They said in unison. Somethings were best left between them and not for their younger siblings to hear, better not to let their other siblings in on the rather stupid, if not hilarious things the two of them got up to when the other's were not around. Mischief ran in the family after all... last thing they needed was anyone getting ideas.

PRESENT DAY 

Entering the office, Virgil was taken aback by what was now located there. The desk, chairs all of their father's stuff was gone but in it's place was a room full of photographs sitting on every shelf, craft projects that all the kids they had made at school and small holographic disc projectors, each one displaying each of them and their families. 

Virgil was naturally drawn to the ones in regards to his family, photos of his three sons, Daniel, Peter and Luke sat proudly next to another photo that he picked up. 

Were we ever that young? Virgil felt like he'd been mugged in memory lane. A tear dropped onto it and he wiped it away, after all he had fond memories of walking around Knoxville with John and they were some of his most cherished. Clearly they had been to is sibling too. 

"Huh, what's this?" He said to himself reaching behind the photos, pulling out a record sleeve and smiling when he laid eyes upon it, heart racing and making him feel all warm inside. he held it close to his chest as he looked around the room more.

FLASH BACK (Original here)

Virgil sank into one of the couches in the living room and tugged at the strings of one of the birthday balloons that was starting to deflate. Well, that was a twenty first he wasn't going to forget in a hurry. A rescue and a life saved and the potential to save many others was a gift worth getting for it - he considered - even if the rest had gone to bed.

“Wow this worked out rather badly.”

Virgil looked up to see John standing there above the chairs. The living room had a platform level cutout in the middle where the main seating area was which while clever in design, was an utter nightmare for anyone half asleep walking around in the dark... it was like stepping into a hole in the middle of the floor.

Virgil noticed his brother was not dressed in his space gear, so John must have touched down before he got home but when he wouldn't have had a clue. He was sure he was talking to him on the return trip from the children's hospital before he landed back home.

“How'd you get home so fast?”

“It might surprise you to know I was talking to you from Thunderbird one.... I just masked the signal to look like it was from five.” John looked smug. “With all the plotting and sneaking around the others had been doing and getting me to distract you I forgot to find time to get out and get your present....” John looked around the room. “Clearly you haven't even started opening any yet.” He chuckled.

“Was thinking of waiting till tomorrow, when they are all awake. Sure it's a day late however it's more fun when they see everything too.”

“You would know Virgil.” John walked across the floor back towards the stairs that lead down to the kitchen.

“Hey, where you going?” Virgil stood up quickly.

“To get your present. I left it on the kitchen bench while I was cooking.”

“Wait up!” Virgil made a dash up the small stairs and over to his brother to follow him down into the kitchen. “You haven't cooked in like... forever!”

“Really? Been that long huh?”

“I'll say. Think you could whip up some of your famous pancakes for me?”

John started to laugh. “Anything for the birthday boy.” He checked his watch. “Still got time before the other thing is ready anyway.”

“Oh?” Virgil seemed intrigued.

“I figured by the time we both got back they would have devoured the cake Grandma bought... so I made another one. Hope you don't mind.”

Virgil chuckled. “Of course not! I only got the tiniest piece of the one she bought thanks to MAX.”

“More than I got.” John shook his head. As he rounded the bench he picked up a fairly thin looking parcel and handed to his younger brother. “Sorry it's not much, I didn't have enough time to get something big.”

“After not seeing you at all last year John, I'm just happy to have you here.” It wasn't a huge secret that John only ever bought presents out of his own money he earned himself and never borrowed any, Virgil was more than happy to accept whatever gift John was able to spend what little he had.

The final insult to the crap he had gone through with their father was that he was left out of the family will – along with Alan amongst other things – so John had no real claim to any of the family fortune. Not that it seemed to bother his brother... far from it, as it meant now that when he had the chance to go on leave he would use the opportunity to do other sorts of work to get some money back in. It wasn't everyone else's idea of a holiday but John seemed to enjoy keeping himself busy.

Virgil sat down at the bench on one of the bar stools and opened the thin package, careful not to bend it. His eyes opened wide when he saw the paper cover. “You have got to be kidding me!?” Virgil turned it over in his hands then gently sliding his fingers inside the cover, pulled out the large vinyl record a little just to check it out to make sure it was real.

“Do you have any idea how OLD this is?” Virgil was in awe of the gift. “Holy hell it's even signed by him!” he couldn't hide his huge smile.

“I figured you'd like it. There's not many of them around... it's the original nineteen seventy three release too.”

“Thank you. I absolutely love Ray Charles. One of music's best ever piano players.... I just... WOW.”

“Grandma keeps her old record player down here somewhere.... She always has it on when it's a hot day and we are all by the pool.” John said absently as he was hunting through the cupboards for a frying pan. “Who the heck cooked last? I can't find anything in this kitchen anymore!”

“If you can't find something then it's been thrown out.” Virgil chuckled. “Grandma probably burnt the damn thing so badly it was beyond usable.”

“Then how am I supposed to make pancakes then?”

“You don't have to.... make it an IOU for next time. I'm sure the cake is plenty.” Virgil smiled, standing up and walking over to the book shelf where Grandma usually stashed her portable record player. After a few minutes the amazing sounds of Jazz and soul music filled the kitchen. Virgil even started to sing along till he could smell something nice coming from the oven.

He sat down and watched his brother carefully remove the cake from the pan and put it on the bench between them so it could cool. “You want me to ice it?”

“Nah, a warm freshly made slice is plenty.” Virgil grinned. “You even made my favorite flavor.”

“Yeah for some reason Grandma and nobody else seems to agree with you and me that strawberry is a nice flavor for a cake. I don't know why, it's rather sweeter than chocolate and marbles with other flavors quite well.” John said as he located a cake knife in one of the many draws in the kitchen.

“I always thought it was because the strawberries Grandma buys are always tart as she never gets them in season.” Virgil mused as his brother carefully cut a few slices. “Man does it smell good!”

“Want a hot mug of chocolate to go with that? I distinctly remember I had stashed some white chocolate around here somewhere the other week.” John started rummaging around the kitchen again. “Alan better not have drank it all on me, that stuff was expensive for a tin of that size and it's a bugger to order it.”

“Pantry, second shelf.”

“Ta.” John found the tin and was relieved to find it had yet to be opened. He busied himself in making the drinks then sat beside Vigil on another stool and gave his younger brother a smile.

“Happy birthday Virgil.”

Virgil reached over and hugged his older sibling. “Thank You John.”

 PRESENT DAY 

Virgil walked back into the medical bay, record and their Grandmother's turn table he found where it had sat since they were kids in the kitchen in his hands, placing them beside John's limp body and putting on the music. He looked over the diagnostics panels and let out a heavy breath. 

John's condition was stable but there was so much of it in plaster it was hard to tell what parts his sibling didn't break in two.

"You know it's weird seeing this from the outside."

Virgil turned to see the hologram that conversed with him earlier. "Will you remember it when you wake up?"

The hologram shrugged. "I have no idea, this is all untested. For all I know I'm brain dead and this is all that's left."

"Don't say that." Vigil paused. "If you are alright and come to, what happens to all of this? Will you get EOS back?"

"This? It should reset and activate when the real thing happens. As for EOS? Uh... I don't think I can get her back." The hologram of John looked hurt by that thought. "To be all alone in this echo chamber of memories..."

Changing the subject, Virgil asked. "Why didn't you try and explain things to us? We'd have understood you know."

"It was the only way I knew how. I've spent the past ten years regretting that decision and doing the smallest things to make sure I still got to see you all enjoying yourselves and your lives outside of this place meaning that choice I made was the right one, regardless how much it had hurt." Holo-John winced at the thought of what he had done.

There was the sound of a phone call and the hologram looked at the projection on a watch on it's arm. "Seems like you're not the only one today." It moved it's arms around and a medium sized holo screen window opened up between them. Virgil watched in amazement as it pressed the holo buttons with the typical blip noises as if it was the real living person touching them. "Let's hope I have this figured out, otherwise having my brain uploaded into the house itself was a utter waste of my spare time and sanity."

On the holo screen, Gordon's picture flashed up. He looked as if Mars had aged him terribly but it could also be the fact everything on the planet was red and orange, even from inside the colony spheres.

"Virgil?" Gordon looked confused. "What are you doing on the island?"

"Same reason as you're calling, Gordon."

"You mean your kids got that...that message from John?"

"If they haven't I'd be damn surprised." He moved out of the way of the screen so Gordon could see.

The younger brother's face went pale "Holy shit what the fuck happened?" 

Holo-John stood in view and seemed unimpressed. "Nice to hear from you, Gordon. Did Penny give you permission to call?"

Gordon's eyes narrowed. "What's EOS doing Virgil? Has she malfunctioned?"

Virgil gave the hologram a glance and smiled a little when it looked at him back and gave the most typical 'John' reaction he'd ever seen from it, something he could definitely say even EOS couldn't have recreated by herself. "It's was for Olivia, who by the way is doing quite well with her studies, her grades in animal sciences match your own. I hear she's thinking of giving away the Gymnastics to go for a Ranger job in Zimbabwe for a year or two."

Gordon's expression dropped. "How in god's name did you know that? Did you tell him Virgil?"

"I'm hearing this all for the first time, Gordon." Virgil was still looking at the hologram impressed. The more it spoke the more he was beginning to be convinced that John's brain really was operating it.

"You've been spying!" Gordon then accused the hologram.

This time the expression was indigent on Holo-John. "You mean I can't take an interest in my Niece? She's currently studying at the same university that Lisa is doing her final year at -ah bugger I'm going to have to call the Dean and tell him I can't teach for a few months." It pinched it's nose. "I think they're getting suspicious already but I wasn't going to spend all my time here wasting my knowledge. One day a week of back to back Astrophysics lectures is apparently all I need to keep getting paid and to sit on the school council."

Gordon's jaw opened and closed a few times while Virgil burst out laughing. "What's so funny? I may have taken the island and International Rescue out of your hands but I certainly didn't get any of the money dad left you all. I still have to hold a regular job to pay for food and other things around here. Sure, everything is solar powered and other self contained systems but you got to still eat right?"

"I can't believe I'm hearing this garbage. You are NOT John, the guy who exiled himself after his second divorce and was such a fucking arsehole at Virgil's wedding to Scott and then had the fucking gall to tell me in front of Penny that she was caught having an affair -"

"She was Gordon. In fact she had about three before I got around to telling you." The Hologram cut in. "She was even hitting on Rigby at Kayo's wedding when she had too much to drink."

Virgil frowned. "I remember that. That was also when she told your first wife about your illness and proceeded to tell her that you two would never have any kids and that we were all billionaires and that you were disowned by dad. That was... not a night I want to remember John, especially now after that crash I saw on the runway."

"Wait, what happened that night? Was this after you guys left the after party?" Gordon seemed to be sitting forward on the chair inside his little call room.

The hologram nodded. "The reason my marriage with Georgie fell through was not because she got a job in another country like we told you, Alan and Scott. It was because she was sent to prison from attempted murder. Virgil dropped us at the hotel we were staying at and things got, messy."

"That's putting it lightly, she repeatedly stabbed you with a pair of scissors. If one of the boys didn't forget his video games there with you..." Virgil shut his eyes tight.

"Sorry Virgil. Least you don't have to live with the reminders of that incident everyday. Seriously I really fucked up..." The hologram visibly looked uncomfortable and shaken. "Jenna was like dad but in reverse. Calling Alan to unlock the basement when she accidentally left her phone behind within my reach after she'd... I can't believe after the shit you and me went though Gordon in Iran I'd have to go through that all over again in one of my marriages... Fuck."

The hologram suddenly vanished, a string of swearing could still be heard.

Virgil looked at the holo screen and stared at Gordon. "You told us the injuries were from the crash!"

Gordon looked away before forcing himself to look his older brother in the face despite being millions of miles away on another planet. "We all seem to be keeping secrets from each other these days, Virgil. Is that hologram that was talking back REALLY John's mind? Like did he try transcending himself?"

"Changing the subject there Gordon but yes, that seems to be the case though I don't think we we're suppose to be alive to see it, nor him being able to see himself half dead. This was intended for the kids."

"What? To see the sorry face of a dead man who estranged himself from his own family?" Gordon snorted, falling back on his first argument.

Virgil shook his head. "More like to give them a legacy that they could take over for themselves if they wished. I don't think they would but you can't deny that after all the crap that's been thrown at him his whole life and at us in ours that he'd fall back on the only thing left that gave him a purpose. He's been trying to get everything working again, I've seen it with my own eyes Gordon. He hasn't just moped around here doing nothing since the disasters that were his apparent 'marriages'. Sure Thunderbird One is half way across the island in pieces but everything else I saw when I carried his limp body in suggests he's been actively doing something to try and get International Rescue running again.'

"It's a bad idea to hear him entertain."

"I don't know Gordon, Lately I've been thinking it too. It's not as bad as you might think."

"You're both crazy." Gordon shook his head before hanging up the call.

Inside his little office, Gordon grunted and mumbled about how stupid the two of his brothers were, especially John. He tried to throw his energies into his work on how freshwater creatures capabilities of survival on Mars was proving to be extremely difficult but he couldn't shake what John's hologram had said before it vanished.

In the end he held his head in his hands, trying to shut out the memories of the incident in Iran.