Colouring the Dark (Thunderbirds are go NSFW J+V+A JXA VXG S/J)

 written with Lady Equinox (one of the few fictions with ALL its images still up!)

original

After an accident on Thunderbird Five, John is left blind and fighting with himself to keep his independence. Virgil is struggling to see past the injury but unlike his other brothers keeps trying to reach out to help him. Can John learn to put his trust heavily into another person? Can Virgil eventually put aside his worries and admit that he is in love his brother? Will Alan challenge Virgil for their older brother's affection and will Gordon manipulate the situation?

This is a slow fiction - Please, reader descression is advised, this will get emotional (intentionally) and at times seem very bleak - however this is a story of trust and small victories, don't look past them.

WARNING: fiction contains manipulation and non-consentual sex & violence around middle of the fiction. Please be aware of it's presence.

 

 

Fear

Virgil stood in the doorway of the infirmary. He was the only one who couldn't step inside. His other family members had been in and out all day, but Virgil couldn't pluck up the courage.

Not after the conditions he had to rescue in.

Virgil watched from the doorway, day after day, observing his brothers recovery from afar, but he knew John would never be quite the same.

He was still talking, joking around while sitting on the infirmary bed, not much had changed there. He still had his limbs and nothing was broken but rehabilitation was still going to take months and Brains had to redesign alot of features to Thunderbird five.

Virgil shuddered every time he thought of that space station and how close it had been.

He had listened to John talk about what happened, though alot of his events he recalled lacked details which Brains got from EOS to fill in the blanks.

John had been asleep when the debris - space junk - impacted the gravity ring. The shock from the impact awoke him and had also taken the stations AI by surprise. The the gravity ring was sucking out everything into the vacuum of space and John had to make a mad scramble for the safety of the holosphere - a near impossible task from his side of the gravity ring without his helmet….which along with everything else had been sucked out into orbit.

The whole ring was decompressing and venting oxygen, EOS managing to isolate the remaining supply into the holosphere - It was just a matter of reaching it.

Jeff had always told his boys “Never hold your breath.” for various reasons, all of his sons knew the dangers of what holding their breath would do to them. For Scott and Virgil it meant passing out and dying in a spectacular crash at altitude. For Gordon it meant more than blood coming out of his ears - his brains and everything else would all wind up in his helmet in a meaty mush.

For Alan and John… it meant your lungs would burst.

EOS was forced to divert all power out of the ring - which while making it easier to get through each airtight doors - meant shutting off all gravity.

John said he didn’t remember much after that.

Well he did… but Virgil wished he didn't remember any of it at all.

It’s hard to describe how your body acts in a vacuum desperately trying to fight for air but John described it like being on the verge of being knocked out on gas before an operation. You keep losing and regaining consciousness and your lungs are screaming in agony.

John remembered a screeching sound his ears as his eardrum on the left with his com bead burst and how much his muscles burned like fire as he dragged himself along against the vacuum, hands groping around desperately for the nearest hold.

That's all he could remember.

EOS filled in the rest of how he blindly punched the airlock to get inside the holosphere and once air filled his lungs he coughed and spluttered until he collapsed, passing out from the hell his body had endured.

When the emergency call came through, Only Alan and Virgil were home.

Virgil made sure Alan stayed with Thunderbird three while he went in to retrieve their older brother and thank goodness he did. He spared the youngest some serious trauma as John was barely alive.

Sure Virgil dealt with seeing his other brothers getting cuts, bruises, breaks and near death moments all the time - it was part of the job - but it never once crossed his mind that something could ever happen to John, alone up in space safe on his little space station out of harm's way.

At the time, he didn’t know the extent of the damage, his primary concern was to get him off the station. He assumed his brother was clipped by something along the head - he didn’t register the blood was leaking badly out of his ear. As long as he was breathing, he was alive.

It was when they had him home safe and Brains ran his tests, did Alan tell him what their father told them about loosing oxygen in space.

Virgil didn’t know that if your lungs didn’t burst, you would feel them burning as air is torn from them, your ear drums would rupture and that - if you were left without air long enough - go permanently blind….. That would all happen before your brain started to die from being deprived of oxygen. Virgil knew what happened then… any longer than 3 to 5 minutes resulted in brain damage.

John was lucky on that score, his brain was pretty much intact and keen to get back to work as soon as he possibly could.

Virgil’s heart ached. It didn’t seem to matter that John was going to require a hearing aid and maybe some device - assuming Brains could invent one - to be able to see, he wanted desperately be back in the saddle coding and hacking, being the interplanetary spinal cord of International Rescue.

But the backbone - by which Virgil mentally called Brains - was having a very difficult time trying to make it so. For starters, Brains was having alot of issues designing new systems to cater to a blind man who now had to learn to read everything with his fingers. Lucky that John was pretty good with languages, a few times he had been called to have holographic conversations with a deaf person and had to interpret ancient greek for Brains once too. In one way it was a relief his brain didn’t suffer anything, John not being able to learn something fast and on the fly wouldn’t be John at all.

Virgil found it unnerving. He couldn’t bring himself to sit there and talk to him, while he stared blankly past him and took his time to respond to make sure he heard everything.

He couldn’t deal with it. The fact that John was so optimistic that he was fine and acted like nothing was wrong made the whole thing worse. Virgil was afraid that the moment he spoke to him John would know things were not sunshine and rainbows and just fall apart.

He felt a nudge in his rubs. It was Kayo.

“You ever going to talk to him Virgil? He does ask after you.”

“I want to, but I can’t.” Virgil admitted. “It’s just to weird.”

“It’s weird for him too Virgil.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t make it any less so for me to know that!”

“John knows you watch him everyday.”

Virgil looked shocked. “How!? No one has ever told him!”

“Seriously Virgil, John could hear a pin drop in a crowded room with loud music blaring and people shouting over one another. That hasn’t changed much, just maybe in a less crowded room.” she sighed. “It wouldn’t hurt to talk to him about it…. He’s not an idiot he knows things are never going to be quite the same. He just wants people to treat him the same, that’s all. You can do that, can’t you?”

Virgil’s shoulder slumped. “I guess.”

“Then get your butt in there and at least say hello.” Kayo gave him a playful shove.

Virgil frowned but straightened up. “You are not going to leave me alone till I do are you?”

“Nope.” Kayo grinned.

“Fine.” Virgil rolled his eyes.

Virgil walked in and sat on the chair beside John’s bedside in a heavy heap. His brother cocked his head a little, his hand patting around as he seeked Virgil out to reassure it was someone beside him that he knew. He did eventually look in the direction of the noise Virgil made, but was having trouble finding him.

Virgil could feel his heart break. He wanted to desperately leave, having John never know he was there.

John’s frowned. “Gordon, if this is another of your stupid pranks - it’s not one bit funny! It wasn’t even the first time! If I do manage to get my hands around your neck I will bloody strangle you for it!”

Virgil started to breathe harder and stood up hurriedly, only to have John grab his shirt and be dragged off the bed and onto the floor.

“I’ve got you - you sneak!” What are you pinching from my bedside now? Alan ate all the damn chocolates earlier so it’s got to be the damn Tim Tams Grandma got for me!” he started coughing, his chest still had not fully recovered from the violent shock they sustained in the vacuum of space.

Virgil gave in and knelt down to help his older brother up. “It’s me John. Gordon’s on a rescue with Scott and Alan.”

“Virgil?! Hey how you been! Been worried about you!” John attempted to throw his arms around him and missed. “Ok you could, throw me a bone or two as to how close you are to me.”

When he didn’t get a hug in return, he knew something was seriously wrong…. And that it was to do with him. “Virgil… what’s wrong? I haven't spoken to you in what…. Feels like forever.” John reached out and this time managed to grab a hold of Vigil’s arm. “Did something happen on a rescue? I know you guys have gone on a few since I’ve been stuck here at home.”

Virgil sat him down on the bed and freed himself of John’s grasp and started to walk away. John wasn’t going to let his brother push him aside like that. He got up and carefully took a few hesitant steps before feeling confident enough he could run. There was another chair in the room and John collected it, crashing down to the floor again.

 “Fucking hell!” He shouted. “Fucking talk to me you big hairy ape!” he took a deep breath to quell another coughing fit. “Fine.” he said as calm as he could, feeling around to use the chair to stand back up with. “You know what? Next time something seriously bad happens to you don’t expect me to come and sit by your bedside!”

He slumped into the chair and just stared off into nothingness. Not that it mattered where he was to look, everything was forever going to be dark. He listened out for footsteps and was aware that Virgil's had stopped inches from where John believed the door was. At least he hoped it was Virgil. If it wasn’t he was going to sound mighty stupid.

“You know what REALLY sucks about all this?” John said, his voice full of honesty. “I know I’m completely and utterly useless now, not just as an International Rescue operative - but as a brother and a person. I just don’t want to admit it.” He smiled. “It’s been nice to have everyone humour me, but you're the first person to actually behave like it’s an issue. Know how good it feels to know someone isn’t sucking up to me to make me feel better? It’s rather nice. I like a dose of reality you know.”

He tapped his foot on the floor. “I wouldn’t mind talking about it… with you if you want. Heavens know I need to with someone who’s not going to lie to me.”

He listened carefully as footsteps walked closer, the sound of Virgil’s heavy duty boots thumping and making an echo in the quiet infirmary. They stopped and he felt something - a hand perhaps - being placed on his shoulder.

He reached gingerly to touch it, the rough callused skin on Virgil’s hands reaffirming who was standing beside him. John felt himself relax.

“Virgil, I’m facing a really terrifying world here… I can’t see and my hearing isn’t as great as I need it to be. It’s dark and not being able to see the faces to the voices around me….sure you could argue I should be used to that since that’s all I have when I’m in space at times… but this - this is different. It’s alien and I’m all alone, trapped here in the dark. There are no beautiful stars or planets, no blue skies, green grasses and rainbows of flowers. There are no smiles, no worried faces, nothing - it’s a void. As much as I know I’ll never be able to be anything more for anyone - it’s the thought that maybe I can find some way to still be useful that’s keeping me going.”

John patted the hand on his shoulder. “It’s all I’ve got right now. That’s better than thinking the world is over as it isn’t. It’s just another chapter - an open door. I really need you to be there for me Virgil, someone who can embellish stuff a little but still keep it real and not lie their pants off. Could I possibly ask you to do that for me? To be the one honest voice I can trust in a black sea of confusion, even if it’s only till I work these things out for myself? I promise not to be too much of a burden, unsure how I can do that but heck I want to try as let’s face it, independence is all I have going for me now and I going to hang onto it like a fucking life preserver.”

He felt the hand pull away and for a moment he felt afraid, unsure what Virgil might do. If he walked away he wouldn't blame him but knew he would always feel let down that the one person he could trust left him to flounder around by himself.

A warm pair a thick, strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him into something even more solid that smelled faintly of washing powder and flannelette but still very soft.

John reached out to wrap his arms around what he realised was Virgil’s chest and held him tight, soothingly rubbing his hands up and down his back while he could hear Virgil faintly crying by his left ear.

“It’s going to be ok Virgil. I’m not dead, just… different. We’ll be right, soon it will be normal and no one will think much of it.”

 

The Dark

Stairs, John had decided, are the enemy.

Already he hard fallen down them to get to the kitchen and tripped up them going back into the lounge.

He swore Alan bounded past him up the stairs with Gordon at his heels, the two of them having heavier footsteps when they ran, thundering up and down the stairs and making the floorboards shake.

“Seriously one of you could have stopped to help!” he mumbled under his breath. It had taken a few months to get to this stage of independence however it seemed at times that everyone forgot he wasn't 100% there yet.

At least he could get around the house, shower and make his own food. That was half the boxes checked. Next thing was to try and get on a shirt with buttons and maybe venture outside on the patio. There was no way he could walk out on the balcony on his own, he knew the lack of railings was dangerous and one mistaken foot step would be one too many.

John sat in the middle of the stairs. He was finding being stuck around the house really hard. He was struggling with learning Braille, beginning to deeply miss his books and being able to type. Audio books and talking to text just didn't work for him. He missed being able to visually stimulate his brain.

He was feeling very stupid, even getting his pants on the right way everyday was a challenge. Alan was doing more on the station now, Scott insisting John was now redundant and no longer an active member of the team….making him feel like a teddy bear with an arm and a leg missing - still wanting to serve some sort of purpose but no longer useful and pushed aside.

Everyday he would ask how their rescues went - Grandma finding reasons to keep him out of it if one occurred incase he got in the way - and every time he was brushed off with excuses.

He couldn't even confide how he felt in Virgil, his brother being torn between doing what they thought was best for John and what in reality was best for him. It wasn't a place Virgil should have been so he eventually eased up on relying on him to keep him sane.

John thumped his hand against the wall. He couldn't do that to Virgil anymore.

He stood back up using the wall for guidance and slowly made his way to the living room, he carefully took the last few steps as there was no longer a wall to lead him or use for support if he fell.

John paused, listening for noises to orientate himself. Thank god for hearing implants, at least his left was now functioning as good as his right one.

He started to walk across the floor and immediately halted when he heard the sudden movement of a chair scraping the floor. If someone was moving that quickly it meant John was walking where he wasn't supposed to be.

“Give me a minute, will you John?” Scott’s voice said gruffly from across the room, John swearing it was because the sight of him was a reminder he was an inconvenience.

“Don't bother yourself. Just tell me how many steps back towards the upper stairs?”

“To the landing or bedrooms?”

“Bedrooms.”

“Four steps back and to your left.”

“Thanks.”

“You should have a cane John. Then you wouldn't have to keep asking where things are.”

“Maybe you could put markers on the floor instead? Or is that too much of an inconvenience to the rest of you?”

“Hey now don't start with me John.”

“Start what?” John noted the agitated tone in Scott's voice. “Just thinking about my own safety. Why do you think I walk around here with bare feet? I can feel things so much differently with them than a cane.”

He turned, walked the four steps and to his left till he tripped at the bottom of the flight of stairs - hands out to catch himself. He stood back up, dusted himself and felt his way up them, using the wall again.

Scott frowned and shook his head. “What the hell are we going to do with you John?” he sighed. “You beginning to become more of a problem now than you were before. At least when you were in space we didn't have to tiptoe around you.”

John counted the doors on his left till he stopped infront of one that had a bit of a smell of uneaten food coming from it. Right that's Gordon's bedroom, so his own was across the hall… he pushed himself from the wall and reached out for the other but was grabbed by the arm he had outstretched. It was gentle and firm and John knew straight away who it was.

“Virgil, I thought you were taking Grandma shopping on the mainland?”

“I did, that was over two hours ago John.” there was a hint of humour in his voice. “Where have you been that whole time?”

“Oh… just you know, around.” John gave him a smile.

“Hey, I was thinking about you while we were out and I got something for you.”

John felt hot and flustered. “You did?”

“Yeah...well two things - one a bigger damn bookshelf so all those books in the floor are put away safely… but I also…” he lead John into his bedroom and sat him down, handing him something thin - like an e-reader or a small tablet.

“It’s a electronic Braille reader. It works similar to a refreshable output display but it’s more advanced than that. You can access or buy any book you want to read , access the internet - all the usual stuff you'd do on your computer but in Braille. Want to know the best bit?” Virgil's voice got a little more excited, expecting John to be as thrilled with his gesture as he was.

“What’s the best bit?” John said as nice as he could. Right now he was really confused, he was angry Virgil wasted so much money on him - however he felt humbled that his brother was thinking about him and how he could make life easier for him so he wasn't going to be rude and tell him where he could stick it. John felt like that alot lately and it wasn't fair to those who wanted to help him… so he kept his mouth shut.

“The best bit, all those books on your shelf can still be read if you place it over the pages. I haven't worked out how, but I’m sure I will eventually.”

“Thank you. Even if you don't figure it out, I’m grateful.”

He felt his hair being roughly ruffled, a sign Virgil was happy he did a good deed for the day.

John looked up when he heard the sound of thundering elephants in the hallway, one stopping infront of the bedroom doorway, out of breath.

“Virgil, there’s an emergency call just come in you’ll need to come down stairs!”

“Sure, I’ll be with you guys in a minute.”

John reached out and gave Virgil a little push. “Go. You can show me how it works later ok? The world needs saving first.”

“Thanks John.”

And then the footsteps died away leaving him alone in the darkness. He felt around for his desk and placed Virgil's gift on it - sadly aware he’d struggle to learn how to use it by himself and made his way back to the bed to lay himself down in the only place safe in the house he could be without needing someone to hold his hand.

He heard a light tapping and he turned towards the sound.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s just me, Kayo. Was wondering if you’d want to come sit in the living room with us while they're out on rescue? Brains is with his mobile laboratory so they’ll just contact him directly.”

“Us?”

“Virgil isn't needed on this one, it’s a mission to Mars - Captain Taylor specifically asked for assistance as the biodomes oxygen tanks have all malfunctioned and they need to help the colony. Gordon went with them as he wanted to see your dad’s famous footprint….” her voice trailed a little when she realised John probably wanted to have that privilege before Gordon - hell even before Scott and Alan - did.

“It’s ok Kayo, I’m not bitter about stuff like that… and yeah, I’ll join you.”

He sat up and felt around till he reached the doorway, turning and counting the doors on his left hand side as Kayo’s footsteps followed along behind.

Kayo’s bedroom door…. Brains’s room - John noted as there was the ticking and clicking of machinery and then he stopped where the wall ended.

That side of the staircase had no wall as the roof sloped on an angle leaving the entire side of the staircase exposed. From the top of them he could hear music coming from down below. Kayo took his arm and helped him till the reached the bottom before he stepped forward walking ahead again using the sound of the piano lead him around the living room till he realised there was nothing around him to orientate himself in the room. He could be near glass windows or the gaping hole in the floor where the couches and holotable was.

He raised his foot with care and hoped like hell the floor as still there when he placed it down….

The soft music from the piano stopped and then a strong firm hand gripped John's own.

"Thought you might need a hand." Virgil smiled widely at him, then quickly disappeared when John's blank eyes didn't register it.

"Come, would you like to sit with me while I play?" He said softly, as he lead them towards the piano. "Or how about you give it a go? You used to play with me all the time when we were kids, remember? What made you stop anyway?" He asked, as he guided John to the piano stool, and sat beside him on the same.

John felt warm in his chest and felt light headed that his younger brother remembered something from so long ago.

“You got better than me at it. You could do complicated classical works and invent your own…that and dad hated jazz and rock music after mum died.” John found himself smiling shyly. His knee bumped the stool and in panic his free hand thumped the piano keys, startling him further. He fell back into something solid and grabbed onto something soft like flannel to steady himself.

"Easy, Tiger." Virgil laughed. "Here..." he said as he got up to stand behind John, guiding his long fingers over the keys with his own. "That's it... seems like you remember the notes better than you thought." He smiled sadly, he missed this closeness between them and cursed the fact that it had to take such a horrific accident for them to bond like this again.

As they continued playing like this, Virgil gazed into those dull green eyes. He found that he missed the brilliant dazzling green that once shone there.

"Virgil? You're staring..." John chuckled nervously, the light of his laugh not quite reaching his blank eyes.

"How..."

"Erm, I kinda guessed, from the way your breath was so close to my face..."

Virgil stood up suddenly, grateful that his brother couldn't see how flushed he was. He regained his composure quickly and returned to sit beside John. "How about I play you something? Any special requests?" He nudged him playfully on the shoulder.

John thought for a few minutes.

“Anything that makes you feel the wind is in your hair, the sun is on your face… the beach.”

Virgil thought for a moment, "I have a song in mind... I'm not sure if it what you had in mind, it's really kinda sad but I love it anyway..." His fingers started playing Arcade Fire's Song on the Beach.*

John hung his head and tried to picture the image the music was singing in his ears….and suddenly he felt very alone. He tried concentrating really hard, licking his lips struggling to fill that darkness with something fun that he really missed. His hand shakily hovered and grabbed what he assumed by now was Virgil's Shirt sleeve. He'd have to remember that feeling of flannelette between his fingers was what he had to associate his brother with for now.

So many things he had to remember as he sat stuck in this personal abyss, he wondered if he could truly do this - turn his imagination on enough so he could see the world without his own eyes.

“Virgil… can… can you take me outside? Just onto the balcony...and don't let go of me, ok? Hold my arm or my shirt - anything - just don't leave me out there alone ok?”

Virgil blinked as he stopped playing and nodded. Then smacked himself on the head, he kept forgetting that John could no longer see. He hoped it wasn't his choice of music, that sparked John's sudden change in attitude.

He was worried for him, and he wondered if he ever will stop worrying for him.

He got up and helped John, he didn't say anything as he led him outside to the balcony. True to his word, he didn't let go and he found he never wanted to for as long as he could help it.

"Hey? We're here. Can you feel that nice breeze?" He asked him softly, one arm on his left and the other firmly but gently on his waist. He felt like if he loosened his grip, John might fall through the cracks and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to get up this time. He was scared to the core at that thought.

Despite not being able to see John still closed his eyes. Another thing he had to remember now, as he could be pretty confronting to look at if he didn't behave like normal. Damn… why couldn't he see past this emptiness? Maybe that's why Virgil sounded slightly nervous? Because he was too much to take in that he was suddenly helpless?

The breeze was nice all tingly but the air wasn’t warm so it had to be overcast….. at least he thought so, however that was trumped by the thought he voiced out loud, “I'm finally outside.”

Something wet against his skin rolled down his cheeks and he could feel his lips tremble along with a sharp pain in his chest as he started to cry.

Virgil's heart broke at that one line. So simple, yet it held the weight of the entire world within it. He held John's face in his hands, his own tears fell as even this close, his brother's eye failed to focus on him.

He gently wiped away the tears with his fingers, he wanted to soothe and take away his pain, but how could he when that pain was reflected in his own heart?

So he did the only thing he could offer, Virgil pulled John into a tight embrace as they cried together. Over and over, all that could be heard was Virgil's voice softly saying, "It's gonna be ok... it's gonna be ok... I promise you..."

 

*
The tune Virgil plays is from the Science fiction romance film ‘Her’.

One step forward, two steps back

John sat on the wheelie desk chair by the window and listened for the roar of engines. Thunderbird One was about to leave it’s silo, he could here the noise from his little place in the livingroom. It took him a while but he found the perfect spot where not only could he hear the sheer roar of rocket fuel pushing the bullet shaped craft out of it’s hidden launch bay, but from here he could also hear the quiet rush of air in the intake valves as Thunderbird Shadow flew at speed past the glass, making the windows rattle and shake in it’s wake.

Under his bare feet he could feel the rumble of Thunderbird Two leaving it’s own mighty hanger from under the house also, the sheer scale of having to launch such a large powerful craft made the entire long extinct volcano they called home shudder and moan like an earthquake was striking the island.

Also along with Thunderbird One thundering off into the skies was Thunderbird Three, the roof of the house creaked and complained as the large red rocket shot out from its silo pointed straight up into the sky, it’s own mighty engines booming through the building and to John, it felt like he was standing there in it’s launch bay up close without the added disadvantage of being fried to a crisp.

Sometimes while sitting there he could hear them talking to Brains via the Holotable and even though there was nothing to see, feel or hear, John would move his hands around in front of him, envisioning that it was him that was helping them from his old post on Thunderbird Five, swiping holo screens and typing on holographic keypads searching for the information they required. He didn’t care if they laughed at him for it, they wouldn’t understand anyway if he tried to explain to them what he was doing.

His brain was working overtime to create the images in his head. It had been a very long time since he could engage his imagination like this, being the one with the least creativity in the family…. His world full of code, numbers and languages - a world that is entirely shut off to him now.

Today was different. Sure Gordon was still around to make fun of him and Virgil would probably find it tragic - but fuck it, the sound of Thunderbird Three, his very first Thunderbird before Alan was old enough to take over the role as pilot- made his imagination spark into so much life, more than the thought of Thunderbird Five had done.

Deep within the void, the fog started to clear away and memories of being the second son after Scott to be able to fly a craft for their father’s organisation when he was fifteen. Sure, the interior of the craft had changed since then, but a cockpit is a cockpit and while Scott was lumbering all the gear around in Thunderbird Two, John would fly into space side by side with his father or with his friend Lee Taylor and do space rescues until they were running low on fuel.

A time before Thunderbird Four existed and when Thunderbird Five was a tiny unmanned blipping satellite orbiting the earth. Virgil would join and take over Scott’s role on Thunderbird Two and he would then take his father’s on Thunderbird One while his father trained Gordon to pilot a new underwater craft and flew Three solo - all the while John was learning the ins and outs of the first manned construction on Thunderbird Five under the tutelage of Taylor. But this was two years before that would come to pass.

Under his fingers his brain filled in the blanks, instead of gripping just air his mind provided his fingers with the visual that he could touch the controls and the engine sticks, he clicked his fingers as he reached up to simulate the sound of the power switches for launch and in his head he could hear the charging of Brains’s first ever untested ion engines and slipping his hands into the grip controls which were also a first for any of the crafts and twisting them to fire the main engines and pushing them in to make the rocket leave it’s silo and shoot for the stars.

Occasionally he moved a hand into another position to touch a control stick to regulate the use of fuel and he turned his head as if he could see the dials and readouts in front of him.

Today, John had succeeded in bringing his mind alive with the power of thought and that in itself made him smile as he flew the imaginary rocket into space.

Virgil at first was saddened by what he saw, as John's hands hovered and motioned through what could only be him imagining flying Thunderbird Three's controls. But as he observed quietly, he marveled at the accuracy and precision of John's movements. Having seldom having to copilot Three, he sometimes had to pause to remember a particular control he didn't recognize from his brother's hands.

He was in awe of his brother's brilliance and he wanted to show him how amazing this was to witness. Instinctively, he thought of his pencils and paints and frowned when he realized he won't be able to convey his message with colors that John could no longer appreciate.

Then an idea... he raced to his room and locked the door behind him. It took him a while to locate what he was looking for but eventually he did, tucked away in the corner of his closet. He sat at his desk and started on it immediately. Virgil smiled as he worked from memory and his subject came to life in front of him. It needed a name... he googled for the Braille translation and added it on at the base. He leaned back satisfied at last, he couldn't wait to show John.

He got up and stretched, from the crinks he felt in his shoulders and back, he must have been in here longer than he expected. Virgil went in search of John, hoping he would be able to catch him alone, not sure how he would react to this, he would rather spare John from possibly breaking down or exploding in anger in front of the rest of the family.

Virgil found John alone in the sitting room, with the eReader he bought for him on his lap. Even as the way his fingers were dancing around the raised dots, he could see that John was struggling to piece the words in his mind. He coughed to let his brother know he was there, hoping he was not intruding.

"Hey John? Got a minute? I got something for you..." He was nervous and laughed at himself a little for even bothering to hide it behind his back. It was something he wasn't sure he was ever going to get used to.

"Sure, what's up?" John said as he smiled, more than glad to put the eReader away for now.

"I... here..." Virgil said as he placed a slight weight into John's hands.

John felt around the strange object, it was a clay sculpture of some kind? It was someone's hands... no, more.... his hands traveled at every curve, wave and ebb. His fingers rested on a piece of jewelry, similar to the one he always wore. Traveling down where a familiar scar was on the other. It was his own hands? Why? Then he traced along one of the long fingers, at the end of it, a raised icon of Thunderbird Five.

"I er... gave it a name... here..." Virgil watch John carefully, as he guided his fingers to the raised bumps along the sculpture's base, hoping he got the words right.

"N.... never... giving... up...." John said, as his fingers trailed over the Braille lettering.

Virgil shuffled nervously on his feet and explained. "I saw you earlier, fingering and playing with the controls in your mind, when Three was launching. You have no idea how amazing and accurate you were to watch!" He chattered on excitedly. "It was something else... I wanted to show you a glimpse of what I saw..."

He grabbed John's hands tightly with his own. "You are an amazing, talented and gifted individual. The way your mind works around..." he struggled for the right words, he didn't want to refer to John's blindness as a 'disability', to him John was still a whole person, the fact that he couldn't see was a minor inconvenience to the beautiful person he always will be. "... this setback? The strength you possess? It.... leaves me in awe every time I look at you..." Virgil was more than a little grateful John couldn't see how flushed he was, from pouring his heart out to him like that.

He only prayed that John could see this gift positively, that he wasn't trying to take any cheap shots at him, that he was truly proud of how he was adjusting, trying to make his way around a world that had suddenly lost all light.

He held his breath as he waited for John's answer.

John ran his fingers over it a few more times, delicate and careful, feeling the fingerprints used to mold it and give it shape, things that he never truly appreciated when he saw his brother’s craft… now in his fingers he could feel the amazing attention to detail Virgil was able to produce. John smiled, he could feel his face going all warm and butterflies in the pit of his stomach rise into his chest.

John always admired Virgil's’ ability to be creative and have such a wonderful imagination but always found that no matter how much he encouraged it, his other brother’s got credit for being his inspiration. It was a weird feeling to think that he could be too.

“You’ve got a photographic memory that’s simply beautiful Virgil - well, I’ve always thought so. So… So much detail… I can feel where you’ve put the the most work from it’s texture, it’s form. Wow… I don’t know what to say, It’s kinda blowing me away. Uh… maybe I should give it back to you before I accidently break it…. It’s so fragile I don’t want to ruin it and all your efforts.” he felt it being taken from his hands and he looked in the direction he heard Virgil move to set it down safely

“T-Thank you.” John couldn’t lie, he was so proud of Virgil right now for going out of his way to try to make him feel special. He held out a hand for Virgil to take so he could pull him into a hug.

Virgil finally let out the breath he had been holding, he was humbled by John's reaction having braced himself for the worse. His creative imagination picturing John smashing it to pieces at his feet.

He reached out for John's extended hand and pulled him tightly for a hug. He breathed in his scent, as he buried his face in his shoulder. He giggled a little to himself, he always did love the scent of that peach shower gel John had a fondness of using. To him, he will always smell of the summer days of his youth growing up in the open fields of Kansas. This will always be what home smelt like. Right here, beside John.

Reluctantly, he pulled away. As he took in John's delicate but sharp features, he had an overwhelming urge to wrap him up in loving layers, to stow him away from anything that might ever harm him again. But to deny the world what John's light had to offer? No, he smiled to himself, that would be cruel. He slipped his hand into John's in a firm grip, conveying messages that he didn't dare to voice out. For however long John would need him, he decided he wasn't going to let go of his hand.

John scratched his face, a layer of fuzz making him slightly itchy but after a while it wasn’t so bad as it was when it first started to grow. He could feel it was still short but he knew he was going to have to eventually give in and ask for some assistance. It was one of those things he decided - like showering - he was more than fine groping around in the dark to do. Thank goodness he didn’t mind cold showers after always being the last to use the bathroom everyday.

Speaking of which, he really needed to go.

“Excuse me Virgil, I have to use the can. Don’t wait up for me ok and if I’m not back in twenty minutes then you can hunt for me as I’ve fallen in ok?”

Virgil smiled as he watched John get and leave, he marveled at his fierce independence. He knew if it had been him who went blind, he would have probably gone mad from wallowing in self pity. To not be able to play with the colors he loved to paint with so much, to not being to see what his hands created, would plunge him into a downward spiral that would have crippled him.

But John? No, he pushed back at life twice as hard. The mere fact that he had refused to use a cane to guide him around, showed the pride he still had in him. As he looked at John's retreating form, he admired the unbridled passion he had deep inside, and his heart couldn't help but swell with pride for his brother.

John stood up, ran his hands along the couch and walked up the few steps till he reached the wall with their portraits then trailed his finger along till the wall curved around toward the stairs and was glad that someone had finally moved the damn pot plant that was in the way yesterday.

He trudged up the stairs and counted the doors again on his left, this time out loud. “Scott’s room…. Virgil’s room…” He sniffed and pulled a face at the smell - damn what the HELL did Gordon keep in there!? John wanted to vomit. The next door along was the bathroom which was before the steps that lead off up into the guest rooms of the house, if he touched those he had gone a few steps too far.

He closed the door behind him and busied himself as usual to relieve himself and clean up and flush when he stepped into a puddle as he reached for the air freshener.

FUCK! Not again! This time he was certain he hadn’t missed. He had been pretty confident after the first time he made that mistake he would never do it again.

Shit! He felt around for the toilet paper and yanked at the roll to grab enough paper to clean the floor and when he reached up to the counter to help himself up off the floor to flush the paper something sharp cut into his hand and whatever it was flung across the bathroom, skittering along the tiles.

Great, now he was bleeding - but hey, at least the urine he just cleaned up off the floor would kill the bacteria from whatever he cut himself on. He hunted for the tap with his good hand and stuck the other under running water.

Well, for a few seconds. He had turned on the wrong tap.

Angry that this simple task to go to the toilet had become a nightmare he grabbed for a towel and when he found one he shoved it under the tap and soaked it and hissing as it was hot, pressed it against his hand till it stopped bleeding. Once that was sorted he squeezed the water out and threw it on the floor and using his foot wiped the floor with the towel.

His clothes were now wet and he had no idea if he dripped blood on them or not hell he was worried now that he had peed himself.

Frustrated he stripped down to his underwear and scooped up the bundle of wet smelling pee and blood covered fabric and fuzzy material and felt around for the door, swinging it open wide and walking right into a wall of muscle, which had to be Virgil as there was no one else in the house.

John knew he was going red with embarrassment. What the hell must his younger brother think of him now?

“DON’T even think about it!” He snapped quickly. “Just… please take me down to laundry behind the kitchen please.”

Virgil flushed red again for the hundredth time after bumping into his brother, who was standing there angrily in nothing but his boxers. God, it was hard not to look...

"Urm John?" He said as he held out a towel for John to cover up, and then scolded himself that his brother couldn't see his outstretched hand. "You might want to cover up?" He said softly, as he pushed the clean towel into John's hands.

As he waited, he couldn't help sneaking longing looks at John's lean body. He wasn't built for outdoor rescues like the rest of them, but that didn't mean he lacked the muscle either. His eyes drifted all over his smooth porcelain skin, and lingered on the tattoo over his right shoulder. He smiled to himself, John had asked him to design that tattoo for him. He remembered how flattered he was that any of his brothers thought that highly enough of his art, to want to have it permanently etched on their body. He yearned to reach out, and trace each familiar star from constellation to constellation.

"Hey John, why don't I go down to the laundry room for you? Wait for me in your room and save yourself the walk? What do you need me to do?" He suggested softly, with a smile. "Wouldn't want to give Grandma a heart attack, when she sees your tattoo do you? Or have you already told her?"

"Or better yet... why don't you wait here?" He said, as he put down the towel seat cover and sat John down on it. "You my handsome dear brother are in desperate need of a good shave..." He said as he titled John's head towards him, and felt along the scruffy chin. "Won't be long... I'd go grab my blades..." He almost winked naughtily at him, instead he reached out and ruffled his hair lovingly.

“Ok Virgil,” John brushed his brother off, grinning. “I get your point. I'll think I'll have a shower first… then we can discuss you and your cut throat razor.”

John swallowed hard as Virgil's footsteps faded away. Maybe not today he thought. That whole episode reminded him he still needed people to hold his hand. He felt his palm where the sharp sensation was before, feeling how deep it was. Luckily it was the equivalent of a paper cut, stung like hell and bled like rushing water.

That sharp thing was in the bathroom upon the tiles somewhere too. John knew there was a high chance of him stepping on it if he tried to find the shower.

Great - somehow he managed to drag himself back into this dark shadowy abyss again. He needed to concentrate to keep the mental map of the bathroom in his head, all that flustered panic made it disappear faster than his brain could recall the memory of where everything was.

But that was the problem… things move around. Razor blades, toothbrushes, hair dryers… they all were put down any old how and never in the same place.

There were footsteps entering the bathroom and he looked straight up, unsure if he was looking in the right direction. Last thing he wanted to do was disappoint Virgil further than the fact his older brother missed pissing in the toilet bowl… especially after how special he was made to feel by him moments before.

Gee he really wished the butterflies of embarrassment would go away.

"Back! Did ya miss me?" Virgil teased, as he stepped back into the bathroom, something fluttered in his stomach when John smiled and nodded.

He knelt in front of his brother and asked gently. "Can I ask that you trust me enough to do this for you?" He said, as he daringly reached out to caress John's cheek softly. "There's not a whole lot I can do for you... but may I have the honor of doing this simple thing?" Virgil begged. "You know I'd never hurt you right?"

John sighed and nodded. It didn’t seem this was up for discussion, no matter how nervous he was having something so sharp close to his jugular. Truthfully it took a while before anyone noticed he was growing a beard but it had been a few months now and there was a high chance he looked like a scruffy Irish hobo.

"Now... just sit back and relax... I learnt a few things from this Turkish barber down in Manhattan... best shave of my life!" He said, as he stoppered and filled the bathroom sink with hot water. He dipped a face towel into it, and letting it air a while to cool, before he proceeded to slowly and gently wipe down John's face.

He whispered happily to a made up tune, as he then moved to apply some foaming shaving gel on John's face. He found himself sighing collectively at the chiseled beauty of John's features.

"The thing that I can't get Scott to realize that is..." He said, as he worked slowly but swiftly with his razor blade. "... is that while an automatic shaver may be faster, nothing beats the smoothness and finish one can achieve with the traditional blade."

He dipped the blade into the cup of warm water he had prepared earlier, and returned to work on John's face. "I tried to tell him... hell, even offered to show him..." He continued as he cradled John's face to the angle he wanted. "But I don't think he trusts me enough to hold a blade so close to his jugular..." he said laughingly. "Paranoid bastard..."

"Just a little bit more..." He said, as he took a final sweep with the blade. "Hang on... not done yet..." He said, as he took another clean hot towel and wiped the remains of the shaving gel. "Now this... is what makes it the whole nine yards treatment... Close your eyes?" He said as he draped another clean hot towel over John's face. Titling his head back a little, his fingers worked around the brow of his face, then slowly massaging his brows.

As soft relaxed moans escaped John's lips, Virgil swallowed hard and found it hard to breathe. Just this once, he was grateful his brother couldn't see the type of effect he had on him.

He shook his head, trying to regain his composure, focusing instead of working his fingers expertly down the bridge of John's nose, and drawing soft circles in his cheeks with his thumb. "Now... trust me here, I'd make it worth it... just relax..." he coached gently, as he went behind John, hot towel still on his face, and formed an X shape with his arms holding John's head. Virgil turned John's head in fluid motions left and right and was rewarded with the sounds of locked up joints cracking under the sudden pressure.

"Oh man, Virgil - That feels so good!" John exclaimed as his tense muscles relaxed, certainly he was not expecting all this extra attention from a mere shave

Virgil laughed, as he walked to John's front and slowly took the towel off. "Last step... don't laugh ok?" He said, as he grabbed a glass bottle from the sink counter and poured some of the liquid contents into his palms. "This may sting a tiny bit... Turkish rose water, helps close off the pores." He said, as he gently patted it onto John's face, the delicate smell of roses hung in the small enclosed space. "Smells nice doesn't it? Notoriously expensive though."

“Mmm hmmmm” John purred. The smell was interesting to say the least, flowers not really his area of expertise.

"Well, what do you think?" Virgil asked, nervously examining John's face, his eyes still closed as he breathed in the soft scent of the rose water.

“I should be asking you that, Virgil. You're the one who can see the difference.” John rubbed his face and was impressed, though his only experience was with a cheap disposable shaver and he gotten the hang of not cutting himself with after catching his bottom lip more than once. “Feels nice.. thank you, though I'm certain the experience and social interaction is why people do it rather than the end result, right?” he rubbed it again and felt a tiny pang of disappointment. There was no way he could grow that much fuzz again in a hurry… he was lucky if he had a shave once a week the hair was so fine sometimes. It felt good to be clean shaven but he did feel like that small achievement of finally looking like a ‘man’ and not a ‘boy’ for little while was taken away. Even Alan could grow a beard nicer and finer than he could after two days.

“Hey… uh Virgil.. am I able to get you to help me with the shower? You know so it's a warm one and not freezing cold or so hot I'm turned into a lobster? I find it hard to do by myself. Ummm…” he hesitated and turned over his cut palm, hoping Virgil could see it when he couldn't. “I got something sharp in my hand earlier too...it might still be one the floor somewhere…”

"Yeah, sure of course." Virgil smiled to himself, something about John's reaction was... well, slightly off. He was hoping this would have cheered him up some, but the light still didn't quite shine in those eyes when he smiled.

"Let me look at that hand first..." He said, as he took his hand gently to examine the wound. Thankfully it wasn't deep enough to require stitches. He rummaged through the cabinet, sure there was a first aid box there somewhere. He took a square band aid to conceal the wound, donned a surgical glove over it and sealed the opening at the wrist to prevent water from seeping in. "There... hopefully it keeps out the water. It may be a small cut, but it's still going to sting in the shower."

He looked around the floor for the source of the cut, and picked a small piece of plastic jagged at the edges. One of them must have carried it in with them, stuck to their uniforms. He wrapped it in toilet paper and threw it in the bin.

"Give me a sec..." He stepped into the shower to let the water run, after a while he adjusted the temperature so it wasn't too hot or cold. He made sure to lower the shower head so it was within easy reach and moved all the shampoo and shower gel bottles to the lowest indented shelving so John could reach it. He made a mental note to put in some non slip mats, to lessen a chance of a fall. Maybe even install a few grip handles here and there, so it would be easier for John to navigate and pull himself up when needed.

"Shower's ready, you can pop in now."

“Heh, thanks very much Virgil.” John grabbed hold of him to stand up and followed his ears to the sound of running water. “Hey….um… did you stand in the shower when you turned it on?” John laughed amused. “Your shirt feels drenched.”

His hands reached out and ran down his brother's wet arm to his wrist and there was a childish chuckle. “Remember when we were all covered head to toe in mud on your very first rescue and so for Grandma to not see the mess we were in dad threw all three of us - Scott, you and I all into the shower in our underwear at the same time? You weren't as big then but by hell Scott was! I was shorter than the two of you two and it was such a tight fit!”

John chuckled and rested his head against Virgil's wet shirt. “I bet we couldn't even get both of us in there anymore let alone all three of us!”

Virgil cursed internally, John had no clue what he was doing to him. He swore his heart was pounding a million times a minute, just from having his head resting on his chest like this.

He swallowed hard, and whispered softly as he gently caressed John's hair "Hey? You're not trying to talk your way outta that shower are you?"

“Pfft! Course not. Though I was thinking… want to see if we could fit for old times sake? I'm not as short as I used to be now and you're now double Scott's body mass in muscle, I'm curious if we could still do something as silly as that?” John straightened up using Virgil's broad shoulders to grip onto as he did so. “Actually… truth be told, I've had a few problems getting out of the shower too…I'd rather not tempt fate today and crack my skull open to end the day so do you mind sticking around a bit just to make sure I'm alright? Maybe after Grandma brings me dinner we… well you could watch a tv show with me or something…. I mean I can't really watch it but I can listen along. You still like weird little dramas too right? It's been awhile since I've sat watching tv with anyone I've forgotten.”

Virgil nearly choked. "You want me... to get into the shower with you?" Oh dear God, he prayed to anyone who would listen, this was going to take everything within him not to take advantage of his brother's obvious vulnerability.

But he could always walk away? But how can he? John was reaching out to him for support right now, he can't just abandon him to the side, just because of his own messed up feelings? John would never do that to him if the tables were reversed.

He flushed red in the face again, as he stammered. "Umm ok, I guess?"

John cocked his head to one side in thought. “You don't have to, you can say no. Im mean we're not noisy stinky pain in the arse teenagers anymore who need to forcibly embarrassed to cool our tempers.” he hoped he was reading his brother's voice right, he sounded as if he had asked him to have sex with him which of course was totally ludicrous however totally reasonable given their ages now they were in their thirties. John just didn't trust himself to be left in the bathroom alone tonight and maybe that suggestion was one step too far.

Virgil coughed uncomfortably, "How about I just sit on the toilet? That way, I won't be very far if you needed me." He hoped his brother would accept his compromise, he didn't trust himself on what he might do if he got into the shower with him.

“That's fine, as long as someone's in the bathroom. I'm just worried about having another preventable accident, that's all.” John then raised an arm out infront of him till he could feel the shower door before dropping his boxers to step inside but with the water running for a good while now it was slippery and within seconds he felt himself hit the glass with his shoulder his arms flailing around to get a grip on something - anything - to stop him falling backwards out of the cubical. Thank hell he was tall, one foot thrust out against the other side of the shower and he managed to wedge himself so he could no longer fall… problem now was that he was stuck.

“Virgil!” he cried out in panic, hoping that his brother really was still in the bathroom. “Really could use a hand in here!”

Virgil's strong arms held his body firmly. "Easy John, I'm here..." He had rushed in immediately when he heard John's cries, now he was standing fully clothed in the shower, dripping wet and awkwardly aware of how his brother's naked body was pressed up against him. "Hell of a position you got yourself here..." he couldn't help but laugh nervously.

"Now, just relax." He coached as he helped untangled John's long limbs from its wedged position against the glass doors. "That's it. There... You ok?" John nodded but his hands still had firmly gripping Virgil's shirt. "Hey John, relax. I'm here, I won't let you fall." He placed his hands over his in assurance.

"Crap, I'm all soaked now. Hey, what do you know? We both do fit in here. Mind you, it's more than a bit of a tight fit...." Virgil rambled on nervously. "I guess since I'm in here, want me to help scrub you down?"

John's face was near impossible to read through his nerves but he didn't seem to object to the idea, as he turned his back to Virgil. He started to peel his wet clothes off, fingers fumbling over the buttons.

When he was finally naked, his breath caught in his throat as he froze, fully taking in the glorious sight of John standing naked in the shower, the water cascading all along his body. Bloody Mary, Virgil cursed. He reached over for the loofa and John's favorite peach shower gel and lathered it all over his back.

His fingers lingered a while over the tattoo on John's right shoulder and he couldn't help tracing his fingers over it, as he connected the stars together to their rightful constellations. In that moment, all Virgil could think of was how desperately he wanted to kiss every tattooed star, every freckle on that porcelain back, connecting them all using only his tongue to do so.

John didn't speak, he let Virgil's hands wash him down with practiced ease. Both of them had from time to time had to wash another sibling down after the odd accident on a mission and right now what Virgil was doing was no different as far as John was concerned - he was just being helpful.

At least doing this for him there wasn't any blood and broken bones involved. Last time John had a duty of care like that it was for Alan and the sights he had to endure as he cleaned those injuries left scars in not just his mind but in his soul, guilt tearing into him from being the one to send him out on that call in the first place. He was never going to be in that position again, one where he could look after another person and make sure they were ok.

That thought made his chest burn.

He grabbed Virgil's arms roughly when he realised those hands were about to go to an area even John thought of as off limits.

“I'm ok to do that myself, thanks Virgil.” he said hurriedly. He was abled bodied enough to wash himself in those places, already feeling awkward enough that he couldn't do this on his own after Virgil told him how awesome it was to see him so independent and then having all that get thrown aside because he screwed up such a basic task like going to the toilet.

Thank the gods Virgil couldn't read his mind. There was times when something so simple left him a complete wreck in the last few months he was relieved that the one obvious place people would notice was in his face and without eyes that could look a person back with emotions or life, John had - up till now at least - gotten away with it.

Fuck, last thing John wanted to do was think about how close he was to not being alive at all...not right now. Sure he couldn't remember much but damn… now he was able to focus his imagination it wasn't long before visions filled his head in a nightmare inducing frenzy, one that occurred even when he was awake.

He could feel his breath rattling in his chest and his lungs starting to tighten, his knees starting to shake.

Oh come on! Not now! His mind screamed. Think of something else!

John turned around in the small shower and pressed his head against his brothers, his hands holding onto his shoulders for dear life. In the water from the shower he couldn't tell if he was crying, right now he was utterly terrified as the sound of the water had become the sound of the horrible vacuum trying to cut his life short and right now he needed to cling to something - anything - to stop being sucked out into the void alive.

Virgil blinked, he wasn't expecting John to break down suddenly like this. He had seemed so strong thus far, that he found he hadn't even considered how truly terrifying it must be for John. His world now void of light and he was now struggling with even everyday tasks.

The way he was sobbing, desperately clinging to him, broke his heart. He was afraid to even touch him, as if his very touch might shatter him further.

He reached over to turn off the water, and his hands wrapped themselves over John protectively. One hand absentmindedly drawing soothing circles on his back and the other cradling his head, playing lovingly with his wet hair. "It's ok, John... I'm here... Let it all out... Empty the ocean in your heart..." He whispered softly. "It's ok... You don't have to pretend around me..."

John's legs started to tremble and Virgil feared he might pass out. "Easy.... easy..." He coddled, as he gently eased them both down till they were sitting on the wet shower floor. He then noticed that he was shivering and he went to grab two towels and draped them over him. Then he drew him back into his embrace.

"I know you feel heavy - your heart is the sun and you carry the sea. It's not easy being your own Universe, not when you're carrying your stars in a world full of darkness...." He said softly, hoping his words made sense. "But you're not alone. Let me in... I'd be your eyes... Let me bathe you in the details of everything around you... I'd build it all for you with my hands in your mind... We'd conquer the world together..."

"Let me show you that beautiful things can happen in the dark too... Like when the sun goes to sleep, and the stars gives light kisses, when the moon hangs like a spotlight in the night sky... Life can still be beautiful even when it covers you in darkness... This is not the end for you... it's the beginning of another great chapter in your life..."

They sat quietly like this for a while, enjoying the comfort of the others embrace, till John finally stopped crying. Virgil unwillingly withdrew him from his arms and held John's face in his hands. "Feel better? You ready to face the world again? It's ok to say no. You can stay in your room, I'd bring some food up and we can eat together." Virgil smiled, he was more than glad to be able to spend more time alone with John, he suddenly felt extremely selfish and he found he didn't want to have to share him with the rest of his brothers.

John nodded quietly as he rubbed his eyes. "Come on, let's go." He helped John find his footing and held onto his hand tightly, determined not to let him go.

 

Sin of pleasure

Virgil tossed and turned in his bed for what felt like the millionth time. His body craved sleep, it was something that usually came easy to him and he was beyond frustrated that it seemed just out of reach tonight. Every time he closed his eyes, his mind drifted to John's beautiful naked body in the shower, the water dripping down to his...

Fucking hell, he couldn't believe he was fantasizing about having sex with John. What kind of a sicko was he turning into? He turned and buried his head into his pillow, ashamed. Still that beautiful image haunted him, burned and imprinted into his brain, replaying it over and over taunting him that someone so delicately perfect could ever be his to have.

He was already hard from thinking of John so much, fuck - he needed to release this sexual tension. He was grateful that they all had their own rooms, that he can at least cave to his fantasies without any of his brother's suddenly walking in on him.

He turned again on his back, his hand reached into his boxers, as he let finally let his mind wander off...

There he was standing in the shower again, John's naked body in front of him. Already he found it difficult to breathe. John greeted him with a blank stare, even without their usual brilliance something about that gaze bewitched him. Like John was gazing into the very depths of his soul and he felt like he was drowning in those grayish green pools.

He slowly approached, afraid this beautiful vision of a man would dissipate if he wasn't careful. His left arm reached out and curved itself around John's waist and pulled him close. Their naked bodies pressed against each other as he brought his lips down to his. Soft, delicate and tender. Sweetness beyond anything he ever tasted. Their tongues touched and caressed, feeling as they explored each other's mouths.

John's hand traveled teasingly downwards and started to gently stroke his hard self lovingly. Goosebumps covered him, he tingled under his delicate touch. His own hand reached over, to grab John's taut arse. Every part of him felt so perfect to the touch, every curve and line of his body now etched and committed to memory.

They finally broke their kiss to come up for air. Virgil pinned him to the shower wall, John wrapping one leg around his waist, nodded and gave him permission to enter. He slid inside and John's name escaped his lips. This... this felt so good. His hips rocked gently back and forth as he helped to supported his weight with one hand. Their foreheads touching, waves of pleasure written on both their faces.

This was too much, he needed to finish this. Unwillingly he slowly withdrew, even then the sensation was tantalizing. He guided John and laid him on his back on the shower floor. All this while the water continued cascading over their bodies. He didn't waste anytime entering him - not waiting for permission this time - John gasped and arched his back in pleasure at his sudden, unannounced entry.

Virgil's movements were more fluid, building up faster with each thrust he daringly pushed deeper and deeper. John rewarded him with breathless moans of pleasure, as he yelled Virgil's name encouraging him to go faster. Hearing John call his name like this was more than enough to push him over the edge.

With one final push, he gave John everything he had. He collapsed onto him, not wanting to remove himself or untangle himself from the long arms that continued to stroke his back.

"Aaaaaahhhh.... John!" Virgil moaned, as he came all over his underwear and hands. Beads of concentrated sweat glistening all over his body, as he tried to catch his breath. He really should get up and clean up this mess. But he couldn't. He was exhausted. He drifted off unknowingly, still dreaming of his beautiful John.

 

Fears

The sound of the vacuum sucking out air, the squealing in his ear as his eardrum ruptured…

John was restless, his whole body deciding that hours later it was going to punish him for forgetting how it suffered as John dragged himself around the gravity ring desperately gasping for oxygen to get to safety.

His chest heaved as it fought for breath and his mind decided to shut the nightmare down as if he died just before he reached the airlock for the holosphere and that's when he sat up panicking, hands around his throat as if he was trying to force the air back into his lungs. The violent reaction to this horror he had after that was to throw himself onto the floor where he desperately cried out to make it stop.

The worst thing about nightmares like this, John couldn't tell if he was awake or still asleep. You can open your eyes all you want but when your blind the images burn into your mind and they stay there long after you've awoken.

His chest was on fire and his heart was threatening to rip itself out of his ribcage and bounce along the floor.

He didn't hear the bedroom door click open softly and was mildly shocked when a thin pair of reedy arms in what felt like the texture of his old space suit wrapped around him tight.

“Easy John, it's just a nightmare. It'll go away soon. Good thing I ducked my head in instead of going straight to bed!”

“Alan?!”

The arms gripped tighter. “Heh it's so weird seeing you like this, usually it's you comforting me. Guess it's time you started to cash in those favours I owe you huh?”

John started to calm down, Alan choosing to use light humour to make his troubles go away. It worked too. John wished he had an ability like that, afterall humour is the best medicine for alot of things in the world.

“Heh… guess so. It's not the first time today this has happened.”

“Oh?”

John nodded. “Had it happen infront of Virgil. I swear I don't know what I'd do without either of you sometimes. I swear I'm lucky as hell.”

He felt Alan's arm wrap under his own and help lift him to his feet and just for added effect, Alan bushed John’s shoulders free of invisible dust. Alan was now in his twenties and matched John in height, making Gordon the shortest in the family with Virgil and Scott just shy of them both in the height department. Though truth be told that's all Alan had, he was lankier than John and had completely missed out in the muscle building component that seemed to be slightly hereditary in the family - Gordon having some build too and while John was thin, he did have some muscle mass despite it mostly thinking back somewhat from life in space. Far as he knew he was probably gaining weight rapidly now he was trapped indoors.

“Nah, If anything we're lucky. Virgil and I just didn't take your assistance for granted like Scott and Gordon do, that's all.”

John smiled, Alan's voice was always positive and friendly and it made him feel warm and light headed along with a desire to try and match his positive vibes.

“Just finished a rescue?”

“No. Just finished a full thirty two hour shift. Can't wait to put my head down on a real bed.”

“Thirty two hours?!” John couldn't hide his shock. If Alan wasn't standing in front of him, John would have missed hitting him on the shoulder. He shook his hand out, clipping Alan wasn't part of the program in his head.

“Uh you did longer shifts than that John.”

“Yeah and I regret every second of it.” he reached out and held Alan’s face. “Don't throw your life away like I did Alan. Your only what - twenty six? That's the best time to be experiencing life!”

John let go and let out a sigh. “I took my first ever shift on that station when I was seventeen. I was stupid and didn't know any better and wasted so much of my time on that thing I lost touch with you all and pushed you away. You don't want to be like me Alan, ok? I want you to have friends and stay close to us… don't drift away thinking work and international rescue is more important.”

“John…” Alan held one of his older brother's hands.

“Trust me Alan when I tell you this. I have no friends, no real world experience and I'm clinging badly onto the only two brothers who still think I'm not just a hologram. If something ever happened to you and you ended up like this I'd never forgive myself.”

Alan hugged his older brother tight. “I trust you. You've never lied to me before so yeah… I guess I can promise you that.”

“Thanks Alan.”

“Hey John can I ask you something?”

“Sure, knock yourself out.”

“How do you get people to listen to you in this job? They treat me worse than mud because of my age and yet you were the ultimate authority with tons of respect at my age!”

John patted his youngest siblings shoulder. “Oh don't worry Alan give them time. I started far younger than you and I was taking over from dad's friend. I had many years to earn it… but yeah, in the end I don't think it was worth it.”

Alan smiled. “Fair enough. Need help getting to bed?”

“Should be right… it's the sleeping part I can't seem to get to grips with.”

John picked up a mild hesitation in Alan's laugh. “Well I don't think I'm going to sleep much either. Mind if I just hang out here a while?”

“Sure, although sadly I can't read the rest of that book we were in the middle of to you.”

“That's ok, how about I do it instead? Always wanted to read back at least once. Uh…. Where'd all the book piles go?”

“Book shelf. Virgil got me a bigger one so stuff wasn't on the floor.”

Alan laughed. “I'll find it. Knowing Virgil he'll have arranged everything alphabetical too.”

John felt around for his bed and sat down, Alan tossing what sounded like something quite heavy on the mattress and then asked, “Mind if I borrow some clothes?”

“Sure, go for it. There's ones that I clearly can't wear anymore in there so take them.”

“You sure John?”

“Positive. I think I may have to give up on trying to wear shirts with buttons anyway. They are fiddly and I'm sure I miss button holes and make a mess of it.

Those thin arms wrapped around him again and Alan nuzzled his cheek like he always did when he was very happy. “Thank you John.”

Alan got changed and then crawled on the bed beside his older brother and as John rested his head against him in a role reversal Alan was finding amusing, he started to read where John left off and everytime he hesitated and struggled with a really long made up word John jumped to his aid. To most people that would be annoying but Alan was playing a game with John and he knew John didn't mind - it was keeping his mind off his nightmare and keeping his intellect sharp - just like John used to do for him.

Eventually they both fell asleep in a tangle of skinny spaceman limbs.

 

Rivals

John rested his palm on the handle of what he hoped was Virgil's bedroom door and pushed it open.

“Rise and shine, Virgil! You want to come down stairs and join Alan and I for breakfast? It's not often we get to eat together and I thought this would be really nice just the three of us.”

Alan had walked up behind him, dressed in the shirt and shorts he took out of John's wardrobe and he was quick to look away, grabbing and pulling John out the doorway.

“Hey?! What's a matter Alan?” he exclaimed in surprise.

“Trust me John, best you wait out here a second.” Alan then ducked back into the bedroom and slapped Virgil on one of his bare legs.

“Seriously! Don't leave your dick hanging out your shorts! Just because you got a good wank off to some pornography doesn't mean someone isn't going to walk in here! Fuck sakes!” Alan growled, his face going red with embarrassment. “Thank your lucky stars it was John and not Grandma!”

"Jesus Christ Alan! Goddamn knock the next time will you?!" Virgil exclaimed, as he scrambled for a pillow to hide what's left of his dignity. Alan turned on his heel slamming the door behind him and lead John down to breakfast.

Virgil threw his pillow towards the door in anger, and buried his head in the other pillow screaming vulgarities Grandma would ground him for life for using. It was only when it dawned on him that John wouldn't have known that he had been wanking off to thoughts of them having sex and that Alan had presumed he had been watching porn, that he eventually got up to wash up for breakfast.

Virgil's mood was already ruined by the sudden intrusion, but it got worse when he sat down at the breakfast table beside Gordon and seeing John laughing happily at a private joke Alan shared with him. He made a ruckus pouring the cereal in his bowl, stabbing the cereal angrily with his spoon.

He glanced at them again, and growled when he suddenly noticed that Alan was wearing John's clothes? Why? He was livid with jealousy. "Er Al? Why are you dressed in John's clothes?" He asked, venom dripping in his voice.

"Oh? John said he wasn't wearing them anymore, so he gave them to me." Alan smiled as he beamed at John.

Virgil frowned. If anyone should be wearing John's hand me downs, it should be him! He balled his hands in tight fists, barely holding in his anger.

Meanwhile, Gordon was watching the exchange between his brothers with interest. This was even better the wrestling matches he loved so much, the tension coming off Virgil was intense and the way both Alan and John were seemingly oblivious to it, only seem to make it worse. He wondered if a fight was going to break out before breakfast ended and chewed his cereal loudly in excited anticipation. Gordon looked over at the other end of the table at Scott, who on the other hand, was totally immersed in the morning papers as usual, barely registered their existence.

"Geesh Virge, why are you acting like you're jealous of Alan?" Gordon as usual speaking the first thing that came to his mind.

Virgil stood up suddenly, his chair crashing to the floor loudly. Everyone froze, even Scott looked up from his paper, like he only just realized he wasn't alone. "I'm... not hungry anymore. Excuse me..." He stormed off without waiting for anyone to answer, he was literally shaking from his insane jealousy.

He didn't stop till he was at his piano. His fingers started gliding over the keys with an unusual roughness, the notes pounded with the harshness of his frustrated emotions. He didn't even need to open his eyes, he knew this particular piece too well, too many painful memories associated with it. He hated all the times he played it, but loved that it forced him to utilize almost every key on the piano.

The sounds of Virgil pounding away at the piano drifted back to the breakfast table. "Oh wow, I knew he was angry, but I didn't know he was this pissed. That's 'Black Star' he's playing... he played it everyday when..." Gordon whispered, suddenly quiet.

"... when Mum died." Scott finished for him. "I'd have a word with him, it's strange for him to be acting out like this." He sighed as he put his paper down, and walked towards the source of the angry music.

Scott approached just as Virgil finished the last notes, leaning over the piano trying to catch his breath. Virgil saw Scott from the corner of his eye, and got up. "Don't. Just save it." As he turned to leave, he dramatically slammed the cover of the piano and stormed off again.

He walked out of the house, didn't stop till he was at the beach and plopped himself down resting his back against a boulder. He reached for his cigarettes and lit one. Virgil was beyond confused, what was all these feelings he suddenly had for John? Why was he was so insanely jealous of Alan that he needed to play 'Black Star'? Fuck, he felt so messed up and confused inside. He wasn't quite ready to face everyone back in the house, knowing he just freaked them all out with his choice of music. So he just sat there, lighting cigarette after cigarette, wishing someone could tell him the solution to all this.

John heard the door to the kitchen slam, the glass rattling violently in Virgil's wake.

He started to stand when a pair of strong arms grabbed his hand from across the table and long slender fingers pushed him back into the chair via his shoulders - John making that deduction from the weight and how a finger brushed up against the bare skin on his neck.

“You're not going after him!” Both Gordon and Alan shouted in unison.

“Why the hell not?!”

“Because we don't need you falling into the pool!” Gordon hissed.

“Or getting lost out there and walking off a cliff face.” Added Alan.

“Seriously!? Ok fine I won't...but could someone please for the love of…. Tell me what's going on? Why was Virgil so angry and Scott unhappy just now?”

“Wait you noticed?”

John yanked his arms free of Gordon’s grip from across the table. “Really Gordon how stupid do you think I am! I’m blind, not fucking DEAF. Virgil made a ruckus throwing his temper around and Scott's feet clomp around heavily when he's pissed off - and you're expecting me NOT to pick up on that?”

“Let me talk to him John.” Alan's voice was calm. Years of being around John and his hero worship of his older brother starting to show, much to Gordon’s surprise as Gordon was now seeing for the first time there was something else going on here than Virgil just getting upset over meare clothing. It couldn't be that Virgil had some level of hero worship that wasn't as obvious as Alan's surly as Virgil and Scott did everything they could to imitate their father and in the end it got to the stage they started doing things to impress him - Virgil with his music and arts and Scott with his leadership and intense bravery. Surely this behavior wasn't starting to happen over John now, who had always been Alan's idol since he was a baby…. Unless….

“You should since it's you he's mad at.” Gordon piped in getting a scowl from is much younger little brother, though the grin was not going to be wiped off his face that easily. Something very fascinating was going in and he intended to dig around and find out.

“Ignore him John.” Alan patted his shoulder. “He's making up stuff again.”

“Oh I intend to… just wish I could talk to Virgil myself. Fuck, why do I have to be stuck inside!”

John stood up. “I'm going upstairs. Good luck with Virgil, Alan. Sounds like you're going to seriously need it.”

Both younger siblings watched him go and make his slow ascent up to the living room. Gordon turned his attention back to Alan. “So… you and Virgil huh? I'm not quite sure about Virgil but you my little brother have ALWAYS been beyond obsessed with John. Something your not telling us, hmmm?”

Alan had gone a flushed pink and Gordon instantly knew he had caught him out.

“You're out of your mind Gordo, honestly!”

Gordon leaned on his elbows and smiled like a shark. “Oh…. I think I'm quite bang on the money, Al.” he drew Alan's nickname out as long as he dared knowing how much hated it. “So how often do you wank off in the shower these days hmmm?”

“None of your damn business! Go fuck Penelope why don't you?!” Alan growled angrily.

“Pfft, I would if I could get rid of Parker.”

“Ergh, I'm going to find Virgil.”

“Have fun.” Gordon gave Alan a wave and his younger brother fumed as he stormed outside.

Well now? Gordon thought to himself. This HAS gotten interesting.

The living room was deadpan as John made it up the stairs. He was about to just stroll across to the next lot of stairs when he replayed his two youngest siblings concerns in his head.

They were that worried he would hurt himself left in his own outside where they? RIGHT, he'd show them he wasn't completely and utterly helpless.
He tried to visualize the living room in his head and while it wasn’t in the completeness of colours he liked, he did manage some rough layout he could work with.

The floorboards made padded noises as he crossed them and they creaked the closer he got to the gap in the floor. His brain registered the sound under high traffic area and carefully, feeling around with his feet he listened to the sounds of the floorboards, using them to navigate and walk around the platform that was cut into the floor for where the couches and holotable were placed. Scott looked up from his spot by the window, still unhappy with Virgil and before he could move to stop John, watched his brother avoid the massive hazard in the middle of the living room.

Scott was impressed. His brother was learning to use his senses more and more and eventually Scott noted - John might just be back to normal with a few exceptions the rest of them just had to work around. Already he was gauging conversations like he could see people's faces and now…..

The sounds of the floorboards changed again and John knew that it was because something heavy was sitting on them.

He reached out and felt the polished surface of the piano and used it to lead him to the stool to sit. He lifted the keys cover and drew a deep breath…now how did those two songs he used to sing go?

After a few moments working out which keys were where he started to play, correcting mistakes by hunting for the sounds that should be in the song.

Scott walked over and sat beside him, back facing the keys listening to John play.

Holy crap, Scott realised. John was back in the game. The notes were flowing and that's when he started to sing, Scott joining in providing a harmony.

 

‘There was a time when I had nothing to explain
Oh, this mess I have made
But then things got complicated
My innocence has all but faded
Oh, this mess I have made
And I don't believe in god
So I can't be saved
All alone as I've learned to be
In this mess I have made
All the untested virtue
The things I said I'd never do
Least of all to you
I know he's kind and true
I know that he is good to you
He'll never care for you more than I do
But I don't believe in love
And I can't be tamed
All alone as I've learned to be
In this mess
I have made the same mistakes
Over and over again
There are rooms in this house that I don't open anymore
Dusty books of pictures on the floor
That she will never see
She'll never see that part of me
I want to be for her
What I could never be for you
But I don't believe in god
So I can't be saved
All alone as I've learned to be
In this mess I have made’*

 

Alan found Virgil outside and rolled his eyes. Virgil had acquired their father's old smoking habit and that made him frown.

“Hey Virgil, what was with you back there?” he asked, grabbing him by the shoulder. “John just gave me the clothes because he said he's not bothered with shirts that have buttons anymore. I didn't ask to have them but I wasn't going to say no as let's face it when do I ever get to go shopping? I get ALL your stuff as hand me down, regardless if it fits me or not and just once John's actually does. Don't be such a baby.”

Virgil rubbed his brow, he was getting a headache from all this. "Please Alan, don't start with me... Just leave me alone will you?" He pleaded with his younger brother, as he took another drag on his cigarette.

"Then talk to me! I'm right here! We all are. When are you going to see that? Oh I forgot, you're busy wallowing in your pit of self pity." Alan yelled.

Virgil rose to his feet angrily, threw the remains of his cigarette on the ground and grabbed a fistful of Alan's shirt. "Talk to you? How can I? When I don't even know what the hell is going on with me?!" He too was yelling, shaking him as he did so. He softened, when he saw the fear in Alan's eyes. Scott was the one with the temper, he was always the peaceful mediator in the family.

He sighed as he let go of Alan's shirt, and gently rested his hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry Al. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"It's ok... you're only human after all. Never knew you had such a fiery temper in ya, Virge." Alan joked, as he shuffled nervously from foot to foot. "You ok now? We should be heading back. The others are equally worried about you."

Virgil groaned, he knew the moment he walked back into that house, Scott was going to have him cornered demanding him to tell him what was going on. "Do I have to?" He whined, something Alan was more accustomed to doing than be on the receiving end.

"Yeah, big guy. You're gonna have to face the music sooner or later. Why delay the inevitable?" Alan shrugged.

He hated when his brother made a valid point. "Come on, Alan." He said, as he slung an arm around his youngest brother, and they started walking back towards the house together.

Alan let out a groan when he saw Gordon, grinning like a evil mastermind wave at them from the kitchen window.

“At least you don't have THAT to deal with.” Alan growled as a scowl crossed his freckled face. Luckily, he was glad Virgil had no idea what he meant by it. He didn't need anyone else knowing about how bad his obsession with John had become over the years.

When they reached the kitchen Gordon greeted them. “Feel all better now kiddies? While you two were off being giant babies Scott’s been singing along with John at the piano.”

“What? Scott doesn’t know how to play!” Alan protested.

“But John does, doesn't he Virgil?” Gordon said, the snake like smile sitting in his face.

Virgil nodded and Alan was at a loss. Clearly Alan STILL had things about his older brother he needed to learn.

Gordon caught the glare of jealousy Alan failed to hide.

Gotcha, he said without words, raising an eyebrow knowingly and getting a sudden blank stare in return.

Virgil was already heading up the stairs and Alan dashed to catch up, his long legs taking the stairs two at a time till he ran into the back of his older brother who stopped at the top watching the spectacle in front of him.

John was really getting into the piano riff and Scott was practically dancing around the instrument, both singing loudly and looked like they were enjoying themselves.

 

‘You might put your love and trust on the line
It's risky, people love to tear that down
Let 'em try
Do it anyway
Risk it anyway

And if you're paralyzed by a voice in your head
It's the standing still that should be scaring you instead
Go on and
Do it anyway
Do it anyway

There will be times you might leap before you look
There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
Do it anyway
Do it anyway

Tell me what I said I'd never do
Tell me what I said I'd never say
Read me off a list of the things I used to not like but now I think are ok

Sometimes it's not subjective: wrong and right
Deep down you know it's downright wrong but you're invincible tonight
So you
Do it anyway
It's done
You did it

Despite your grand attempts the chips are set to fall
And all the stories you might weave cannot negotiate them all
Do it anyway
Be honest, anyway
So tell me what I said I'd never do
Tell me what I said I'd never say
Read me off a list of the things I used to not like but now I think are OK
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Whoa whoa whoa whoa

It's gonna be so very hard to say
And watch the trust and joy all drain from her innocent face
But you must
Do it anyway
It sucks but
Do it anyway

Call it surrender but you know that that's a joke
And the punchline is that you were never actually in control
But still, surrender anyway

Tell me what you said you'd never do
Tell me what you said you'd never say
Read me off that list of things 'cause I used to not like you
But now I think you're OK

Everybody knows that you just gotta do it anyway

'Cause you don't do nothing to avoid self punishment
You won't do nothing
You won't feel nothing
You Gotta
Do it, do it, do it anyway
Ohhh!
Do it anyway!’**

 

As the music and amusement continued Gordon caught the smiles being exchanged between Virgil and Alan and saw behind those niceties was a potential war about to break out.

Oh my gosh, Gordon got the tingles. Both his older and younger brother had an attraction for John that was more than ‘brotherly’ - at least 100% confirmed in regards to Alan but now it was looking more and more likely Virgil was too.

Gordon grinned slyly. Let the mind games begin!

 

https://youtu.be/jbpajQ11zwQ - black star

*Mess - Ben Folds Five.
**Do it anyway - Ben Folds Five

 

Singapore

John spent the next morning carefully wandering around the house looking for Virgil. Neither him nor Alan spoke to him since breakfast that morning and he was worried that something was seriously wrong between them. He sat himself down on the steps that lead to the kitchen and waited. There was a chance they'd have to walk past him sooner or later.

Virgil was making his way down the stairs, when he spotted John sitting by himself at the foot of the steps. When he reached him, he sat down beside him. "Penny for your thoughts?" He asked.

John reached out and felt Virgil's knee and in his head a quick sketchy summary of his brother was made in his mind. He frowned a little - like most images his brain was trying to create that wasn't from an old memory were like that, as if a kid drew a cartoony outline of the world on a chalkboard and couldn't be bothered to add colours.

It was mildly frustrating.

“I'd gladly give them away for free, you know that Virgil.” he tried to smile to cover up his disappointment in his own restricted imagination. “Actually I wanted to talk to you… are you ok? After yesterday I mean… I would have come after you but the prison wardens still think it's too dangerous outside.”

"Yeah... about that..." Virgil rubbed the back of his head absentmindedly. No way he was going to confess to John that he had been the source of his outburst.

"I'm sorry if I made you worry... I was just grumpy 'cos... 'cos I was still horribly embarrassed at how you and Alan found me that morning." Technically he wasn't lying, that part was mostly true.

John frowned. “No idea what you're talking about, Virgil. You were asleep weren't you?”

Virgil slapped his forehead. Of course, John didn't see him! He just assumed Alan had ratted on him.

"Er.... nothing. Forget I said anything." He couldn't but smile knowing that John's impression of him was still relatively untarnished.

“Anyway,” John squeezed his hand on what he was confident was his brother's knee, “I was thinking we could… I dunno - maybe get off this rock for the day… go somewhere else? Just us, hanging out.” he smiled. “Sound like a plan? Or you as bad as the trio of brotherly anti-fun police?”

"Really? Just us two? Hell yeah! I'd ‘lurve’ that!" Virgil said a little too enthusiastically, he coughed as he restrained himself. "I was thinking maybe... we take the Condor out to someplace you've never been? Like Singapore maybe?"

 “Singapore?! That sounds great! Oh…” John realised the obvious downside. “If we do, you promise not to let go of me right? Even if you hold my t-shirt you're not to let me get lost ok?” he wanted to go so badly he didn't care that a lack of sight was going to make it hard to feel safe in a new environment. As long as Virgil is there things can't go wrong, right?

 "I promise I won't let go of your hand." Virgil said, as he reached out to give John's hand a tight squeeze of affirmation. "Well? What are we waiting for? Let's grab our passports and get outta here."

"I hope you don't mind? I texted ahead to ask a friend to be our driver for the day, he's going to pick us up from the airport." Virgil asked, as he scanned the private arrival hall.

"Ok I guess? But why aren't we driving ourselves?" John asked out of curiosity.

"Well... I did promise not to let go of your hand today... hard to drive with one hand..." Virgil stammered his embarrassed response. "Wait, I think I see him." He said, leading John by the hand to his friend.

"Asalaam Alayku, my friend." Virgil greeted. "It's been too long."

" Wa ’Alaykum Asalaam, my brother. Always good to see you." His friend greeted back. "This must be the brother you mentioned? John right? Hi, I'm Shafiq. But please call me Sha." He said as he shook John's hand warmly.

"Hi... Sha right?" John smiled in what he hoped was Sha's direction. "What was that greeting you guys used just now?"

"It's a common Muslim greeting we Malays in Singapore use. Asalaam Alayk means 'Peace be upon you' and the other person will greet Wa ’Alaykum Asalaam in response, loosely translated means 'And peace be upon you also'. " Sha explained as he showed them to his car.

"So... how did you guys meet?" John asked, as Virgil guided him into the car.

"We were college mates back in Denver. Sha invited me to Singapore during one term break and he's been badgering for me to visit him again since then." Virgil laughed, glad that John was so chirpy and talkative.

"Where are we headed?" He asked, excited about what this city had to offer.

"You'll find out soon." Virgil smiled as he looked out the window, their hands still firmly clasped together.

 "Urm... Virge? I'm not sure I can do this..."

"Relax John. You're in a harness to break your fall, we're indoor with a safety net and foam mattress underneath to catch you." Virgil reassured him.

John thought Virgil must be crazy if he was doing this, nothing he mentioned just now put his mind at ease. He had problems even putting one foot in front of the other and he expected him to attempt indoor rock climbing blind?

"Rock climbing doesn't solely require you to survey your next foothold. Here..." He took John's hands to allow him to feel the bumpy artificial rock wall in front of them. "Use your hands and feet to read the wall, you have the tone muscles and long limbs for this. I'd be right behind you all the way. Trust me."

 “Ok….. Virgil if - if you think so.” John took a deep breath. His heartrate was going a mile a minute and he knew without being able to see he was shaking. It's just a simple climb…. How hard could it be?

 Very, especially since memories and trauma don't just simply go away.

 He felt around for the first hand hold tentatively and pulled himself up, searching for the next one and seeking for that elusive first foothold.

He could hear his own foot scrabbling against the wall, he has gotten so used to being barefoot and the sensations it gave and now even decked in specialised shoes the loss of that ability to see with them was gone. Fuck he wasn't even off the ground and already he was starting to panic.

 “Hey Virgil? Can I take these things off my feet? They're bothering me that I can't feel the foot holds.”

"Hang on..." Virgil said, as he took off John's climbing shoes. "There... better? Off you go..." He stood back and watched John hesitantly feeling for the handgrips and footholds. The thing he admired about John was that he was always willing to try. Once he was making enough progress, Virgil started climbing behind him.

 “Right.” John mumbled, pulling himself up. It was amazing how doing this barefoot suddenly became easier, he didn't have to second guess a foothold or waste time hunting around for something that just wasn't there beneath his feet. He had no idea how high this wall was or how steep it inclined towards the top but man, it felt pretty good not to see the ground beneath him and worry about a sudden case of vertigo.

 Damn was he unfit though, his arms were struggling to take the strain, he could feel the muscles cry and file complaints that he wasn't being kind to them… then something flicked across his personal sketchy internal vision -the pain in his arms now screaming in agony.

 He stopped moving, clinging to the small holds in the wall, desperately trying to calm down. “I'm not in space… I'm not in space…” he repeated in a clenched teeth whisper, trying very hard not to let go as now he could feel the shakes starting in his legs and arms while his chest was starting to shut down his breathing due to fright, afraid he was going to starve himself of oxygen all over again.

 If it was just his mind being stupid, he would have ignored it, but his body remembered the feeling all too much as well and it was subconsciously yelling abuse telling him to not let go or he would die.

 Not the safest place to have a panic attack either… as letting go would mean he gave into the nightmare and let the void kill him - drifting out in the open vacuum of space - dead.

 “Fuck….” he hissed. He HAD to move. He desperately flailed around for those holds now and pulled himself along as if letting go meant death - and kept going until he could reach the top where someone was going to FUCKING CARRY HIM DOWN ON A LADDER as there was NO WAY he was going to absail back down.

 He moved a little bit more and realised the wall was indeed higher than he realised, the top curving now like a ceiling. No… no more please no more!

 He started thumping the climbing wall above him as if it was the air lock for the holosphere on Thunderbird Five.

 He couldn't breathe… he needed to get down.

 Even from the distance Virgil was apart from John, he could see that he was panicking. He climbed a little faster, till he was level with him.

"Hey?" He said softly, before he reached out to touch him gently on the shoulder. The last thing he wanted was to frighten him further. "John? It's ok... I'm here... relax... just breathe ok? Focus on the sound of my voice." He said, as his free hand massaged the back of his neck. "You're ok... You're not as high up as you think. I've got you, you're safe..." He repeated over and over, not sure how much John had heard. Virgil kicked himself mentally, he was worried he might have pushed John's boundaries too far and too soon.

Eventually, John's breathing evened out. "You wanna keep climbing? You don't have to continue if you don't feel up for it. If it's the drop you're worried about, I'd guide you to climb down." He looked at his brother's face for clues, he didn't like how quiet he was.

 “D-down please.” John croaked. “Really REALLY need to get d-down.”

 "Ok, cross over here to me. I'm going to hook you to me, ok? I'm not going to let you go, trust me." Virgil worked as fast as he could, John was breaking out in cold sweat and he looked like he might start going into shock if he didn't hurry.

"Yup, step this way... Now arms around me..." He helped position John's arms around his neck. "I've got you... we're going down right this moment... just stay calm..." Even with the tether helping to support his brother's weight, it wasn't easy getting down. He managed to get them both safely to the ground eventually.

Virgil helped John sit down at a table and he was beyond worried. "Hey? We're down... you're safe... nothing's gonna hurt you... I'm here..." When John didn't immediately respond, he wrapped him up in reassuring arms. "I'm so sorry... I... I wasn't thinking... I'm sorry... you're ok... just relax and focus on breathing ok?" He whispered over and over waving off the concerned staff hovering around them, signaling that he got this.

 John's fingers buried deep into the fabric of his siblings clothes absolutely terrified. He needed to get to grips with reality.

 Virgil shirt smelled of cigarettes, plane fuel and sweat so John focused his attention in those till a rough sketch of his brother - that chalk drawing that was desperate for colour - etched itself in his mind, creating an image of security for him to start to calm down. The smells started to colour in the clothing his brother wore at least to a degree but a worrying thought began to surface.

 He could make a mental map of where they were and where Virgil was….. but failed to create an image of himself, as if he was a fuzzy black blob still waiting for an outline on this blackboard in his conciseness.

 “I'm ok Virgil. Minor regression. Bound to happen at some point.” he said trying to hide the terror he felt. “If -If you don't mind, I might sit this out….”

 Virgil shook his head, there was no way he was leaving John alone after that. "Nah, I'm just going to sit with you for a while ok? I wasn't for climbing that thing anyway." He reached out and ruffled John's hair. "There's a canteen nearby. I could use some more coffee. They serve some pretty nice local teas too. Wanna try?"

 John let out a mild amused grunt and flashed his teeth in a smile he hoped Virgil saw. “Sounds like a plan. Might stop my legs shaking for a start.”

 Virgil came back with a tray holding at least 6 different cups. From the way the glasses were rattling together, John teased him laughingly. "Gee Virge, how many cups of coffee were you intending to have?"

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it. Singapore has the best coffee. I've never found anything close to it. And they're not all for me. There's some for you and Sha too. He went to make a call earlier, and will be joining us later." Virgil said, as he set the tray down noisily on the table.

"Ready for your sampling session, Mr Tracy?" He joked, as John nodded. "This first one is called Teh Terik, or pulled tea. The local Indians pour their tea back and forth in huge metal tins to help cool and aerate the tea." He patiently explained as he guided John's hands to the cup in front of him. "Careful, it's still hot."

"Well?" He asked, as John took his first sip.

 “Interesting…” John sniffed it. Damn he was going to have to learn how to use his nose properly as there was a wall of strange and slightly weird smells coming out of the cup and he couldn't put a name to any of them.

 It didn't help Virgil mentioning this ‘Sha’ fellow either. He seemed nice and friendly but John did assume it was going to be just them two alone, no one else around and they could just -

 Wow… John realised he came a complete blank as to what he wanted to do with Virgil in their alone time. Maybe that's why Virgil invited his friend to meet them later? Could he have made that assumption too?

 Fuck his head was in a mess. Virgil was expecting him to be honest about a damn cup of… whatever was in this hot water and he couldn't give one without sounding like an idiot and be completely wrong about its ingredients….

 “Umm….” John couldn’t keep his mind on the damn tea. “It's very… aromatic.” he coughed and put the cup down where he assumed the table was. “So, which lectures did the two of you take together? Or were you just dorm buddies?”

Virgil shrugged, stirring his coffee, wondering why John was suddenly so interested in his friend.

"We had a lot of common classes together, so I guess we were casual course mates? We started working on the same projects, and got talking. Turns out he was quite the artist. Hey! Maybe I should bring you to the art gallery his wife owns! There's a whole interactive section, where you're encouraged to touch the exhibits."

"God, I love their coffee!" He said, sighing dramatically. "Wanna try some? It's the thickest roast I ever tried. Apparently they don't just roast their coffee beans here, they fry them in a giant wok with butter."

“Er ok, maybe some other time.” John shifted uneasily. “What sort of art does his wife do?” John asked, trying to take in interest. He never had friends before and the entire notion that Virgil did was a chance for him to learn.

 A part of him was nervous too. This is what he wanted for Alan to have… friends outside the family. In one way John was excited that Virgil clearly had some but he wasn't sure why he was feeling hot and frustrated by it. Something didn't sit right and it was probably because he was being overprotective…. He hoped.

 God, where'd all these butterflies in his guts come from? Virgil and Alan NEED FRIENDS far more than they needed to be around looking after him.

 But a part of him didn't want to let them go either.

 "Modern abstract, mostly." Virgil said, as he chewed on one end of his plastic stirrer absentmindedly. "Talented too."

"We visited her at her school, The Royal College of Art in the U.K. a couple of times. She was always trying to convince me to transfer there..." He trailed off suddenly.

"Huh? Wasn't Denver your first choice?" John asked, this was certainly new information to him.

"Are you kidding? I wanted more than anything to apply to the RCA. Even had the forms filled out and everything. But Dad... well, he didn't like the idea of me 'wasting' my time like that. Said there wasn't any practical use for the arts. He was the one who applied for my engineering course in Denver, not me. I didn't get a say in it at all..." He stared quietly into his coffee, he never told any of his brothers this before, he certainly didn't know what possessed him to lay his heart out to John like this.

 “Ah…”

John didn't know what to say. He always was under the assumption that Scott and Virgil were the ‘golden boys’ his father always wanted.

 “At least you didn't waste you time on a law degree you never ended up using.” John mumbled without thinking about it. Maybe their father didn't think his sons were good enough after all? John had suspected it at least once.

 But even then, Virgil still lived his life while he was studying…. John thought back to his college days and shuddered. They were a blur of being picked on and going to pomponius parties where arseholes talked only about themselves and none of them were his friends, only invited to tag along because - quite frankly who else were you going to get drunk and dared to wake up on the soccer field drunk or stoned - sometimes both - completely naked and be the laughing stock of the student body?

 “They sound like the perfect friends to have.” John admitted. “So, where do we meet Sha?”

 John tried so hard not to wince when he said that. He knew damn well he had no right to get possessive over Virgil, certainly not for making his own path in the world and deserved no pity for the utter bullshit his own was. If anyone wasted their lives it was John and he had to accept it.

 This wasn't his idea of spending time with Virgil…. This, this was a disaster pure and simple. He wasn't supposed to make his brother feel like crap!

 John stood up, grabbing his brother and started off in a random direction till he walked into something like glass.

 “Where's the door?” he grunted. “We need to go for a walk in the warm outside. Coffee is turning you into a mope.” and being in here is making me feel like I'm suffocating you too, he mentally added. John needed to get his brother's to forget about him and their father. They had their time now they are dead…. Time his brother's got to really ‘live’.

 That will leave you alone with the monsters, a voice in his head cried.

 Good, he growled back at the thought. I deserve to be here, but my brother's do not.

 Bugger it he just had to come out and say it.

 He spun around and groped for Virgil's shoulders then moved his hands up to his brother's stony cut face, the feel under his fingers of a man who worked far too hard for a living and stressed too much about other people by some slight frown lines and said, “What’s stopping you taking that line of study now? You're never too old to go back to university. Maybe… maybe take several art courses you've always wanted? Make new friends and connections and hold your own exhibitions?! You have the talent and the skills at your disposal! What's to stop you? Not like we can't afford it and to be fair the world doesn't need our help as much as it used to, emergency services have improved their game in the past few years…..” John smiled. “You could totally have a life now! One of your very own! Who wouldn't want that?”

 Virgil was stunned to say the least, and he wished now he never mentioned anything about the RCA. He rested his hand against the one John had on his face. "John, it's ok... That's all in the past, sure I might have wanted all that once upon a time, but not anymore... none of that matters right now. My place now is right here beside you." He flushed a little at his confession.

 John sighed. “That's what I'm worried about… in you and in Alan. You need to forget me, forget International Rescue and get your own lives. Don't wait until the damage is done and you have to struggle the rest of your life to correct it. Take it from me… it fucking hurts knowing no matter how far you think you've come, you're always forced back because of limitations you can't avoid. Please… just once you need to listen to me…. Hell knows you're good at ignoring my advice unless it suits you. I'm always going to be here Virgil, I can't go anywhere ok? You can come back to me anytime you like.”

 “Just please.. consider it. Ever if you fly out for one class a week from home. Just treat yourself for a change.”

 But what if you're the life I'm seeking? Virgil didn't have the courage to say. John was always putting others before himself, when was he going to allow someone to put him first in their lives? He sighed and couldn't feeling slightly defeated. This was not how he planned their day to be going.

"Please John, I don't want to make empty promises to you. Let's not argue about this please? We'd save it for another day. Can we just try to enjoy the rest of the day together?" Virgil begged.

John let go of his brother. “Yeah… sure Virgil.” again, John was shut down. Sometimes he wasn't sure why he kept trying. He wanted to help his brother's to stretch their wings and fly away, not be the weight that chained them to the ground.

 “No more dangerous surprises though, ok? YOU owe me that much and that's all you owe me ok?” John poked Virgil either in the shoulder or his chest - both were solid anyway so it wouldn't have mattered.

 Virgil laughed, "Ok, no more dangerous surprises. Come on, Sha's probably somewhere outside with the car."

They walked outside together, but neither Sha or the car was anywhere in sight. "Hmmm, that's weird. Hang on, maybe he left me a message." Virgil said, as he fished for his phone in his pocket. "Ah, I see. Seems like we're on our own. He got called away by a work emergency and sends his apologies."

"Hey? You hungry? We could have an early dinner? I remember this quaint little hole in the wall cafe somewhere nearby." Virgil suggested. "It's just a throw away. We could use the walk, make full use of this beautiful weather?" Virgil said as he reached again for John's hand.

John nodded. All throughout the walk, Virgil excitedly described the city sights around them. From the traditional architectural aspects that the local government made efforts to preserve, to the more familiar modern skyscrapers the city was well known for. Occasionally he even stopped to Google something and pitch in a small history lesson about how a certain street got its name and who the original occupants of the area were.

 Eventually John gave Virgil's hand a squeeze and a shake. “You can stop being a human encyclopedia, brother dear. We're here to enjoy ourselves not have you lecture me to death. How about you just let me ask a question or two about where we are? That way you won't overload my head with confusing information and you won't talk yourself horse.”

 "Sorry... I guess I got carried away..." Virgil laughed as he scratched his head in embarrassment. "So... hit me with your questions."

John laughed. “It's ok. Some stuff you might have to accept is kinda useless information when you can't look at it to appreciate it.” he took a deep breath and concentrated. He could smell freshly cut grass and people around them going about their everyday business… and was that water he could hear? Something was running and it was definitely liquid. There was chirps of bird song so simple and sweet and a dog barking in the distance.

 “Are we in a park near a waterfront? Like a river….or like… a fountain?”

 "Wait... How did you... Yeah, we're walking right by one of the smaller rivers that leads out to the open sea." Virgil was impressed, and he wondered what else John could 'see' just using his other senses.

 “What sort of birds are they? They sound like finches...but they can't be.”

 "Gee... you got me there, John. I'm not particularly good with the local wildlife. But it's rather small, mostly yellow. Has an orange beak, with a circle of white around the eyes, and a marking of black feathers on its wings. I've never seen anything like it. It's like someone just splattered tubes of my paint on it." He chuckled at his lacking description.

 “They sound as beautiful looking as their song.” John smiled. “This is nice… simple but plenty enough for me.” he pulled on Virgil’s arm till he could hear his brother's breathing up close. He nuzzled him slowly then kissed his cheek when he was sure that's where his lips were near. “Thank you.”

 Virgil was glad John couldn't see his face right now, he probably looked pretty much like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. He touched his cheek where John had kissed him, suddenly he wasn't hungry anymore. He coughed as he tried to regain his composure. "Urm, you're welcome... We're almost there, just around the bend ahead."

John smelted the place before they reached. It was filled with the smells of unfamiliar foods and the heavy chatter from the people inside.

They stepped inside the contrasting coolness of the cafe, as Virgil guided him to an empty table. They might have been accustomed to tropical weather back in Tracy Island but the heat from this region was something else. They were both slightly flushed from the short walk.

"Two Milo Godzillas please." Virgil said to the cafe staff who approached them.

"We’ve all had the usual Milo at home but the way the locals have it here is sickening." He turned and explained to John. "They make their iced milos with condensed milk and as if that doesn't up the sweet factor, they pour one generous scoop of milo powder on top, then top it with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. What better way to cool down in this heat?"

Their drinks were quickly served. Virgil pushed one cup towards John and guided his hands around the cup. "I've tried a hundred times to replicate it back home, never tasted as good. Must be their water." He laughed.

 It was if someone had put a chocolatey food bomb in his mouth and popped it.

 “Holy hell that's sweet!” John tried to swallow. “Is… is that ice cream with cream on top as well?” John loved milo as much as his brother - hell he was notorious for heaping the stuff into his cups by the shovel load but even he had limits. “Er… is there something else I could possibly have that won't make me bring it back up on the plane trip home?” he asked, not afraid to admit what drinking this would do to his stomach long before they got home. It wouldn’t be the first time Virgil or someone else - namely Scott - loaded him up on sugar just to see what effect it would have. It was fine that they wanted him to enjoy himself but he swore they got joy themselves after John had thrown up everything he had eaten hours later on some theme park ride.

 “On second thought….” John's stomach was already trying to tell him it's contents were lonely and wanted to say hello. “M-maybe can we go back outside? Feeling a little claustrophobic.”

 That wasn't a lie. Most of the time the only people in the room with him was himself or one -maybe two- of his brothers. He rarely spent time with all five of them with Kayo, Brains and his Grandmother all together as he couldn't deal with the noise.

 Here in this little café, he was struggling to shut all the voices out and Virgil's was becoming part of the mess of sound making his head hurt. When you're a loner by nature it's the most uncomfortable feeling regardless if no one around you could care less what you were doing, however he couldn't shake the feeling people were staring and judging his brother for having to baby his older sibling. Sure that's not what Virgil was doing but the thought cut deep.

 Fuck this was supposed to be Scott’s job looking after him like a child, Not Virgil's nor bloody Alan's when they were at home. They we're supposed to be young and have damn lives of their own.

 Double fuck - this was supposed to be fun. So far all he managed to do was make Virgil feel this was a waste of time.

 What the hell was wrong with him!?

 “Virgil, I’m sorry I'm terrible at this…. Even if I could see I’d be struggling here.” he admitted, hoping his brother heard as the noise was now deafening in his head. “I want to see those interesting buildings you've talked non stop about since we've been here, I've wanted to have a great time climbing those rockwall things with you like we used to climb the mountains around at home but I think… Maybe asking you to take me out was biting off more than I could chew…. I want to see everything this place has to offer but so far the only place I've known where we were was a damn park and that's pretty appalling by anyone's standards.”

 John fiddled with the straw in the drink he was afraid to have incase he ruined this day out further by being sick and he wouldn't dare do that to Virgil.

 “I'm sorry I'm no fun to be with anymore…” John winced at his own words. Seriously though, when was he last considered fun anyway? “I do appreciate you trying but I'm really bad at this - so bad I'm failing to get the hang of any of it.”

 Right now John half expected Virgil to ditch him there… any other sane person would have.

 "You ok? We could always ask for an outdoor table, if it helps? We really should have something to eat here, before we start thinking about flying home." He said, as he got up and lead John outside to the furthest table away from everyone else, signaling to the staff to help them with their drinks.

As he sat John down, and the staff left them alone again after helping to shift their drinks, "And why don't you let me be the one to judge if I'm having fun with you here?" He reached across the table and gave John's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Shouldn't you be blaming my lousy planning instead?" He teased.

"Come on, I'd order something for us to share? I have one last place I wanna bring you to, before flying home." Virgil pleaded, his eyes lighted up excitedly.

 John smiled shyly. After all that at least someone was having a ball, making this fumbling around worth while. “Sure, so… what’s on the menu? Not sea food I hope otherwise Gordon will be upset since that's what he has planned for dinner tonight.”

 Virgil laughed, "Don't worry, it's a vegetarian place here." He signaled the staff and ordered something John didn't quite catch.

They chatted idly for a while, before their food was quickly served. "It smells wonderful, Virge. What is it?"

"It's called Prata, sorta like an Indian flatbread. There are hundreds of variations of this. Deceptively filling too. I made the mistake of ordering it and wolfing it down like a stack of pancakes my first time. Nearly ended up in the hospital because of it." Virgil laughed.

"I can't wait to try it. Pass me the utensils will ya?" John asked, eager to tuck in. Virgil started laughing again. What?" John wondered what was so funny.

"You're supposed to use your hands to eat this. No utensils needed."

"You're serious?" John was puzzled, wondering for a moment if Virgil was punking him.

For once, John didn't need much convincing. They tucked in, all the while chattering away excitedly.

Virgil burped loudly.

 "That's disgusting, Virge." John teased.

He stuck out his tongue out at John out of habit. "Hey? You ready to make a move? I got the perfect place to burn all this off, before the flight home."

John was a little hesitant, hoping Virgil remembered his promise about no more dangerous activities. "Yeah, I guess?"

"Great! I'd have the staff call us a cab." Virgil chirped excitedly.

As it wasn't peak hour yet, their cab arrived relatively fast. "Where to Sir?" the driver asked, as they climbed in.

"Promise Land."

The driver nodded and muttered something about youngsters.

John frowned. What kind of place was Virgil bringing him to? The ride there was quiet, mostly because of John's apprehension.

"We're here." Virgil said, paid the cab driver and assisted John out.

There was some chatter of people around but as Virgil lead him further, it got so quiet you could hear a pin drop. John would have started to freak out, had not for Virgil keeping a tight hold on his hand like he promised. He tugged on his sleeve "Virgil, where ARE we? What the hell is 'Promise Land'?"

Virgil laughed at his brother's apprehension, "Don't worry John. It's a silent disco." He explained, as he took the wireless Bluetooth device the staff handed him, when he paid for their entrance, and tucked it into John's good ear. "I only asked for one set of earphones, because I wanted to make sure we could hear each other." The house music that the DJ was spinning came to life, as Virgil tucked the other piece into his own ear.

 At first John frowned, Dubb step was not what he considered music - more of an irritating noise that reminded him of the thumping of Gordon’s stereo system as it played his favorite electronica bands but for Virgil's sake he was willing to try.

 “This feels kind of weird… are we supposed to be in a nightclub or something?” he could feel people bumping into him now and then but the silence from his other ear was off putting, his brain very confused. “Are we supposed to dance to this trance stuff? Where's the real tunes? The rock and the punk music? You know stuff you can shout your lungs out to while you make a fool of yourself on oozo?”

 John froze. “Fuck I sound like an old jaded bastard.” he then relaxed and laughed. “It's different I'll give it that. Gordon would freaking love this place. Do you come to this sort of place often on your time off Virgil? Do you meet any hotties here to dance with? Bet they que up to dance with someone as ruggedly handsome as you are.”

 Virgil laughed, butterflies fluttering in his stomach that his brother thought of him as handsome. "John, let's be real here. Just because I know about this place, doesn't mean I come here often. Believe or not, this is my first time too."

"Relax John. Everyone's too into music to stare at you. Let go of your inhibitions." Virgil said, as he took John's hand placing it on his hip. "Here, just follow my lead. Dance to your heart's content. No one's watching us, I swear."

John thought for a moment. “These headphones are plugged into a device yeah?”

 "Wireless Bluetooth broadcast. Why?"

 John smiled deviously. “Bluetooth your phone to our head phones. No one said we had to dance to their tunes.”

 "You're a fucking genius! You know that? I wished I had thought of that first." Virgil laughed, caught up in the moment he pulled John down to plant a kiss on his forehead.

The music in John's ear suddenly changed and the Spiderbait cover version ‘Black Betty’ started rocking out through their earpieces. He grabbed Virgil's hands and excitedly started to swing them, getting lost to the beat of their own chosen drum.

 A few more wild tunes blasted and the two of them seemed to be having fun rocking out to something else that no one else was listening to, making fools of themselves and laughing away fully expending their energy.

 When a more mellow tune took over, John - all puffed out and giggling like a big kid - leaned against Virgil and embraced him.

 “Thank you.” he whispered, nuzzling against his brother's face, his hand moving from the shoulders and resting around where his brothers hips would be. “It's been a blast.”

 Virgil returned John's embrace, wishing they didn't have to leave so soon.

 As the last song on his phone's playlist hummed the song ‘so Beautiful’ by Darren Hayes, Virgil buried his head into John's t-shirt and returned the nuzzle, breathing as gently as he could along his neck. He closed his eyes and mentally replaced the image of the discotec with the living room back at home - better yet, one of the guests bedrooms - and dancing with John pressed this close to him, both bodies naked and alone.

 Virgil's hands traveled slowly down John's back and rested just above his hips as they both swayed together along to the music. John let out a funny little purr, one Virgil was beginning to notice that he made whenever he felt safe and happy...that one noise filled Virgil with so much warmth he wanted to make out with John then and there….but that would have to wait - unless John made the first move, Virgil knew he couldn't play with John's body how he wanted. In a way he was lucky, John -unlike his other brother's - was always close with his personal space which meant public displays of affection with him were not only normal, but expected. Virgil knew he had to be careful not to cross that line yet - as John might have boundaries he wasn't aware of.

Virgil thought about Alan for a few minutes and while jealousy did boil to the surface first, he realised his little brother would be thinking the same things he was about how far he could really go before it was considered sexual by John’s standards.

 Fuck this was going to be a fierce fight.

 "So... home?" Virgil said quietly as the song finished and the embrace ended.

 John nodded and he returned his headphone to Virgil. As he turned, Virgil couldn't resist reaching out and playfully grabbing John's arse.

John's head spun around. "Oh wow John. I think that girl really liked you." He hoped his brother wouldn't catch his lie. He grabbed his hand, as he led them out. "Come on, we've got a plane to catch."

 “Aww.. hope she was pretty.” John felt a little sad he didn't see this mystery lady.

 If only he knew, Virgil grinned.

 

Cock teaser

When they eventually touched down home, John immediately headed in the direction of the kitchen with Virgil's guidance, still hungry after the fun he and Virgil had.

“Mmmm.. what smells so nice?” John sniffed the air as he made it down the stairs. Gordon and Alan were on dinner duty and Gordon couldn't help but jab Alan in the ribs when the youngest Tracy perked up at the sight of their older brother in a tight t- shirt and jeans.

“Lobster and oysters with some barramundi with chips and salad.” Gordon replied cheerfully. “The fish is because I know you and Scott love it and can't stand oysters.”

John nodded as he felt around for the kitchen counter and sat down on a stool infront of Alan's allocated cooking station. The freckled twenty six year old blushed and Gordon rolled his eyes. Alan caught the gesture and poked out his tongue.

Virgil entered the kitchen and sat at the dining table, sliding a newspaper across whistling happily to himself. Gordon’s eyebrows raised along with his smile when he noted Virgil's long sweeping gazes he flicked in John's direction.

“So, Alan… what's Gordon got you making in this seafood gourmet?” John asked.

“Probably gutting fish.” Virgil piped up, grinning at the idea his youngest brother smelled of fish guts. Serves him right for taking John's clothes the other day.

“Ha, you wish.” Alan waved a spoon around. “I'm busy making the meringue for dessert.”

“Oh! What sort of dessert?” John sat up tall at the mention of it.

“Apple, cinnamon, lemon and lime meringue tart. The tart is set, just needs the topping.”

“Ohhh can I try some?”

“Pfft no, not until dinner.” Alan tapped John on the nose with the spoon.

“Awwww!”

“Oh alright, you can tell me how my lemon lime meringue tastes.” Alan caved. Gordon glance over from the stove and caught Virgil looking up from his newspaper with interest.

Gordon half expected Alan to give John the spoon to lick clean - what he wasn't expecting was his younger brother to dip his finger in and offer it to his blind sibling to lick the sweet sugary white fluffy mixture.

Oh my god, Gordon couldn’t have hoped for more tension in the room than Alan teasing not only himself and John but making Virgil simmer with intense jealousy… and by the look on Alan's face….

Gordon was without a doubt that his younger brother was doing this on purpose. The horny little possessive bastard.

“Mmmm.. tangy. Maybe cut back in the lemon a bit next time… it's a little over powered.”

“Sure, will remember for next time.” Alan smiled deviously and licked his lips. Thank the gods John couldn't see how much he was getting excited by such a tiny little action. He swore if they were alone next time he'd rub it on his brother's lips and lick it off himself. That thought inspired him to try again, his heart racing out of control. Fuck it if Gordon knew he wanted to screw his older sibling and make him his lover he no longer cared. It's not as if Gordon was stupid enough to tell John anyway.

“Want some more?”

“Yes please!”

Alan scooped more this time and shivered as John's tongue licked his sugar coated fingers. Fuck he forgot John had a tongue piercing, he could feel the small silver ball roll across his fingertip and he swore for once he was hidden behind the counter as there was no possible way he could hide what was going on under his board shorts.

"Say John, you got a little something on your face." before John could get it himself Alan leaned over the counter and licked the stray meringue off his brother's face in one stroke.

"Hey! warn me when you're about to use a hot towel!" John jumped in surprise.

Gordon looked over at Virgil, boy he was going to enjoy watching him explode and tear into Alan. But no? Virgil had his chin propped up on one hand, his newspapers a forgotten crumple. He had the strangest far away look in his eyes and the slyest smile on his face, all the while staring dreamingly at John.

Unbeknownst to the others, Virgil was lost in the wonderland of his own imagination. In his head, he replaced Alan with himself. Imagining having John nuzzling and sucking on his fingers. In his mind, he had laid John sprawled all over the kitchen island table gloriously naked, spreading that meringue teasingly all over his body, and slowly licking all of it off. He'd leave trails over his body with his tongue, maybe even helping himself to a bite of John here and there. Ohhhhhh, the things he wanted to do his beautiful brother...

He was rudely brought back to earth, when Gordon nudged him forcefully with a puzzled look on his face as his younger brother tried to read him. Virgil flushed bright red as he coughed and asked to be excused, running upstairs before anyone could spot how hard he was down there.

Gordon smiled like a shark. “You're ok to cook a few minutes Alan? The seafoods all done, just the salad stuff and the chips in the oven.”

“Uh sure Gordon. Hey you're not going to-” he indicated where Virgil went with his head so John was left in the dark about Gordon’s evil plan.

“Oh I wouldn’t dream of it Alan… you're FAR too much more FUN to tease. How about you tell us all about your trip to Singapore John? That might give Alan some ideas for his day off tomorrow.”

Alan went red and his eyes narrowed. Gordon was getting John to do his dirty work unknowingly - making Alan get jealous that Virgil had his older brother to himself all day. Bad enough Gordon put suggestions in his head calling it a ‘date’ and making out as if Virgil would have his hand all down the back of John's pants all day.

 

Gordon wandered up both flights of stairs and knocked on Virgil’s bedroom door as he opened it. He leaned on the door frame smugly and crooned, “Aww poor Virgil has to run away and have a bit of a wank while Alan, who's just as fucking hard is pawing all over blind old shabby John.” he snorted. “Seriously you going to take that? Alan wanted you to know he wants John too, the horny little shithead and make it a point to you that John's going to be his. You going to just run away and let him get away with it?”

"What do you want Gordon? Can't you see I'm a little busy here?" Virgil growled angrily, embarrassed that yet another brother had caught him in such an uncompromising position.

"Oh you know... just being a concerned brother... making sure you're aware of the cards you've been dealt with." Gordon said as he practically sashayed into Virgil's room. "You really should wrap up here, and join us for dinner soon. Alan's already having John lick his fingers before that, God knows where he'd have him licking next..." Gordon couldn't help pushing Virgil's buttons, especially when he knew he'd be in the safety of the dining room, long before his brother could get dressed enough to beat him to a pulp like he probably wanted to right now, judging by the look on his face.

"Or are you satisfied with mere thoughts of wanking off to John? Arghhhh John... fucking hell! Seriously bro? You gotta learn to quiet down a little when doing something like that. The walls between our rooms aren't as thick as you would like to think..." Gordon winked naughtily at Virgil before making his hasty escape.

"You little... !" Virgil made to run after him and teach a lesson, but realized he was still naked. He sighed as he sat back down on his bed, and slowly got dressed for dinner. Talk about being a total mood killer, he barely got started when Gordon barged in and killed his boner. Well, at least he knew what he was going to be doing later tonight.

 

Back in the kitchen, Alan was coming to terms with the fact he may have overdone it teasing himself. Lucky for him he could set the table and dish out food without John pointing it out and embarrassing him. Down side was everyone else would be coming down for dinner and Alan wasn't going to have a single place to hide.

“So how many of us tonight, Alan?” John asked. Alan had given him the bowl with the meringue leftovers and the spoon and he was more than happy with his prize and the reason Alan desperate that no one else should see how horny he was….his shorts failing to hide it.

“Uh, Grandma ate earlier, Brains is on a date with Moffy and Kayo is supervising the new recruits in charge of guarding her uncle in that maximum security prison orbiting the moon… so just us five tonight.”

“That's a shame, I don't think we've all sat together for years.”

“Heh well everyone has things going on now besides IR so…”

“Except for you and Virgil.” John licked the spoon, sending shivers down Alan's spine and right to his throbbing member. “You going to spend your day off tomorrow looking into outside activities?”

Alan laughed nervously. “L-like what?”

John sucked on the spoon in what Alan knew was a thoughtful way but couldn't help wishing that wasn't a spoon his brother's tongue was making love to. “Well you could always try basketball? Or you and Virgil team up and be each other's wingman at a speed dating thing….”

“Wait, you're suggesting that Virgil and I need girlfriends!? What about yourself? You're still a great catch you know.”

“Heh… was a great catch.” John dug the spoon into the bowl and scraped around before licking the spoon again. Alan wondered if it still tasted of the sweet sugary topping as there was nothing coming up on the spoon. He was curious how long it would take John to notice there was none left.

“Oh….I don't know about that John. There's still plenty of you to love, you're not out of the game… you - you just need some confidence that's all.” and someone to show you you're still sexy…. Alan swallowed with difficulty at the thought. How he desperately wanted to show him what he was doing to him that second, have that tongue explore his body - hell! Alan wanted to use his own to taste what John was like - probably as sweet as all that sugary lemon lime meringue.

“Maybe all three of us should try then?”

Alan almost choked on air.

John stopped toying with the spoon and had started to stand, with the full inclination to come to Alan's aid, but Alan was faster and sat his brother back down. John had grabbed him roughly and even though the brow furrowed with concern, the eyes were still deadpan and unfocused. Alan was never one to look John in the eyes, always afraid he'd find disappointment in them - which John never was in any of his brothers, he was always proud of them in everything they did - and now he was sad he missed out on the prettiest jades in the world.

John's arms wrapped around Alan tight and right then Alan wanted grab him by the shirt and kiss him by those rose lips, roll his tongue over his and over the secret piercing that was revealed to him as John licked his fingers earlier.

“You alright Alan?” John’s voice asked worried about him and how clingy he was to him all of a sudden. Alan wished right now John was asking that while stroking him - but that was never going to happen. Alan knew for a fact to John he was always going to be the baby of the bunch…. Damn did he ever want to prove he could be far more than that.

“No… not really.” he admitted. “I - I was thinking…. Would you spend the day with me tomorrow on my day off? We - you and I - could go down the beach here and just enjoy the sunshine.”

Alan looked up long enough to see his brother smile.

“That sounds nice, sure...um.. you sure you want to spend it with me?”

“Yeah, we don't get to very often.” That was true. Alan had little time with John when his brother turned seventeen and now…. Alan was crying out that he missed his older brother's attention even more now since he took over his old duties in his sleep, the only thing he wanted in the entire universe was his brother's company and affection.

“It's a date then.”

Alan squeezed him tightly. “I can't wait!”

He let go of John, making sure his brother couldn't feel what was going on in his shorts. He couldn’t afford to scare John away after the promise of a date.

“So is dinner ready?” Alan spun on his heels and grabbed the bowl from John to hide his shame from his eldest brother Scott.

“Sure is! Was about to call everyone down.”

Scott gave Alan an uncomfortable gaze for a few minutes longer than necessary before walking over, kissing him on the cheek. “Thank you for dinner.” then he kissed John on the forehead before leading him over to the table to sit him down next to him, then swapped the plates around so they both had the only fish at the table and then he started asking John about his first trip off the island in years, never once mentioning anything about it being a bigger deal than it really was.

He paused. “Aren't you going to grab Virgil and Gordon? Can't really start without them.”

Alan flushed red. “Yeah uh sure… sorry going now.” he tried so hard to walk away nonchalantly without Scott suspecting a thing. Bad enough Virgil was now his rival and Gordon knew too much information that was comfortable and could be used for extortion…..he didn't need Scott to lecture him about how wrong his attraction to his brother was too.

 

Sweet relief

Well, that was unexpected. John leaned on his bedroom door and felt like his body was an inferno and his imagination was ablaze.

He never had so much fun before. Granted he wished he had the sight to enjoy it - but beggars can't be choosers.

Oh god he was hot under the collar and shaking his t-shirt wasn't doing anything for him.

Damn why was his feelings to touch becoming more and more sensitive? It only took someone to lay a hand on his shoulder or on his knee and he was a flutter. It didn't matter who it was, getting to grips with this new sensation was intense and something he wasn't ready for.

Sure, the feeling of touch had to improve for him to navigate the house and do simple tasks but hell at least inanimate objects did not make him feel like he wanted to stroke and caress them and….

He swallowed hard. When was the last time he thought about sex?

Never.

Why not? The first voice in his mind demanded.

Because no one has wanted to touch you like this till now. They only do now because they have to. Who wants to be intimate with a blind man? Unless they want to be rough to either dominate or rape you…. Heh you'd be counting your lucky stars for either!

Oh sod off, the first voice returned. Besides MY hands are now MAGIC.

The second voice snorted, suit yourself - and grumbled off into the void with all the other monsters.

Ok… right where were we? Let’s create a detailed picture of your own body and how you like to be touched shall we? The first voice purred.

“Yes…. Let's do this…” he mumbled to himself. He stepped forward till he touched the bed with one of his legs then proceeded to strip himself till he was standing naked.

At this very moment he couldn't visualise his own body, reality being he only bothered looking at his reflection to maybe shave and brush his teeth, not giving it much else thought beyond the basics when he could see. Now he had to admit he knew nothing about the intimacies of himself and right now that thought was highly disturbing.

Starting with his head he carefully ran his fingers through his hair, making a mental map of every bump, every strange curve, running his fingers lightly over his ears, feeling the indents and weird shapes they were...over his brow, tracing the hairs and down the bridge of his long slender nose, the softness but cracked sensation of his lips and the fine lines of his high cheekbones to the narrowed squareness of his chin.

While he was exploring, in his mind an interesting sketch of himself was forming, like white pencil on black paper and completely three-dimensional as if he could rotate it the same way as he could a holographic image.

At the same time however… his body was going into overdrive.

He shivered under his own touch as he formed a visual of his own slender neck, traced his bones that he could feel along his collar to create the width of his shoulders and the way the subtly curved going into his arms. His fingers tenderly danced with excitement at the picture he was creating in his head started to fill in more and more detail, the sensations he could feel course through him helped him create the flesh, blood and the nerves that started to add more colour and life to his mental map that when he started on his torso and found some really sensitive areas along the sides on his ribcage, between his shoulders, over his nipples and towards his belly button his brain coloured them pink to represent hotspots where he found the most incredible indescribable feelings, areas that made him go weak in the knees.

He traced his feet and his calves and found another hotspot, one that forced him to sit down on his bed as his legs buckled from under him. Holy hell! Who knew the backs of his thighs were that heightened with nerves?

“Uh nuhhh fucking hell!” he couldn't contain himself anymore, he had to cut this thing short and try again later… right now he had to rectify himself.

He didn’t rush it, as much as he now was desperate for that to happen he couldn't switch off the visual information he had been giving himself via his own hands….he had to take it slowly so not only his brain drew and coloured his entire body and it's reactions into his memory but so his body could add that final spark of life this mental sketch needed to sink himself into his little world to help him start to fight back in the abyss he was permanently left with.

“Ah! Nuhhhh uhhh ahhhhh!”

John reached out for something - anything - he could sink his teeth into, he didn't want anyone coming into his room and finding him like this because of the noise. If anything they'd think his appendix had burst or something as sex noises were not something they would be aware of that he could make. Secondly, he was going to have to learn to make less of them - he had the least sexy growl to it he had ever heard, one that probably made a hungry lion look like a happier alternative.

Shit - there wasn't anything in reach!

The imaginary in his head of his own body blossomed red as he sunk his own sharp canines into his own arm, the taste of blood filling his mouth.

This desire to bite has to go too, he shouted in his head. Thank hell he had never once had sex with another person before, they'd never want to again after how shit he seemed to be with himself alone right now.

There was so much he had to learn before he even contemplated a real attempt at this…

He pulled his other hand way from his erection, the blood rush to it will have to go another way as he couldn't hack it tonight. He curled up into a ball till his body calmed down.

It was going to take a while.. especially since his brain now had a very vivid images of himself and knew exactly how to switch him on.

Only problem now was finding an off switch.

Told you you're only good enough for a deep hard and fast fucking, the cruel voice hissed back at his imagination. You can't handle your own damn hands.

Maybe…. Maybe he can't… but another person might.

The door to his bedroom opened a little, but John was too far gone in his head to notice a presence in his room.

John rolled back so he faced what should have been the ceiling and let out a frustrated growl. Why couldn't he switch off his brain? He smeared something warm against his cheek, probably the bite mark on his arm was still bleeding, was hard to tell since he was tingly all over and picking out that area specifically was difficult in the wave of feelings he was drowning in.

He tried venturing for his erection again, the throbbing starting to hurt instead of just being kind and leaving him alone.

“Grrrr ah! Nuuuuh! Uhhhhh!” he yelped as he tried desperately to touch it and get a hold as the whole area in his mind was now ablaze. He carefully guided his thumb to rub the tip and lightly stroke with his fingers, then grabbed rather hard as his body decided to buck, arch and squirm like he was burning alive from the inside.

“Uhhh Ah! Ohhhhh nuhhh Ah!” he growled viciously like a devil that had been starving for food for days and was now fighting over a carcass with other carnivores, it wasn't as if he was in pain - just the sensations were far too much to deal with.

Then it happened, the fire inside ruptured.

John yelped loudly as he came, unable to stop himself as warm hot liquid touched his hand and dribbled down the length. His chest was pounding and thumping violently just as it had done during the accident and he cursed himself. Why the fuck would he do this to himself if it was going to make the nightmare come flooding back?

But that's just it….alot of things are going to remind him of that day. Even after the day out in Singapore there was moments where he had to fight the urge to crumble and break down in front of Virgil in the middle of somewhere public… but then he still had a great time - so much to experience all at once - he needed to slow down a little.

He had to move on and get past it. Absentmindedly he was stroking himself again till he was hard and could retry, this time taking it slower than before, his desire to do this without sounding like a wounded animal and to associate this crazy feeling with sex and make it positive for himself…. Otherwise he may never stop feeling sorry. He had no reason to be so damn it he had to prove it to him and him alone. Maybe if he could show strength, then the others might start looking past him being blind too.

One thing about being blind that John failed to consider, was even though you think you look ok - other people might see otherwise. The blood from his arm was smeared not just across his face but now it was all down his neck, across his chest and all over his bed sheets and because he was exhausted he didn't think about cleaning up the ‘other’ mess on his sheets either. After all, who was going to wake him up tomorrow anyway? Alan wasn't going to wake him, John knew his youngest sibling would wait for him to wake up in his own time.

Slowly, the bedroom door closed.

 

Virgil couldn't sleep that night, replaying the wonderful time he had with John in Singapore earlier today. Especially when they were dancing together, their bodies pressed closely against each other...

But with what Gordon had said earlier about hearing him through the walls, he dare not cave in to his personal desires even in his own room right now. He glanced at the bedside clock, and wondered if John was still awake. If his sleeping habits were as erratic as before, chances were he was still up. Virgil got up and headed for John's room.

He was about to knock when he heard some weird noises from inside, Virgil slowly opened the door and his breath caught in his throat at what he saw. John was sprawled naked on his bed, stroking and clearly enjoying himself. He slipped inside and closed the door softly behind him. It was borderline creepy, spying on his brother like this. But damn it, he needed to watch, as badly as John needed the same release.

His hand ventured into his shorts, as he leaned against the wall for support. If Virgil thought he loved the purring sounds of John's happiness at the silent disco earlier, the animalistic growls coming from John now was sending him into overdrive. It didn't take very long, before he was just as hard. His hand moved in unison to John's movements, his mind imaging his brother's delicate hands caressing him lovingly. As John's body bucked and arched from self pleasure, he imagined with his exploring hands how amazing it would be to feel that squirming body writhing beneath him as he entered.

Virgil began painting John's beautiful stretched out form in his mind, his eyes traveling over every curve of how his perfect porcelain glowed in the soft moonlight coming in from the windows. God, what he wouldn't give right now, to be be able to touch this vision before him? He broke in nervous goosebumps, it took all of his self control to prevent John's name from escaping his lips. Right now, he felt as if he was a star revolving around the moon, that was John, in danger of being pulled in by its gravity. Spinning around each other, but never quite touching.

As John came, Virgil too caved into sweet release. Now that he was starting to relax, he was beyond disgusted at himself. This was a new low for him, intruding on his vulnerable brother's privacy like this, just so he could have indulge in the self pleasure that he was denied earlier. As he made his exit quietly, in his hurry to get back to his own room, he didn't notice a pair of eyes spying on him through a crack of the door from the room opposite.

 

Alan had retreated to his room immediately after dinner, desperate to find somewhere private away from prying eyes. Having to sit through dinner with a hard on hurt like hell but he was used to it by now as years of finding his older brother sexy was something he had gotten used to, being an observer from afar. Now John was permanently grounded Alan was finding he was struggling to keep his obsession with him in his pants.

Nothing had really changed as far as Alan was concerned except now he could be more flirty with John than he used to be as now his brother was unable to see how embarrassed and shy he was to get close to him in that way.

Every time Alan had to seek out this privacy all he could think about his his brother's hands running lovingly through his hair, calmly making patterns all down his back as he did when Alan was upset, rubbing his chest as he did when he applied vapor rub when Alan had the flu…. Caressing his legs the way he did when Alan tore a ligament on a rescue once..

His voice was quiet, Alan's voice softly panting and calling for John as his hands danced over his body before making their way to his desperately throbbing erection, he mind thinking back to how John licked his fingers and how he sucked in the spoon… if only John would do that to him - Alan would do anything in return - heck Alan licked his fingers and while he stroked himself he inserted his wet digits as if his older brother was slipping himself into him, pushing deep inside while whispering Alan's name and kissing him all over.

“Ah!” Alan let out a squeak as he shivered, taking his time as he didn't want this fantasy to end. He always felt sad afterwards, knowing his brother may never know that he has always been in love with him, his idol, his hero - his closest friend. Sure, Kayo grew up with them and Alan had three other brothers that were the peak of physical perfection… but it was never about the body when it came down to it. Even now with John thinner than he had ever been due to his old lifestyle in space having impacted his physical appearance in terms of muscle mass Alan knew it wasn't his body he was after. No - John always had a caring and supportive personality, one that was always reliable, even if Alan used to push all his buttons just to get a reaction. His brother, no matter how bleak something felt or how terrified you were was always there to hold you with his arms and sooth you with his words.

Even now at the age of twenty six, Alan wouldn't let anyone but John touch him if he was injured or sick. He was the healer of many a bad day and Alan didn't want anyone else to try and take his place.

In his head Alan had his arms wrapped around his brother's shoulders, head buried into his neck while his brother had him propped up against the bedroom door on his knees, Alan's legs spread wide wrapped around his waist and telling John not to stop - to never stop - because that's all Alan ever wanted.

The softness of those golden red waves brushing his cheek, the gentleness of his caress and the slow purposeness of his erection searching for how much deeper it could go inside of him… and the warmth of his orgasm as he filled him with that last piece of love that was missing.

Alan then froze when he heard loud noises coming from the bedroom next door.

He had heard sex noises before, Gordon, Virgil and Scott having watched porn to jerk off to on multiple occasions and the cries the three of them could make… but he had NEVER heard them from John's room before. John didn't ever do such a thing….and yet, that was his siblings voice.

And it was loud.

Alan always thought he never heard them as John was very reserved about that sort of thing so he had been teaching himself to be quiet...but wow…

He started to intensify the stroking and his mimicking of penetration till he had cum all over his clothes to the sound of his older brother's orgasm.

He had to catch his breath, stripping off his clothes and wiping his fingers onto them before he redressed in his PJ pants and a t-shirt, threw his gross clothes in the washing basket before venturing out to cross the hall to wash his hands in the bathroom. When he stepped back out he took a peek into John's bedroom and saw his older brother sprawled on his bed, naked -

His eyes opened wide when he saw the blood on his brother's body, Alan dashing over to check his brother over in a panic.

John stirred and growled like a creature, a sound Alan was familiar with when his brother was having bad dreams about them getting hurt. He had to risk it - if the noise he heard before was someone hurting John during sex….

Alan tried desperately to squish that thought. He stormed out of the bedroom so he could grab a washcloth, angry that someone would hurt HIS brother like that - and came face to face with Gordon, leaning against his own bedroom door from across the hall.

And he was smiling.

Alan’s eyes narrowed as he spoke, Gordon the snake in the grass would do anything to ruin his day.

“You missed Virgil.” He crooned. “He looked mighty ashamed too. Admittedly I poked my nose out when I first started hearing noises and caught him taking a peek himself before entering...”

Alan's face went red with anger. “VIRGIL DID THAT!” he snarled.

Gordon was genuinely surprised at the reaction Alan gave him. He had not expected his younger brother to get so mad.

“Uh… not sure what you're implying, Al.” Gordon looked a little confused before regaining his usual smug composure. “But John sounded like he was ‘busy’ long before Virgil stuck his nose in there. Maybe he was having trouble? You know how Virgil likes to help.”

“Fuck!”

“Now now Al, don't let Scott hear you, he'll forcefully wash that mouth of yours out with soap.”

“Fuck off Gordon!” Alan snapped before storming along to Virgil’s bedroom.

Virgil woke to the sound of someone banging loudly on his door. He tried to run the sleep from his eyes, and he barely got his door open when he was shoved by a pair of hands.

"You sick fuck! What the hell did you do to John?" Alan demanded angrily.

Virgil froze for a moment and wondered how much Alan knew, but wait he didn't touch John so what was Alan going on about? "Huh? What do you mean, Al?"

"Don't try to deny it! You jerk!" Alan said, as he shoved Virgil again.

"Look, I really have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't touch John!" He yelled back.

Meanwhile, Gordon lurked in the background, clearly enjoying the shouting match between his brothers. He wondered when the fists would start flying and if it was too late to head down to the kitchen to grab some popcorn first.

There was a loud whistle and all three of them froze and looked in the direction of the sound.

John was standing in the hallway, naked with his arms folded. he didn't need to see to know his brother's were fighting over something, though it may have made a difference in him standing there in his birthday suit - for a start he'd have seen what he looked like and had been horrified at the state of himself.

“What's going on?” he grumbled, clearly very tired. “You three could wake the dead at this rate and trust me, Scott's worse than me when he's rudely woken.”

Alan pointed at John and continued shouting in Virgil's face. "Look! Look at him, enjoying your handiwork?"

Virgil was not expecting John to be walking around naked, but where the hell did all that blood come from? He shoved Alan to the side and rushed over to John. He stopped short in front of him, afraid to injure him further, his eyes hunting for the source of the blood. "John? Are you ok? You're... you're covered in blood..." He said softly. "Let's get you cleaned up in the infirmary first, shall we?" He reached out to gently lead him by the arm.

Even Gordon was stunned. John looked he had been messing with Virgil's paints, covered in a rusty red.

John jerked his arm free. “What are you on about?” he frowned, his eyes trying to seek out what his brother's were talking about and eventually he gave in and felt his own arm till he found the open bite mark of his own doing.

Oh.

“Uh...I didn't realise I really did that. I thought I drooled in my arm when I was…”

John straightened up. “Never mind ok?” he gave a little cough as if he realised he shouldn't have stormed out into the hallway the second he heard the commotion outside. “Just - everyone go to bed!” he snapped before feeling around for the door frame to his room, stepping inside and slamming the door.

There was a mild string of profanities from the other side of that same door along with the words, “Seriously! The one time I need to wank off myself I make a fucking hash of it and embarrass myself afterwards! Fucking hell! Everyone else does it so why?”

Alan and Virgil stared at each other, each one challenging the other - both wanting to go after John.

Gordon was grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, the testosterone in the atmosphere was fucking intense. He sighed, he hated to spoil the fun but it was time he stepped in.

"Guys guys guys, just drop will you? Stop being so fucking selfish and put yourselves in poor old John boy's shoes, will ya? Poor dude's probably cringing to death from embarrassment right now. Give him a little room to breathe yeah?"

"Now, I think it's time we all went back to bed...And ‘don't’ think of sneaking into John's room, Unless... you want Scott to hear of this?" Gordon smiled slyly as a brief look of panic flashed through both brothers faces. "Now scatter off!" He pushed them both into the general direction of their respective rooms.

As Alan and Virgil walked off, Gordon couldn't help but wonder what the hell exactly had happened last night in John's room? One thing's for sure, this was getting more complicated by the second.

 

Gordon waited for both his siblings bedroom doors to shut before he went into the bathroom himself to grab a warm wet cloth and gently knocked on John's bedroom door.

It swung open wide, John red with anger. “Thought I told you all to go to bed!” he growled. Gordon noted he was at least wearing boxers now, clearly he learned from before that just because you can't see doesn't mean you're not dressed.

“It's only me.” Gordon said quietly, placing the wet wash cloth in his brother's hand. “You look a right mess, take this and wipe yourself down.”

John let out a frustrated sigh. “Look, can't it wait till morning? I've got to do my whole bed as well by the sound of Virgil and Alan.”

“Probably not John. you gave them and me a fright. best not give Scott and the others one too.”

“Right…. um.. Gordon? I may need some help.”

“Sure. I'll grab you some clean sheets.”

“Thank you Gordon.”

When Gordon came back with the sheets, He noted John had at made the effort to strip his bed but was having a hard time scrubbing himself down. Gordon rested his hands over his brother's. “Here, let me.”

John held out the cloth in the direction he thought Gordon was in mild defeat. “This fucking sucks.”

“Hey, It's not easy on us either. Your doing so well there's times we're forgetting that you ARE blind. Can't imagine how crap it is to feel when you can't do something extremely basic like wash your face or navigate the house.” Gordon started to scrub off the dried blood from his older brother's face, noticing how his eyes were trying to find him but failing, looking off past his shoulders. It was clear John really wasn't coping as well as he was letting on and unless he voiced it aloud you wouldn't have picked up the subtle signs.

“Why am I still alive, Gordon?” John said softly. “Is this punishment for wasting my teenage years and all of my twenties? It feels like it.”

Gordon stopped wiping off the dried blood and wrapped his arms around him tight. “Please John…. Don't ever start thinking like that. We're finding it hard not having you with us to break up fights and give us much needed advice on rescues… I can’t imagine what a freaking disaster we would all be in if you were fully taken away from us.” he gave his older brother a squeeze. “Having you around, however frustrating we are to you and annoying this thing is...more valuable than not having you at all.”

John slowly wrapped his own arms around his shortest and most fit sibling - Gordon the only one to do any form of physical activity on the regular basis - and returned the embrace.

“Sometimes I need to be reminded of that Gordon. Thank you.”

“No problem Johnny. Happy to do so anytime you like.”

John pinched Gordon hard and was rewarded with a yelp of pain, “Don't ever call me Johnny. I hate it more than being fucking blind.”

“Duly noted.” Gordon laughed, rubbing his side where John inflicted his minor revenge. “Let's fix your bed so you can sleep huh?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

 

Failed dates

The next morning Gordon woke up smiling. He was nice and warm and it felt good to be asleep in clean sheets. Maybe he'd have to tidy his room sometime today.

He gave John a nudge. “Hey…. That day at the beach Alan was talking about during dinner last night…. Don't you need to get up and go with him?”

John groaned. “Shit... almost forgot. Still so very tired.”

Gordon's smile widened. “Need help with the shower?”

“I'm fine thanks. May need help finding clean clothes though.”

Gordon sat up, a little sad he had to leave the warm cuddles of his older sibling. No wonder Alan snuck in here most nights - Gordon had to admit you felt very safe in his arms with him watching over you as you slept, blind or not.

“I'll sort some out for you. least I can do”

Virgil opened his bedroom door at around the same time as Alan, both giving each other death glares from opposite ends of the hallway and before any of them could move, Gordon emerged from John's bedroom holding their brother's clothes and leading John towards the bathroom.

Gordon’s grin widened when he realised both his siblings reached the visible conclusion that maybe Gordon too was after John's affection. The very notion was ludicrous - however now Gordon had another angle to manipulate his brother's with.

This was going to be good.

“Need help shaving?” he asked, watching Virgil's face go red with annoyance.

“No. New me new look. Let's keep the scruff a while. It stops itching after a while and it doesn't grow any longer than a fuzzy thin layer anyway. I can live with that.”

As the bathroom door closed behind John, Gordon leaned on it and smiled innocently in Alan's direction. “I offered to help him shower, but he said no.”

“Why you dirty rotten -”

“Don't you have a picnic lunch to pack? You were mouthing off last night at dinner about spending the day at the beach….” Gordon gave Virgil a glance before he started to embellish the truth a little. “All alone with John, together on your day off down the beach huts on the island….”

Alan was brought right of his jealousy and he bounced excitedly. “I almost forgot about my date!” and he bolted back into his room to get dressed and grab his bag to put beach towels and things in and raced down stairs.

Gordon looked at Virgil a little bit longer than necessary. “Don't even think about crashing that party.” Gordon warned. “That's MY job.” then he walked up to Virgil and tapped his brother playfully on the nose. “I'll fill you in on ALL the details as let's face it - who wouldn't want to be a fly in that picnic?”

 

Alan slowly lead John down to the beach huts, one hand holding his and the other carrying their swimming gear while the picnic basket swung playfully in John's free hand. Alan's heart was pounding like crazy from nerves, after this morning he now knew Gordon was going to try muscling in on his time with John too and already they got so little time to begin with. All he needed now was Scott to decide he wanted in on it and then…..

Alan did not want to give John up without a fight. They didn't want John before and he thought it was unfair they all so suddenly wanted him for everything…. Well almost everything. John still wasn't allowed to be told about what happened on rescues and a part of Alan was dying to tell him everything - the recklessness, the arguing and how much they all blamed Alan for not being as good as John as backup.

Alan recalled John telling him one night the same thing - how Scott was out of control, how Virgil fought with Gordon and how all three of them constantly told him they would rather have dad in charge behind the scenes - it hadn’t changed much, just swapped to another person.

Problem was Alan wasn't as strong as John was when it came to verbal abuse like that in a high pressure situation. He couldn't dish it back out and when his shifts were over he crawled into John's bed in tears in the arms of his blind brother. Thank goodness rescues were so few these days…. He couldn't keep that going without eventually caving entirely.

He couldn't lose John. Not to anyone.

He kept glancing shyly at his older brother who seemed to be just happy to be outside. Alan hadn't seen him so happy in a very long time and the fact it was just in his company sent his heart all a flutter.

“Almost there. Was thinking we could eat in one of the huts before maybe playing in the sand.”

“Sounds ok to me Alan. Just don't let me wander off somewhere dangerous ok?”

“No worries there, John. I'm not too keen on going for a swim today, just want to spend my day with you.”

“So no getting your feet wet?”

Alan caught the smile, even though his brother wasn't looking at him. “maybe...as long as you hold my hand.”

John chuckled. “Pretty sure that's a given, Alan.”

Alan blushed. “Yeah, sorry.. wasn't thinking.”

“It's alright. We can get used to the idea together.”

Alan's heart skipped a beat. Damn he had to tell John how he felt - how he always felt - soon otherwise he would find out from someone else and it will be all over.

He lead John towards one of the rear huts hidden in the trees - the most secluded and private one - and his heart started to dance at the realisation that they were all alone and anything could happen -hopefully- anything from his dreams would be a plus.

The little shacks were built by their father when their mother took ill so he could bring them all down to the beach for a few days and sleep out like a holiday away from home. They were still looked after and used, even if it was because Scott, Gordon, Brains and Kayo brought dates down here now and then.

Alan sat John down on the wicker daybed and started to unpack lunch.

“Wow… it's so different down here.”

Alan looked up and saw his brother feeling the texture of the chair.

“They still feel like new…..” John murmured. “I...I haven't been here since mum died. It’s strange, even now.”

Alan left the food and sat next to his brother, putting a hand on his knee. His other brothers usually spoke about memories of her when things suited them - even the other day with Virgil pounding the piano keys like a mad man - they rarely ever went into any details, but John….

He talked about her as if she never left. Eventually Scott told him he had to stop as it made everyone else upset to remember her….but Alan who had no memories of her at all, loved hearing about amazing she was.

“The birds are singing sweet songs, it's like she's still here. They only ever sung for her.”

“They certainly are pretty things.”

“She was beautiful Alan, even when she was sick. She was a really brave lady. Sure Dad was the famous hero but mum was the one who took care of us when he was away being the world's golden boy.” Alan watched his brother smile. Being blind enhanced the far away look of him searching his memories to piece the place they were at together to create something new in his mind. It was fascinating to watch his mind at work.

“What did she look like?” Alan asked. He had seen a few old washed out photos, but there wasn't many around the house, their father hiding them all away somewhere so he could remember her in private and spare them all greif. If anything it made accepting her death even harder, as they had nothing to cling to.

“She had long reddish gold hair...till the leukemia… then its was short and golden - like yours. She had lots of freckles and she….” John sniffed. “You know, I don't think anyone really took after her much in terms of things. I mean we have bits...but no one looks anything like her.”

“Oh… I don’t know.” Alan said before he realised he should have kept his mouth shut. “Could say Gordon, yourself and me would come close.”

“Ha! Been going through pictures again?”

“I always do John. I wish I knew her.”

John reached around Alan’s slender shoulders. “So do I Alan.”

Alan leaned into him and nuzzled his collar. “It's very quiet here.”

“Hmm? Not as much as you think. Close your eyes and listen.”

Alan did so. After a few minutes he could hear not just the bird song, but the rustle of the breeze making the leaves of the trees whisper, the whistle of the wind as it echoed against the rocks, water crashing as the waves brought in the tide and kissed the beach….

“Wow! Do you hear stuff like this all the time?”

“Constantly.” John seemed pretty content with it. “It's when I can't we have a problem…”

Alan straightened and noticed the confused look in his brother's distant gaze.

“I think the device has stopped working.” John murmured in thought. “Either that or my left ear has stopped being functional. It's gone awfully quiet on that side.”

Alan turned John’s head gently and looked. “Looks like it's functional to me. But you're right, it's gone really quiet outside.” he stood up and looked out the huts window.

Out of view, hidden in the bushes with a pair of binoculars was Gordon. Thank heavens he had the forethought to keep a reasonable distance. You NEVER could trust John's ability to hear things you didn't want him to.

Only problem Gordon had was however, was hearing what was going on in there. Watching it is one thing - but when it came to those two physical affection gave too many mixed signals and Gordon wanted to get his facts right before he told porky pies to Virgil to make the big fella jealous.

“So… you hungry?”

“Not really. How about a walk along the sand? Bit more activity and maybe we can enjoy what you made much more.”

Alan blushed. “Sure sounds good to me.” he let out a little gasp as John peeled off his t-shirt. “You're not going to go into the sun like that are you?”

John laughed. “Well I'm not exactly going to enjoy the warmth of it with my shirt on or get much benefit health wise.”

“Well at least let me put sunscreen on you before we go out.”

“Sure.”

Alan's whole body was shaking excitedly from the thought of rubbing his brother down. Easy - he had to mentally calm himself - don't get too carried away… it's just sunscreen.

All over his brother's very slender built frame.

He swallowed and dug around in the gear he brought till he located the sunscreen tube and sat down next to John again, squirting little blobs along the length of his arm and slowly rubbing it in.

His heart was threatening to derail itself how crazy it was going inside his chest, he wondered if at any point John felt the same when they were younger and he was the one making sure they were all protected from the sun.

Slip, slop, slap.

It didn’t help that John was purring like a big old ginger pussycat either, the only saving grace was that he couldn't see how uncomfortable Alan was shifting around so his erection didn't rub against his pants.

“You -you like this huh?”

“Mmm hmmmm.” John mumbled. “Feels nice.”

“Well… how's about I massage your back as I put it on? Two birds, one stone right?”

John simply nodded. Alan smiled when he realised his eyes were closed and the look of light enjoyment rested on his features. He never looked so serene before outside of Thunderbird Five.

Alan started to run his hands over his back, gently kneading and unknotting long tired and highly strung muscles, feeling them loosen and relax from his touch. He bit his lip when the purring got louder, more predatory and sexual sounding like the night before. Who knew John was this sensitive to touch?

“Are you free tonight Alan?”

Alan froze. This is it - John's going to ask -

“Y-yeah, sure why?”

“Gordon’s organising to take me to a speed dating thing, I could use someone to go with. Was going to ask Virgil too, but I hadn't heard him around since I woke up. For once Gordon has a point, we're all single and we need to meet more people, even if it's only ever likely to be a one night stand thing….I mean, anythings better than wanking yourself off the rest of your life, right?”

Alan was shocked. That was NOT what he was expecting.

“You don't have to Alan, it was just an idea. To be honest I don't think I'd fare very well I mean let's be brutally honest here: what kind of guy wants to be tied down to a blind lover? That's a hell of a responsibility for anyone to want to take on. The only way I'm getting lucky is if I mention we're sons of a famous billionaire astronaut and that's not something I plan on….it attracts the wrong kind of people.”

John noticed the silence and how Alan had simply stopped touching him.

“Is everything alright Alan? You think it's a bad idea do you? You can tell me, honesty is better than me dragging you along to something you're going to hate. Or is it the fact I just openly admitted to liking blokes? That last part shouldn't be that big of a shock now, surly?”

“Ah no! No it's not… it's a sensible idea…” Alan's voice trailed off. DAMN IT! He growled internally. He HAD to do something right now or later on tonight his brother might become someone else's eye candy…. And quite possibly right in front of him too - There was NO WAY Alan would let John out of his sight at a place like that… come to think of it, Virgil wouldn't either.

Maybe Alan could try and set Virgil up with a prettier companion than John so he would leave him alone for him again? Damn…. He almost forgot about fucking Gordon too - he seemed more than happy to let Him and Virgil fight it out so he could swoop in and take John for himself.

Or maybe that entire speed dating thing would be cancelled if he could just….

“You don't sound convinced it's a good idea.”

“Well, no…. It's not the same as meeting someone in the normal way and expecting a connection. You only got what - five minutes to make an impression? That's not long enough.”

“Guess you're right.”

“B-besides…. You've got someone who loves you right here?”

John laughed. “That's funny Alan. The only person I could hook up with is Brains and he's married!”

Alan placed his hands on John's, his heart hurting so much in his chest now it was wanting to burst. He was red and flustered as well as horny and right now he was willing to risk throwing his time with John away just so he could tell him that he was in love with him - to kiss him and hope to fucking any gods of mercy was on his side and have his brother make out with him back.

He was hesitating as he leaned in, unsure if he could take this last step - the one that could make or break their existing relationship. He closed his eyes when he was within inches of John's lips and nervously licked his own.

It was now or never.

 

Gordon didn't realize he had been holding his breath, till a well aimed rock smashed through the window closest to Alan and John.

"The hell?" Gordon looked over, and to his right was Virgil crouching down beside him, with another rock in hand at the ready. If looks could kill, Gordon never fully grasped that concept, till it was all written his brother's face like that. "Way to spoil the fun, Virge." He couldn't help rubbing it in.

"If you breathe a word of what I did here to either of them, I'd dismantle Four so quickly you won't be able to recognize her by the way I'm done!" Virgil practically growled.

"Ok ok, I get it." Gordon said, as he threw his hands up in mock surrender. "Hey? Where are you going? Not staying to enjoy the rest of the show?" He asked, as Virgil got up to leave, after making sure the coast was clear.

"I think I've seen enough..." Virgil said, as he walked away.

Gordon stuck his tongue out at the retreating figure, and continued watching. "Ok Alan, your move."

 

Alan had run outside of the shack, holding the rock in his hands. He wanted to swear out loud and yell his lungs out with abuse so Virgil or Gordon - whoever threw the rock heard - but restrained himself. The bloody thing was sharp and if it wasn't for John pinning Alan to the floor on top of the picnic basket, it would have hit him in the back of the head.

How was this fair? Virgil had ALL DAY with John TO HIMSELF in another country and most other times Gordon had John's company during the day…. Alan was lucky to get a few hours tops - maybe less when it came to alone time with him.

Alan threw the rock down, his heart breaking in two. Why can't anyone just leave him and John alone?

He went back inside and checked out John's shoulder blade, where it had hit.

“I’ll be right Alan, just a scratch.”

“John, you're bleeding, that's not just a mere scratch.”

“It will stop in it's own time Alan, don't worry.” John gave a weak smile despite his eyes making contact with the floor still. “Just give it a minute or so. I'm just glad you weren't hurt. Man if the birds were still singing I wouldn’t have heard that coming.”

Alan hugged him tight. “I'm sorry John, everything's ruined. The food, your shoulder… everything.”

John’s hand felt around till it cupped Alan's face and kissed his forehead. “It's still a nice day outside Alan. We can still go for a walk down the beach.”

“But your shoul-”

“Is fine. Don't worry, I will get to the bottom of it ok? For now let's not let it spoil the whole day.” John said smoothly. He knew for a fact there was only one person who could have thrown something and Alan didn't need to know that. He wasn't sure why - though he had never told anyone he was gay until now - but he had a feeling that a certain someone didn't agree with it.

Maybe asking Virgil to join them on the speed dating thing tonight would be a bad idea….if he was upset that John wasn't straight then yeah…. Best not to push it.

Gordon watched through the binoculars and swore when his brother's emerged, Alan holding John's hand leading him to the water's edge.

Virgil was going to be in strife later.

Gordon got up and followed them from a safe distance, far away enough not to be discovered, but close enough to faintly pick up pieces of their conversation.

Alan and John barely even started, so Gordon didn't have as much 'material' as he wanted to tease Virgil with later. Oh no, seems like his brothers were going to make him work for it.

And he wasn't disappointed.

Alan playfully skipped along, sometimes running ahead noisily so John could still hear him and then he ran back to tackle him.

The conversation wasn't that interesting, Gordon decided. Both Alan and John could be quite boring when they wanted to be, but then - he had no interest in space like they did.

Alan spoke vividly about the stars and the planets and how beautiful earth was from a distance and asked for John to tell him some earlier IR adventures back when John flew the big red rocket with their father - though Alan wasn't interested about what their old man did in those - he only cared about the bits where his brother was involved.

Gordon felt a pang of nostalgia himself listening to him too, as John talked about the first Thunderbird Two and the first prototype of Four and the ridiculous stories behind them. Gordon had also forgot how much of a trouble maker Scott used to be and how him and John rarely agreed on things till Scott had an accident and John, along with Captain Taylor had to pull him free.

Scott was lucky to be able to walk again after that. In a way their eldest brother had forgotten how much of an invalid he was and how much it was on John's shoulders to set him right…..at least till recently. Scott was realising that things could be far worse and had stepped up his game a little though anyone who saw the hell Scott went through you could see John was vastly more independent and fierce behind this injury than he ever was.

Maybe that's what the attraction was? Gordon had been wondering that himself as it was strange that Virgil and Alan had chosen John to fight tooth and nail for. He didn't question the sexual side of the attraction as quite frankly being trapped together for years without anyone else around there was the off chance you'd be so lonely as to want to fuck the family dog if they had one, Gordon himself having had a mild attraction for Scott and Virgil once….but that was a long time ago.

He wondered if anyone else other than John and Alan talked like this?

The talking did break off for a while, Alan playfully leading John into the water and holding onto him laughing as the waves gently pushed them around at waist height, Alan taking alot of care to insuring neither of them went under or let go.

Gordon had to commend his younger brother a little for how mature he was. Alan didn't get enough credit for being quite a calm and caring adult these days. He had his moments, they all did but right now he’s maturity shone light a bright light into the dark of John's head as Gordon figured if he was blind - it would be so hard to work out who you could or couldn't trust with your safety.

Then the greatest thing to add fuel to the fire happened, taking Gordon by surprise - so much so he had to wipe his binoculars to make sure it was really happening.

John had kissed Alan - unprompted - on the lips.

It was short, sweet and probably meant absolutely nothing than a thank you for a nice day but there was no way that 1: Alan wouldn't care about the difference and 2, Virgil wouldn't either. They’d both take it the wrong way….

Damn John you're playing with fire here and you have no idea how much you're going to get burnt, Gordon growled to himself. He knew he will have to get his older brother alone and tell him about Alan and Virgil's true intentions before things got dangerous.

 

Back in the house, Gordon walked around the piano and kept his distance as Virgil was pounding the keys on the poor instrument like he was trying to torture it.

He folded his arms. “That was uncool, Virgil. You know if Alan hit you the other night I would have said something then but you've forced me to do it now.” when he didn't get a response he walked over and slammed the key cover in Virgil's fingers. “Fucking listen to me when I'm talking to you because you're in fucking deep shit when John comes back inside….that's if he'll speak to you.”

Virgil sighed, "What do you want from me Gordon? 'Cos I'm not going to apologise for what I did back there. I know I could have easily hurt Alan or John but I'd do it all over again if I had to. You... you don't understand, Alan was going to kiss him... the mere thought of not just Alan doing so, of ‘anyone’ touching John like that drives me to the point of insanity... I wouldn't expect you to understand..."

“Uh yeah I kinda do… and so does Alan. Want to know why he's getting more ...I think the word is ‘bold’? It's because he's threatened by you. You had John the entire day yesterday to yourself in another country - If anything Alan probably thinks you made out with John all day - I know I do.”

Gordon sighed. “You and I hung out all the time till John's accident and until now, you've never really cared much about him other than finding him a pretentious pain in the arse. Alan has been the only one who's continuously been after John's attention - sexual interest aside. You're now encroaching on his little ‘bubble’ and he's going to damn try and hang onto that even if it means risking everything to keep him. The problem there is going to be if John can look past him as a baby…. And I doubt it. Regardless how you feel about Alan, you have the advantage regardless if he confesses first.”

Gordon smiled slyly. “Hell, why not let him? Watch it all fall apart as that's what will happen… then you can swoop on in and pick up the pieces. If they fall out, John’s got no one.”

"I would really prefer not to play mind games like that. And have you thought about what happens if John responds well to Alan's confession? Where will that leave me? Drowning in my own requited feelings...But well, glad to know at least someone's enjoying the show..." Virgil laughed sarcastically.

Gordon rolled his eyes. “Seriously I fucking swear Virgil you're so thick - you didn't understand a word I said. Alan is still ‘the baby’. Doesn’t matter if he sucks face with Johnny boy before you, He's going to get turned down. Why else do you think I'm hanging so much shit on him and not you? Because Alan knows no matter the outcome deep down he's already lost to you. Spare the kid the misery ok?”

Gordon folded his arms. “I don't know if it's clicked with EITHER of you yet, but John wants to get you guys off the island having a go at REAL relationships. That's why he asked me to organise a speed dating night we could attend to try and get the two of you to see for yourselves your desirable by other people. Pretty certain John may avoid asking you now, but I'm still going to. Alan's going - over heard them talking down at the beach about it amongst other things - nothing to do with confessing his love by the way, Alan's too much of a chicken-wuss to openly discuss that with anyone let alone the one person he wants to have sex with on the wet sand and I'm going too as like you three, I'm tired of jerking off into my own damn hands.”

"Speed dating? You've ‘got’ to be kidding me? And what makes any of you think I'm going? Just 'cos John thinks I need to get off the island more? Oh no no, wild horses couldn't drag me to something like that. Why put yourself through that all that misery, when I already know there's only one person I'm interested in dating right now?"

Gordon shrugged. “suit yourself. waste another opportunity to learn something about the person you like. You may think you know everything, Virgil, but after last night talking to him and talking to you now…. turns out you know so very little that hell, maybe even Scott knows more about what turns him on than you do.”

Gordon started heading for the stairs before stopping and said, “Be glad that rock hit John's shoulder...otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation - or any more in future.” Gordon's eyes narrowed. “If that rock had hit its intended target, we'd be discussing who was going to have to pull the plug on Alan's life support. Injuries as bad as that to the back of the skull… no one - not even Alan who technically didn't do anything wrong - deserves that.”

He sighed. “You know, I….” Gordon wanted to confess that he had once and still did have feelings for Virgil… but now he wasn't so sure. “Just control your temper in future. Even If John chooses you over Alan I highly doubt he'd put up with any violence. I wouldn't blame him for walking away from you if he knew you'd hurt someone just to have him be yours… because I know I wouldn't.” and with that said, Gordon headed back downstairs to the kitchen in hopes to try and catch John and Alan returning and maybe stop John from tearing Virgil a new arsehole. Gordon knew Virgil couldn't care less if he loved him or not now, the damage to his image in Gordon's eyes was already done… and yet the conversation he had with John while his brother cuddled into him about Gordon’s feelings for the big guy felt so distant now.

Virgil groaned internally, he was going to regret this later, but he knew Gordon made a valid point. He ran after him and grabbed him by the wrist. "Gordon wait... You're right... Tell John I'd go. And Gordon? Thanks for the advice, Squid. Should I be worried that you're finally growing up and acting mature for a change?" With that he reached out and ruffled his brother's hair loving, before turning back to his piano.

“Pfft I’ve always been mature, Virgil. I've just never chosen to care much about other people. Sure it's fun to watch you two fight, but not when you intend to hurt each other.”

 

*

John pulled Gordon aside. "Hey, this thing... are you sure there's you know.... guys here?"

"Guys and ladies, why?"

"Gordon... I asked you if this was for hetosexuals and you said.... oh fuck I'm such an idiot."

"Er... where you expecting something else John?"

"Yeah... kind of. So there's no Gay men here is there?"

Gordon looked around the room at the mingling press of bodies. "Uh.. there's a possibility of a few bisexusls.... but I think they're all over groomed metros."

"Ah.... fuck."

"You should have said John."

"I thought I did.... then it occurred to me I phrased that wrong."

“Ah there you are! You must be Gordon Tracy here with your brother John, correct? I met your other brothers as I was writing out their name tags.”

Gordon looked at the event organiser. “Yeah, we are.”

“Are you going to be aiding your sibling?”

John laughed. “No. It's not strictly necessary. I can handle myself around strangers, thank you I'm sure the ladies you have us meeting soon can appreciate that.”

“Well in that case, besides your name tag you'll need to wear this pin too.” the older woman handed Gordon a badge and he frowned before placing it in John's hands so he could run his fingers over the embossed letters. Gordon watched his brother's expression change from mild embarrassed humouring to major annoyance.

“Don't mean to be rude ‘mam, but I'm not a invalid.” John almost growled. “This thing you want me to wear ‘I have an impairment’ badge is so damn vague anyone who reads this will think I'm mentally challenged long before realising I'm only blind. Is this normally how you go about disabilities at these events?”

“John, calm down… it's only a badge.” Gordon tried to settle his brother's ruffled feathers, something when it came to John was much harder to do than his other siblings. Upsetting John was like watching a world war 2 Howitzer being deployed - you sometimes never knew who the target would be nor how far the damage could spread and unlike the other Tracy boys, the temper that went along with it was a deadly as an out of control bushfire.

Which was why he had the control over it that none of his brothers would. Virgil and Scott threw their tempers around, in Virgil's case stuff at hand became projectiles, Gordon knew he himself got vicious and Alan…. Well the kid wasn't a patch on the older space man.

“Sure it's ONLY a badge, Gordon. You're not the one having to wearing it. Actually, while we're at it, why not get me a pin that's a cute little rainbow to indicate that I'm gay too? Afterall if we're not going to beat around the bush may as well let them know that too.”

“John, don't be such an ass.”

“Arse, Gordon - though being a stubborn fucking donkey in this situation makes sense. You know what? Let's just forget it and go. I don't think Virgil or Alan wanted to be here anyway. You can stay if you like Gordon, if you do, good luck.”

John wandered off into the press of bodies tuning out the noise of other people to hone in on the ones if his younger brothers. When he found both Virgil and Alan he pulled them out if the crowd.

“You guys are welcome to stay if you want, but I recall you Virgil pointing out a pub a few blocks back up the street. I’m going to well, attempt to find my way there because this place blows. I'd rather get pissed then tip toed around all fucking night.”

Gordon finally found them. “Seriously John that was really uncalled for back there!”

“So was her stupid badge. Look I know this was my idea and I fucked up and now I want out before this night becomes more than just insulting but humiliating and full of fucking pity too. I say we ditch this and just have a pub meal out, enjoy a few beers and go home.”

“Y-You can count me in.” Alan shuffled nervously, rubbing his arm. He was really uncomfortable being there and was desperate for an excuse to leave. “One lady pinched my arse and I swear she was older than you guys.”

Gordon sighed. “I have to admit they are on the mature side for you Alan.”

“Mature? Their clearly cougars!”

“Shhh, no one calls anyone that, even if they're twice your age.” John hissed.

“Easy for to say, John. You can't see how old they are.”

John grunted. “Even if I could Alan, I still wouldn't say that.”

“No because you'd be checking out the other blokes.”

“Ha sure, you know there's very little joy perving on straight men alright?” John snorted, scratching his scruffy chin. “you in Virgil? I'll pay for the food since this is my fuck up.”

"Sure, I'm game. Since you're paying for food, how about drinks on me? It's been awhile since we all hung out together like this." Virgil was more than glad for any excuse to get away from this place.

all three Tracy's looked at Gordon.

"Heck, as long as I'm not the one paying, let's go already." Gordon said, hooking his arms around his brothers.

 

When they settled down at the pub and their food and drinks had arrived, Virgil fiddled with his beer nervously before asking, "So erm John, what do you look for in a guy then?" He sipped his beer as he flushed a little.

'Well, that didn't take very long...' Gordon thought to himself, chuckling when he saw both Alan and Virgil were on the edge of their seats, nervously waiting for John to answer.

“Don't beat around the bush do you?” John laughed. “Right now? Someone who doesn't care I can’t see and maybe is well… You know I'm not sure. Same as you boys do in ladies I guess. My relationship experience is limited so….” he downed his large mug and indicated for a refill. “How about you guys?”

Alan was fidgeting with his shirt collar shyly while Gordon gave Virgil a quick ‘I'm not so sure anymore’ glance.

“I guess as long as they're gentle and caring… I don’t care if they're a guy or a girl….” Alan mumbled. “Brave and smart…. D-don't forget those too.”

“Must love space travel?” Gordon teased.

Alan went red. “It's not a requirement…”

"Someone kind, selfless, puts others before themselves... kinda like the way you do with us..." Virgil stopped himself from gushing further as he gulped down more of his beer.

Geesh, John... seriously if you haven't caught on by now about how these two have got it bad for you... Gordon thought, as he suppressed a smile at how flushed both Alan and Virgil was from describing John's attributes, as he studied his brother's face for a reaction.

“What about you Gordon?” John nudged him. Gordon would have glared at him if he wasn't blind. He knew what John was hinting at since they got pretty detailed in their conversation as he helped John change his bedsheets, some stuff about John as well that he felt was best Alan and Virgil were to never be allowed to know. That nudge was more aimed at his attraction for Virgil and to at least mention something about it.

Gordon coughed uncomfortably, his turn to flush a little, as he refused to look Virgil in the eye. "Urm... someone strong... dependable and reliable." He too took a big gulp of much needed liquid courage to calm his sudden nerves.

“Long as they don't want to throw you aside once they're bored with you I think we can all agree we want some amazing mystery lover to come along and blow us away with mind boggling sex right?” John laughed into his newly refilled mug.

With that comment, the other three went horribly quiet, their ideas of what mind boggling sex meant and with ‘which’ brother had them all equally flustered, and each trying to drown their desires with their beers.

“Anyway fellas, I think we may have to get a room for the night. Anyone know of any motels or anything around here?” John asked. He had stopped half way through his second beer to think about the things everyone had said, not just in the past hour but over the last few days around him. Somehow, all this talk about what they want in a lover sounded too….

Precise.

Ok Gordon was going to be, John knew that but Virgil and Alan….

"I'm sure we can find one nearby from Google." Virgil suggested. He'd give anything to be able to sleep on the same bed as John, even if it meant he had to share it with Gordon and Alan. 'What the fuck? That's disgusting. So what? Bad enough you got the hots for your older brother. Now you wanna bed your younger brothers too?' Virgil cursed himself at how bad that sounded even in his head.

He motioned for the bill and paid for it. "Don't worry John. You can pay me back for your half of the bill another day." All the more reason for me to ask you out later, Virgil thought to himself. Oh God, please be the alcohol that's messing with me, he begged.

"Well, shall we get outta here or what?" Right now all he wished for was to find somewhere to smoke this out, and clear all this alcohol from his head.

“Yup, I'm done!” Gordon giggled, thoroughly sloshed.

Alan just nodded and as he went to stand up, Virgil had to grab him before he collapsed on the floor. Alan had never really drank before so it wasn’t a surprise he was affected by it by only drinking half a glass. Clearly Virgil was going to carry him most of the way to the nearby motel. He felt an arm rest against his back.

“You help Alan and I'll just hang on to the back of your shirt, Virgil. Best we make sure these two get where we're going in one piece.” John grabbed Gordon firmly by the hand before he drunkenly wandered off on them. “Wish I could help you more like I used to when we used to do this after a night out due to a big rescue, but I'd rather not risk leading someone into traffic this late at night in the city. Never know what idiots could be speeding around a corner.”

With his other hand, John held onto Virgil's shirt tight and followed along as Virgil lead the way out of the pub and down several blocks with his three siblings in tow. When they arrived and found the room they paid for there was nothing in it other than a tiny bathroom, a single bed and a black and white television. Virgil lowered Alan onto the bed, the youngest Tracy already out cold and getting rather grabby with his hands, Gordon had stumbled into the bathroom leaving John and Virgil alone.

Virgil tried to tune the television while. John ran his hand through Alan's hair till the youngest settled and stopped trying to reach out in his slumber and ceased whimpering before he rubbed his own shoulder, peeling his t-shirt off to inspect the wound with his fingers. There was a deep laceration across the right shoulder that he could feel… presumably where he had his tattoo. It felt sticky still, like it was still weeping.

Virgil winced when he was the cut on John's shoulder, knowing very well that he caused it. "That cut looks deep. Remind to take a look at that for you when we're home tomorrow. Might need stitches to close the wound properly." He was sorry he had hurt John in the process, but he knew there was no way he was going to stand there and watch Alan kiss John. Even now that thought drove him crazy with jealousy.

“Uh thanks… but no.” John’s expression darkened. “I can sort it out myself. Things are complicated right now and I don't want to push it.”

Virgil sighed, John was not making this easy for him. Chances are by the look on his face right now, John had a pretty good idea that it was Virgil who had threw that rock, and inadvertently caused his injury. "Ok, well at least have Brains take a look at it ‘please’?" Virgil pleaded.

“Virgil...be honest with me,” John looked up in the direction of the television static where Virgil's voice was last coming from. “Do both you and Alan have….an interest in the same person?” he kept it vague, knowing that if he was wrong about his assumption he could ask something else.

Virgil cringed at the question, were they that obvious that even John was starting to catch on? "Well...yeah. But I don't think that person knows, neither of us have said anything..." If he wasn't flushed from the alcohol just now, he was now.

“I see. Maybe they've known a while and was curious how far you’d both go?” John pulled his shirt back on and adjusted it around his neck and waist. “You two have never been known for subtly, even when you were little. same goes for Gordon, though how who he likes seems to have never noticed is beyond me as he is more obvious than the two of you put together.subtlety of a mallet to the head the lot of you.” he frowned. “Speaking of which, he's been gone a while.” John stood up and felt around for the bathroom door.

As John wandered into the bathroom, Alan began to stir and panic in his sleep under the effects of the alcohol and was clawing at the bed sheets in terror.

Virgil went over and sat beside Alan, gently stroking his hair while whispering, "Hey Al, it's ok. It's just a bad dream that's ok, you're safe. Just go back to sleep yeah? I'm here." He held onto his hand, till he finally seemed to relax and fall back asleep.

'Oh Alan, what am I going to do with you? Neither of us are going to let John go without a fight.' Virgil sighed.

John had shut the door behind him, encase Gordon was throwing up or something else unpleasant that was probably not the nicest thing for his other brothers to see. However is he was being sick John would have been able to smell it. There was water running, had to be the sink right? No way Gordon was capable enough to -

John felt himself being yanked by the shirt from behind into a jet of freezing cold water, there was serious pressure on his chest pinning him to a slippery wall behind him and a warm wet pair of lips pressed roughly against his with force, trying to pry his own apart. John shoved back just as hard to get free, Gordon presumably knocking into the showerhead as the water stream now became more direct and drenching John squarely in the face.

“Turn it off!” John coughed, trying not to drown from the full force of the water. “Fucking hell Gordon! Turn it off!”

“John? Fuck! I thought you were Virgil!” Gordon hurriedly turned the taps off so the water was now just leaking from the hole in the wall where the shower head had been.

“Why the hell would you think that?” John spluttered, still spitting out water.

“Because Alan ALWAYS gets nightmares when he drinks and needs you to cuddle him till it's alright. That's how it usually goes.” Gordon grizzled. “I was hoping to get Virgil on the rebound!”

“And what would that have achieved Gordon? Virgil would have punched the crap out of you for what you just pulled!” John snapped before leaning his head back against the shower wall. “Wait, You WANTED Virgil to be angry with Alan?! Gordon, after our conversation last night and before going out you were willing to throw Alan under the bus just to have Virgil come to you? That's a serious new low, even for you. What in the world goes through that head of yours when you get drunk huh?”

“I only just worked out what's going on with them too, so even if your plan worked it would be AFTER Virgil had killed both me and Alan out there, fuck all three of us would be dead!”

“Wait, you know?”

John snorted. “It's taken a while to piece it together but hey, I don't have the ‘eyesight’ to see the obvious now do I?” he sighed. “Hard not to work it out after being hit by a damn rock which wasn't intended for me in the first place.”

“Then why haven't you said -”

“Do you think I want Virgil or Alan getting hurt?”

“Well no -”

“Then keep your mouth shut for now about it.” John took a deep breath.”After the stuff I told you it should have made it pretty obvious that ‘keeping it in the family’ is a BAD IDEA, even before I knew all this and how messy it is!”

“But you said that was -”

“A long time ago? Yeah and it still left alot of scars in which I chose to leave details out on. Fuck you're damn lucky it WAS me you pounced on you dingus.” John sighed. “Right, this is how it's going to go-”

John dragged Gordon out of the bathroom, both of them soaked from head to toe, Gordon holding his shirt in his hands. Since he was both drunk and embarrassed it didn't take much convincing to have him looking like he'd been throwing up everywhere.

“Don't go in there for a while.” John grunted. “Trust me on that Virgil. And maybe next time we limit Gordon’s alcohol consumption when foods involved.”

Gordon flopped on the bed theatrically but because he was already quite shit-faced, he fell asleep easily with his head resting at Alan's feet.

Thank goodness John couldn't see Virgil's reaction to all this. There was times where being blind was a useful advantage. John felt around for the end of the bed, tried to sit down on it and missed landing hard on his arse on the floor.

“I give up!” John cussed. “Whole fucking night, one big disaster!”

"So.... some night huh?" Virgil chuckled, as he sat down beside John, wondering what all the shouting coming from the bathroom earlier was about.

"Come on big brother, let's get you out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold. There should a clean bath robe somewhere around here, I hope." He patted John on the knee and got up in search of said bath robe.

well, he would have got up if John hadn't pulled him back down to the floor.

“You've done quite enough today too, Mister. not going to get sick from wet clothes if we all lay down together - regardless if you want to or not. think of it like old times when I had all three of you along with Kayo huddled under my bedsheets after reading you stories at night and it might not be so bad.” John said quietly. “You're all still my little brothers, no matter how old you are.”

Virgil sighed at John's last comment, John may never see him anything other than his little brother, maybe it's time he threw in the towel and conceded defeat? He smiled to himself and shook his head, no a part of him will always love John in ways he may never fathom. For now, he'd just have to be content with loving him from a respectable distance.

"Come on, let's get you into bed then?" He asked, as he guided John onto the bed, crawling in beside him. He lied there for a while, watching his brothers around him, their even breaths lugging him into sleep as well, and Virgil drifted off dreaming of much simpler times with his brothers.

 

Tough choices

On arrival back home the four of them in an unspoken agreement ventured off on their own, no one quite sure if they said or did anything incriminating while they had been drinking. Just as well, as John had too many things on his mind and he was dreading that the only person who could offer any advice about the situation with his brothers had absolutely no reason to give him any.

John slowly made his way upstairs and into the first bedroom to his left, knocking on the doorframe as he did so.

“Hi Scott, Got a minute?”

"Yeah sure, John. Come in. What's going on?" Scott said, as he stood up to guide him onto a chair, while he sat on the edge of his bed. By the look on his face, something was clearly bothering him, for John to seek him out like this.

“I need to call on that… ‘Favor’ you owe me.” John said, his voice low indicating that this was a private conversation that was never to go beyond the walls of the bedroom.

"Ok... what do you need me to do?" Scott was curious.

“Nothing major, more… advice.”

Scott frowned, since when did John want ‘his’ advice? He wasn't sure if he liked where this was heading. "Yeah, I guess I can do that. Something bothering you?"

“Ok so... remember when you had that accident at seventeen that had you in a wheelchair for eight months and how you and I did some things with each other - mostly for your sexual comfort - that you never said we were to speak of again?” John swallowed hard. This wasn't something he wanted to ever mention again but since telling Gordon he realised that Scott owed him this much in regards to help with a similar all too familiar scenario.

Scott coughed uncomfortably, grateful John couldn't see how red in the face he gotten. "Urm yeah? What has this got to do with you wanting advice from me?" Why was John bringing all this up now after all this time? His eldest brother instincts were kicking in and going into overdrive.

“I get the feeling that same thing is happening but with Virgil and Alan. Now, with Alan - I'm kind of not surprised but worried about saying no to...encase I do major damage because last thing I want either of us thinking is that I fucking ‘groomed’ him over the years and Virgil…”

John sighed. “I'm worried Virgil is feeling some sort of guilt towards me that's become sexual…. Like what happened between us and like with you - it's only temporary. I can’t go through that again Scott, you almost emotionally destroyed me when it wore off….. only this time I'm not not a position to bounce back from it… then there's a complication with that ever going ahead too involving Gordon that….Fuck Scott it's just so messed up it's beyond a joke now!”

“I desperately want them to feel normal around me Scott...but this… someone will get hurt and I'll get the blame no matter what happens. I can’t afford to have enemies in my own family, Scott. I’m blind for the rest of my life… I need my family to all be there when….” John swallowed. “When stuff gets on top of me as the world tears apart.”

“So that explains the speed dating you four tried last night.”

“Tried? I fucking pulled the plug on the whole thing despite it being MOSTLY my idea. Gordon just did what I asked and you know, I should have left him, Virgil and Alan there to meet some ladies - but no...I was fucking selfish because as much as I want them to have a chance at a normal relationship, I damn want one too!”

John slumped in the chair. “ You have any idea how hard it is to meet other gay guys when you've got a family reputation like ours? The press would have a field day considering they think we're already a bunch of elusive eccentric nutters with too much money in our hands, despite all the work we do for charities and saving people with International Rescue. Heck I know it's not easy to meet woman for you either, but at least it's normal.”

“Anyway, I may just have to give up on that notion now. Who's going to want a blind lover unless they're after our families secrets and money? I bet they wouldn’t even be attractive either as hey ‘I can't see so what's the difference’, right?” John sighed. “There's something wrong with me Scott, far more than our brief sexual liaison when we were teenagers which thank fuck dad never found out about. This time I want something for keeps….but I think I'm messing with my brother's heads too. What do you think? Do you think I should say yes to either Alan or Virgil despite the clearly obvious ramifications that I've gone through before with you and how much is at stake regardless of my decision taken…..or keep pushing them away to try and get them their own lives going? I seriously need your help.”

For a moment Scott was stunned and for once at lost for words, this was certainly the last thing he was expecting John to be seeking him advice for. "God John, you're the only person I know who can get involved in a bloody love triangle with your own brothers."

John laughed. “That's just fucking brilliant. You know I need your help and all you can do is laugh at me? Guess I should have learned my lesson when I was sixteen. You know how fucking painful it was to get all those body piercings? The hardest one to take out was the one that you told me every gay guy should get. Fuck I got circumcised for you, you ungrateful bastard. The only reason I keep the tongue piercing is because it reminds me how much I did fall for you. The rest of the damage well...We both wish never happened. I don't want what I went through to happen to Alan OR a historical repeat with Virgil.”

Scott rubbed John's shoulder. “John… there wouldn’t be any danger of you hurting them like I did with you then if you went ahead for a relationship with either of them. You'd love them for as long as they love you back, however I don't envy your situation in the slightest.”

John snorted. “No shit, So what do I do?”

"Well, have you tried talking to either them? Find out their side of the story. You know, make sure they know what they're heading into, and that they're in it for the right reasons." Scott tired to pull the logic card.

"Why are you denying yourself a chance at what they have to offer? Because you think you aren't deserving of love just because you're blind? I just hope you realize how lucky you are to have two incredible people fighting over you like this. You're seriously going to let the fact that we're related by blood stand in the way of that? It's not a decision anyone can make for you, John. Either way you're bound to have to hurt one of them."

“What!? No! I’m worried as NEITHER of them have EVER had a chance to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend - Hell Alan doesn't have any friends beside me!” John growled. “I don’t want any of them hurt at all! That's not who I'm supposed to be Scott, at least to them! I'm supposed to keep them out of trouble….” John's voice faulted. “Except I don't now do I? They - they have to fucking baby sit me so I don't fall down the stairs because there's no railings on the wall less sides, They have to make sure doors stay locked so I don't wander out onto the balcony or onto the patio and fall to my death or drown because Dad didn't really design this house for people with disabilities!”

John coughed. “I'm sorry Scott. You know what that was like and I shouldn't throw it in your face….the difference is this time it's permanent. Unlike your legs and all that rehabilitation….You can walk again like it never happened. No matter how close I get - there will always be a roadblock I can't see sending me back where I started or forcing some poor bastard to help me. It's painful as all hell, fuck at least in a wheelchair you could do stuff on your own without the fear of being utterly helpless.”

And I never pitied you when you were injured…. And you knew full well and took advantage of me, John's mind added. But I got over it… at least I thought I did.

“I don't want that burden on anyone Scott, especially since they've never really had the chance to have a life. I wasted mine and now I have to deal with that but they shouldn't have to. They shouldn't think they have to ‘settle’.” John sniffed, fighting back the urge to breakdown. There was no way he'd give the darkness in his head that satisfaction. “I love them both and only want what's best for them.”

"And what makes you think that either of them regards being with you as settling for something less? What if being with you ‘is’ what's best for one of them? They're both consenting adults here. I'm sure they're well aware of what they're heading into here.

"But how do you feel towards Alan and Virgil? Do you love either of them more than the other?"

John rubbed his forehead. “I love them both Scott. Same as I love Gordon and…. Even you, still after all these years.” he groaned. “I honestly couldn't choose one over the other without feeling regrets, even if you forced me to. Alan has always been mine to protect, to nurture, has made me so proud with how far he has come and and Virgil is the greatest of companions, the perfect confidant and brilliant making you feel like a person. To pin me to a wall and demand that…. That I will loose one because I choose the other… I don’t think I could do it… What if I make a mistake? Then I could lose both and that terrifies me more than you could imagine.”

“I may not be stationed on Thunderbird Five anymore but things like this is like being on that station - you're always dreading losing someone because of a mistake you made and your no position to rescue them if they get hurt. That fear of total radio silence you dread…. That's what losing either one or both of them will be like because….”

I'd be left all alone in the dark, He mouthed soundlessly. John's biggest fear living on that space station was not just losing his brothers, but all contact leaving him all alone with the monsters in his head. He needed them to anchor him to reality more than he cared to admit. Even now… if they were to stop talking to him and avoid him he knew he would have no reason to keep fighting the horrors in his head and just give up on himself. John had to be truthful here: he wasn't as strong coping with this disadvantage as they thought he was. The rope he walked was an extremely fine one and it wouldn't take much to knock him off it.

"So what, you rather walk alone the rest of your life? You can't push them away, and sabotage your own happiness like this. Even if you can, I'm not sure I can let you do that. John, maybe it's time you stop putting others needs above your own, and start placing yourself first. You won't lose the other, in spite of who you choose. We'd always be your brothers. If they can't do that, then we'd both have failed in helping to raise them as decent human beings. You shouldn't be afraid to let someone love you, just because you're afraid of hurting them. That shouldn't be a valid enough reason to holding you back from at least trying? Take a chance, live a little. Otherwise, you're just going to be sitting by the sidelines, forever wondering 'what if' and regretting the things you never did. If it doesn't work out, at least you can look back and be proud that you gave it a shot. You live life just once, you can't spend it being afraid that a tiny spark might burn down the entire bridge, otherwise you're just going to be regretting wasted loves." Scott reached out and placed a reassuring hand on John's knee, hoping his words were getting through.

John sighed. “Sure Scott.” was all he could bring himself to say before standing up and heading out of the room.

Some help you were.

Confused, John decided to skip out on spending the rest of the afternoon with anyone until he decided what to do. He really wished this decision didn't rest on his shoulders, but Scott was pretty clear that John was on his own.

He made his way to his room and stopped, holding onto the doorway as he could hear someone crying inside.

Alan looked up, tears stained his face and again he was a little relieved John couldn't see his face…. But he also wished he could as this was one of those times Alan needed the assurance of compassion on his older brother's features. It hurt a little knowing John was struggling to work out who was upset without words and letting ‘prying ears’ know something was wrong.

Alan threw the pillow he was cuddling into aside and as he stood, grabbed John in a tight hug before he broke down in huge heart breaking sobs. Alan didn't know that John didn't need to be told who it was…. As only Alan ever came to him when he was upset these days, heck now he had to accept that he was out of the loop altogether with his family and not just an outsider who could find out information if he needed it without anyone knowing how he acquired it.

It felt alien to know he was not just physically blind now but socially and mentally as well.

There was at least one thing he knew hadn't changed in this world or new uncertainties….and that was Alan.

He wrapped his arms around his crying sibling and held him close to sooth him as Scott’s and his own words swirled around the room unsaid.

Right now...there was too many decisions to make and all of them would hurt at least someone he cared about and loose any bond he had with them.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry about yesterday and last night!” Alan bawled. “I just wanted to spend time with you like we used to an I can't even do that right!”

“Alan, yesterday wasn't your fault. Sometimes things don't go the way we want them to.”

“But I screwed up everything! Even at that speed dating thing I felt like I didn't belong there! Heck I got drunk and I didn't drink much! I'm a total loser like everyone think I am and now I have another shift starting tomorrow on Five and I don't know if I can do it anymore, as every time I'm up there I'm made to feel utterly useless!”

John nuzzled him. “It's alright Alan, no one thinks that at all. They just get crabby as they're older than you and have gone through it all before and forgotten what it's like to have it as a first time experience. You're doing fine as far as I'm concerned, Kid.”

Kid. Ah damn.

John held him tighter. Alan will always be a ‘kid’ even in his own little messed up world and that stung knowing how much he was reliant on him as Alan was for himself. Saying ‘No’ or pushing him away in the right direction could cost him so much - could he really live with himself if he did that? Could he really cope if he lost Alan because of these feelings?

He knew the answer to that….and the same applied to Virgil. Sure they may not have been as close all the time, but they got on really well and got into all sorts of mischief when together. He didn't want to throw that away either and besides if he said ‘Yes’ to Virgil, he'd leave Gordon out in the cold and after how desperate he was even while intoxicated, Would be a disaster John was no longer equipped to fix.

What if he said yes to both?

Would they consider it? After all, they could never be a real relationship in a normal sense anyway….

No. That might be too far - even for John.

He let go of Alan and hunted for his desk, feeling around amongst the stuff stacked there that had not been moved since his accident. It had to be there somewhere…. The problem was even if he found something that was the same shape and size, there was no guarantee he would find exactly what he was after.

Alan sniffed and wiped his eyes, watching his brother clatter around and getting mildly frustrated that he couldn't find something. Stuff was falling on the floor and a cd case shattered apart and rolled the disc towards his feet. Alan picked it up and looked at the handwriting on it. It was one of John's custom track collections of a really old artists that made Alan’s eyes open wide.

He knew what John was looking for.

Alan picked up the case and replaced the cd before grabbing John tightly around one of his wrists, forcing him to stop.

“I have a better idea.” Alan smiled. He knew what John had in mind however this time, Alan knew he could make up some of the stuff ups for yesterday and turn John's usual ‘cheer up my little brother’ trick into something along the lines of ‘remind my older brother why he's special’ moment that only he could do.

Alan lead John into the hall and down the stairs towards the seats that lead down to Thunderbird three and once they were inside the big rocket Alan switched on the artificial anti gravity on that the craft had that was used for space training and put the cd into a special slot that Alan only learned existed on his last ever mission with John together in Thunderbird Three. It was the only time music from a long forgotten decade filled that cock pit when Alan was on board and a trip he would never forget….

He helped his brother with the seat’s pilot locks and held on tight as the anti gravity took hold, making them both float.

“It's not Thunderbird Five and not really space…. But it's the closest I can do.”

John pulled Alan into him and cuddled tight.

“Thank you. You know I was supposed to be cheering you up, Alan...you were the one crying.”

“I know and you still are.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Alan said shyly. “I miss seeing you in your true element, it’s amazing how much it makes you smile when you're completely weightless.

“Alan… I know how you feel about me.”

“Oh….I guess you also know about Virgil too huh?” Alan's voice was nervous and afraid.

John reached up and pressed a hand against Alan's cheek. “Yes.”

“Y-You're not upset?”

John laughed. “Why would I be? Worried yes, but not upset.”

“Worried? Why?”

“Because...there's something you should know.”

Alan listened as John whispered in his ear.

“Really? You and Scott?”

“At one stage.. yes.”

“Wow… so you've only?”

“Yes.”

Alan let this information sink in. “So I guess this makes picking between me and Virgil a real tough one… if you decided you liked us back.”

“It's complicated… even without digging up history that old but I wanted you to know you're not alone being in this position nor is Virgil. It's not something I expected to happen twice and end up the center of it.”

“So…” Alan clicked his tongue. “What are you going to do?”

“I don't know. Still confused on that.”

“Well….” Alan held his brother's head in both hands. “Regardless of whom you decide, I will always love you and no matter what - I'll catch you if things don't work out if you did choose Virgil over me…. That's if you do… otherwise you'd be stuck with me as damn John you'd have to think I'd be an idiot to let you go.”

Alan then lowered his voice to a whisper. “Till you decide… I'll settle for make out kisses you only get on dates when you're testing the waters….if you'll let me.”

“You sure that's ok for now till I sort my heart out? I mean Virgil will expect the same.”

“And so he should. I don't have a problem with you making out with Virgil when it's his alone time with you to try and win you over as long as it's an even contest. I may get jealous, but hey - you're entitled to kiss anyone you like until you're ready to commit right?”

“I'm not sure that's how it works - you may need to discuss that with Virgil.”

Alan laughed. “Maybe I will.” he grinned when he caught a hint of a smile and before he could stop himself by being shy and nervous, he leaned close and kissed John on those lips he wanted so badly for years to be pressed against his own. The rock music that had filled the cabin had mellowed and Bowie’s ‘Starman’ was playing in the background as Alan gently tasted those rose colored lips to have the same tenderness repaid in kind. When it ended, Alan slipped his hands into John's so his brother could safely float at arms length, eyes closed enjoying the feeling of weightless he missed since the accident.

Alan was prepared to win John over but wasn’t entirely sure he could be content if he lost out on that one very intimate part of being with him. Afterall, Virgil was the romantic one in the family and the one who had the words that could create beautiful world for John's imagination.

He was worried he may be fighting a losing battle….a relationship he spent years trying to get off the ground was finally happening and he was against a tough opponent before he got the chance to get a foot in the door.

If he lost… he'd make sure it wasn't for nothing and keep that promise he made to John.

 

History

Gordon had wasted most of his afternoon in the pool trying to work out why all of a sudden he felt really weird around Virgil and John. He was pretty sure he didn't confess his love for Virgil - that much was obvious - but there was something else he must have done as John was slightly embarrassed to talk about it with him and Virgil just kept telling him that next time he wasn't allowed to drink so much. He wandered inside the house toweling himself dry and took both flights of stairs quickly with practiced ease till he heard noises coming from Scott's room.

His eldest brother probably had another girlfriend over.

Usually Gordon would have pressed his ear against the wall to listen but today he didn't feel like himself. He felt dirty and strangely confused by his lack of memory and his brother's unwillingness to give him details about his stupidity.

In the end he poked his head into Virgil's bedroom where his brother was busy painting a model plane with his headphones on. Closing the door, Gordon then walked across the bedroom floor, his skin still dripping wet a little along with his hair and tapped Virgil on the shoulder.

"Hmmm? Oh hey Gordon. Got a few laps I see. Shouldn't you be heading for the shower?" Virgil asked, as he turned and saw that sad woeful look on his brother's face. "Hey, you ok? Is something bothering you?"

Gordon scratched the back of his head and figured ‘what the hell? What has he got to lose?’

He grabbed Virgil's shirt and leaned over him, planting his lips squarely on his brother's.

Virgil's eyes went wide with shock, he quickly regained his composure and shoved Gordon back, quickly standing up from his chair to put a little necessary distance between them. "What the hell? What do you think you're doing?"

“What I should have done a long time ago.” Gordon felt something warm trickle down amongst the cold water on his face. “I don't expect you to ever return it but at least…. Consider it.” he turned to leave then spun around.

“No actually, don't…” he pushed Virgil back against the desk. “As I'm tired of jerking off by myself. You and me, right now. I want you to fuck me.”

"Gordon... I..." Virgil sighed, his head lowering as he gently pushed Gordon backwards. "I'm sorry... I can't. The only person I want to do this with is John. Please try to understand?"

"And where did all this come from anyway? Are my own messed up feelings for John making you confused or something?" Virgil groaned internally, as if this wasn't messed up enough as it is.

“I know you love John, Virgil. I don't care either. I… I just…”

Always loved you… why was those words so hard to say? It seemed so easy when he told John how badly he had it for Virgil and how afraid he was to be pushed away….until John told him he was normal and told him about his secret relationship he had with Scott when they were in their teens. Suddenly being told that his two eldest brothers had once needed each other like that he realised that maybe coming out to Virgil was too late - but he needed to try.

“Virgil… I've always loved you. I've just never had the guts to say it as I thought things like incest was wrong and that you would have too. I know now that it's too late as you love another but I don't fucking care! Right here, right now I just want to have sex with you. No love attached because I know there isn't going to be any. Fuck you can scream John's name at the top of your lungs while we do it, I don't care. We both just need to get laid - heck maybe it'd be good practice!”

"God Gordon, are you even listening to what you're saying right now?" Virgil couldn't believe his ears, as he rubbed his face in frustration. "This shouldn't be how sex is. It's a physical form of an expression of love between two people. I can't take advantage of you like this... it's not right.

"Your first time should be with someone who loves you in return, you'd find that it's magic like no other... don't waste something like that on me... I'm not worth it..."

Now Virgil had a clear idea of what he was pushing for and asking from John. He could never picture Gordon as anything more than his younger brother, and to have him offer himself up for sex like that, just rubbed him in all the wrong ways. He didn't envy the position he put his brother in, now that he was in a similar one with Gordon. Virgil sighed, maybe he should just resign himself to a life of wanking off alone in the shower, to morbid fantasies of his brother. How did things even get to this point?

"You deserve to be with someone who looks at you every single day, like they've won the lottery just by being with you... You deserve a relationship with someone who never have you guessing where you stand with them... You should never have to settle for anyone less than someone who isn't absolutely, insanely, and foolishly happy to be with you...

I'm sorry... but I can't be that person for you..." Virgil said defeatedly, hoping his words made sense.

Gordon seethed. “Know exactly what you mean but… there is NEVER GOING TO BE ANYONE, VIRGIL. Seriously you can't tell me the opposite because otherwise you wouldn't be eyeing off John every fucking chance you get! Hell even John himself could tell you that.” Gordon then smiled cruelly. “Go ask Scott yourself about who John's first was, you'd be in for a fucking shock as I doubt John's ever going to tell either you or Alan, hell I'd be surprised if he didn't push you guys away to stop making the same mistake!”

Gordon's words ate in Virgil long after he had slammed the door and he ended up mulling it over in his head for days afterwards, till he finally couldn't stand it anymore. He paused just outside Scott's bedroom door and knocked.

"Scott? You got a minute? I need a word with you."

Two brothers seeking out advice within a span of a few days? This can't be anything good. Scott thought to himself. "Yeah sure, come in. What did you want to talk about?" as he motioned for Virgil to take a seat.

Virgil shook his head. "No thanks, I'd stand. I need to ask you about John. Gordon mentioned something in passing the other day and I need to know if he was telling the truth or is he's just trying to screw with my head..." he said, as he shuffled nervously between both feet. "He... he said I should ask you who was John's first 'you know'..." he flushed horribly, having to ask such an awkward question of his eldest brother.

Scott had sorta expected Virgil to come seek him out sooner or later regarding advice on John, they've always been close and it was normal for the younger man to seek his advice. But this was not the subject matter he thought they were going to be discussing. He took a deep breath before speaking…

FLASH BACK

John ungracefully put Scott down at the top of the stairs after piggybacking his older brother to the top. Scott was incredibly heavy but John as always, volunteered to look after him between missions like he did all his brothers to keep them out of their father's hair when he was busy sorting out his billion dollar companies and juggling his new rescue enterprise. Scott was becoming irritable, unable to do anything till his spine healed up enough to start rehabilitation however the accident in Thunderbird Two had been entirely his own fault. He hated that John and Captain Taylor - their father's friend from NASA and now IR operative had to rescue his sorry behind and took every opportunity to remind John that he was the eldest and didn't need to be babied.

If it wasn’t for the fact he had to be confined in a wheelchair in a house full of stairs, John would have agreed with him.

They didn't get along at the best of times, John hated how Scott was always picking fights over the dumbest things with Virgil and Gordon and was completely reckless yet got away with it because he was the oldest and Scott thought John was a pretentious little suck up who had only gotten worse since their mother died.

Virgil was being trained up to take his place so he was barely around and just as well - Scott didn't like the idea he was going to be replaced. The two youngest had made themselves scarce whenever Scott started calling for John to assist him around the house - they knew trouble when they heard it.

Alan and Gordon were getting used to being shooed out of the way to avoid being run over with Scott’s temper and tried to keep John's spirits up in between the volatile spats.

“Just going to grab your chair. Don't throw yourself back down the stairs like last time ok? If you fell off the side there you'll have more than a bruised spine and I'll be damned if I help you then.” John snorted. There was times the sixteen year old swore Scott was now doing stupid things just to try and make it look like he was mistreating him instead of looking after him.

He took a few steps down, looked back and Scott gave him a sarcastic smile and a little wave. John rolled his eyes and went to retrieve the wheelchair, another heavy thing to lug up the stairs as this chair didn't fold.

John started to push Scott towards his room after he finally managed to get it to the top of the stairs. This was not fair, Scott thought. He didn't liked being babied anymore than John liked having to take care of him like one. God, he couldn't even hobble to the toilet by himself to wank off right now. Unless...

Scott knew his younger brother was gay, John had spectacularly confessed to their father when he had tried to set them both up for blind dates. He'd never forget the shocked look on his father's face. Nothing ever got to Jefferson Tracy and well that night, he was shaken to say the least.

He wondered how John would take it if he were to ask for help to relieve some of his sexual tension. He was so lost in thought, he didn't realize they were already in his room, till John had picked him up and sat him on the bed.

Hell, just do it man. He egged himself on. Besides, he figured he might even be doing the younger brother a favor by offering himself up like this. Just as John made to stand and leave, Scott grabbed him by his shirt collar roughly, pulling him on top of him into his bed. Their mouths touched as Scott ravaged John in a thirsty kiss.

Surprised, John tried to pull away but Scott held onto him tight. If he wanted to Scott could still easily crush him, crippled or not. He started to panic because he couldn't get free and his lips were being forced apart as Scott was trying to explore his mouth.

At least, till John bit down hard on the intrusive tongue.

"Jesus Christ, John!" Scott spat out, as he unwillingly released his vice like grip on his brother.

"What the hell was THAT for? What on earth do you take me for?" John yelled angrily.

"I... look, I obviously wasn't thinking ok?" Scott rubbed his face wearily. "I don't even have the strength to crawl to the bathroom to ‘you know’, I guess I was desperate ok? Because right now, I'm so fucking horny that I'd fucking take you right now in this bloody room... even if you're my God damn brother!" Scott yelled, he had always held a lot of pride in him, for him to admit his physical shortcomings and sexual desires to his younger brother was mortifying. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself in these sheets, and to wake up realizing it was only a bad dream.

"Just forget I asked, ok? It was a mistake to even try..." Scott said dejectedly, as he flopped backwards on his bed, arms covering his eyes, begging for John to leave him alone to wallow in embarrassment.

“So you decide ‘let's try and see if my gay brother would do it for me?’ you're so utterly stupid!” John spat, more than just angry but hurt too. “I can't belive… no actually, I can. I can because ever since you've been stuck in that thing -” John pointed at the wheelchair “You've become a bigger bully than you already were and the ONLY reason I put up with you is because…..”

John took a deep breath. “Because I think you're better than that. You're brave, strong, smart….fuck… if it wasn't for the fact you felt threatened by us and fighting all the time you wouldn't be stuck with just me looking after you, heck I'm pretty sure you hate that too but you know what? You're my brother and we're suck with each other so I'm not going to be a prick about it and do whatever it takes to make sure you're ok.”

John looked flustered. “You treat me like I'm beneath you and you were going to use me just to satisfy your own selfish needs, yet I'm still here and I don't even know why!”

"Look..." Scott said, as he propped himself on one elbow, and reaching out to hold John's hand in the other. "I didn't mean it like THAT... I dunno... I just thought maybe we'd both gain something from this, you know?"

"You don't know how frustrating all this is for me... I can't do anything without asking for help from someone... So I guess what I'm asking you is... Can you do this for me?" Scott pleaded, as he lovingly stroked the back of John's hand with his thumb. Touching John like this, together with all his pent up frustrated emotions, was slowly making him hard again.

If John turned him down, Scott was probably going to have to try and wank off on his own later, but then he'd have to ask someone for help to change the messed up sheets and his own bloody underwear. Frankly, Scott had no idea which brother he could turn to for help then.

“Oral or full?”

“What do you mean?” Scott looked confused.

“Do you only want me to suck you off or do you want me on top of you?” John said quietly. “If we go full I don't have any protection so… you'd have to warn me when you're about to - you know - cum.”

“Thought being able to cum was the whole point.”

“Do you have any condoms then, smart arse? it's not my idea of a first time to have my older brother be the one to cum inside of me before anyone else!”

“Since when do you think anyone else besides me is going to ask to have sex with you John? After you came out so publicity dad's going to fucking make sure you're never going to ever have sex with another man your entire life. face it John, I'm your ONLY option and probably the only one who'd ask you for it so what's the harm in it?”

Scott clicked his tongue then let out a whistle. “If you don't do this with me, I'll tell dad about that tattoo on your shoulder, I'm sure he'd love to know how you got it.”

John frowned. “You'd be incriminating yourself for pushing Virgil into the pool.”

“I doubt it. Virgil was the one dad had to yank off the top of you for trying to choke you to death and you instigated it. there's no way he's going to think perfect little Virgil gave that to you as an apology. No he's going to wonder why his nicest little boy is turning so bad. heck he may stop you looking after Alan and Gordon all together. Won't that be a kick in the teeth after all you’ve ever done for them?” Scott purred. “I'm surprised he hasn't castrated you for humiliating him in public yet, you'd make a great eunuch.”

Scott watched his younger brother stiffen up in fear and then slowly slump as his words sunk in. This was too easy, John was bribable as a horse being lead by a carrot on a stick. It should of made him feel guilty, but he was way too proud of himself for that.

John stood up, grabbing the wheelchair and wedging it under the bedroom door knob. As he walked back towards Scott he realised he couldn't read the expression on his face in the light of the bedside table. John started to take off his shirt when Scott growled out to him.

“Leave it on.”

Who cares what John looked like underneath his clothes? Right now Scott just wanted to have his needs attended to and he didn't care how his brother went about it.

His brother nodded and stripped off his pants instead, then started to undress him like he would have if he had to help him into his PJ’s.

“Careful John, it's very tender down there.” Scott chided him for being rough. “Not every day I ask you to do this for me.”

John slowed down undressing him and once Scott’s large erection was in the open, started to stroke it with his tongue and pull it into his mouth while using his hands to caress his undercarriage and thighs till he built him up enough that he was ready for the real thing.

John straddled his brother and started to hesitate. He didn't really want this, but if it was to make Scott happy and be the only time he'd ever have sex in his life….

“What are you waiting for? Dad’s approval?”

John yelped as Scott deeply penetrated him. He wasn't ready - hell he was never going to be ready - but there wasn't much options in regards to his own future sex life so he went with it. He felt how thick and hard his brother was and boy did it hurt! But this…. This is a feeling he needed to get used to if he ever got free of being under their father's thumb and got to really have a relationship. He pulled one of his arms free of a shirt sleeve and stuffed it into him mouth to muffle any noise as he could tell Scott was going to make him do all the work because of his injuries. He let out a few whimpers as he moved his hips gently up and down so Scott slipped in and out to a slow rhythm, careful not to put his full weight on him to cause him any pain.

Scott gasped as his back arched with pleasure from entering John. Sure, he had sex with girls before, but this was something else! Maybe because it was so outrightly wrong, but that only seemed to make the pleasure all the more intensely enjoyable.

His own movements were limited due to his injury, but God, the things he wanted to do his brother right now. He wished for nothing more than for John to speed things up a little, with how long he had been holding back, he wasn't sure how much longer he could last.

Scott couldn't help it as he thought of pinning John's arms against the bed, to feel that body quivering from equal exuberance beneath his own. Between his own fantasies and John's movements, Scott was at his tipping point. He growled as his hands moved to rock John's hips faster to heighten his own sensations.

He knew John had said to warn him before he was about to cum, but he couldn't get the words out before he climaxed and discharged violently into him. He heard his brother gasp at his release, from pleasure, shame or anger he couldn't tell. As John made to move away from the dripping mess over their bodies, Scott kept both hands firmly on his hips, indicating he still wanted to stay inside him. God it had been too long, however wrong and immoral this was, he needed it. He wanted to savor every moment of it, claiming his brother like this gave him a sort of dominance and power he didn't get from previous relationships. It scared him how much this lusty thirst for his brother seemed unquenchable and had him already desiring more…

Oh fuck...what had he done!? John tried to get off his brother but Scott gripped his legs with his arms tight. Shit! His brother had done what he specifically asked him not to!

John thumped his fist down on Scott's chest. “Damn Scott don't you have ANY respect for me!?”

John struggled but Scott's determination to hold him still was hurting him and he eventually gave up. His brother was hard inside him again, which indicated that John's part wasn't over and that he was going to be there a while. He fell forward onto his outstretched arms and started shaking. Even if Scott let him go, who was he going to tell? He knew he was just going to break down and cry and if anyone saw it he wasn't going to ever be able to explain without mentioning he had sex with his older wheelchair bound brother and being told he was the one who was in the wrong. That wouldn't go down well and he was certain his trust in being a responsible babysitter to the two youngest would get pulled into further question, heck maybe be fully revoked.

He couldn't cope with that. Alan was his baby brother - his responsibility and Gordon still needed to be read stories before bed every night, even though he was now twelve.

He started to move his hips again along with Scott's, this time more in time with how much faster Scott wanted to go.

Scott had to admit when John hit him on the chest in frustration, it couldn't quell that animalistic side of him that seeked enjoyment in his younger brother's frustration. If anything, it only got his blood flowing more, such that he found he was more than ready for a second romp with John.

Soft moans of satisfaction escaped his lips, as John moved in more fluid motions this time. He smiled slyly to himself, naturally assuming it was because his brother was enjoying this as much as he was.

"Uh... Scott... I can't take too much more..." John begged.

Scott chuckled, as he pulled him in for a lust filled kiss, "Then don't hold back oh brother mine..." he hissed, as he licked John's sweat filled face, as if he was marking him as his own. "Just surrender... and let me fill you up instead..." he groaned seductively in his ear, as he caved to his body's need for release. Maybe it was the fact that this strange relationship between them had turned sexual, but the fact was that the more erroneous this was, it only made the thought of bedding his precious brother all the more enthralling.

As Scott's breathing evened out, he tapped John lightly on his upper thigh. "You can get off now. And bring me a towel and new underwear while you're at it, will ya?" He leaned back against the pillow exhausted, oblivious to the muffled cries of his brother.

John silently obeyed. Scott didn't think much of how long it took for his brother to get a wet washcloth from the bathroom, assuming John bumped into someone in the hallway. He didn't know he had broken down into tears in front of the bathroom mirror and had given a cuddle to Alan who found him upset on the tiled floor.

END FLASHBACK

“From then he was mine, anytime I desired it. I kept him only through blackmail without realising the damage I was doing, hell he fucking circumcised himself one afternoon for me while I watched him bleed and fed him painkillers. Horrible I know, but by then I was possessed by the power I had over him because if anyone found out I could make it all his fault and he knew it. I had nothing to lose, John had everything and fuck at the time that level of power was incredible so I abused it in every way possible as let's face it - going through rehabilitation was driving me insane and torturing something or someone was my way of venting how I felt.” Scott sighed and without giving Virgil room to answer he continued.

“I tricked him into getting his body pierced with promises that I found it a turn on and that he could have his turn with me. But I was selfish back then, I didn't care about how much he needed to feel validated to return the stuff I did to him… he was mine to do as I wanted, to only have sex one way - my way…. Then one night when I was well enough to take the first flight I ever had in Thunderbird One, Dad’s bird - I tore that heart out in more ways than one. Had I known John loved me as badly as he did, I'm not even sure I would have treated him like a sex toy.. but that’s what I did.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “I asked him to do all these things to his body and never once did I ever look at it or play with it during sex. I kept him covered so I couldn't be reminded of the fact I was screwing him and not some pretty bird.”

FLASHBACK

John was getting hot from leaving his shirt on. His face was red from exhaustion but still he tried to keep standing. Forty degree day and Scott was hornier than a lemming in mating season and he had been more or less locked up with him in his bedroom with Scott pounding him hard till he was beyond sore. He wouldn't have minded this level of attention if it wasn't for the fact he was trying not to collapse.

He held onto the desk while his brother was busy from behind, trying hard not to buckle under heat stress.

Damn, was he dying for a drink of water.

“Scott,” he tried to say, his voice husky and very hard to hear. “Scott! We..we have to stop a minute.”

“Can't Johnny, about to cum. Can't it wait a few more minutes?”

“Scott it's muggy and I can barely breathe.” he panted.

Unknown to Scott, John had lost around seven kilos over the past eight months, from carrying him around till he was able to walk, to completely losing his appetite whenever their father or grandmother mentioned how good a job he was doing looking after him.

Only Alan noticed something was wrong and kept asking if John was unwell.

“Hey John! I can wrap my arms around you now! How come? I'm not getting any bigger. Are you sick or something?”

Everytime he had to lie, he was reminded that in his head he was quite sick as now, regardless how Scott treated him…. He kept going back for more.

Because he loved him.

"Come on, Johnny... just a few more minutes? Do it for me?" Scott pleaded, purposelessly using the nickname John hated. His hands griped John's hips just a little tighter, preventing any possible means of escape. As John struggled helplessly, it only fuelled Scott's insatiable need to dominate his younger brother.

"Argh Scott... please... stop..." John barely managed to gasp out through the blur of pain and exhausting heat. He then crumpled into a dead faint on the floor beneath Scott's feet.

"Damn it, John! Couldn't you hold out for another two seconds?!" Scott growled angrily, his mind barely registered that John had collapsed, so fixated he was on fulfilling his sexual desires. He proceeded to give himself a hand job, for the job that John didn't help him finish.

"Ahhhhhh...." Scott relaxed against the wall, after satisfying himself. It was only then he realised John was still not moving. "John? Fucking hell..." He said, as he knelt down to check his brother. Thankfully, other than showing signs of a mild heat stroke, his other vitals were still strong upon examination. “Fuck your useless John. A blow up doll has more stamina than you.”

John slowly got up onto all fours “We've been at it all day since you found out you're going to fly dad’s rocket!” he growled. “I just need five minutes.”

“Just need five minutes.” Scott repeated, mocking him. “You know what John? Now that I'm fine I can start getting off this miserable rock to try dating again so I no longer need you or your pathetic excuse for a body to make me feel better!”

Scott kicked John in the leg. “Get dressed and get out of my sight you useless piece of garbage.”

John grabbed Scott's leg and sunk his teeth into it hard.

“Ow! GET OFF ME YOU FERAL!” Scott kicked him again. “You're only good enough for a fast nasty fuck and that's all you’ll ever be!”

“You're an arsehole Scott! You talk as if your a fucking sex god but you're not. Heck I doubt any woman would want you if they knew the only thing you know how to do is stick your cock in!”

“Isn't that all sex with you gay people is though? No foreplay just going straight into fucking? Besides, you don't have a body worth exploring even IF I wanted foreplay.”

“What do you mean?! You fucking watched me circumcise myself for you you ungrateful shit head! That fucking hurt!”

Scott shrugged. “I just wanted to see how far I could blackmail you. Was highly impressed you went through with it.”

“You - you were blackmailing me?”

“Duh, how else where you going to willingly let me have sex with you?”

John spat. “You're a disgusting human being!”

Scott brushed it off. “No, I think you'll find ‘You’ are John. You're the one who is openly gay, you're the one who had sex with me while i was in a wheelchair when you were supposed to be looking after me…” he leaned over his brother and grinned. “See if you tell ANYONE they're not going to believe you're the innocent one and you'll know what will happen? You'll be sent away so you can't see little Gordon or Alan again as lets face it, they'll need protecting from a monster like you.”

John never looked so terrified and Scott was lapping up all the power he wielded over him.

“Now get lost, you sick monster.”

John fled the room and made a break for his own bedroom. Probably to cry, Scott snorted in disgust. He didn't know why he bothered keeping this bullshit up with John till now, should have got rid of him weeks ago.

Inside his own bedroom, John growled as he pulled the piercings free. They hurt like hell and left open wounds, the one on his belly button now bleeding heavily through his shirt. He left the tongue, there was no way he could take that out with how swollen it was from the lack of water he had in the heat. He then collapsed on the floor of his bedroom from the mixture of pain and dehydration, hoping that no one would find him in such a sickly mess. His heart was in tatters but what should he have expected from Scott? He shouldn't have ever thought his brother would love him in return. Maybe he should ask about the training for the satellite monitor again…. Afterall it would mean he’d be millions of miles away from Scott in orbit.

But that would mean leaving his younger brothers. It was a decision he couldn't take lightly.

He would have to ask Virgil to look after them. After all, he did when they were away on missions…. And it wasn’t as if Alan was a baby anymore making the job easier.

John lay still, his body shaking from hot to cold as waves of sickness washed over him like a fever.

Gordon had been looking for John all evening. He wanted to go swimming but with Virgil busy training with their father and Captain taylor and now since Scott was going to learn to fly Thunderbird One that afternoon, it meant John would be free to keep watch while he and Alan played in the water. Gordon had learned the hard way during his swimming training that accidents can happen and had been lucky his brother had been watching him so he didn't drown.

He was trailing Alan behind him when they looked into John's room and found him unconscious on the floor, his body violently trembling with blood on his clothes and hands. Gordon told Alan to wait there with him while he went to fetch their dad.

END OF FLASHBACK

“The only reason I found out John was unwell was because of Gordon interrupting dads training with me. I've regretted treating him like I did since… and trying to make it up to him pushed him away further. I’m lucky he still talks to me in truth, but you know John - terrible at holding a grudge until you least expect it.” Scott sighed. “That's why John's going to be hard to win over Virgil… what I did to him, he's going to make sure neither you or Alan go through that.”

Virgil rubbed his forehead, he was disappointed with how Scott could talk so casually about his sexual romp with John, with such detachment and absolutely no emotion. Like it was a normal thing for elder brothers to have sex with their younger siblings. Even though it had been a long time ago, his heart couldn't help but ache a little at how much John had suffered under Scott's cruelty. His beautiful John, the one that he just wanted to wrap up in his strong arms and assure him that no one will ever touch him like that again. How he longed to show him all the ways he should be loved, like a proper decent human being of which he was so much more to him. More than he can ever possibly hope to confess to him in mere words or actions.

"Did you... did you even cared for John at all? Did even a small part of you even loved him?" Virgil asked, afraid of the answer he already knew to expect but he needed to know. If only to understand not only the physical but emotional hurt John had went through and possibly why this was the same reason he was reluctant to enter into a similar relationship with neither himself nor Alan.

"Come on Virgil, be reasonable here. It was a consensual thing between us. Purely sexual, nothing more. If I had unknowingly led John into thinking otherwise, that was never my intention. It was a relationship of pure convenience. It was going to have to end eventually." Scott tried to reason with Virgil. He was afraid that this revelation might be the nail to the coffin of the remains of the relationship with his closest brother. He didn't want to lose Virgil but he deserved to know the truth. Scott sighed, as much as he had enjoyed it while it had lasted, he had never stopped regretting asking John for that impossible favour. And now, nearly 20 years later, two other younger brothers were hurting for his reckless screwed up decision.

Virgil nodded, he had heard everything he needed to but he wasn't sure if he could take it even if there was any more left to know. "I know Scott... it's just a lot of information to take in, you know? But thank you... for respecting me enough to tell me the truth." He gave his eldest brother a sad smile and walked away. His hands reached for the familiar pack of cigarettes in his front shirt pocket but he hesitated. John wouldn't like that, he thought to himself. Funny how everything he did seemed to revolve him now. Maybe the piano would be a better choice, he smiled as he changed his course to his beloved instrument.

 

Alan's dreams

In the bedroom at the end of the hall, things were heating up.

Alan watched his brother carefully, the pale empty eyes gave nothing away and Alan got shivers when they closed when he leaned in to kiss him, John's lips tenderly danced with his and Alan got excited when he felt his siblings tongue explore his mouth, his piercing rolling over his own tongue.

He could feel his brother's hands start to hesitantly explore him, feeling every curve, every muscle…. Alan swore his body was sparking up in sensations he never dreamed of where possible.

Alan tried to return the favour in kind, this being his first ever time with anyone - not used to being a passenger but having no experience in the driver's seat he had to let his blind sibling take the lead and show him how it was done.

John pushed him subtly onto the bed and felt up under his younger brother's shirt till his fingers found a nipple, he pushed the soft fabric up so he could bring his lips into contact with it and nibble, nip and lick with his mouth, forcing Alan to shake and squirm. One hand ventured across to stroke and tease the other one while the other hand slipped downwards and into his boxers.

Alan took a sharp intake of breath as his back arched from the attention. No wonder Virgil was so possessive over John after their first time together - who would risk losing something so sensual as this?

John moved his lips down his body and briefly payed the utter most attention to his navel, before moving down lower, using his mouth to navigate and guide him to Alan's erect member, now free from it's restrictive satin bonds.

 

Alan whimpered as John's hot tongue began to explore him, drawing him in and out between those thin rose lips, the ball from his piercing making the sensation more heightened the longer he stayed aroused.

He couldn't hold it any longer.

A wave of energy shot through his nervous system as the orgasm threw his body around, he gasped noiselessly for he didn't want Virgil walking into his bedroom and find his lover giving him oral sex - the best and only oral sex he would ever want from any person.

Alan pressed his head against his brother's. He didn't care if John was blind - he would always be the same caring watchful person, the one Alan always wanted to be like when he grew up and grew old. It wasn't just hero worship...it was as if they were supposed to always be together.

Alan stirred and groped for his pillows, grabbing one and physically started to caress it as if his brother was really in the bed with him. His mind was playing out the sexiest sins tonight all because of that anti-gravity kissing that he finally got to have before his shift the other day.

After all this time.

Some dreams were short, like sneaking a blow job off his brother while he was supposed to be Virgil's lover in a secret affair behind his back to long drawn out sexual epics with John as his sole lover to one bizarre threesome with Virgil where John was shared between them.

The last one, Alan growled aloud selfishly biting into his pillow. While that was sexy as hell the vision of him being taken by John with Virgil also taking his older brother in a press of bodies was one he knew he couldn't allow to happen - whatever the cost. He wanted John all to himself in the privacy of each other's arms even IF it had to be in secret.

 Another one was playing out in his head, this time Alan was stripping his brother, his hands taking the time to play with his body.

He had seen it naked on more than one occasion and boy was it scarred. Even Virgil and his tendency to get broken bones or Scott’s recklessness to get deep serious injuries weren't a patch on some of these…. And strangely Alan often wondered if some were self inflicted. Alan may not have had REAL sex with John before but that didn't mean he didn't know each and every mark on his body as intimately as a sexual partner would...after all, he did get very close to him just by being his brother. Very few were rescue related, even as a teenager when he and Scott first started working with their father John always avoided getting a scratch unless it was Scott’s fault putting him directly into danger.

No, most were caused long before that and were lovely faded patterns - as growing up with four other brothers and one adopted sister meant fights happened often and while Virgil was the pacifist in the family, he had picked that up from John only AFTER Scott got seriously injured on a mission. Alan may have only been little but boy could Scott and Virgil be savage when they fought one another and anyone getting in the way of that got badly hurt indeed.

One that stuck in memory was Virgil choking John on the concrete after pulling him out of the pool as the result of Scott chucking him in it in anger. Virgil was so blindsided by rage he didn’t care who was underneath him when he regained consciousness he was going to punch the crap out of them. If Gordon hadn't ran inside to grab their father Virgil could have easily killed him. Infact that how John got the tattoo of the Crux constellation on his shoulder, Virgil’s way of a permanent apology to remind him never to hurt him again.

Alan knew every injury from that day in detail and where the ones that would be with him forever were, like the slight dip in his collarbone where Virgil had hit him so hard the bone shattered inward and had to be removed to a large white scar that lay under the tattoo where originally something sharp went into when Virgil slammed his body backwards onto the concrete to a scar on the back of one of his hands that was caused by Scott slamming the sliding glass door onto it moments before he dragged Virgil by the scruff of his shirt to throw him into the pool.

As his hands wandered he felt the slightly raised ones by his nipples, Alan unsure what they were from but now he was older he suspected they were badly attempted piercings that had been removed - like the weird scar down at his navel which might be another one that was difficult to explain. There was some fresher ones from his most recent and almost fatal accident where things slashed into his suit as the tore past into the vacuum of space and of course the scarring in the one place that made most men cringe to think about.

Alan wanted to know what touching him there was like and if it was any different to having everything down there in tact. Alan knew it was a religious thing for some, medical or tradition for others but was curious if John's decision was because of his sexuality and that maybe having it fully exposed was because - Alan had researched this - it was more hygienic.

For now, guessing the reasons was fruitless. It's just how it is, how his brother looked and Alan loved it because it was a part of him.

Alan wanted to push his brother back onto the bed, licking him, stroking him tasting him, bringing him as close to climax as he could before pushing him right back onto the sheets and lifting his legs so as Alan entered and made love to him, John would cum all over his face and chest and Alan would lick him clean as he came inside.

He groaned. Why did that have to be a dream? Why did he have to compete with Virgil for John?

He dismally got up and changed into clean Pajamas and made a trek down the hall to Virgil’s bedroom. He needed to talk to him about what the rules were and how far they were allowed to take any dates or alone time with him. Ok so Virgil wouldn't want to but Alan didn't want John to get hurt like the other day if Alan kissed him on a date. There had to be rules. When he could find him there he headed to the livingroom where Virgil was sitting at his piano, but not playing any music.

“Hey Virgil….we need to talk.”

 

Rules

"Oh hey, Alan." Virgil said, glad for a distraction from his own thoughts. "Yeah sure, I wasn't doing anything anyway. What do you wanna walk about?"

“We… I think… if you you'll agree that is….need to establish some rules about…” Alan swallowed. This was harder than he thought. “We need to lay some rules about what we can and can't do on a date or our alone time with John.” he blurted out.

Virgil couldn't help but flush a little, he had expected John was going to be the topic, but he had never thought of laying out ground rules. Now that Alan had brought it up though, it did make sense to do so. Then, they'd both be free to pursue John openly, knowing that the other party won't be going overboard.

"Urm... yeah, that makes sense.” Virgil coughed “What... er... what kind of rules?" He was clearly uncomfortable, certainly he never thought he'd be having this type of conversation with any of his brothers, much less his youngest one.

“Like maybe no more spying on the other person? Well we need to write them down so...how about we get someone to write it for us.. like a witness?”

"Yeah, I agree. Maybe we should get Scott in on this? I mean, since he already knows what's going on. Easier than having to explain this to Kayo, or God forbid, Grandma." Virgil suggested.

Alan nodded. Scott wasn't exactly his first choice, but Gordon was untrustworthy and no one else knew what was going on and it was best to keep it that way. “So where is he?”

Virgil shrugged. "Could be anywhere this time of day. Let's find out, shall we?" He opened a direct channel to Scott on his watch. "Hey Scott? You got a minute? Alan and I need your help with something. Could you come to the living room where we are?"

"Yeah, sure. See you in a few." Scott panted out, as he hit the off switch on the treadmill, wondering what his younger brothers were up to now. First John, then Virgil, now Alan too? Next thing he'd know, Gordon was gonna come running to him for advice too. This was getting stranger by the minute. Well, he better go see what they want then.

Ten minutes later Scott strolled into the living room, having made a quick pit stop in the kitchen for a cold drink. "Hey fellas, why the long faces?" His interested peaked.

“We need a mediator for something and we need you...god this sounds so weird, Virgil! We really expect him to sit there while we throw out rules we're going to put on ourselves about how we're going to behave on dates with John!? How do we know Scott hasn't got ideas of his own to get him back?”

Virgil shrugged, "We don't, we just gotta trust him as our eldest brother. Besides, it's not like we have any other choice here Alan. Gordon can't be trusted, he's dangerous as is with what he already knows. I would really prefer not to offer him any more 'ammunition' here to play with." Virgil sighed. "My preferred choice would be Kayo, but I don't think you're anymore ready than I am to come clean about this messy situation to her."

"And we do need someone to watch both of us, to ensure we keep to the agreed terms. Scott will do good to keep us in line, he already does that on a daily basis anyway." Virgil laughed.

Alan took a deep breath. “Ok, so Scott we need you to take notes because we need this stuff in writing.”

“Er what exactly am I taking notes for?”

“You tell him Virgil.” Alan nudged him.

Virgil shot Alan a dirty look for throwing him under the bus like that. "Right... erm, see..." Virgil fidgeted uncomfortable in the piano seat, he cleared his throat and tried again. "Alan and I both think it's a good idea to lay down some ground rules when it comes to John... things that are off limits when we're alone with him... unless John himself were to initiate it..." Virgil couldn't help noticing Alan gave him a dirty look of his own when he said that.

"Basically we need a witness, and someone to help keep watch over the other."

Scott raised his brow, now ‘this’ was starting to get interesting. "Ok then, err... I Guess I can note it down on my phone? If that's ok with you guys?" Alan and Virgil both nodded. "So who wants to start the ball rolling?" He eyed both of them, gosh this was going to be fun to witness, he thought as he suppressed a chuckle.

“Well not EXACTLY watch…. I mean I think spying on each other should be BANNED. I’m not going to name anyone as I'm not entirely sure who it was… but NO ONE is to throw shit and chuck a tantrum like a five year old.” Alan glared at Virgil. “I don't care who threw that rock by the way, the point is it was thrown and it hit John and I think it was supposed to hit me. That was a dick move.”

Scott typed furiously: no spying on one another's dates.

Virgil felt hot under the collar, he might as well just come out and apologize for throwing that rock, since everyone already seemed to know it was him. But he couldn't, apologizing meant admitting that he had willingly hurt John, again. Already he'd broken the promise of what the crux tattoo on John's shoulder represented, he could barely stand the weight of what that meant. No, best leave it buried for now. He'd work up the courage for apologies another day.

"Urm yeah ok. Can we also agree that nothing is to go beyond kissing?" Virgil stammered, he still can't quite believe he was having this conversation with his eldest and youngest brother. "Hands off at ALL times... unless... unless..." he coughed, fucking hell Virgil just say it, he thought to himself. "... unless John were to indicate otherwise..." He cringed, wanting nothing more than to bury his head somewhere, especially when he saw that smug look on Scott's face.

“Oh hell no!” Alan snapped. “That's going to be impossible! John's BLIND remember? You kind of NEED to touch him to do certain things. That's unavoidable. How about no third base unless initiated by him? That makes a ton more sense.”

Scott typed: No third base unless consented.

Virgil mentally kicked himself, thankful that Alan had countered his suggestion. He kept forgetting that the rules he suggested, needed to apply to him as well.

"Fair enough. Dates need to be informed to the other party at least 24 hours in advance, to avoid clashing of plans and such." Virgil smiled as a light bulb went off in his head.

"Better yet, why don't we allocate alternate days we get to spend exclusively with John? You could take Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with him. I'd get Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays." Virgil hoped that Alan wouldn't realise that tomorrow was Thursday and Virgil was already planning on how he was going to spend the whole day with John. "Sundays are free. Unless John seeks us for help or whatever." He said, trying to sound nonchalant silently hoping Alan won't be sharp enough to pick up on his sly planning.

“That's not fair. I don't always know when I get a day off.” Alan frowned. “Doing shifts on Thunderbird five means I don't get a chance to plan anything let alone give twenty four hours notice. I barely get one day a week already and you guys also expect me to still do missions in Three when I'm down. I hardly ever see him awake!”

“He has a point Virgil. You do get more time to spend with John around here everyday - whether or not you realise it. As mediator you need to think up of a better solution that’s fair.” Scott tutted. “It's also not Alan's problem if you've wasted that extra time till now.”

Alan's heart was pounding. He knew this was a bad idea the second he brought it up. He was going to lose any opportunity he could potentially have with his older brother, more so now that he just openly told Virgil ‘hey idiot, you spend everyday together at home.’

The worst part, Alan had no way to change that. The few moments he got now he treasured them like they were rare jewels.

Fuck! What was he to do? Virgil was going to get all the time in the world with John and Alan knew he may only get a few hours a week tops - even then maybe less to be with him on his own.

Then there was the issue of ‘dates’. With what little time he got, how the hell was he ever going to take John on a date?

“How about we come back to that then?” Scott said quickly before Virgil made sure Alan got no time with John whatsoever, clearly aware that was Virgil's entire intention. Scott remembered those few kitchen dinners where Alan came to life around John as he talked to him while he cooked. He couldn't let Virgil take ALL of the free time with John to himself. That, and changing the topic before Virgil notices Alan can't come up with a compromise that would put him in a better position would spare his youngest brother some heart ache as clearly he looked worried he was going to lose everything he spent years trying to have with John go up in smoke.

“How about us behaving ourselves around the house when we're all in the same room? That means no getting jealous of each other if John spends time with the other person infront of you. I think that’s important, right?” Alan suggested. Suddenly, with the real prospect of having this slip from his fingers he wasn't able to think of anything other than losing his brother to someone who didn't care about him much till his accident.

Virgil silently cursed that his plan fell through, but he found he still held most of the cards, especially now that Alan had pointed out he was helpless if he were to make a move on John while Alan was working shifts on Thunderbird Five. "Yeah I guess I can do that..." he paused to think.

"No bragging to the other party on what happened on the dates with John. What happens stays on that date. Not one word to anyone, I don't need Gordon rubbing that in my face." Virgil said, the mere thought of Alan going any further than kissing John, was enough to drive him insane with jealously.

"Oh, and no sneaking John up to Five for dates either." Their common bond for their love for space was something special that Virgil knew he had no hope of competing with. "It's... it's no longer a safe environment for him to be in." He stammered, not believing his own words since even blinded John was as familiar with Five as he would with the back of his palm. He backpedaled desperately for an excuse for making this rule.

Alan rolled his eyes. "Virgil where the fuck were you when I was assigned duties on Thunderbird Five? we agreed on that as a FAMILY a few days AFTER the accident... oh yeah THAT'S RIGHT, YOU FUCKING COWARD AWAY FROM HIM FOR THREE WEEKS!" He spat. he couldn't believe Virgil would suggest he would do something so irresponsible. "What else you going to do? stop me letting him use the anti grav simulation on Three? take that away and you TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING THAT IS JOHN!" he shouted. "While we're at it how about NO MORE OFF ISLAND DATES? since you're so FUCKING KEEN ON THOSE! you know what? make the rules yourself as it turns out none are going to let me spend even five minutes alone with my brother you arsehole!" and with that Alan stormed off towards the bedrooms.

"Well excuse me!" Virgil stood up suddenly, sending his piano seat crashing to the floor. "But you're the one who wanted to come up with this stupid list in the first place! Fuck you too, Alan!" He stormed off in the direction of Thunderbird Two's hanger.

Scott watched with his mouth hanging open, "Well, that certainly escalated quickly." He laughed to himself, looking at the very short so called list.

Alan wasn't watching where he was going and walked straight into Gordon.

“Easy there squirt where you off to in a hurry?” Gordon teased. “Running off to cry into your pillows because John won't sleep with you?”

“Get bent Gordon!” Alan growled. “I’ve just been humiliated and shut out! Bet you'll freakin happy to know you were right this whole time about me getting a chance with John when hell freezes over because I've spent a good half an hour listening and making up stupid date rules and realising that no matter what gets said none applies to me anyway because I don't remotely get a chance to spend time with the guy I've had feelings for since I was fourteen!”

He sniffed, fighting back tears that were threatening to spill out. “I'm not just going to lose that though Gordon, oh no… if Virgil gets chosen over me I'm going to loose my best friend, hell MY ONLY friend because there's going to never be any time I get to spend with him then as you can be sure Virgil will make sure of that!”

“Know what hurts the most Gordon? Virgil only started falling for John since the accident - he’s never really bothered much with John till now and I should know, because I was the one John hung around with!”

“Was.” Gordon pointed out.

The word stung worse than a knife in his heart. “So that's my fault is it? I only took post on that station as someone had to and nobody else besides myself and John can cope in zero gravity for long periods and know how to operate the systems on board!” tears started to fall. “I'm fighting losing battle Gordon, but I don't want to give up without a fight… but the way things are going I won't even get in the ring to put the effort in. Stupid me for thinking I'll ever get a shot.” he brushed past his older brother and walked dejectedly to his bedroom at the end of the hall, stopping in front of John's and stepping in there instead.

Gordon felt his heart bleed a little. He only teased Alan as he thought for sure he was going to be the one who would get to be with John, after all they both sort of deserved each other. He hadn't expected this though. He was in no way happy that Alan felt like he couldn't fight back to keep the only reason he still functioned in his life.

He was disappointed that he had lost Virgil already but felt worse that someone like Alan was being shoved aside. But what could he do? He figured right now Virgil was down stairs gloating and patting himself on the back thinking he now had this fight for affection in the bag.

Gordon poked his head into John's room quietly and watched as Alan sat on his brother's bed running his fingers through the sleeping blind man's hair trying not to cry. Suddenly a part of Gordon he never knew existed stirred like a vicious monster.

He had to do something for Alan's sake.

But what? Gordon already caught Virgil not only making plans for another off island date tomorrow but he also was drilling metal braille plates around on the walls of the house so John could navigate the place more safely. How was Alan ever going to top that? However truth was that should have been done when John was still in the medibay bed and not now because of someone competing for his affection.

Gordon felt angry and the realised, John might be thrown by this sudden ‘nicity’ and left wondering why the hell had it taken so damn long for anyone to care. After all this was John we were talking about here. He trusts barely anyone to start with as rarely does he get to see the good in people and when he does - it's only because of Alan.

He headed for the living room and found Scott sitting at his desk (now no longer their fathers) typing something.

“What's happening Scotty?” Gordon asked. “Did I miss something fun again between those two?”

“Wouldn't exactly say ‘fun’.” Scott frowned. “More like suddenly hearing my seventeen year old self. That, is no way fun in the slightest especially after some of the shit I did to people.”

“That bad huh?”

“Try a thirty four year old acting innocent and outwitting a twenty six year old who hasn't got a clue until the rug is pulled out from under him.” Scott sighed. “I don't think I can help him with it either to make it more fair. Funny, as the eldest who's watched you all grow up, I'm surprised by Virgil’s attraction for him. Would have thought he'd have gone for you first.”

“Uh yeah… I kind of screwed that up myself.”

“John told me you love him. Is that true?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm… you know Gordon, these rules imply that once a date's been asked, it must be allowed to follow through, regardless who it's with…”

“What are you getting at Scott?”

Scott purred. “I'm implying that if you asked Virgil on a date yourself… he has to accept and follow through. They don't just apply to dates with John you know.”

“Really?”

Scott tapped his nose conspiratorially. “And there's a few more you’ll be interested in.. like ‘what happens on a date stays in the date’....”

“Really! LET ME SEE!”

Gordons eyes opened wide with glee. Oh dearest brother Virgil, how you have unwittingly signed you own downfall, he grinned. “Thank you for this Scott, you've given me some hope.”

 

Trust

John felt along the wall from Gordon’s room of stinky socks and health food bars, past Virgil's which he now knew smelled faintly of oil paints and cigarettes, past Scott’s which smelled of engine oil and grease until he ran his fingers over something cold and metallic feeling.

There was something written on it in Braille. John mouthed the letters out loud and smiled a little.

It was about time.

He could hear footsteps from behind and a hand lightly hold him by the wrist and even before the person spoke John knew who it was.

“Good Morning Alan. Haven't started your shift yet?”

Alan was taken by surprise. “Uh no not yet. Was going to in a few minutes and saw you so I thought you might like some help down the stairs?”

“You know, that would be really nice. Thank you Alan.”

When they reached the bottom John asked, “Do you mind leading me towards the Kitchen stairs? I know it’s out of your way but until I figure out how to walk down the first few steps without crawling down the damn things because there's no railing I still need help.”

“Sure.”

“You’re really quiet today. Worried about your shift?”

“Yeah.. a little.” Alan lied.

“You shouldn’t be, You’re quite good at what you’ve been doing I hear. Just ignore them if they get horrible on you on a rescue though. That’s what I used to do as let’s face it - they’re ALWAYS going to fight until they realise they need to be nice to you for help.

When John was safely down the first few steps and able to use the wall to facilitate the rest of his journey Alan stayed at the top of the stairs. At the bottom he could hear Virgil poking his head out of the kitchen and standing at the bottom of them. John paused in the middle between them as he could feel the tension in the air without having to see the looks both his siblings were exchanging with one another. Just to annoy them both, he took a seat in the middle of the staircase and stretched himself out.

“Ok I KNOW you’re both staring each other off. DON’T DENY IT. I am pretty good at judging the atmosphere of a room without seeing it. NOW, since I have the attention of you both - you’re going to listen and listen to me good.”

He gave a little cough. “You two are to grow up and stop acting like children. You’re both grown men, behave like it as seriously, it’s unattractive. The other thing that’s been bugging me is how you two seem to think I’m going to go along with you two fighting over spending time with me. Here’s the thing - I WILL spend time with WHOEVER I PLEASE, WHENEVER I PLEASE. Nobody else is going to decide for me ok? I know you both like me and are starting to get really tense with each other about it, but I’m going to only say this once… I have NO TIME to waste on stupidity from either of you. There’s enough emotionally unbalanced shit going on in my own head and I don’t need you both to complicate that.”

“The other thing, If I hold onto someone or I choose to kiss anyone I’m not going to care where we are or who it’s infront of. Why should I? I haven't decided how I feel about either of you yet. If you can’t deal with the fact I might give someone that isn’t you public affection then you can sod off and grow a pair. My last relationship I was kept in the damn dark like some kind of dirty little secret and I felt ashamed of it and everything about it. I want whoever I end up with to be someone who can deal with being out in the open in a relationship, someone who isn’t ashamed of me or only being with me out of pity, UNDERSTAND?” He folded his arms. “I can’t hear you!”

“YES JOHN.” Both brother’s chorused reluctantly and both ashamed they had fought over this exact thing yesterday.

“RIGHT. Now YOU -” He pointed vaguely in the direction of the top of the stairs, “Are going to sit with me and Virgil for breakfast before your shift -” he held up his hand fast the second he heard Virgil’s voice start to make a sound and it pittered out at the gesture. “ - As no one is to STARVE themselves in this house ever again ok? And you -” he points down stars roughly to where he heard Virgil’s breathing “Are going to sit with us and you're BOTH going to PLAY NICE.”

John sighed. “I just want to hang out with my brother’s TOGETHER sometimes too. Is that such an impossible thing to ask?”

“Yes John.”

John sighed a little happier. “Ok, can I ask you both a favour now? Can you both help me get up and down the rest of these stairs? I’m starving!”

Alan was closer to John, so Virgil headed back into the kitchen as his younger brother helped John up from the stairs. "Grandma made cheese toast." He said more to John than Alan. After that outburst from his older brother, he was glad he didn't know about the list of 'rules' they were trying to come up with yesterday. Man, the earful they'd get from John if he did. He only hoped Scott won't use that information on them, bad enough that Gordon was being sneakily manipulative about the whole thing, the last thing they needed was Scott to decide he wanted in on the fun.

Shaking his head, Virgil got up to raid the fridge, looking for the feta cheese. Granted he was already having cheese toast, his tastes always got a little 'varied' when he was upset. Virgil remember turning to food for comfort as a kid, resulting in him gaining enough weight for even their father to take notice. He'd never forget the embarrassment from being told that his father had signed him up for Fat Camp that same summer. Thankfully, he found music shortly after and worked hard to lose his puppy fat swearing he'd never spend another summer there.

He took a bite and it still wasn't enough. He stood up again and grabbed a handful of mint leaves from the little pot by the kitchen sink. There... perfect. He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear John asking him a question. "Huh? Sorry John, what did you say?"

"I said, what's up with the extra feta cheese and mint?" John repeated. “Geesh Virge, I'm blind but I can still smell something as strong as that." His older brother laughed. Virgil didn't say anything, not wanting to admit his emotional eating in front of Alan. That's right, wasn't he due to start his shift on Five today? That leaves him with a whole day with John! Instantly he brightened up and sat up a little straighter. "It's nothing, just trying something new that's all. The usual tea for you? You still take it with two sugars and no milk?" Virgil asked, as he cast a sideways look at Alan to see if he was privy to this information.

“Black no sugar…. Hey whatever happened to that vanilla chai powder bought so I could mix hot chocolate into?” John asked. “I'd rather that.”

Alan laughs. “Ask Gordon, he usually drinks everything you tend to buy for yourself.”

John froze as the hairs down his neck rose. He could hear something he dreaded.

MAX entered the kitchen, focused on him and started to go into his newly programed ‘care mode’. John wasn't fast enough as two robotic arms forced him back into his seat, start cutting into his breakfast and John was quick to bring his arms up before a fork full of cheese toast stabbed him in the face. Then MAX grabbed the nearest hot drink which was Alan’s milo and tipped it all down the front of his slim fitting long sleeve tshirt.

Thank goodness milo is never boiling hot.

“Virgil!” Alan shouted as he flipped his own plate over in his rush to try and grab the robot's arm that was waving a knife too close to John hands that were up in defence.

"God damn!" Virgil leapt into action, one hand grabbing MAX's arm that held the knife, giving Alan time to pull John to safety and other yanking the primary wiring out from the mechanical robot in one swift motion. MAX came to a sudden standstill, small sparks still flying out of its circuitry. "Sorry MAX." Virgil was not looking forward to having to explain this to Brains.

"You guys ok?" He asked the both of them. "Alan, stay with John for a while, will ya? I need to have a word with Brains on Max's programming." Virgil didn't wait for an answer as he scooped up MAX, and headed for Brain's lab.

MAX had never went rouge like this before, and it was strange that it only started acting up now. Virgil thought to himself, he had a few suspicions of his own, but quickly dismissed his paranoia. Sure, Gordon may seem like a manipulative bastard at times but he wouldn't seek to hurt John. Plus he was way too lousy of a programmer, even if he wanted to. Virgil couldn't help laughing at that thought.

Scott had the knowledge, but again no motive to do so. He was a annoying interfering Son of a... who had proven more than once that he was incapable of not meddling in his younger siblings affairs.

Well, he'd know soon enough. Having reached Brain's labs, the first thing he planned to do was check MAX's logs just to put his mind at ease. Thankfully, it seemed to be nothing more than a minor glitch in Brain's programming. Virgil felt bad of accusing his brothers. But damn, something about John possibly getting hurt again, brought out his protective instincts to overdrive. Virgil sighed, he knew it was because he never forgave himself for not responding quickly enough to John's injuries. He still felt that all this was on him, and that it could have somehow been prevented.

He pushed the thought aside, as he scribbled a note for Brains about MAX. knowing that the scientist preferred the tinkering of his precious robot to be left alone to him.

Virgil went back to the kitchen, still hungry. After all, he never did get to finish his toast.

Alan was gone and John was standing by the kitchen sink trying to hopelessly clean his shirt and failing miserably because he couldn't see.

“Alan's gone to get me another shirt from the laundry. I thought I could fix it myself….” he sighed. “I'm damn soaked though aren't I?”

Virgil smiled "Yeah, you are. Here, it's not much, but it's clean." He said as he pushed a decent sized kitchen cloth into John's hands. "Don't worry, I made sure it's a new one."

"Can I er.... get you anything you else while you wait?" Virgil asked, as he couldn't help ogling at how hot John looked when he was wet. Suddenly, he wasn't so interested in finishing his breakfast anymore.

“Nah it's cool. Was wondering what you were doing today actually.” John tried to give Virgil a smile. “Anywhere to get away from Brains’s mechanical help. You know I hid in the laundry and the walk in pantry all day yesterday to get away from it? Ok so MAX does help grandma out but it's damn scary to have food shoved into your face or things shoved into your hands when you can't see it coming. DON'T get me started on it helping me down stairs. I said yes to Alans help before because I was afraid of MAX spotting me. The day Brains unleashed him on me I fell down the stairs on the landing from its help. Thank hells they have walls on either side!”

Virgil laughed, hoping that Brains would ease up with MAX, after reading his note. Brains has his heart in the right place, but it was miracle no one had gotten hurt just now.

Alan came back, blushed at the sight of John and glanced away when he realised how close he and Virgil where standing before composing himself and placing the clean shirt gently in John's towel free palm.

“Here you go John. Clean shirt. Anyway I better go before Scott complains I'm not on Five yet.” he gave John a kiss on the cheek. “If it's quiet will see you tonight when I'm home, if not don't read that book without me ok?” then he left, with a smile in his face, not because he kissed John in front of Virgil but because he had the guts to kiss him in public. Alan had been dying to do that since forever and since John himself said he has no time for being kept in the shadows, Alan thought it was time he showed courage with how he felt too.

Virgil frowned and looked away when Alan kissed John in front of him. He hated that his younger brother was braver than he was, in showing his affection towards John. He wished he had the same courage. But then again, he was going to have the whole day with him so why let this small thing bother him?

He waited till Alan had left, and was well out of earshot. "Nothing much actually, just a little routine supply run I have to do. Any chance you'd be interested in joining me? I think it might be nice for you to get off the island for a change and Lord knows I need some other company than Gordon. I've just heard all the variants of every possible 'knock knock' joke he's ever come up with." He laughed, then held his breath as he waited for John to answer, hoping he'd say yes.

“Sure, sounds like a good idea. It's been a good nineteen years since I've flown in Thunderbird Two with either you or Scott, though I'm not sure I'll be better company than Gordon.”

John stripped out of his wet shirt and felt for the bench to place it on before pulling on the clean one. Virgil had to admit Alan was good at picking out clothes, the top John replaced on his body was a soft grey thin stretch material that had long sleeves and while loose around his middle, showed his chest quite prominently with how it clung to his lithe structure.

Virgil's mind was in overdrive, in his brain John didn't even get the shirt on because he had roughly pinned him to the bench to make out with him, his hands desperate to open his tight black jeans to seek him out and make him harder than a plank of wood before striping him further to fuck him hard and fast against the bench in broad daylight.

He coughed, trying to flush that image of roughing his older brother up out of his head. He could never be so violently rough with John like that, not after what Scott told him. He deserved a gentle caring lover and Virgil was determined that would be him and not Alan.

Yet Virgil had no idea how much control his youngest brother had in regards to his sexual fantasies or his daydreams and cursed realising Alan after years of obsessing over John might have more control over his mind and body than Virgil could ever hope to possesses. How could he compete with someone who was just waiting for the right moment to make his move?

Virgil needed to stop having these forceful fantasies with John for a start and maybe try something a bit more relaxed. He wasn't sure his imagination would agree with him however… as it certainly wasn't this very second as more physically sexual and brutal ways to fuck his sibling were flooding his mind.

John reached out and touched his cheek and gave him a light kiss on the lips. “Grab me when you're ready to go ok? Kayo gave me some relaxing music to listen to on a new music player that's got braille on its buttons to use instead of my old antique shuffle one. I'll just be in the lounge ok?”

John brushed past him and used his hands to guide him around the kitchen bench and tables till he found the stairs and left Virgil all alone in the kitchen unaware of how horny his younger brother was.

Virgil raised his brow and touched his lips where John had just kissed him. Damn you John, he had absolutely no idea what all these little actions were doing to him and how it was seriously messing with his mind.

He rushed to change into his uniform, he laughed at himself how he had never dressed faster for a boring supply run. But this wasn't an ordinary supply run, now is it? He sniggered to himself. With John beside him this was practically a date.

Virgil found John waiting in the lounge and gently tapped him on the shoulder, not wanting to startle him. "Hey? You good to go?" John nodded and Virgil took the chance to hold him firmly by the hand, having every excuse that he needed to do so to lead him to his beloved green mammoth. He marveled at how perfectly his hand fit with John's and he could barely contain all the butterflies settling in his stomach from this simple joy. For as long as he could help it, Virgil found that he didn't ever want to let go of this precious being.

Eventually though he did have to let go once they arrived at his green mistress. He helped John into the co-pilot seat and helped to strap him in.

Virgil went through the usual preflight checks before starting her engines. There was nothing else in the world that he loved than feeling her rumble to life beneath his feet. Two will always be the number one lady in his life, he had an affinity with her like no other. Scott had often said Virgil flew with his gut rather than with skill. In a way this was true, he barely needed to view the instrumentation before him as he felt every turn, every lurch she made as she responded to his every touch.

"Morning girl, let's fly shall we?" He was long past being embarrassed at talking to his lady in front of his brothers and they've too gotten used to it though they still liked to tease him about it occasionally.

"Ready?" This time he was asking John, his brother smiled and nodded. He launched her into the blue horizon and as she began to level out, he put the autopilot on and unbuckled himself from the seat. He hated the straps as they were always too tight but they were a necessary evil.

"Hey? Any special requests?" Virgil asked as he browsed through his personal playlist.

"I'm good." John said. always easygoing and grateful just to get off the island.

Virgil smiled as Bowie's ‘Space Oddity’ echoed through Two's cockpit. Soon they were both singing along, much like they used to when they were younger. 'Today's going to be a good day.' Virgil smiled to himself.

The music cut and Alan’s voice blipped over the coms. “Sorry Virgil are you able to make a detour on your supply route? There’s a building fire in the newly rebuilt Thompson tower and there’s a family of four people trapped inside where the train subways are supposed to lead into the building.”

“Thompson tower? Isn’t that the building that was supposed to be like an entire city so the people who lived there never had to set foot outside of it?” John frowned, searching his memory.

“That’s the one.” Alan said cheerfully and laughed. “Felt like you couldn’t stay at home today, huh John?”

“Heh, You could say that Alan. But I’m going to be waiting here till Virgil comes back. I’m a civilian remember?”

"Thompson Tower huh? We're just a couple of minutes out. Let them know we're on our way Alan." Virgil sighed, so much for spending a whole day with John. Oh well this was the life he had signed up for, he should be used to it by now.

The journey there was relatively quiet, Virgil whistled as they approached the scene. "That is an amazing piece of architecture, I hope they can salvage what's left. Will be a shame for it to go all up in flames." He circled Two, searching for a landing a safe distance away.

He got up and started grabbing the gear he might need. Walking back to John, "I'm sorry for leaving you here, but duty calls. Be safe till I return. Shouldn't be too long." Virgil said, as he bravely leaned in to give John a soft kiss on the lips. "For luck..." he whispered as he left the cockpit.

 

Evacuating the four victims was straightforward, once Alan had sent their last known location to Virgil and protocol dictated that he make a final sweep of the scene before leaving, working methodically so he could make it out quickly if needed. "All clear here, Alan. I'm making my way out now."

"See? What did I tell ya? Easy peasy." Alan's voice came over his comms, he couldn't help noting a certain glee in his voice. No doubt he was glad he was able to wedge some time with John away from him, Virgil thought.

"Virgil you need to change you path, the floor infront of you is unstable." Alan warned.

He opened the channel on his watch and grunted. "Alan, I think I know more about structure fires than you do, go be an annoying pain in the arse to somrone else ok? You can be such a useless -"

The floor suddenly gave way beneath him. He instinctively brought his right arm out to break the sudden momentum as he fell. Bad choice. Pain shot up his arm as something broke upon impact. Fingers maybe? Possibly his radius or ulna, Virgil thought to himself. He unceremoniously cracked his head against the floor as his body came to a violent stop. He was lucky he had his helmet on, otherwise they'd be scraping pieces of his brains from the floor. He groaned as everything hurt.

Black spots danced in his peripheral vision, his eyes having trouble focusing through the spider web like cracks in his helmet as he fought valiantly to stay awake. Somewhere in the distance, Virgil could hear Alan anxious voice calling out, begging for him to respond. "Am... I'm...ok..." He said, sure that the channel to Alan on his watch was still open. Virgil struggled to form the words to reassure his worried brother as his eyes rolled back and he knew no more.

“Shit!” Alan swore, his voice echoing around the space station. He couldn't just magically summon backup this time, Scott was on a mission with Gordon and Kayo on the other side of the world. There was only one person who he could call. He flicked the com channels over to Thunderbird Two.

“John come in! Something’s happened to Virgil and I need you to go in and check it out!”

John stirred. He was having a nice nap in his seat.

“John are you there? Answer me?!”

“I’m hear Alan. Where’s Scott and the other’s?”

“They’re too far away to get to your location in time. You’re the only one who can help.”

“Not sure I can be much of a help Alan however I’ll give it a damn try.” John stood up. “Ok so… I don’t have a uniform or a helmet, where do I find these?”

Alan ran a scan of the craft. “Walk around to the back of the chair and to the left there should be a compartment with spare helms with extra oxygen canister. I don’t know where Virgil keeps the spare uniforms so you might have to go as you are.”

“Great, at least I can breathe in there. That’s one things sorted.” John felt his way around in the direction Alan described and located a hatch with his hands and sure enough, there was something that felt like a helmet.

“Hey John, on the right of the helm there should be a button that allows a video feed from it to link up to me on Five. Can you find it and press it?”

“FAB.” John gingerly felt around the object in his hands till something like a button was under his fingertips and pressed it.

A little screen lit up on Alan’s monitors of the inside of Thunderbird Two. “Excellent! We’re in business! Ok so now I can see whatever you can’t see in front of you John so that should make this a hell of alot easier. Infront of you in that same place you grabbed the helmet should be a few mini canisters of oxygen that connect to the back of the helmets, take two of them and we’ll get you going.”

John smiled. Alan remembered something he taught him about the suits after all. “Ok Alan,” John said as he put on the helmet and slipped what felt like two metallic cylinders into his pockets. “I’m ready to go. My life is in your hands right now, I trust you to look after it.”

Alan let out a deep breath. “I promise John. You have to promise me you’ll listen to every single instruction I give you.”

John gave a small laugh. “I’m not in a position to argue with you there.”

“Good. Now move your head to the right, that’s where the platform is. I’ll trigger it remotely from here when I see you're standing on it.”

“FAB.”

Alan watched carefully and guided John out of Thunderbird Two and into the burning inferno that was Thompson tower. Lucky for John noone could hear the radio coms he was getting from Alan otherwise they wouldn’t have even let him near the building.

“Ok John your inside. There’s a wall to your left, touch it and follow it until I tell you to stop. Please tread carefully.” Alan said as he brought up a map of the building and Virgil’s location blinked. Thankfully he was somewhere on the ground level in the warren like maze of the building and not somewhere like a few floors up or the basement. Alan wouldn’t have risked asking John to do this if that was the case, as getting them both trapped meant certain death for his older siblings.

"Ok... my left..." John nodded, as he gingerly reached out for the wall and followed it. "Am I on the right path Al?" He was worried, Virgil's life was depending on his success. John continued forward till he there was no more wall. "Ok, now where to?" The heat was started to really build up he was starting to sweat, making him desperately clinging to Alan's voice like a lifeline.

"Ok... head straight... three doors down. Come on John, you can do this." He said to himself, needing the distraction. He was hardly involved in the physical aspects of rescues even when he could see, but like hell he was going to leave one of his brothers dying alone somewhere from their injuries. Virgil you better be alive when I find you, if only to strangle you myself. John thought.

“Hold it John!” Alan shouted. “Move your head to the right a little for me please, but don’t walk anywhere.”

John stopped in his tracks and turned right as Alan had requested. "Anything Alan?" They needed to find Virgil and soon. For all they knew, he could be bleeding to death right now.

“Yeah, just give me a second. Smoke is playing havoc with the visual, running a scan through your helmet’s computer to pick up other stuff I can’t usually see…. There we go. Ok walk to your right and touch the wall, don’t move forward though, I need to see how far that blockage infront of you is and if it’s possible to safely go around.”

"Ok..." John frowned as he tried to follow Alan's instructions. Fucking hell, this was beyond frustrating, he felt that he wasn't helping at all. Focus John... now's not the time for you to be losing your shit... he thought to himself. "How much further till I reach him Alan? Are his vitals ok?"

“Wish I could say you we’re close John but he’s in the middle of the building. This place is a maze and I can’t afford to lose you in it too. I’m sorry if this is slow but it was you who drummed it into our head you’re better to safe than sorry.” Alan did flick a glance at Virgil’s readings and frowned. “The only thing I have active is his locator, everything else is down. You may have to change his air supply the second you reach him.”

Alan then checked John’s own air supply and was relieved that all the extra talking wasn’t wasting it. “Ok John walk ten paces forward, then I want you to walk back across to the left wall and you should have a door infront of you. Don’t open it, I need to know if it’s hot or not. For some reason the heat scanners are not working and I think that’s because you’re not wearing a suit. Uh… I might need you to tell me. Be careful John, it can be very hot if there’s fire on the other side.”

"Right... ten paces... careful of hot door..." John nodded, he counted his steps as he walked forward.

"...ten" He gingerly reached out, ready to retract his hand in case the door was hot. Thankfully, it was cool to the touch. "Alan? The door's not hot. I'm going to try opening it ok?" He asked, as he waited for an answer, he was going to trust Alan explicitly here. He couldn't help feeling a little proud at how calm he was throughout.

“FAB. Don't walk through till I give the all clear.”

"Ok..." John said, humming a little made up tune to distract him from the heat. "Hey Alan? I'm glad it's you, here with me. Not Scott, who'd be fucking unbearable. And not Gordon either, god can you imagine all the inappropriate jokes he'd be cracking right now?"

“Yeah well either of them is better than what Virgil called me earlier before we got cut off… coast is clear, keep to the left till the wall ends. You're getting closer but I get a feeling there's going to be a mess of debris and I hope to hell it's not on fire.”

John laughed before continuing on his way. His progress was slow, having to take his time lest there was any rubble he might accidentally trip over. He couldn't afford to get injured, not when Alan and Virgil were counting on him. John could only pray Virgil could hold on till he reached him. All the while he kept humming his little made up tune.

“Stop.” Alan looked at the visual feed. “Have to go around...give me a minute to find...shit…John the floor is unstable here, don't walk anywhere.”

"Sure..." John stood rooted to the ground, while Alan searched for a solution. Shit, the heat was intense. He started whistling to distract himself, wondering how Virgil was coping, praying he hadn't already run out of oxygen. "Let me know if you need any visuals elsewhere Alan." He said more for himself than Alan, trying to convince his brain he wasn't left alone as Alan furiously worked to find an alternative route.

“Right, John directly to your right is two doors. Check both of them out carefully. Both lead around the floor and back out on the other side of this corridor which should get you closer to Virgil.”

"Ok... on my right... two doors..." John proceeded cautiously. He paused just outside the first door, he reached out grateful that it was cool enough to be opened. "Alan, seems to be clear on the other side. Is it safe to try opening it?"

“Open it and wait till I give you the all clear from the visual feed.”

John pulled on the door, damn it was much heavier than the last one. He pulled and with a final yank managed to open it at last.

"Ok... fuck that door. Is Virgil close? Please tell me you see him?" John asked, he was getting worried about how long he was taking, grateful for Alan's patience but anxious about the extent of Virgil's injuries and how he was still maintaining radio silence.

“Try the other door John and close that one now!” Alan's voice sounded grave. From what he could see on the helmet cam he was surprised the door wasn't hot and relived John had not moved. Flames licked both sides of that hall way towards the end of it and down the left which was the direction John had to walk to go around the unstable corridor. No way was he sending him into it.

John acted quickly from the urgency from Alan's voice. Fucking hell this door is heavy. He grunted as he pulled with all his might, finally getting it closed.

He lost his bearings for a while, and consulted Alan for the proper heading. Humming to himself, he used the wall beside him to guide him towards the other door.

Gingerly touching the door again to find it was once again cool. He smiled to himself, grateful for these small favors, and couldn't help wondering if it was because someone was watching over them. 'Mum? Please let Virgil be ok. We can't go through this again.' He prayed silently.

"Hey Alan? Seems cool enough, I'm going to open it ok?" Once Alan gave the ok, he opened the door. Grateful that this one was lighter than the last. "Tell me what you see, Alan." Man, he was starting to get tired. He had a newfound appreciation for the physical aspects as well as the dedication of his siblings to the job. It had been such a long time since he himself did a rescue of this magnitude, twenty to twenty one years at least with light pepperings of them here and there since then.

“Looks clear. You need to walk along to your left and through the door at the end of the room. Be careful as I can see stuff like chairs against the wall you have to walk along.”

John nodded proceeding cautiously. It wasn't long before his foot made contact with the first chair. Once again, he was grateful that Alan was observant enough to inform him about it. Gordon wouldn't have thought to do so, and Scott would probably have kept mum on purpose just to watch him struggle.

He climb over the chair never daring to take his hand off the wall, afraid he might not able to find it again even with Alan's help. About twice more he had to climb over chairs blocking his path. Damn it Virgil, you owe me 'big' time for this he thought as he climbed over what he hoped would be the last obstacle.

"Alan? I think I'm here. What now?" John asked.

“I see the door, is it still cold?”

John reached out to touch said door, luck was still on their side. "Yeah it is, can I try opening it?"

“Yes, same as before John.”

Alan marked it as safe on his map. Already he had a safe route planned out to return them both outside, hopefully no other hazards have occurred while John was feeling his way around.

“Walk three steps forward and look around so I can see what you need to do. Virgil might be under some debris in here and we can't afford to make more come on top of him or have you burning yourself on hot steel or flaming floorboards.” now that John was closer to Virgil, Alan could pick up some signature to indicate he was alive however there was no accurate way to scan his physical condition as even with the helmets lights the visual was plagued by smoke and ash which forced Alan to use the scanners on fixed objects that could free his older brother without causing John too much difficulty and prevent more of the debri crashing on top of both of them.

“John you need to strap your hands, there's a metal pipe over across Virgil's shoulders, should be six steps in front of you to the right a little at waist height. Move that carefully and you can pull Virgil out by the arms from the rubble without shifting too much around him.”

John did as instructed, bending forward slightly he feel for the metal pipe. It was where Alan had said it would be, and he carefully removed it, not wanting to hurt Virgil further if he could help it.

He threw the pipe a safe distance away, and reached out to feel for his brother. John felt for Virgil's shoulders and pulled him out by grabbing him under the arms. He fell backwards, as the motion pulled Virgil's entire body onto him. "Gee Virge, lay off the chocolate cake next time will yeah?" He laughed, glad he had reached his injured brother at last.

“Everything alright John? There was a minor problem with the visual. If you can feel it, replace the oxygen canister at the back of Virgil's helm with one of the ones you brought and replace yours with the other. You air is low and I'm betting his is out completely. Then we can focus on you carrying him out of there.”

"Yeah, everything's ok." John laughed as he patted Virgil on the back, as if seeking a physical reassurance that his brother was still alive. "Give me a sec. Big guy's squashing me here..." he said, as he gently placed Virgil on the floor, and worked to replace both their oxygen. "You're doing more than just well here Alan, I'm proud of you." He smiled, beaming with pride.

"Ok you big lug, let's get you outta here shall we?" John said, as he tried to figure out the best way to carry Virgil out. "Er Alan, how am I supposed to do this?"

“Not to shabby yourself John.” Alan chuckled. “Ok this is the easy bit, just do exactly what I tell you…

Thankfully getting outside of the tower was far easier than getting in, Alan telling John how many steps to take and where yo turn as now his brother could no longer use the wall to guide him with Virgil slung around over his shoulders.

He guided him to Thunderbird Two and towards the medbeds to lay Virgil down and once he was, Alan remotely fired up the scanners and other medical information and was happy to report he was going to be fine with the exception of heavy bruising and a concussion they need to watch him for.

“Ok John now for the fun part… how well do you remember flying Thunderbird Three?” Alan asked.

"Pretty ok, I guess? Why?" John laughed, he had an inkling of what Alan was going to suggest and was a little flattered that someone would think that he was still capable enough to do something useful for once.

"I'm going to wire one of the pods into the ship's controls. they're set up the exact same way Thunderbird Three is so you'll be able to fly this big girl home while I help you lift off and land her on the runway at home. You up for that?"

"Yeah sure, I guess? Not much a choice here though is There?" John laughed nervously, he had barely any time to pilot Two before this and now he was going to attempt to do so when he's blind? John prayed he won't scratch Virgil's precious green fly, otherwise there'd be hell to pay. He strapped himself in the pilot's seat, hands ready at the steering. "I'm ready. Let's do this Alan."

Inside the hologlobe of Thunderbird Five Alan loaded up a holographic simulation of the pod and he set his hand into the same ignition position and flicked the visual from John's helmet in front of him as the visual for his holo simulation. “Ok John, begin take off and retract her legs using the lever on your right near the hand control for right turning, just like in Thunderbird Three. The lever is in the same location as it would be for the retractable arms.”

Alan watched as John's hands moved as if they were going through the motions and imitated the movements in time on the simulation so he could see the gauges and all the other important things in relation to flight John couldn't. If it wasn't for the need to rely on those gauges for altitude and leveling the craft John could fly any of the Thunderbird unaided.

Alan knew his brother would be smiling. You never forget the feeling of flying your first craft.

“Ok John, you have altitude, you're clear to turn her around thirty degrees and level her off for the flight home. I will keep an eye on your guages for you and your navigation however for now you have smooth sailing ahead.”

"Thanks Alan." John said, and then clicked on what he hoped was the right button he remember that would suspend the audio temporarily. "Ok Two, it's just you and me. I know you're not used to anyone other Virgil handling you, but he's a bad way and I need to get him home. I need you to work with here, ok?" John laughed at how silly this sounded, Two was a plane with no capability to respond like EOS could. EOS... he didn't realize how much he had missed her till this point. He sighed, making a mental note to ask Alan to connect him to her. In truth, he had forgotten all about her, she would have been worried about him. Some friend he was.

He reached for the same button to reconnect the audio. "...John? John! Respond! Damn it..." Alan's worried and frustrated voice came over the connection.

"I'm here Alan. Hearing you loud and clear."

"What happened? I lost audio with you for a while back there!" Alan was more than glad to hear John's voice, having brief horrific visions of his brother crashing in a fiery mess of tangled metal, as not only had the visual cut but the entire holographic synchronisation with the craft and it's data readouts. If John hit turbulence and lost control he would never have forgiven himself for being unable to help him out of it.

"I must have pressed the wrong button... I'm sorry." John lied.

"Well... it's ok. Just don't do it again." Alan replied, John's actions had looked deliberate over the video feed but he trusted him if he said it had been an accident.

"We good Alan?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"Ok... Turning thirty degrees and leveling out now..." John said, the power he felt as Two responded to his commands was amazing. Was this what Virgil felt every time he flew? John wondered. No wonder he loved her so much. She was a dream to handle, compared to the few rare occasions he had to pilot One who was a temperamental mistress and his first love that was pure raw power even before Brains built ion booster engines by the time Alan flew her.

"Hey Alan? Open a video link from Two's sick bay on your end. I want to know if Virgil wakes up. I'm a little worried he hasn't regained consciousness."

"Yeah sure..." Alan mentally cursed, he had been concentrating hard on paying attention to what was going on in the ship's flight controls that he blanked out everything else. The video feed popped up on his screen and he scolded himself for almost forgetting about him, when he saw how pale Virgil was lying on the bed. Already Scott was trying to get into contact with him to find out what was happening at the tower fire.

He opened a separate channel to send Virgil's scans and vitals to Brains so that he could prep the infirmary for Virgil's arrival and when Brains queried who was flying the large craft, he almost had a heart attack.

“Calm down Brains, John can do this. He'll have to leave her on the runway but he can do it.”

“I-If you say so Alan.”

“I trust him Brains, as right now he's trusting me with both his and Virgil's lives. I'm not in a position to allow doubt into either of our heads.”

John’s voice cut through. “How is he Alan? Please tell me he's going to be alright.”

“He's stable, there's not much I can do from here till you land. I’ve just informed Brains what's happening so he's ready for you when you land. Also judging by you ETA, Scott and Gordon will be there the greet you on the runway and take care of Virgil so you won't need to worry.”

At least… not worry about them tearing you a new arsehole for flying blind, Alan thought to himself. Scott's going to rip ME apart for this.

 

Alan touched down and ran straight into the living room where he was greeted by Scott, Kayo and Grandma Tracy. None of them looked happy to see him.

“Where are they? How's John? Is Virgil doing ok? I only got his vitals once he was inside Thunderbird Two an-”

“Sit down Alan.” Scott barked. “Gordon is with Virgil making sure his concussion does not get worse and Kayo just made sure John's safe in his own room.”

Alan looked relieved. The last part about having John fly the huge craft home under his instructions had been absolutely nerve wracking, much more than the building fire itself.

“I said SIT DOWN.” Scott snapped angrily.

Terrified, Alan did so. “I didn't have a choice, if I called you Virgil would have died by being cooked alive.” he said promptly, trying not to show how scared he was. Right now all he wanted to do was hug both his siblings tight.

Scott clicked his tongue. “You still sent John in there after him. That was a very dangerous decision, even for you.”

“It was the only option and I didn't send him in unassisted. You can check the logs in Thunderbird Five with EOS if you like. I used video feed and maps of the building to guide him and he assisted me by physically getting Virgil out and getting him home. I'm in no way going to be made sorry for what we both did and neither is John.” Alan's eyes narrowed. “Virgil ignored my warning about the floor being unstable and he got hurt for it. I'm in no way at fault for him putting his own life at risk when I did what was right.”

“I take full responsibility for sending John into the building and flying Thunderbird Two home which by the way, John did without a single problem as I saw whatever he couldn't see. He trusted me with his life and I trusted in his skills and his own experience to get the job done even with my remote assistance. We worked as a team, something none of us have done properly since I took over his old post. Neither of us should be made to feel guilty for pulling off a rescue that saved a life of one of our own.” Alan then stood up. “If you think I'm going to sit here and be lectured on safety and protocols then just remember this - John trained me for that job, not you. Everything he ever learned he had to teach me because every part of being up there is important. Sure I'm still green and not a computer wiz like he is but I need the chance to learn those too. You put me up there as you know having backup and assistance is important but since you NEVER LISTEN TO ME accidents were going to happen at SOME POINT. Virgil is lucky that both me and John trust each other enough to do something that dangerous and still be safe, otherwise he would be dead!”

Alan then spun on his heels and walked away, heading for the infirmary. He poked his head in Virgil's and sure enough Gordon was watching over him, even if it was through his sleeping eyelids while his head rested on the foot of the bed. He then headed back up the three flights of stairs towards the bedrooms and before heading to his own, he checked in on John who was lying down with his faded eyes staring at the ceiling indicating he was very much awake.

“Is that you Alan?” he asked softly.

“Yes John. I was just checking that both you and Virgil were ok.”

John smiled. “We both are, thanks to you. I can't speak in behalf of Virgil however I can for me..Alan, I'm very proud of you. You stayed calm and focused the entire time and made sure I stayed safe getting him out and getting us home. For that I am eternally grateful.”

His arms outstretched indicating that he wanted a hug and after Alan shut the door he was more than happy to oblige, cuddling into the safety and warmth of his older brother's embrace.

“I was terrified I could have gotten you both trapped in there.” Alan admitted. “I don't think I could forgive myself if I did lose both of you.”

“I know Alan. More than you’ll ever know.” John then pulled Alan in to kiss him gently and he repaid it in kind and giggled when John's soft face fuzz brushed his lips. Alan allowed John's tongue to explore his mouth, the silver piercing rolled over his own, caressing it delicately while he was brought under the spell that was his brother.

John's hands lightly rubbed up and down the length of Alan's back as they made out over and over and Alan's own hands wandered up under his tight shirt, massaging his older siblings chest and hesitantly exploring with his finger tips. John purred between kisses as parts of his body began to fire up hot and over sensitive from Alan's touch while Alan himself let out little surprised gasps and a few teasing little moans, tempting him to explore him further with a bit more boldness than he was originally prepared to be.

Alan was NOT a kid anymore.

He was a very sexy, soft and well structured young man… who only had love for one person in the world...and John felt he didn't deserve him, heck he didn't deserve either of them but right now they needed the comfort each other could bring.

They spent the night embraced like this, going no further than heavy petting while they kissed each other softly, Alan enjoying how his brother's hands felt like healing kisses under his shirt and down the back of his jeans, caressing his arse while he listened to the quiet growls John made as he gently played with his nipples under his fingers and teased that sensitive area just above his pelvis beneath the belly button.

He could feel John rubbing up against his own hard on through his jeans but unless John wanted to go further, Alan had to wait it out and behave himself. The fact John let him get this far already was more than enough, especially after what they had put each other through.

There was no way Alan was ever going to let John go, no matter how much more time Virgil got to be with him. He fell asleep, cuddled into him with one of John's hands up the front of his shirt and down the back of his pants while he had one of his own tucked under the side of his brother's shirt and the other down the front of his jeans but touching his hips, waiting for that special permission that may one day come.

 

A night to remember, a night to forget

Virgil woke with a start and sat up suddenly, he started coughing violently as his body still tried to clear the imaginary smoke and dust in his lungs. He heaved heavily, as his chest worked hard to compensate for his deep breaths.

He tried to wrap his arms around him to ease the pain, but pain shot up his injured right arm. Fuck, it felt like his whole chest was on fire, and he couldn't breathe. A pair of reassuring hands patted his back in soothing motions and an oxygen mask was placed over his mouth and nose. Virgil took in grateful gasps of fresh air as the hands guided him to lay back onto the bed. He peered around his surroundings through half closed eyes.
He was in the infirmary? Back home? How? When?

He found he didn't have the strength to ask. "John... is he ok? Where?" He gasped as he reached out to grab one of the hands for reassurance, barely able to string coherent sentences together.

"He's safe and ok. So are you but you need to just rest." The voice said softly while running smoothing motions through his hair.

"Gordon?" Virgil asked, holding onto his hand like his life depended on it. "Stay... please..." and he retreated into comfort of the darkness that pulled him under. He didn't feel his brother leaning to gently kiss his forehead, as he whispered "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." And he held on just as tightly to Virgil's good hand.

Later on, Gordon wandered into the livingroom for a few minutes break from the stagnant light of the infirmary and saw Alan not just hovering around John, both sitting intimately close listening to something on Alan's little red tablet with earbuds.

Probably some silly podcast from years ago, he grunted.

He was about discount it when he watched Alan brush John's hair back and start nuzzling him till John started laughing and kissing him playfully in return.

Gordon dropped the mug of tea he was drinking.

Alan looked up at the clatter, saw him and then gave John a deeper kiss before getting up and assisting Gordon with the mess.

“I thought you and Virgil had RULES.” he hissed.

Alan grinned deviously and with his voice low, replied. “John changed them on us and then he changed them further last night. I'm still in for a shot, B R O T H E R.” he stretched the last word out to emphasize it.

“Wait so you've had sex?”

Alan shook his head. “No. I'm not going to take advantage of him like that Gordon, as right now it's clearly see where it goes - however - I'd never turn him down if he asked me. I love him so much I could wait forever if he asked me too but right now he's just happy kissing and playing with me and no joke - I'm loving the ability to finally return it. John said he doesn't want a relationship or a lover who will hide away, he wants to be open and you know what? So do I.”

“So you're not afraid of Virgil anymore, huh?”

“Till John decides I still will be and when he's up and about I may reign myself in a little bit but right now I have John to myself, something I might not get to have once Virgil is healthy again.” Alan gave him a weak smile. “I'm in no doubt Virgil behaves the same way I do when he has him all alone but in truth I don't care as it's not my business…. Besides,” he gave John a glance before continuing. “It's not like anyone's having sex right? Lets not beat around the bush here, we're not going to force that on anyone just to be in a relationship with who we want… at least, I'm not going to. If it happen naturally though….”

Gordon smiled as Alan blushed. “You really are deeply in love with him aren't you?”

“Y-yes.”

Gordon put an arm around him and grinned. “Wish you all the luck my friend.”

“Means alot knowing someone is on my side in this decision I'm making.”

Gordon's smile widened. “Always Alan. NOW, you go get him tiger!”

He watched his younger brother straighten up and walk back over towards John on the couch and as he put in his ear bud, John kissed his lips and cuddled into him and Alan wrapped his arm around him protectively.

Thank you Alan, you've given me an idea. Gordon chuckled.

 

When Virgil next woke, he was still holding onto Gordon's hand who was sleeping with his head resting on the other hand on the edge of the bed. "G... Gordon?" He said, his voice barely above a whisper. He removed the oxygen mask and tried again, poking Gordon on the shoulder. "Gordon? You need proper rest... go... go to your room."

"Huh?" Gordon stirred at the sound of Virgil's voice. "Oh hey, you're awake." He laughed a little, it was so typical that Virgil was the one who was injured but he was the one who was chasing him to bed. "Nah, I'm good. How you feeling? Are you in any pain?" He asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and started to check the read out scans from the display panel above Virgil's bed.

"Am ok... doesn't hurt that bad..." Virgil lied, his head was already fuzzy enough without having more drugs clouding it. "I'm serious Gordon. How long have you been here? You need proper sleep. You'd start to hate me from hanging around here so much..." He laughed a little before stopping deciding that laughing was a bad idea as the side of his ribs hurt.

"How about you let me be the judge of that?" Gordon chuckled, glad that Virgil was awake enough to be cracking jokes.

"How... how bad are my injuries?" He asked, remembering the pain from the impact of the fall.

"Let's see..." Gordon said, as he flicked through the digital tablet at the end of the bed. "Three broken fingers... shattered radius... concussion... bruised ribs." Gordon whistled "You're lucky you know that? Considering the height of your fall."

Virgil laughed, ignoring the pain in his side that was protesting. "Doesn't feel like it. So which one of you guys pulled me out?"

"John did. With Alan's help."

"Wha?" Virgil sat up, shocked. "Is he ok? Did he get hurt? Where is he?"

"Easy big guy..." Gordon frowned as he felt a pang of jealously and he gently pushed Virgil back to lie down. "He's fine. Him and Alan make a great team. It took a while to reach you but Alan lead John through the rubble with just video visuals and scans."

Virgil sighed at that comment but made a mental note to thank John and Alan. Alan especially, he had been unnecessarily hard on him when he 'interrupted' his time with John. But he pulled through and showed he was more than an important member of the team, having coordinated a difficult rescue with only John to aid him. The level of trust needed from both of them to rely on each other like that, not even Virgil thought he had that with any of his brothers. He couldn't help feeling a little jealous? He sighed as he leaned a little further into the pillow and opened his eyes a little when he felt Gordon's worried stare on him.

"You ok, Gordon?"

"Yeah... I just... you scared the shit outta me you know? I was stuck with Scott and Kayo on another rescue, I almost went half mad with worry." Gordon confessed, as he shuffled nervously between his feet.

"Hey Squid, I'm ok... still kicking." He laughed, biting back a grunt, as his ribs screamed at him to stop laughing. "Come here... you look like you could use a hug." Virgil said, as he threw aside the blanket covering him, and extended his good arm out invitingly.

Gordon flushed briefly before diving head first into Virgil's open arm. Careful not to aggregate his ribs, Gordon settled into Virgil as he wrapped his arm around him. He nuzzled against him, the comfort from his beating heart filled him with a peace he lacked since finding out about Virgil's injury.

Virgil smiled and stroked Gordon's hair lovingly. He felt bad that he had neglected Gordon, ever since he started developing feelings for John.

"Virgil?" Gordon whispered as he looked up towards him. "Promise me you won't scare me like that, ever..."

"Aww Gordo, you know I can't..." Virgil never got to finish his sentence, as Gordon boldly reached upward to kiss him. He wasn't forceful like the first time he tried to shove his tongue in his mouth. No, this time Gordon was gentle, his lips softly brushing against Virgil's, seeking kind permission to enter. Maybe it was the unexpected surprise of the kiss or the pain still clouding his better judgement but Virgil found himself kissing Gordon back in response, their tongues flirting and exploring each other's mouths.

Goosebumps danced across Virgil's skin, he never thought he could feel this way with anyone other than John. What was all ‘this’ that he was feeling from just kissing Gordon?

When they finally broke apart, Gordon bravely straddled himself across Virgil's lap. "I want you Virge... I want you inside me... here and now..." He didn't give Virgil a chance to reply, afraid of his answer. Gordon began kissing Virgil again, slowly peeling back the loose button top from those strong muscular shoulders. He could feel himself getting hard and from the feeling he was getting from under him and so was Virgil.

"Gordon... this is going to change everything... I'm not sure if..." Virgil whispered, his breaths coming in short and hard.

"Shhhh..." Gordon replied, placing a finger on Virgil's lips. "Just think of it as you doing a favor for me... you can do that, can't you?"

He leaned forward to nuzzle and suck on Virgil's earlobes teasingly as his brother moaned with pleasure. There was no more need for words as Virgil let his body give Gordon the reply he was desperately seeking for.

Virgil reached under Gordon's shirt, feeling the surgery scars from the hydrofoil accident on his back. Gordon got the hint and he sat up and took his shirt off. Virgil then reached into his board shorts and underwear to feel the curve of his arse.

Virgil closed his eyes, biting his lips to restrain himself from calling Gordon's name. Gordon smiled slyly at this vision as his fingers worked to untie the knot holding his shorts up. Once his clothes were on the infirmary floor, he worked on getting Virgil's shorts off. He left it hanging around his knees to tease him further as he leaned in to tease and stroke Virgil's glorious erection with his tongue. He was rewarded with his brother's body trembling with pleasure from under him.

Fucking hell! Virgil had always been the dominant one in all his sexual encounters, even in his sexual fantasies. To have someone servicing him on top like this for a change was exhilarating and the sensation was thrilling to say the least and as far as he knew, Gordon had yet to be with someone sexually. But god, for someone who was supposedly inexperienced, he was working with a magic that only had pure imagination to fuel his next move. But there was also something different? Virgil thought, he swore that as Gordon touched him with delicate yet deliberate moves he could feel the love his brother had for him flowing from his being, filling to every abscess of his pores.

Gordon decided he was done teasing, he was more than ready. He positioned himself over Virgil and pushed his brother inside of him, causing the both of them gasped together. Fuck, it hurt! Gordon bit down on his lip. Virgil hand came over to guide his hip's movement, showing him how to move without causing more pain and soon he relaxed and began enjoying the pleasure of having his brother moving within him. Gordon inclined his body forward, their chests touching, as something beyond the physical between them connected and sparks flew as their bodies danced together rocking to a beautiful symphony that only their bodies could hear.

Virgil could no longer feel the fire from his ribs protesting at all this movement, his adrenaline rushing over to fill with endless joy and pleasure instead.

His hand came away from Gordon's hips, his brother no longer needed his guidance and he fondled the blond locks he was so familiar with. He didn't know what he was feeling, he was beyond confused at how he was responding so much under Gordon's touch, but one thing he was sure of was that he never wanted this magic between them to end. "Oh god Gordon..." he could no longer hold back and his name finally escaped his lips.

Gordon was ecstatic with ecstasy, how long had he wanted this? To have this experience with the brother he had loved from afar for so long, it was like being finally lead to the water's edge after walking through an endless desert. He shuddered with pleasure from hearing call his name like that, his voice so deep... so sensual.

How long they danced together like this, neither of them knew. Time no longer held any meaning when they were together. It was only when Gordon felt something dripping between his legs, did he even realize he had made his brother cum. He sat back up but without moving away. He wasn't sure if anything between them was to continue beyond this, so he was determined to savor this as long as Virgil would allow him. If he could, he would never allow Virgil to move outside of him again. As he sat there he admired the magnificent specimen of a human being being before him. Gordon watched as his brother's breathing evened out and only when he felt Virgil's boner slowly dying inside him, was he willing to move.

Gordon got up and got a hot towel to clean himself and Virgil. They didn't say anything, only smiling at each other shyly. When he was done and both of them dressed, Gordon made to leave. But Virgil had other ideas, as he held onto his wrist. "Stay?" Just one word, so simple but filled with so much more behind it. Gordon smiled and nodded as he crawled back into bed with Virgil. They snuggled close and fell asleep in each other's arms, each dreaming of the magic they had weaved together.

 

Alan knew that during his next shift there was a chance Virgil was going to be alright to walk around again which was good news however It meant any progress he had made with John was going to be pushed right back to square one. There had to be something he could do that would not only sweep his brother off his feet but also make sure he wasn’t forgotten about as a potential lover.

He had taken John a few times to check on him, but after awhile they both decided it was best to leave Gordon as his carer as there wasn’t very much they could do for him while he was still floating in and out of consciousness. In one way Alan felt bad trying to win John over like this but he also knew that if that was him lying on that bed Virgil wouldn’t have hesitated to keep John as far away from him as possible, which would have devastated him no end. At least every time they dropped by they both left little gifts hoping that when he did awake properly he knew that they had been to see him and had not ignored him while he was injured.

Not that they would of if the situation was normal anyway, an injured sibling is an injured sibling, regardless of what else is going on in the house between you.

There was an advantage to John being blind, for one he didn’t have to worry about taking him to another room of the house while he prepared his little romantic set up in the livingroom. Alan carried a small glass table from the outside patio up the stairs and put it in front of the windows along with two garden chairs and when Scott asked him politely about how silly it was to set it up there infront of a view John couldn’t see, Alan just smiled sweetly and said that it wasn’t anything to do with the view outside for the spot he picked, but rather about the size of the open space on the floor.

“Can’t have John falling into the pool outside on me now can I?” he chuckled quietly to a curious Scott. “Besides, don’t you have a date to go on?”

“But you guys won’t be fully alone, even if Kayo and Brains take Grandma off the Island for dinner too. You still have Gordon here.”

“Good.” Alan smiled. “It means for a few hours I don’t have to stress about Virgil panicking there’s no one in the room with him. Don’t worry I’m going to take them both down some dinner and a few other things, they’re not going to miss out. They need looking after too, especially Gordon… I don’t think he’s been eating since Virgil got hurt, which makes me really worried.”

Scott nodded. He never had to question Alan when it came to things about Gordon in the same way as he never had to in regards to John. Alan was close to both of them and knew them so well he sometimes swore they had a symbiotic relationship between the three of them.

Once Alan had most of the house to himself he started to busy himself in the kitchen, making as chicken broth with noodles for Virgil, some pancakes with nutella stuffing - Gordon’s favorite to cheer him up a little and hopefully encourage him to eat something even if it was the most sickly sweet thing on the planet - and then made them both his own home made ice cream that John had once showed him how to do but one with his own flavors of mint, vanilla and cinnamon - things that he knew neither of his older siblings would pass up and at least eat that if the didn’t have the other stuff. With the help of MAX, he carried two trays of delicious smelling food to the infirmary and was greeted with a smile from Gordon and was happy for once to see Virgil awake.

He waited for Gordon to place the rolling side hospital table table over Virgil’s lap before he put the brother and the first ice cream down and then he took the other off MAX and put that in front of Gordon on the other end of it along with all the cutlery.

“Hope you're both hungry, thought you’d both like something special tonight.” he smiled, wiping his hands on his apron, one that Kayo had got him as a joke that read ‘Home made means I licked the spoon and then kept using it.’ across the chest with a picture of a deer licking a big cake mixing spoon.

"Thanks Alan." Virgil said. Truth be told, having Gordon take care of him like this, had helped to take his mind off John for a while. For a brief moment, he wondered if Alan was enjoying having John all to himself for a change. He shakes the thought away, as Gordon placed the food on the roll away table in front of him.

Gordon jumped at the chance to feed Virgil, although there was really no need to, Virgil was equally skilled with his left hand as he was with his right having discovering early on he was ambidextrous. He couldn't but laugh, flattered by Gordon's undivided attention.

The two of them was lost in each other's eyes, forgetting Alan was even there. Alan raised a brow, as he made his quiet exit. Did something happen between the two that he had missed?

He sighed. Seeing that before him made him think about what he was going to try with John, realising that his next chance he got has to be more special as if Gordon could do it with Virgil, then pretty much it was the easiest most uncreative thing he could have chosen to do to win John's heart.

Alan set two plates on each side at the small table table and placed a big candle between them - leaving it unlit till after dinner and placed his little red tablet on a stand next to it to play some light piano music. Outside the rain lightly patted the window and made beautiful accompaniment to the little tune coming from the tablet. If Virgil wasn’t so easily jealous of him spending time with John he would have asked for him to play however even if he would want to he was too unwell to do so anyway.

He then walked over to John who was busy reading on his braille pad and kissed his cheek.

“I’ve made a special dinner tonight. I really hope you like it.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” Alan nuzzled him. “Very special, because it’s just for you.”

John put the reader down and let Alan help him off the couch and lead him up the few stairs from the living room chairs towards the window where he had set up his little dinner.

“The rain sounds magical with that music, Alan.” John smiled, taking in the atmosphere Alan had managed to create with the most simplest of actions.

“Thank you… I know how besides the stars you love the smell that comes with the rain.” Alan blushed as he helped his brother sit down before taking his own seat. “In front of you is dinner, on your right hand side is desert.” Alan also set it up this way on purpose since his brother was left handed so he didn’t end up wearing desert on his loose jumper, something that was happening more and more often now his other brothers were doing any cooking and table set ups for meals - everyone tended to forget when John used to do it all the time he always made sure his was set to accommodate his dominate hand and always added to the confusion at the dinner table when he tended to set it up for everyone else the same way too - always confused as to why no one else did and why no one else seemed to be happy with it.

“Hey wow, do I smell roast pork and gravy?” John sniffed. “With thyme in it? And is that… Strawberry cheesecake?”

“Ha! my goodness John, your sense of smell has a life of its own!” Alan laughed.

“Well not quite but I promise it will get there. What I wouldn't give away to be able to cook again, I really miss doing it. Heck no one has made roast pork since my last birthday and even then I had to make it myself.”

Alan chuckled. “I've been practicing. It's not easy trying to remember everything you used to do in the kitchen, you were a multitasking machine that was impossible to keep track of.”

John laughed a little embarrassed. “After dealing with multiple disasters everyday cooking for eight people who like so many different things - it's as easy as juggling chainsaws.”

Alan watched as his brother struggled with trying to cut the pork. “You know I'm going to regret this later if I can't damn eat this after how good it smells.” John frowned. He tried again and this time stabbed the stake knife into his hand by accident, dropping the cutlery with a clatter. The months proceeding his accident meant the only food he had been able to feed himself was either with his fingers or on a spoon meaning when more complex meals were made he was always the one getting the most mushed simplified version of it. It made his taste buds cry in agony that there was so much he was missing out on that he liked to eat but pride also stopped him from asking for help when it came to anything that involved knives, feeling utterly useless that he couldn't use them anymore with the risk of missing the plate entirely or slicing his own fingers.

Tonight, he would have to accept the blow to his pride at the limitations of his independence.

“Alan… please can you cut this for me? I feel really silly that I can't do something so simple to enjoy the food you spent ages making.” he asked as polite as possible.

“Sure John… ummm I'm sorry abo-.”

“If you going to apologise for making a dinner I'm having trouble with you can stop before you start.” he raised his hands in surrender. “There's so much stuff I have to relearn to do or accept that I am no longer capable of anymore and it's going to take more than a few months to come to terms with it. Ok so for me it feels like it's been forever but it's not even been four, maybe five months? It may take years. I'm concerned about you and Virgil having feelings for me for alot of reasons however this just happens to be the biggest one as it's going to be forever. After the rescue we fluked I think you understand how much work is involved with me and…” John took a deep breath. “If you are still this affectionate with me after all of that, Alan...would you like to be with me? Like, properly not just as my brother and someone who cares for me...but as a lover as well? I mean, if it doesn't work out for you after a while you can change your mind but I would like to give it a real try. I have been meaning to have words with Scott about your shifts to make them shorter and maybe once a week….so we could spend more time together. ”

Alan stood up and hugged John tight, giving him a passionate kiss on the lips.

John chuckled. “I take that as a ‘yes’?”

He was rewarded with another passionate kiss this one slightly longer than the last.

“Uh Alan I don’t mean to stop you but the food would be getting cold. Wouldn’t want your efforts to go to waste.’

This time Alan laughed. “You know John to be honest I don’t really care about the food. All I’ve ever cared about is you and I'm deeply flattered that you’d ask me to take things further with you.” he nuzzled him. “How about we just eat the desserts?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Alan sat back down and was happy at least his brother could still eat something he had made without too much hassle, taking note that he’d have to sit with John properly and both of them figure out this whole knife business together.

“This is really great Alan, you out done yourself this time.” John smiled, stuffing his face with the cake. Alan couldn’t help but laugh. Trust John to love the damn cake.

When it was all gone Alan took John by the hand and changed the music on the table to be something more upbeat and jazzy while he lit the candle and lead John a little bit away from the table and put his arms around him.

“I thought we could dance some of that cake off.” He laughed.

John rested his forehead against his and smiled sweetly. “I’d like that.”

As the Jazz bled into some classic blues, the two of them danced together on the wooden floorboards against the rain tapping a rhythm in time on the glass, creating pretty patterns on the floor in the evening light.

The two of them was so lost dancing together, they didn't notice that Virgil had been standing by the stairs for a while and had turned to softly away to walk past them. He couldn't sleep and had escaped the infirmary wanting to find Alan to apologise for his childish behaviour. He guessed he could always do that tomorrow. After having walking in on them like that, it was obvious who John had chosen. A part of him ached but at the same time he was happy for his brothers. Virgil walked slowly back to the infirmary, hoping he'd back before Gordon noticed he was missing.

Alan kept nuzzling him every time they were brought in close to each other and got a surprise when John leaned him backward and kissed him as romantically as he dared like tango dancers do in those silly romance films and yet Alan’s mind was a buzz and when he was brought back into a standing position those rosy pink lips touched his again only this time with more boldness and interpretation like the night before. He was more than willing, he had been dreaming about being kissed so deeply and being explored all day.

 As the music played Alan’s hands started to roam a little and he let out a little squeak when one of John’s own hands ran lightly over his tummy under his shirt, slowly and purposely up towards his chest like he was mapping every part of him into his memory. Alan mused how his brother’s eyes closed while he traced his body, wondering if he was doing it because it felt normal to do so or he just didn’t want to creep him out. Either way it was really cute for his blind sibling to be doing.

He shivered at his brother’s touch, he couldn’t believe how much being touched for real made his body behave… it was like a forgotten entity had taken over his being and was warming his body up like a very expensive bottle of wine.

Alan then started getting more daring, not only did he slipped his hands under John’s shirt - he pulled it right off and started raiding his body with kisses and used his fingers to stroke him down his sides. He learned the night before John was super sensitive there and grabbed him as his sibling’s knees buckled.

He stopped and lead John over towards the pool table and as Johnny Cash’s ‘Ring of fire’ started to play on the tablet his hands were all over his older brother again in those same sensitive places and he started to lick and play with his brother’s niples and could feel the scarred skin under his tongue. John started to growl with the sensitivity overload and without warning he grabbed Alan and rolled against the table, pinning Alan against it to start fighting back with his own mouth and hands, stripping Alan out of his jeans and his boxers to concentrate on his legs and his thighs and the sudden shock to his system elicited loud sounds of desperation from his lips Alan never realised he could make.

John then got to his knees and started teasing Alan with his tongue and the silver ball of his piercing, rolling it up and down the length of his erection and forcing the younger of the two to grip the pool table behind him to prevent himself from collapsing on top of the older as he worked him up to orgasm, causing him to cum and yelp in surprise with how fast it took him to reach that sexual climax.

It wasn’t over yet, not by a long shot.

John lifted him up onto the pool table and Alan realised what he was going to try to do. He shuffled himself so he was on the edge of the table and leaned back to support himself as John started to massage his legs and work him back up again.

“John… I… I don’t think I could handle it again…” He panted in between little pleading moans.

“Just relax.” John purred, kissing him on the inside of his thighs. If he wanted to Alan had no doubt he could lean right over and kiss him despite how far back he was leaning. Both himself and John were quite tall, the pool table quite low for both of them preventing them from playing the game without being accused of cheating. He also had no doubt that it was possible to have sex with one of them partly sitting on it though he had never contemplated it ever happening to him in his life.

It took a few minutes before Alan realised that John was waiting for his permission to go further.

He pulled John’s head up to his and kissed him on the lips, using his tongue to indicate to him that yes, he was allowed to take it further with him as much as he liked.

John was very careful and Alan was surprised how little it hurt and gasped as he pushed deeper.

“Feeling ok Alan?” John asked sweetly. “If it ever starts to be uncomfortable you tell me to stop.”

Alan kissed him and moved his hips, smiling as an animalistic growl left John’s throat - the same sound he heard when his brother had been pleasuring himself all those days ago.

Fucking hell was it sexy. Alan was starting to go hard again just by the noise alone.

“Go all out.” he whispered as teasingly as he dared. He had been waiting for this moment for years and was not about to back out of it now.

Gordon walked up the stairs and heard the music, pausing before entering the living room at what he could see on the far side of it.

He was NEVER going to play pool again. He grinned like a cheshire cat though, it looked as though Alan was finally getting what he had always wanted.

“You go Tiger.” Gordon mouthed, smiling from ear to ear before ducking up the second flight of stairs to his bedroom for the night. He had a feeling there would be some interesting noises coming from across the hallway of his bed room - if not tonight - then sometime this week judging by the noises he could hear that was just audible over the top of the music that was playing and the sound of thunder from outside.

“Uhhh… John! Nughhh Oh damn hell! Ah!” Alan whimpered in the middle of his panted breathing. He had flung his arms around John’s shoulders while he supported his weight by holding him around his lower back and his backside.

“Alan….Nuhhhh….Al-” John gave him a hungry kiss as his hips pushed forward hard as he released into him in an effort to mask the loud deep throated growl that was threatening to surface and roll off his tongue. He almost collapsed against the side of the pool table and was lucky Alan caught him as he missed grabbing it to prevent himself hitting it.

“Woah, careful John!” Alan checked him over. “I’m guessing it’s been a long time huh?” he laughed uneasily.

“Try first time on this end.” John panted heavily. “I really don’t have the stamina for this at all, I’m really sorry Alan.”

“Don’t be.” Alan nuzzled and kissed him over and over. “It was better than I’ve ever dreamed of. I really love you John, no matter what.”

“Feel really bad that your first time could have been better than this.”

“As long as it's only with you, it will always be perfect.”

John returned the affectionate kisses. “I love you Alan.”

 

The scene of Alan and John dancing happily together replayed over and over in his head. Virgil felt like they had both had reached into his chest and ripped his heart out. He was left empty and raw, slowly bleeding to death on the inside.

Sure, he had knew all along there was a chance he might lose John. And Alan had adored John from Day One, what chance did he ever really have for the depth of affection Alan held for John?

He turned in the infirmary bed burying his tears in the pillow. He couldn't stand to be alone, not tonight. He got up and before he knew it he was standing outside Gordon's bedroom door. Virgil's hand paused in mid air as he was about to knock. No, turning to Gordon like this wasn't to fair to the both of them. But lord knows he wouldn't last the night on his own... he knocked once and entered.

Gordon was already sound asleep and hadn't stirred even he knocked. He tried not to wake him from the tears still streaming down his face as he pulled back the blanket and snuggled close to Gordon. His good arm reached out to pull him closer to his own body by the waist.

"Hmmm?" Gordon said, as he turned to face his brother. "Virgil? What's wrong?" He was wide awake now not expecting Virgil to seek him out in the middle of the night and certainly not for him to be in tears.

"He... John... he choose Alan..." Virgil barely got the words out in between choked tears. Saying it was admitting the truth he wanted so desperately to run away from.

"I'm sorry Virge... come here..." Gordon whispered, as he gathered Virgil into his arms. Gordon felt his brother's shoulders shake with silent sobs. Once Virgil had calmed down, he withdrew his arms and tilted his chin forcing him to look at him. "You haven't lost entirely, you know? You still have me... Let me in... I'd fill the void in here..." He said softly, as he placed one hand over Virgil's heart. Gordon leaned in trailing small butterfly kisses over Virgil's tear streaked face, till he settled upon those soft lips and kissed him gently, lovingly, tenderly.

Something inside Virgil stirred and he kissed Gordon back, pouring his own sorrow and need to be loved behind it. He broke away from the kiss first, leaning his forehead against Gordon's. "Can I stay here with you tonight? We... we don't have to do anything. I just really don't want to be alone right now." Virgil begged. Gordon nodded.

Virgil leaned his head against Gordon's chest and as he buried his ears listening to the calm of his heartbeat, he found his loneliness melting away softly. He was slowly but surely falling in love, not just with how much more he needed Gordon right now as his anchor but how it filled him to the brim with the way Gordon responded to him in kind. He thanked the stars silently for this gift. As the flames of one love died inside, the embers fed the spark of another...

Gordon continued holding him close till they fell asleep in each other's arms.

 

When Scott arrived home and saw the table still set up with uneaten food he frowned disappointed that Alan didn't tidy up after his little ‘party’. He scowled and stormed upstairs to tell him off, anything to vent his frustration out after another failed date. Scott had always had trouble getting anything out of his relationships ever since he dumped John after using him when they were teenagers. It was like he was looking for that undying loyalty, something only his brothers possessed with each other. After watching how Gordon was looking after Virgil, something old and buried in Scott's mind had started to stir…if Virgil ended up with John it left both Gordon and Alan emotionally destroyed but also free to take. It wouldn't be taking advantage of them, oh no - it would providing them with comfort - of the sexual kind.

For some reason he couldn't stop smiling at the idea of both his two youngest brothers giving him head at the same time...however it was only possible if he got both John and Virgil out the way. Gordon was no means easy to blackmail - virtually impossible - and trying to get at Alan required effort Scott didn't want to waste precious time on.

Scott's curiosity was spiked by the tie hanging off the doorknob to Alan's bedroom and was about to reach for it when Gordon stepped into the hallways and grabbed him.

“Don't you dare.” Gordon warned him. “That's none of your business what going on in there.”

“Nor yours and yet, that's your tie is it not?”

“I just hung it there for decency sake. I didn't poke my nose in, that's against the rules of being a brother.” Gordon refrained from adding, ‘Besides I saw them fucking each other on the pool table which made me as horny as hell and need a wank in the shower’ but Scott didn't need to know all of that.

“Does Virgil know?”

“For now? I can assure you that won't matter anyway.” Gordon smiled sweetly. Scott kept a blank expression, hiding his real thoughts from Gordon as like Alan, he was terrible at hiding information. Maybe John looking after them alot when they were little wasn't such a bad thing after all...the three of them could be read like children's books, though John was now like a book written all in dead Latin since going blind making it hard for Scott to predict him anymore.

“You wouldn't have happened to… made Virgil's afternoon interesting by any chance Gordon?”

“That is also none of your business.” Gordon's amber eyes narrowed.

“No? Oh so.. you telling John about it later is also none of my business?” Scott leaned over him menacingly. “I know you Gordon and who you go to for advice though what level of detail you two share is guess work for me… but I have ways of finding stuff out, after all - Virgil and I are as close as you three about sharing secrets.”

“Whatever Scott. You forget if we want to keep stuff from you the four of us are VERY GOOD AT IT.”

Scott snorted. “Suit yourselves.” then headed to his room. Gordon sighed. He had not expected this… he needed to not only warn Virgil, but to warn John and Alan too that Scott was on the prowl and looking to cause damage to something that was only just starting to settle itself down.

He walked towards the stairs and sat on them out of sight and sure enough, Scott re emerged and headed for Alan's bedroom again. After everything John told him, Gordon had no reason to trust his older brother when it came to anything sexual and while at first he didn't believe it - he was certain of John's distrust now.

“Fuck!” he swore as he scrambled to try and stop him but he was too late.

Scott had swung the door wide and had flushed red at what he had discovered, a devious grin on his face. Gordon who was now behind him also blushed but for different reasons entirely.

Alan and John were tangled in the sheets, both naked and Alans head was buried into John's chest fast asleep.

“Fuck I forgot how hot John was…” Scott growled like a hungry predator. “And Alan to boot… my god how good would both of them look alongside you all tied to my bed in a foursome orgy…..as long as I get to fuck all of you -”

Gordon was about to say something but was cut off by a louder snarl from Alan's bed.

Just because his eyes are closed, does not mean the blind man is asleep.

“If you even touch ANY of our brothers like you did to me I will personally cut more than just your balls off.” John sat up, leaving Alan to sleepily grope for a pillow to compensate his absence while John's colourless eyes were now staring at where he had heard Scott's voice come from. He had started to get better at making eye contact, sure it wasn't perfect but at least looking in the correct direction was a start.

Scott started to laugh it off and was hushed into silence with what John said next.

“Laugh it up chuckle nuts but you know I'm fully capable of mangling your private parts… you've watched me practice on myself before.” a wicked grin crossed the blind Tracy's face. “But this time I can't see what I'm doing so I might be less precise.”

“You wouldn't dare.”

“I would and I bet Virgil and Gordon would hold you down for me while Alan films the procedure. Afterall Scott, you'd make a great eunuch.”

"You little brat..." Scott moved forward, more than a little ready to lash out at John for that comment. He was held back only just by Gordon.

"Woah... calm your tits. Can't take a little heat when it's thrown back at ya? Then don't bother playing the game mister. You'd find that you might not be able handle being burned..." Gordon snarled a warning of his own.

"Bugger off! All of you!" Scott jerked his arm away from Gordon's grasp and stormed off angrily.

Gordon coughed uncomfortably, after all Alan and John were still very much naked in front of him and it made him feel like he needed a cold shower all over again. "You ok John? I'm just going to go, ok?" He closed the door behind, not waiting for an answer.

Damn, what a night... Gordon thought to himself. He walked backed to his room, wondering if Virgil was awake yet. He was surprised he slept through all that ruckus and was a little sorry he had missed out on the fun. But then again he'd be very surprised if Virgil had woken up, the big guy could slept through a class four hurricane.

He stepped quietly into his room, for a while he stood beside the bed just enjoying the view. Virgil was a tangled mess in his blankets, his hair falling in angles around his face. Gordon chuckled a little to himself as he crawled back into bed with Virgil, breathing in his deep musky scent. It wasn't long before the hypnotising sounds of Virgil's snores lured him back to sleep as well.

"Gordon...?" Virgil nudged Gordon gently, eventually waking up "I'm going back to my own room to sleep ok?" Gordon merely grunted in response. In truth, as much as he enjoyed cuddling with Gordon, he found out the hard way that not only did his brother talk in his sleep but he kept elbowing him in the ribs as he dreamt. There was no way he could sleep beside him, not while he was still injured. "I’ll just be in my room next door, alright? Gords?" Virgil laughed, Gordon could be a deep sleeper too if he was tired enough. He kissed him softly on the forehead before leaving quietly.

Scott snarled as he snuck out from his bedroom and entered Virgil's and slipped quietly inside. He was going to make Gordon eat his words. What better way to hurt him than through his lover?

Scott licked his lips at the sight of Virgil sprawled over his bed deep in sleep. He wasted no time in crawling under the same sheets, kissing and reaching to caress his brother's privates.

Virgil stirred in his sleep, naturally assuming that the person touching him so intimately was Gordon. He had only just had sex with him recently so amused that it didn't take his brother very long to want to make another move.

"My my, aren't you a little minx?" Scott growled seductively as he kissed Virgil again this time a bit more forcefully.

Virgil was beyond shocked. He sat up quickly and with his good arm pushed Scott off him with all the strength he could gather. "Scott?! What the HELL do you think you're doing? How did you even get in here?" He was absolutely livid.

"Big brother's privileges, oh now come on Virgil, you can't tell me you weren't enjoying that, not with how you kissed me back with such... surprising passion..." He took advantage of Virgil's shocked state and pushed him back onto his bed. For good measure he brought his knee down on his injured ribs, effectively pinning him down.

Virgil gasped in pain at the contact with his bruised ribs. His arm clawing helpless to get Scott's knee off his ribs. "That hurts Scott! Get off me!"

Having Virgil squirm helplessly underneath him only served to turn Scott on further, his hand reached to caress that angular jawline as he leaned in and forced his way into Virgil's mouth again. As he broke away to breathe, he licked the side of this brother's face as if he were marking him as his property then his hand then roamed downwards to stroke Virgil's privates.

"We're going to have so much fun, you and I..."

Virgil struggled with all his might, what the hell was Scott thinking? Was he drunk? He was fucking pissed, more than ready to sock some sense into his eldest brother. Scott had enough, he dug his knee further into those ribs, this time with as much force as he could muster. Virgil cried out howling in pain, as something in his chest gave way. His ribs! If they were just bruised before, something was definitely broken now. Tears of pain flooded his eyes, he was sure he was going to black out from the pain. No! He clawed his way back to consciousness, he was not going to give Scott the satisfaction of... of raping him like this. If he thought he could just force himself on him like this then he was in for the fight of his life.

Virgil swung his left fist wildly, his aim horribly off from the blur of the pain he was in. Scott easily saw it coming and caught his wrist in mid air. "Why are you making this difficult on yourself?" Scott chided him. "Looks like you need to be taught a lesson in manners, little brother." He said as he started to take his belt off from his pants and undo his fly. "You are going to enjoy this..." he said as he grabbed a handful of Virgil's hair.

Gordon woke up to the sounds of muffled commotion coming from Virgil's room. He decided to check on him, after all it was only just recently that Brains had declared him fit enough to leave the infirmary. He rubbed his eyes sleepily as he crossed the short distance between their rooms. He tried knocking first without any answer before swinging the door wide open.What he saw shocked him to the core and it filled him with a rage he never knew he had.

Scott was straddled over Virgil's lap, his knee pinning him to the bed in his ribs, grabbing his hair by the handful. Even from here it was obvious Virgil was in terrible pain, he was gasping like he couldn't breathe.

Virgil turned at the sound of the door opening and saw Gordon standing there. No - he didn't want Gordon seeing him like this but he needed help. Virgil reached to Gordon with his good hand, tears of pain and shame shining in his eyes, already the room was spinning dangerously out of control. "Gordon..." he finally managed to get out. "Help me ‘please’...get him off... off me... can't... can't breathe... help... ‘please’" Virgil begged, already he was losing his hold on consciousness.

That was all Gordon needed to spring him into action. He yelled with absolute rage as he ran forward to shove Scott off Virgil but not before he got in a good punch to his smug face. "You fucking bastard! What the hell are you doing?" Gordon spat out in anger. He wanted to pound Scott senseless into the ground but the sounds of Virgil's strangled breaths made him check on his beloved brother instead. "Virgil? Virgil look at me please..." Gordon begged, pushing away the sweat stained strands of hair from his forehead. He didn't like how pale he looked or the colorful bruising that was starting to show on his ribs.

Virgil grabbed the front of Gordon's shirt in a vice like grip, his body shaking from shock or fear he didn't know. "Get... get me away from here... please Gordon..." he begged, wanting to put as much distance as possible between himself and Scott.

Gordon nodded, helping him to stand. Virgil's knees buckled under him, thankfully Gordon had a good grip on him to prevent him from falling. Virgil leaned heavily on him for support as he half carried half dragged him out of his room. Virgil cried out in pain, cradling his ribs with his injured arm. Gordon's focused on Virgil and helping him painfully slowly walk down the two flights steps and towards the infirmary.

Scott swore loudly and slammed the door to his own room again. He was now beyond desperate and needed to relieve himself even if it was watching his brother sleep. Maybe give it an hour or two, enough time for the quiet to make sure John was no longer lying in bed awake to watch over Alan and hopefully Gordon was back in his own bed too.

 

John couldn't go back to sleep, he could hear doors slamming and commotion in the hallway and then pure silence. Something was wrong but he couldn't shake the feeling that if Scott was that bold walking in on them and angry he wasn't getting laid from his date, then there was every chance he'd come back. He pulled on a shirt and boxers he found on the floor with his hands and shook Alan gently awake.

“Huh… John? Why are you up and why are you wearing my tiedyed t-shirt?”

“Shh Alan, it's not safe in here. Were going to have to find somewhere else to sleep.”

“Why? How come?”

“Just get dressed and follow me to one of the guest bedrooms and be as quiet as possible, ok?”

“Ok John. YOU PROMISE to tell me what's going on?”

“I will in a minute.”

Alan grabbed a shirt and boxers as well and both of them ducked out of the bedroom and up the third flight of stairs that lead to the three guest bedrooms. John swore once they reached the top. Virgil was at least safe in the infirmary but Gordon….

If Scott was desperate for sex, there was no level he wouldn't stoop to.

“I have to go back for Gordon.”

“Huh? Why John, what is going on?”

“I told you I'll explain in a minute.”

Alan then volunteered. “Then let me grab him.”

When he almost reached the bottom of the stairs, Alan flattened himself against the wall to blend into the darkness. Someone was in his bedroom.

It was Scott.

His older brother slammed the door in frustration and then poked his head in John's, swore a few choice words and then poked his head in Gordon's room.

Alan then watched in horror as Scott proceeded to pull himself out and start feeling himself up in the doorway of the bedroom.

“Alan, what are you doing?” John hissed as he carefully used the wall to guide him back down the stairs.

“I-it’s Scott! He's wanking off in the doorway of Gordon’s bedroom! Is that what he was going to do to us? Use us as living pornography!?”

John swore. “Worse than that, Alan. You stay here, ok? No matter what happens, you need to stay out if Scott's way. I’ll never forgive myself if he ever hurt you like he did me.”

“Hurt you? Did Scott abuse-”

Alan never got to finish his sentence however he did what he was told. John would always protect him with his life and he trusted him to the ends of the universe itself.

Scott was too busy watching his brother's sleeping and playing with himself he didn't see John's shoulder as he rammed him hard into the door frame, make wild grabs for his hair so he held his head to punch him in the face.

Alan then watched in horror as Scott turned the tables on him with ease, kneeing him in the guts and pinning him to the wall and proceeded to keep punching him in the chest and stomach till he couldn't fight back.

Scott leaned in and whispered, “Just because you're blind, doesn't mean I can’t punch the fucking crap out of you for interrupting me when I'm wanking off!” he then thudded him violently against the wall. “I am older than you don't fucking forget that and if I want something I'm going to fucking get it, even if I have to tear you apart and publicly rape you to do it.”

“Then do it….go ahead...just don't...hur -” John was cut off when Scott's arm slammed into his throat.

“Why would I waste my time on you when your were a lousy fuck all those years ago?” Scott spat. “Fuck John you look shabbier and older than me than you ever did! Why Virgil and Alan have feelings for you and not me is fucking beyond a joke!”

John scratched at his arm in attempt to get free, Scott was cutting off his air.

“You know it was SO PERFECT having you out the way in space… why the hell didn't you die up there!? Instead you're here, a damn vegetable that's more problems than you're worth! I should just throw you down the stairs to break your neck as things were perfectly fine and NORMAL until you had to have that accident!”

He then grabbed him and dragged him along to the stairs. Alan then came out from hiding and lept at Scott and all three brothers hurtled down the stairs, both John and Alan luckily falling off the side nearer the bottom uninjured.

Scott however wasn't so lucky. He had flung out his arm to brace himself and had shattered it along with his shoulder and was howling in pain.

Alan didn't care as he was trying to get John to breathe. Scott had cut too much of his air to his lungs and when they all fell he had stopped all together.

Gordon woke to sounds of shouting, he got up angrily if it was Scott again he was going to get the beating of his life for what he did to Virgil. He threw his door open, just as his three brothers fell down the stairs in a mass of tangled limbs. They came to a stop at the bottom of the steps, Alan checking up on John and Scott cradling his injured arm.

"What the HELL is going on here?" Gordon demanded. "My my... what do we have here? How the mighty have fallen?" He said, taking the chance to dig his heel into Scott's injured arm. "This is for breaking Virgil's ribs! You sick fuck! If you EVER so much as breathe on him again, I'd break every fucking miserable bone in your body!" He unwillingly released his hold and went to check on John.

"Is he ok?" He asked Alan gently.

“He isn't breathing!” Alan was in a panic, tugging up John's shirt revealing the damage that Scott had done. His chest was red and so was his stomach, both of which were turning pretty shades of blue and deep purple. “Gordon I need your help please! John only attacked Scott because he was trying to protect us!”

"Easy Sprout... scoot over..." Gordon pushed Alan gently aside, and started CPR on John. "Come on John..." He said slapping his face lightly. "No one's dying on me today..." He continue breathing for him and started chest compressions. "Hey hey? Just a few kicks and you're down? Don't give me that shit!" He yelled as he slapped his older brother a little harder, anything to get him responding again. Gordon was about to ask Alan to grab him an electronic defibrillator from the infirmary, just as John took in his first gasp of breath.

Gordon laughed nervously "That's it you son of a..." He was going to get some premature white hairs from the scares his two older brothers just put him through. "Easy now... just lay back and relax..." He pushed John's shoulders back as he inspected his chest and stomach. John gasped a little in protest and tried to push his hands away. "Just a little bit more... I just want to see if you broke anything..."

Thankfully as colourful as the bruising was, Gordon didn't think anything was broken. Still, it was set his mind at ease if Brains were to do a full body scan just to sure John wasn't bleeding out internally. He made a mental note that he might as well keep him overnight for observation as well. Gordon frowned a little 'Virgil this should be your job, not mine' he thought to himself sadly. Instead the family medic was once again back in the infirmary with two broken ribs courtesy of Scott. He was lucky it didn't puncture his lungs with the force that Scott had applied.

Gordon looked over and wondered if he should offer help to his eldest brother. Just as well he had already made his quiet exit, he wasn't sure he was able to restrain himself from breaking his arm further when he was supposed to be helping him.

He turned his attention back to other brothers, Alan had thrown himself over John crying in relief that he was breathing again. "Hey Squirt, give the man room to breathe will ya? Come on, I need your help. Let's get him to the infirmary shall we? I want to run some scans..." He ratted off, knowing Alan needed the distraction.

Gordon frowned that it was getting unnecessarily crowded in the infirmary. These days it seemed they were getting more injuries from fighting each other than on physical rescues.

“Thank you… but I think I'll be fine now Gordon, you need to get to the infirmary before Scott does for Virgil's sake.” John coughed as he sat up. “ Alan, grab Grandma if they've come home and take her down there too so someone is at least able to make sure Scott can do anything… not that he will after that. That really took a blow to his arrogant pride but it's best not to take chances.”

John gave an uneasy smile. “Scott forgets I know he's darkest secrets and how much of a chicken-wuss he really is. We really have to get him a girlfriend though otherwise he will try again. If we're all got sex lives and he doesn't that's going to eat at him till he gets desperate again.”

"You sure of that John?" Gordon asked. When John nodded, he turned to Alan. "Make sure you keep an eye on him for the next twenty four hours. You come to me or Brains immediately if he starts vomiting or developing a fever, understand Squirt?"

He smiled and ruffled Alan's hair when he nodded in response, leaving them alone to check in on Virgil.

Alan frowned. “Am I still getting Grandma?”

“Yes, you are and I'm going to see if Kayo’s awake and we're going to talk before I send her down there too. Can't afford you two getting laid up either.” John tried to get up without help and Alan grabbed him before he fell back over. “Ok new plan - You help me to Kayo’s room, THEN get Grandma…. Then come back ok?”

Alan kissed him. “Deal.”

 

Dodgy dealings

Gordon reached the infirmary just in time to witness Virgil seemingly trapped in a nightmare. He thrashed around on the infirmary bed, Gordon rushed over stroking his hair trying to calm him down as the monitors overhead beeped incessantly from Virgil's agitation.

Even while trapped in his nightmare, Virgil flinched at Gordon's touch. His heart broke a little as he cursed Scott for breaking Virgil like this. It was going to take Virgil a long time to get over this but he was determined that he wasn't going to go through this alone. "Easy Virge, it's just me... It's ok you're safe now." He whispered over and over again, hoping he could hear him.

Virgil opened his eyes a crack and for a moment he was transported back to his room, painfully pinned under Scott. He whimpered as he tried moving to get away, but it hurt everywhere. "Shhhh... it's me, it's ok... it's over..." He thought he heard Gordon's voice.

He opened his eyes a little more, true enough Gordon was there. He cried as he reached out for him. Gordon wrapped his arms around Virgil as best as he could trying not to disturb the many bandages around Virgil's chest as he felt him shivering under his arms. He rubbed his hands over Virgil's back, his touch reassuring him that he wasn't leaving his side anytime soon. He felt Virgil start to relax under his touch but still he didn't let go till he was sure he had fallen back asleep.

He eased him back into bed, he couldn't help noticing Virgil's tear streaked face. Gordon leaned in kissing the tracks his tears had left behind as he whispered "Sorry... I'm so sorry..." over and over. Virgil stirred a little and he reached out to grab Gordon with his good hand. The message was loud and clear, 'Don't go... stay...'

Gordon settled into the chair beside the bed, still holding onto Virgil's hand, he wasn't going anywhere. Not even the devil himself could pry him away from Virgil's side right now. He drifted off to sleep, trapped in nightmares of his own...

A hand rested on his shoulder and Grandma Tracy draped a blanket over his shoulders. Alan told her Gordon needed a break and to make sure he was ok, he told her how worried he had been and how little he had eaten - all the other stuff that had been plaguing him without mentioning the entire fiasco with Scott and everything else - enough to get her to sit there and watch over him till he was alright to head back to bed and get proper rest while she took over for him.

Kayo found Scott attempting to attend his own wounds in another area of the infirmary. He was sulking and doing a terrible job since his entire left arm right up to his shoulder and around the blade was in real need to be fully reset with an operation and he was too arrogant to admit it.

Kayo knew she had to tread carefully around him and not let on what she knew.

‘If he lies, roll with it. Don't let him know I told you all of this stuff.’ she remembered John saying to her as she lead him back to his room next to hers. ‘As he'll know it was me.’ Kayo joked and said, ‘what's he going to do if he found out? Not like he'll kill you for it.’

That's when he lifted his shirt. Kayo had never seen bruises so nasty on him before, even when he did the odd rescue.

‘I don't doubt he'd wouldn't try for a second.’

That last part of their conversation sent chills down her spine. The fact Scott could do something that brutal when he was desperate was terrifying. If he could put Virgil back into the infirmary so easily and almost kill John, something had to be done.

The question was… what do they do about it?

Kayo smiled when Scott noticed it was her and not Grandma. For now, Kayo just had to keep him here till Brains checked him over, operated and kept him knocked out till Virgil was no longer stuck here with him.

That, she could do.

 

Gordon tossed and turned in his bed for what felt like the hundredth time. Each time he closed his eyes, he was haunted by the image of Virgil pinned painfully under Scott as he reached out for him begging for Gordon to save him. Always he would reach Virgil too late, his broken bleeding body tossed away in a heap at his feet as punishment for defying Scott.

He had enough. He needed to talk about it to the only other person who would understand, John. He paused just outside of John's room, knocked and went in. John was sitting up eyes closed with Alan curled up asleep on his lap, almost as if he was keeping watch over him. "John? You awake?" Gordon whispered as he sat down on the bed beside him quietly, not wanting to wake Alan.

"Gordon?" John asked, as he opened his eyes. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep. Seems like you couldn't either." He motioned in the dark for his brother to come closer.

"I... I need to talk." Gordon said, as he leaned his head on John's shoulder. "I keep seeing Virgil pinned under Scott. And I couldn't reach him fast enough to save him... This is all my fault isn't it? I taunted Scott bad enough that he took it out on Virgil, he's punishing him for what I did..." He sniffled as the flood gates opened.

“Alan said you mentioned something about Virgil but he wasn't entirely sure what you meant.” John said quietly. “I'm afraid to ask but could you fill me in? No details that you don't want to of course - I have to admit defeat about being in the loop with what goes on around here these days….but if I were to guess - and this is older brother intuition mind which can be wrong - you've told Virgil you loved him?”

John felt right now he shouldn't mention his conversation about his love affairs he had with Scott. There was every chance this entire thing was his fault for doing so and already the few times he almost died - including tonight - were playing on repeat behind his long dead eyes. John should have died a long time ago, back when Three had its first ever test launch and the craft malfunctioned in its silo and filled with noxious gas or when Scott abused him that day he collapsed from overheating and dehydration… or when EOS kicked him out of Thunderbird Five and tried to crush him under the weight of too much gravity - heck that artificial gravity had almost crushed him on more than one occasion - and now….

Thank you Scott for telling me I'm a worthless vegetable, he mentally cursed...and now this all comes out of the darkness?

John listened as Gordon filled him in on the situation though John realised the words “had sex” had been omitted for his benefit though Gordon probably knew he would get the picture as after all, it was John who told him to tell Virgil how he felt in the first place.

As Gordon poured out his soul and how hurt he was by Scott trying to attack Virgil, John's heart sank. What Alan saw was clearly in relation to it and the only reason Scott didn't attempted trying his luck with Gordon was because thankfully of his own interference.

But John couldn't always be around to do that anymore if it happened again… and truthfully it was his fault Gordon, Virgil and possibly Alan were now targets.

“-And now I can't sleep because it's going through my head like a broken holoprojector!” Gordon buried his head into John's shoulder, tears now flowing freely and unchained.

John wrapped his arms around him to hold him tight.

“Don't worry Gordon, Virgil will be ok from this I promise you. You know how he freaks out and things when he's injured as he thinks it's a sign of weakness in a person, including himself. He has you to show him he isn't a hopeless case and that he's quite strong, even if he feels vulnerable. I wish I could do something more than just offer words that hold little comfort hell I wish I could take those nightmares away as right now I know how horrible it is to have them...they never seem to go away sometimes but that doesn't mean they'll last forever.”

“Scott will get over it and start leaving us all alone again, knowing that we all know what he's capable of he will want to avoid us for a long while but I can't guarantee that forever.” John let out a heavy sigh and yelped as his chest was still very much in pain. “Nineteen years of trying to correct his life and my own all down the drain because I’m now the epicenter of all the problems that have started because I'm blind but not dead - yet I have no idea how to fix this or at least make it stop. Sure good things have happened, you and Virgil hitting it off and Alan finally admitting how he felt after hiding it away but there's been a great deal of pain and sorrow to get those few things…”

“I keep wondering, would this had really happened if I just died back all those years ago in the first place like I was supposed to? The universe seems dead set that I shouldn't still be alive. Afterall all I've ever done is ruin everyone's lives and turn them into plane wrecks….but I also don't want to go as I love you all so much.” John let his embrace around Gordon fall. “I want to protect you all forever, make all those bad dreams stay away and keep the monsters out...keep all the scary things locked away so you never have to see them but I can't do that anymore or maybe...I never did in the first place and I've just been deluded this whole time.”

Gordon didn't say anything and John realised he was asleep, probably the whole time too.

John lay him down next to Alan and sighed. He had to make things right somehow….

Virgil woke up slowly, his eyes immediately went searching for Gordon in the dark when he realized he wasn't still holding onto his hand anymore.Virgil decided that he was probably just resting in his own room, no matter he'll go find him.

Virgil noticed that somewhere off in the distance sat another figure in a chair, asleep. He strained his eyes to make out who it was. Kayo? Why was she in the infirmary?

His eyes travelled to the other silent figure on the second bed. Scott? A sudden and irrational fear suddenly overtook him and he needed to get out of here NOW To put as much distance as he could from this disgusting excuse for a human being.

Virgil placed unsteady legs on the floor, his head spinning his face flushed from the effort. He took a few unsteady steps forward, slowly inching his way out of the infirmary utterly convinced that at any moment Scott would be awake to chase after him only to have him shove his tongue down his throat. The mere thought made him sick to his stomach and he stopped to empty whatever little he had inside him.

Turning away from the mess he made outside the infirmary, Virgil found that the rest of the house was still dark, it was either very late or very early in the morning. Suddenly the distance to Gordon's room seemed vastly immense but still Virgil moved slowly forward, his heart pounding in his ears, fear burned in his chest as he looked back constantly dreading to see Scott behind him.

Beads of perspiration trailed down his face and seeped through his pajamas. He swayed dangerously as his body screamed at him to stop. He collapsed, dropping to his knees painfully onto the ground. His brain yelled at him to get up, he needed to get away.

Where was he going again?

Gordon... every fiber of his being called out to him, he fell forward his face falling flat on the cold marble floor. As he lost consciousness, Virgil shivered and wondered when he had gotten from feeling so hot to suddenly feeling so cold...

 

"But why can't I see him?" Gordon whined as he paced the length of the living room, Alan and John seated in the couch opposite him. He was going out of his mind with worry when he heard that Brains had found Virgil collapsed in a feverish heap a little distance away from the infirmary and now,he couldn't even go in to check in on him? He was already losing it, barely able to keep himself together, his world had collapsed and he was denied to even be by his side.

"Because..." Brains explained as he kept flipping through the medical files on the tablet he was holding. "Virgil pushed himself unnecessarily and aggravated his injuries. He's now fighting not only a chest infection but a fever as well. Besides... he's not even going to notice you there, not while I have him sedated."

"Sedated!" If Gordon was worried before, he was bordering on panic now. "Why do you need to sedate him?"

"Because Gordon, I can't risk Virgil waking up too soon and pushing him beyond what his body can take right now. At this rate his injuries are going to turn critical. His body needs the rest..." Brains said as he took in Gordon's red eyes and pale face. "And from the looks it... so do you."

"Forget about me! I need to be with him. Virgil was probably freaking out because I wasn't there when he woke up. ‘Please’ Brains..." Gordon begged.

Brains sighed, he was going to regret this later for sure but he relented. "Ok... but you will need to scrub yourself clean and gown up if you're going to be there. I can't risk Virgil getting another infection." He barely finished his sentence, when Gordon grabbed him by his face and planted one on his cheek and practically flew towards the direction of the infirmary. Brains couldn't help but laugh. There never was arguing with a Tracy.

Alan laughed. “Gordon is really smitten huh?”

John nodded. “By the sounds of it.”

“I really do hope Virgil is going to be ok.”

“So do I, Alan. So do I.” John then stood up .

“Where are you of to?” Alan asked out of curiosity. After last night he didn’t want to let John out of his sight.

“I have to go to the toilet. I’ll be back in a few minutes, Don’t stress Alan.” John gave him a smile as he tapped the stairs with his foot before walking up them till he heard the sound of floorboards instead of carpet. He was getting better at navigating the living room now, even if there was still the odd hazard he needed help with. “We can finished reading ‘Around the world in eighty days’ in a minute ok?”

He felt the wall where their pictures hung with his hand and walked along towards the stairs and waited till he could hear the conversation turn to other things, before feeling his way around to the kitchen stairs to make the trip towards the infirmary. There was something he had to do before anyone else got hurt.

Scott looked up when he heard the door to his infirmary room close.

“What do you want you blind useless freak show?” he growled.

“I'm here to make you a deal, one time only offer.” John said quietly. “You promise to NEVER to lay a finger on them again.”

“Oh?” Scott looked surprised, his voice dripped with sarcasm. “What do I get out of this deal Johnny boy?”

“Me. You can do whatever you want to me as much as you please, but only for tonight. After which you're not allowed to touch anyone else.”

“How do you know I won't use it against you to get you and Alan to break up?” Scott asked.

“I don't as I know you will sooner or later...and I may have to make another deal.”

“Why would I want you? Your a mess and a waste of time. You were always a lousy fuck.”

“Yet that never stopped you everyday for eight months.”

“I was desperate then.”

Gordon had to get up to pee, sitting there beside Virgil’s bedside did have moments of mild tedium and he occasionally had to stretch his legs. He walked passed the other infirmary rooms to the toilet at the end of the corridor and paused in front if one of the rooms. He could hear John's softly spoken voice and Scott deadly growl so he pressed his ear against the door to listen.

“So? Your desperate now and you're hurting people who don't deserve it. I'm giving you an option that's not going to hurt anyone.”

“Except for you and maybe Alan when I decide to.”

“I'm not worth his or anyone else's affection if all I do is let you hurt them. This is the only thing I can do. It's not much but it's for them that I'm throwing myself at the feet of the lion. You never loved me then, I'm sure as hell I will never trust or love you again...however if this is what it takes then I’m prepared to do it.”

Scott lifted John’s scruffy chin with his good hand. “You we’re really attractive once. What happened?”

“You, mostly.”

Scott snorted and circled around him like a vulture. In his head he was picturing John nineteen years younger, fitter, more fiery and a hell of a lot shorter.

“Alright, You have a deal.” He said pushing John forward towards the medi bed and grabbing his arms forcefully to suspend them in one of the over hanging styrps used to suspend legs in the air while they were in plaster to prevent movement. He made sure there was no way his brother could slip free before stepping back to admire him. “My, you do look kind of good still in a messed up sort of way. Do whatever I want with you right? That is what you said?”

John swallowed, he was shaking as he couldn’t see what Scott had in store for him. “Yes.” he replied. “That was part of the deal.”

Gordon opened the door a crack to see what was going on as he couldn’t believe his ears. Surely John wasn’t really going to give his body to Scott like that was he?

He watched as Scott removed John’s boxers with his good arm and then reach for something from a metal pan by the bedside table and ram it hard into the inside of John’s left thigh, right next to the knee joint.

It was a scalpel.

“You we’re a lousy Fuck then John and you’re still probably a lousy one now.” Scott growled loud and nastily. “But you know what? You’ve given me the chance to finish what you started when I told you you’d look damn sexy circumcised.”

The scalpel was dragged up John’s thigh cutting deep into the flesh as Scott trailed it up towards his groin. John bit back hard on the pain, he wasn’t going to give Scott the satisfaction of knowing that he was hurting him despite all the blood now dribbling out of the wound and puddling heavily on the floor. Sadly he couldn’t prevent the yelp he made when it was yanked free and stabbed into the same spot on his other inner thigh and dragged along it with the same vengeful purpose, stopping inches from his privates.

“If you’re going to do it, then do it so I can bleed out on the floor before anyone comes to check on you.” John whispered. “Then I can be gone, this mess all cleared up and you keep your promise… for as long as I can live like this….”

“Oh no brother dearest, I’m going to make you suffer. You know it’s because of you I can’t bring myself to have a normal relationship? No indeed Johnny, i’m going to fuck you and as I cum I’m going to castrate you all in one go in a fit of passion to make sure you remember the hell you you put me through by offering your body to me all those years ago.” Scott snarled. “It’s going to be slow and painful, just like it should be.”

Gordon quietly slipped into the room and grabbed the metal bedpan, making sure Scott didn’t hear him lurking behind him.

“So, how should I do this Johnny? Because let’s face it, I REALLY don’t want to TOUCH you. AH! I know, How about I grab something with a spiky handle? That really would make sure you -”

Gordon struck him hard across the back of the head with the bedpan so hard than Scott crumpled to the floor.

“Holy shit! I didn’t think I could do that!” Gordon breathed out in shock. It took him a minute to get to grips with the situation.

“What are you doing Gordon? You’re not supposed to be here!”

“And you are? Damn John why are you doing this?”

“You wouldn’t understand….”

“Well explain it to me! I’m standing right here aren't I?”

“Are you? That’s nice to know. You know what you’ve just done? You’ve just made yourself a larger target than you were before.”

“Pfftt! What were you trying to achieve offering yourself as a sacrifice?” Gordon hissed.

“I don’t know….Ok Gordon!? Is that what you want to hear? I’m the reason for all of his misery and vileness and I thought… maybe if I made a deal he would stop without hurting anyone else.” John hung his head as best he could with it wedged between his arms as they were still suspended in the air.

“Yeah well I don’t think that would have made a difference. Even if he mangled you beyond repair he was still going to do something or other later on to hurt someone and you wouldn't have anything to offer then would you?” Gordon inspected the deep cuts in his thighs. “Shit, you are really lucky he didn’t get as far as he wanted. If he did you’d have bled to death from that.”

He pulled the sheet off the bed and pressed it up against both wounds and then had an idea. “Hold this between your legs for me till the bleeding stops. I’ll be back in a second.”

John simply nodded and did what he was told.

Gordon had noticed Scott stirring on the floor and hit him with the bedpan again, knocking him out before grabbing him by the feet and dragging him across the room towards a chair and tearing down the privacy curtain to tie him to the chair. If he moved a muscle there was a high chance Gordon wouldn’t hesitate to stab him and was preventing himself from doing so.

He then walked back over to John and freed his arms, glad that his brother was light and when his legs gave way he was forced to catch him.

“You’re going to need stitches for those…. Lucky for you I’m here and not Kayo huh?”

“I’d rather have bled to death.”

“Ha! You’re such a joker John. let’s fix those ok?”

 

Carriage ride and a resignation

"Hey Gords?" Virgil asked as he looked up from the book he was reading - well trying to read.

"Yeah?" Gordon replied absentmindedly, his head on Virgil's lap preoccupied with trying to advance to the next level on the tablet game he was playing while holding over his head.

"I was thinking..." He coughed a little, hoping that Gordon won't take his suggestion the wrong way. "What do you think about us going on a double date with John and Alan?"

"Ok I guess, why?" He looked up from his game. In truth he was a little annoyed, he barely got time alone and now a double date?

"You know... just figured some time away from the island would do us all good, what with everything that's happened." Virgil shrugged. "Thought it'd be fun for us four to hang out?"

Gordon shrugged, he could use a little time off even if it meant sharing Virgil with his other brothers. "You're the best, Gordo." Virgil smiled as he leaned in to peck him lightly on the lips.

"Want to go ask them?" Gordon asked as he pointed to the door.

"And walk?" Virgil said in jest. "Nah... give me your tablet. I'd just send them the details to Alan's watch." He said as he typed in the message.

"You..." Virgil leaned in as he growled, grabbing Gordon by the collar of his shirt. "I have other plans for you..." before kissing him.

That was all Gordon needed to hear, as he leapt onto Virgil engaging him in another passionate kiss.

"Woah..." were all the words Virgil managed to get out…

 

Alan checked his watch. There was a message for him about some sort of double date and he sighed.

It sounded like lots of fun but since the trouble with Scott he found John was hard to talk to. There were fresh scars on his thighs and Alan wanted to know where they came from but as usual his older brother's lips were sealed tight.

Gordon seemed to know but had flat out refused to tell him the truth as well so Alan began to come up with theories of his own.

He didn't like a single one of them as they all involved Scott. Alan wasn't privileged to know what went in between them but from what little he managed to pick up on sounded horrifying.

He was worried about him, never had John gotten so protective and had this much trouble sleeping since Alan was small it was starting to affect everything he did.

Alan needed to find out what terrified his older brother so much, even if it was something painful to hear...but he was never going to get it from John.

He had to get it from Scott, the devil himself. For now however that would have to wait, a chance to take John off the island - even with Virgil and Gordon - was something he wouldn't dare say no to and neither would John.

So he hoped.

 

John was sitting at the lounge window on the desk chair waiting for the rumble of engines that were not going to come. He needed to hear something like the sheer power of man made machinery to get his mind off what he had done.

How could he have done that when he only just asked Alan to go steady with him? Scott was right… he was a blind freakshow when it came to people around him and their needs.

Right now all he could think about was how Scott would use all that against him to take his little Alan away...a threat Scott used to use on him all the time when they were younger to the point where every bed time story John read to him and Gordon he would break down in his room afterwards afraid that those innocent little baby blue eyes as well as those mischievous amber ones would be gone forever. Everytime he thought he was about to die that was what he saw in his head - the sadness in their eyes for failing them. Hell he had nightmares on Thunderbird Five for years about them never opening again.

He would give anything - anything at all - to be allowed one last look at those beautiful innocent pools that graced his brother's freckled smattered features...heck he would give his own life just to get one more look at how much the little baby he had nurtured had grown into a very smart and clever young man, he was kicking himself for missing most of his teenage years because of his own self punishment and now...

John could only create what he looked like in his head, even through touch...but it was never going to be the same.

“Hey John, I've been looking everywhere for you.”

A soft gentle hand rested on his shoulder and automatically he reached up to touch it to confirm that it was Alan beside him.

“Alan…” John murmured softly, afraid that uttering his name would make his brother vanish into a puff of smoke.

“Would you like to go out today? Virgil is asking if we want to get of the island a while.”

“As long as you're by my side Alan, then yes that sounds nice.”

He felt a kiss on his lips, one that was seeking permission which John was willing to give. He wrapped his arms around his little brother as they both gave each other some much needed comfort.

When they parted, Alan nuzzled him and kissed him all over as he hugged him in return. “I'll always be by your side,the same way you've always been by mine. I love you John, I always have and I know that you've always looked out for me and I want to be able to return it for as long as I live.”

John nuzzled and kissed him back. “I love you too Alan. I never want anyone to take you away from me. You're my little blue eyed songbird that is always so cheerful and full of life….”

“Are you crying John?”

“Just a little.”

Alan squeezed him tight.

 

"Really Virge? A jazz lounge? What are you, sixty?" Gordon groaned and rolled his eyes, as Virgil led them to the place. This was NOT his kind of music at all so naturally he wasn't looking forward to spending time inside.

"Aww come on Gords. Give it a chance, you might like it. Heaven knows I've had to put up with that electronic trash you call music." Virgil teased, opening the door to the lounge for them.

Gordon grunted in protest, there was nothing he could do about it anyway as he plonked his arse in the nearest booth seat and started sulking. It wasn't his fault that Virgil didn't appreciate ‘real’ music.

Alan and John smiled to themselves at the little lover's spat, Alan helping John to the seat. Virgil scooted in beside Gordon, and motioned for a menu.

"Oh hey Virgil. We haven't seen you around here in a while, we missed you." A pretty waitress said as she approached their table with the menu. "Will we be seeing you on the floor tonight?" She asked as she touched him on the arm teasingly.

"Hi Liesel. These are my brothers: John, Alan and this grouch here's Gordon." Virgil smiled brightly as he introduced them. "We'd see. Not sure if I'm up for dancing just yet..." he reached unconsciously at his ribs. "But maybe if I can this one on the floor..." he teased as he elbowed Gordon.

Gordon pricked up getting irritated. Was this waitress flirting with HIS Virgil? When she said 'we missed you' clearly she was the one who was missing him. What was he, chopped liver? Hell... this night was going to be even longer than he thought if random girls was already throwing themselves at Virgil, even if he was too thick to notice it himself.

John whispered something in Alan's ear and his face went pink. “You mean to tell me Virgil has done this dinner dancing thing before?” he exclaimed loudly. John smiled as he leaned in to whisper something else that made him go red in the face and start laughing. Virgil shot them both a glance though in John's case it was rather pointless however both of them were clearly onto Virgil and his ‘plan’.

“You guys go ahead and order, I need to go… you know. Long flight, not used to it etcetera…” John stood up. “Do you mind showing me where it is Alan?”

“Sure.” Alan also stood and lead John away.

“Are they watching us?” John eventually asked when he felt they should be far away enough.

“No, why?”

“As I'm sick of music and places like this never cook the meat the way I like it. I maybe blind but I know when I eat meat that still moos.” John hissed. For once I’d like to be able to EAT the damn food in front of me and not have to suffer with a headache at the same time. I LIKE jazz and all but I'm sick to death of it. Are you sure they can't see us?”

“Not unless they can see through an entire crowd of people, John. I think we can ditch them for a while… they won't notice we're gone.”

“Good. Now how far was this park Virgil said was in the area?”

“Two blocks away.” Alan chuckled.

“Even better, we might run into a late night street vender selling kebabs.”

With that settled, Alan and John slipped out into the night.

 

"Come on Gords..." Virgil begged as he dragged Gordon unwillingly onto the dance floor. "Dance with me please?" He purred, placing his hands on Gordon's hips.

"Err... Virgil? This might be news to you but I'm not really the dancing sort." Gordon said.

"Yeah right? With all that EDM trash you like? Who are you trying to kid? And I've 'seen' you dance when you thought no one was watching."

Gordon blushed, he had no idea he had been caught dancing in secret. Truth was he was horrible at it, all flailing limbs and such, hence he never had the courage to do so publicly.

"Come on Gordo... relax..." Virgil said, throwing his arms around his brother's neck. "Just move a little..."

Gordon groaned internally, if Alan saw him dancing he'd NEVER be able to live this down. Virgil on the other hand was a wonderful dancer, already he had more than one pair of envious eyes watching him on the floor. That just made it worse. He grunted gave up and started to walk away.

"Hey? What's wrong? Did I... did I do or say something?" Virgil asked as he grabbed Gordon by the wrist, a frown cast over his features.

"It's nothing... I can't do this... in THERE." Gordon confessed, some date he was turning out to be.

"Then let's get outta here then? I don't care where on earth I am as long as I'm with you." Virgil smiled as he kissed Gordon lightly on the lips as if to get his point across. Butterflies settled in Gordon's stomach, this was the first time Virgil had publicly showed affection for him, much less kiss him like this. "Hey? Where did Al and John go?" He asked scanning the crowd for his other brothers.

"Probably had the same idea as we had?" Gordon laughing said. "Come on..." He grabbed Virgil by the hand and made a line for the exit.

"Awwww Virgil, leaving so soon?" The waitress from earlier grabbed Virgil by the arm.

"Hey Liesel, yeah we're leaving early."

"Will I see you again anytime soon?" She asked as she batted her fake eyelashes at him.

"Well... I dunno..." Virgil never got the chance to finish as Gordon had enough of flirting waitresses and dragged him out by the collar. Once outside, Gordon sat on the side of the curb sulking away.

Virgil sat down beside him quietly, clearly waiting for him to break the ice. "My god Virgil, you must be thicker than I thought if you couldn't see that... that Lisa person flirting with you..." He finally spat out.

Virgil laughed, this was what was bothering Gordon? And there was being worried he had offended him unknowingly somehow. "Her name's Liesel, and she's like that with everyone in there." He said as he jerked his thumb towards the lounge. "That's how she gets her tips."

"I don't CARE what her name is!" Gordon said angrily as he stormed off, clearly his message wasn't getting through to Virgil.

Virgil gave chase, as he spun Gordon around to face him grabbing him by the waist, his brother resisting the hold struggling to get away. "Gordon? Are you... JEALOUS?" Virgil asked with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"No..." He lied, unable to look Virgil in the eye. "Maybe? A little... ok, a whole fucking lot! There you happy? Why... why are you laughing? It's NOT funny!" Gordon demanded as he confessed.

"I dunno... you just look really cute when you get jealous like that. And..." Virgil said, touching their noses close together. "And... I think it's nice that you got jealous... and frankly?" Virgil continued as he whispered into Gordon's ear. "It's kinda a turn on when you get angry like that..." he purred seductively, breathing hard on purpose into his ear.

Goosebumps tingled in waves across his body at the sound of Virgil's seductive purrs. "I HATE you sometimes..." He leaned his forehead against Virgil's.

"Hey? Are you up for...?" Virgil asked as he whispered again into Gordon's ear.

"Really? You wanna do... what?! In Two?" Gordon blushed at his brother's suggestion. Virgil didn't give him a chance to reply, instead grabbing him by the hand as they hailed a cab back to the hanger.

 

Alan and John lucked out, they came across a hot food truck on the second street corner and we’re happily stuffing their faces with garlic lamb kebabs.

“You know these are really awesome! I’ve never had one before!” Alan laughed. “They’re messy though!”

“The trick is to eat it fast and not unwrap it all at once.” John smiled. “Otherwise it drips everywhere.”

“You’re not wrong there” Alan chuckled. “I think I’m wearing most of it.”

“Ha, yeah it’ll happen.” John started laughing along at the idea of Alan covered in it. He gave Alan his empty wrapper and shivered. “Sure got cold fast.”

“Virgil didn’t warn us it was going to be cold.” Alan agreed with John, it was freezing out here on the street. Maybe a walk in the park was a bad idea however Alan didn't want to go back into the club. Like John he wasn't used to crowds, loud noises and prefered a little more privacy. Besides, if they stayed inside he'd have never discovered souvlaki and that it was a greek version of a kebab.

He scanned the street for someplace warm and spotted something fun sitting just outside the park, something he only ever saw in old movies. He crossed the street with John hand in hand and asked the man tending to the animals how long a ride was and asked if they could make it longer and not only would he pay extra for it he was fine to pay extra time when the change over for the horses just to make it worthwhile. He smiled when he heard laughter around the horses and started laughing when he saw John patting them as they nuzzled him and begged for treats.

“Your boyfriend seems to be a lovely chap.” the driver told Alan. “Rosemary and Florence don't take to just anybody. They have a soft spot for those who've been through great trauma in their lives.”

Alan just smiled at the man. “Story of our lives.” he said as he patted one of the beautiful beasts. He had never come into contact with animals other than Sherbert, Lady Penelope’s beloved and now long deceased pug and it had occurred to him John had none with animals either other than lab rats.

“They're so wonderful, aren't they John?”

John couldn't stop laughing as the horses were very affectionate. “Yeah, they're very friendly, Alan! Though I think this one is eating my hair.”

Alan helped John up into the old english styled roof covered carriage and the moment the door had closed and they started to move Alan sat across John's lap and started kissing him.

“I know you can't see the city as we ride around in here but that's not why I asked him for four hours to ride around for. This place is mobile and private… and will screw with Virgil's tracking software on Thunderbird Two for a while if he thinks we're moving around.” Alan chuckled, running his fingers lightly under John's chin. “So for four hours besides giving him and Gordon a heart attack - you and me are all alone, no emergency calls, no damn dangerous house hazards or meddling siblings…. Just us.”

“Alan…” John brought him into a deep kiss, his hands seeking his lover out and already tracing delicate patterns and trails all under Alan's dress shirt and tugging at the buttons in attempt to free him causing the younger man to laugh and open his shirt for him. John then raided his chest with kisses and teased him by licking and sucking on his nipples while using the piercing on his tongue to full affect, eliciting excited yelps and bites from his young lover as Alan couldn't control himself and had to taste John too.

“Uhhh.. John.. I love the way you explore me…” Alan panted tugging at his older lover's t-shirt. “Don't hog all...Ah! Nuuuuh! All the fun-” he let out another yelp and noticed John smiling. Was he seriously being turned on by him and his childish little noises?

“Aww, I thought that was the point?” John purred like a tiger. Alan swore he was going to cum in his pants just by how sexy he sounded.

“I like exploring you too my hungry big ginger kitty.” He teased him in return. “I know every mark, every scar, every curve and unusual bump on that amazing body of yours as just like your mind and your soul, it's the most incredible thing in the whole world to me. I want to love every part of you with every inch of my own being…. Let me in to touch your heart and it will forever stoke this fiery desire.”

John buried his head into Alan's soft chest. “You been into Virgil's poetry books have you?”

“Not exactly, more like snooping through his journal.. hey had to keep one step ahead of him when he got to spend everyday with you and I couldn't… hell I couldn't ever come up with stuff as corny as he did! It was like reading the mind of a continuous bleeding heart and I just… it was painful!”

John started laughing. “Can't keep anything private in a house with five grown men in it who are related by blood. He should know that by now.”

“You can't talk John… the stuff I found in EOS’s logs…. Did you really break down every time we had a mission go south like that? I watched those holo recordings you made and even found the one when me and kayo almost got fried alive in the sun…. I...I never knew how much you loved me… how much you loved all of us and how it broke your heart when you couldn't come to look after us, rescue us from all those disasters.” Alan kissed him softly on the lips.

“Your truly remarkable to cope with things no one else could ever do and these past few months doing your old job… I mean I've always respected you but now… I deeply admire you and appreciate everything you ever did for me.”

“Alan… I need to tell you something.”

“Is it about Scott? If it's not I'm going to ask him what he did to you myself when we get home. After watching what he was doing in the bedroom of Gordon's doorway, how desperate you were to keep me safe from him and the things he said to you….I want to know, even if it's going to hurt me to do so.”

John tilted his head back. “Those piercing scars on my body, I had them done because he made false promises and lies to me to see how much I was prepared to do to keep you and Gordon from being taken away from me. The reason I'm missing skin and scared down there, he used blackmail on me so I mangled myself while he watched… yet he never once looked me over, never touched me unless he was…..” John didn't mention it allowed but Alan got the idea.

“Those new scars? Gordon told me that same night Scott attacked Virgil….so I thought the only way to stop him was to give him the only thing I could offer as a bargaining chip. He still tricked me even then and if Gordon didn't luckily walk past and over heard us…you would never be able to still want sex with me.” he let out a deep sigh. “I understand if you no longer trust me or anything as frankly who would after I did something as stupid as that?”

The sounds of the horses clopping along tarmac filled the silence.

“I don't deserve your love, your trust… anything. I shouldn't still be here Alan, there's only so many time you can cheat death.” John waited for the inevitable slap across the face since he couldn't read Alan's expression and the silence was saying more than having sight ever could.

Warm hands cupped his face and a kiss was pressed against his lips. “Thank you for your honesty.” Alan whispered. “You know what? Even though what you did was stupid, you were still willing to do something noble as sacrificing yourself for others…. It sounds crazy but that makes me love you even more.”

Alan then removed John's t-shirt and gently ran his fingers across the fading bruises, kissing them as if he could heal the damaged before he started to loosen his lovers dress pants and slid in one of his hands to feel and caress the strong hard erection that was residing there.

“You know...it's not entirely a shame that you're a little different down there,” he said breathing in John's ear. “It makes you bigger and you know… I'm glad that it's all for me.” he sat on the seat beside him and lay over his lap in a way that allowed him full unrestricted access to his prize and started to work his lover with his mouth and tongue, tasting the saltiness of pre excitement and lavishing attention on his blind companion in a way that made him growl and squirm uncontrollably. Alan was in no doubt this extra sensitivity was now because his lover's other senses were becoming more acute to compensate the lack of visual information his brain would have usually relied on and goodness, was it fun to mess with.

John pulled him up before he started to feel the urge to release and pinned Alan back against the seat.

“Not yet Songbird,” John purred. “If we go off with a bang to early I won't be keeping up with you.” he kissed Alan passionately across his stomach. “You wanted to make this last, right? I intend to hold you to that.” he stripped his lover from his trousers and started to repay him in kind, Alan arching and making the most cutest little gasps John was beginning to adore.

He stopped and kissed him back on the lips, purposely rubbing their hard and hot members together until Alan pushed him back, raised his legs over his shoulders and entered him, pushing as deep he would go.

Alan had never felt anything like this before, his brother's body was warm and welcoming to his intrusion and the way he stretched and shuddered in response was something he never thought about in his dreams but was certainly going to now.

“How do I hold out John?” he asked. He knew the second he started to move his hips he was going to orgasm and wanted to do the same as his lover, to stretch it out as long as he could.

John purred deeply. “Take it slowly and enjoy it. We can swap and change positions when you think you can't anymore.”

Alan kissed the new scars on John's thighs. Damn there was something weirdly sexy about how they lead towards his pelvis - but at the same time he realised that his older brother was no longer capable of looking after him as protectively as he had used to anymore. He made up his mind, this strange beautiful soul he was making love to needed him to return all those favours and needed to be protected in return… it was the least he could do for him.

He started to push his brother’s hips slowly and was amazed that even in his wildest dreams, reality was far better than he could fantasize. His brother purred and growled with every motion, arching and stretching as Alan kept intime with the rocking of the carriage.

“Nuuuhhh… uhhh Alan...uhhhh Alan….” John growled, encouraging him to keep going. “Ah! Nuh! Al-” John’s body started to shake and squirm as he tried to keep himself under control. Alan lowered his legs and leaned over him, kissing and nuzzling his lips and his neck, even leaving love bites here and there to mark him as his own.

“Oh… damn…. John I can’t…. I really want to but I can’t… I’m not used to this yet.” Alan panted, starting to get desperate with his desire to let go.

“It’s ok,” John whispered into his ear. “If you can’t then don’t push it. Let it go.”

Alan grabbed onto his brother tight as his body shuddered violently and a wave of euphoria washed over him as he finally released, collapsing on top of his brother then unceremoniously rolling off onto the carriage floor as their mode of transport turned a corner.

Alan started laughing as he tried to stand up, his brother trying to also sit up but having difficulty with the bumping the carriage was doing.

“Park.” they said in unision. Clearly they were now off the main road.

Alan helped his brother up and then sat across his lap and let his brother inside of him so he could lean up against his body close and still feel safe together in his arms. John kissed him and started to rock him in time with the gentle sway of the carriage, very slowly as he cradled him in his arms and nuzzled him as for once, he knew Alan was relying on him for comfort and assurance even after he just made love to him. He was afterall - John knew - always seeking his approval even now when there was absolutely no need for him to be. There wasn’t much he could do to change that, however he hoped one day Alan would be confident enough to start standing up for himself a hell of alot more and take the bull by the horns and just have more belief in his own abilities.

How little did John know that Alan was starting to really bloom under his new romance with him.

 

They had barely stepped foot into Thunderbird Two, when they assaulted each other with kisses, hands groping to peel their clothes off the other. Virgil pinned Gordon to Two's hull as he nuzzled him on his neck, purring with delight as Gordon moaned with pleasure.

That was it, he needed to take him right there and then. Virgil swooped Gordon up in his arms easily carrying him towards the infirmary beds, all the while still kissing him passionately. He threw his brother onto the bed with gusto and leapt in after him. Gordon giggled as Virgil continued kissing him everywhere, his face his eyes his nose, before trailing his way downwards. Lifting up his shirt, he left his kisses everywhere he laid his eyes on. Gordon's body was beautifully tanned and sculpted in its own way, a completely different type of muscular structure than his own.

He yanked the shirt off him, hating anything right now that put any distance between him and this beautiful body.

"Hey! Careful now, that's my favorite shirt!" Gordon yelped.

"I'd buy you a hundred more..." Virgil growled, returning his attention back to his brother who was lying beautifully beneath him. Gordon laughed as he confessed. "I've been doing a little light reading online, I bet I could show you a thing or two." He winked at Virgil naughtily, as he sat up to whisper in his ear. "You are going to enjoy this..."

Virgil froze, that last sentence replaying in his mind, but in a different voice, Scott's. You... Scott had said as he grabbed a fistful of his hair, are going to enjoy this...

He got up and ran barely registering where he headed, till he wound up in Two's cockpit on his hands and knees trembling violently. Virgil clutched at his chest, he couldn't breathe! What was happening? It felt like he was ten all over again, suffering his first asthma attack.

"Virgil? Virgil... you ok?" Gordon having just caught up with him, kneeling at his side beyond panicking at what he was seeing. But Virgil didn't see or hear him, he was trapped in a dark place where Gordon couldn't reach. A prisoner of his own mind, his brain replayed the scene over and over in his head. All he could hear was Scott's voice taunting him, his hands feeling him up while the knee on his chest had him pinned down.

Gordon didn't want to do this but he needed help. He didn't know what else to do. Gordon tapped his watch to open a link to Alan, it connected but was cancelled almost immediately. Gordon cursed as he tried again. Once connected, he yelled before it could be cancelled again. "Alan? John? Please! I... I need help! Virgil... Virgil's having some sort of panic attack! I can't get him to calm down. It's like he can't even hear me..." He aimed his watch towards Virgil, linking up a one way video feed so they could see that he wasn't joking around for once.

Gordon started crying. Virgil had always been the strong one, always there for him when he needed. Seeing him like this he could feel his heart breaking.

 

Alan was holding onto the roof of the carriage with his hands, a foot raised and resting on one of the seats while John was kissing him and making love to him while he was standing, both of them now used to the motions of their transport and using it to their own advantage to draw out how long they could hold out with one another as they took turns in making their night memorable.

That’s when Alan’s watch buzzed.

“Not now…” He hissed, flicking it off.

“Who was calling?” it had been a long while since he heard his own holowatch ring but he could remember the distinct sounds of an incoming call.

“Don’t know, don’t care… it hasn’t even been two hours! What could possibly be so damn impo-”

The holowatch called again, only this time Alan couldn’t flick the message away in time and the image of Virgil having a mental shut down came into view with Gordon’s panicked voice in tow.

John rested his head against Alan exhausted and sweaty. “I think this is an emergency we can’t ignore…” he breathed out heavily. “Sounds… pretty urgent.”

“Looks it too.” Alan sighed. “These brothers of ours owe us some uninterrupted time together I swear…”

John laughed. “Two hours not long enough huh?”

Alan kissed him. “Not anymore.”

They both got redressed and when the carriage stopped Alan got out as the man changed the horses around for the next part of the four hours he had paid for and he sighed, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Am I able to ask you a favour? A emergency has cropped up and we need to get back to our plane.”

“You’ll have to take a taxi, We don’t take the horses out to the airport my friend.”

“Actually we’re not parked at the airport.” Alan then showed the man where Thunderbird Two was residing just on the outskirts of the city and the man’s attitude changed.

“You’re a member of International Rescue?”

“We both are.”

“You boys saved my daughter and her grandchildren from a dangerous aircraft crash last month - you remember the one - the newest fireflash with the warp engines? I’m forever in you debt! You know what? Where’s that address…” The man looked at Alan’s holo watch’s map again and his smile widened. “I think I can take you there. Tell your boyfriend to hold on as this will be a bumpy ride.”

“Thank you very much sir, we’ll compensate you for any business you may lose tonight I’m sure.”

The man held up his hands. “Not at all it’s my pleasure to repay you. You two just sit tight and I’ll get you there.”

Alan climbed back into the carriage and John lay across the seat and rested his head in his lap. “He’s going to take us there, he said to hang on tight.” he then leaned in to kiss his older lover on his cheek. “Try and rest a bit before we get there, I think you’re going to be needed more than me this time.”

“I don’t think I can, Alan.”

“Please John… you don’t sleep enough already and we need your head clear for this… Virgil and Gordon both need your clear head for this.”

“They need you more than you know too, Alan.”

“Maybe… They haven't seemed to yet.”

“They will Alan. they have to learn they can’t rely on me forever.”

When the carriage started to move again they both could feel it violently jolt as the horses were made to run from a gentle canter to a full run. They were bounced around so roughly that Alan held onto his brother tight the entire journey taken to reach the big green aircraft.

Alan thanked the man along with his brother when they dismounted and he hurried John along into the craft and towards the cockpit where Gordon practically grabbed their older sibling and dragged him over to Virgil before stepping back toward Alan in hope that some miracle was going to happen. Alan offered him a hand to hold and Gordon hesitated, realising that Alan’s shirt buttons were uneven, his hair was an utter state and he was wearing John’s dress pants….and something else

“Interrupt something did I?” he couldn’t help himself. Teasing Alan was the only way he could put himself at ease.

Alan adjusted himself and still looked like he was getting off on the whole situation, causing him to blush. “You owe me for this…” he let out a growl before grabbing hold of his older brother’s hand to give it a squeeze. “It'll be ok, I promise.”

John felt around until he was certain he was patting Virgil’s back and gently rubbed it soothingly.

“Hey baby bear, the fire is all gone now. It’s over, it’s time to lead you home back to mum.” he said quietly. It had been years since he had ever called him ‘baby bear’ - no, that was an understatement.. He hadn’t since their mother died and Virgil told him off for it at the funeral - and was risking it by calling him it now. If he lashed out at him he fully deserved it but right now Virgil needed something pure and innocent to hold onto to bring him back to reality… and reminding him of being little - John was hoping… was enough to do that.

Virgil turned to bury his face in John's chest, his hand curved around his older brother's neck as if he was holding on for dear life. The familiar scent of peaches on John's skin anchoring him. He wanted to ask John what he did to make the nightmares stop, but found he lacked the energy. The sudden panic attack had left him drained and he felt exhausted. Still, he found he wasn't quite ready to let of John, so he just sat there letting his older brother wrap his arms around him allowing his presence to soothe him.

John stroked his hair silently, he didn't have to ask what had sent Virgil spiraling into a panic attack. He had a pretty clear idea what or rather who caused it.

Eventually it was decided that Gordon was to fly them home so that Virgil could get some sleep on the flight back. In sharp contrast to their earlier arrival, the flight back home was eerily quiet.

Once at home the mood was still somber, even when Alan cuddled into his older brother in his own bed to sleep, John finally exhausted after nights of being awake, paranoid and itching for a fight - now completely drained of anything other than being able to breathe. Alan smiled at that thought as it was sort of his doing, boy he had no idea his older brother could keep it up like THAT in the carriage for so long! He was a BEAST when push came to shove and Alan LOVED it.

Alan listened to every breath and tried to shut out the fear of him not being there, no more gentle rhythmic breathing, no more calm assuring heartbeat…. Things he had gotten so used to hearing and relying on when things were all falling apart around him. Everytime his brother’s fought, everytime there was an accident and everytime someone’s life hung by a thread Alan found himself buried in his brother’s arms hunting for that reassurance and familiarity.

They all did…. Or at least… they used to.

He thought back to Virgil’s little break down and how it took a good few hours before he would let go of John, the steady rock for all of them when things in your head were all over the place.. It wasn’t even that long ago Alan awoke with Gordon cuddled in the bed with them because he was struggling to cope with Virgil’s injuries and not being able to do anything about them - at least as far as Alan knew.

If you we’re having one of those days… you always ended up heading for John.

Yet… the stuff he said about Scott and himself back then all those years ago… Alan found himself shivering. If he was always trying to protect them, then who was looking out for John? Clearly it wasn’t Scott, that was for certain - which meant there was nobody. No one to run to when the world wanted to beat the crap out of you and stab you in the guts with one shitty dealt hand at the poker table after another.

Hang on… when they were sick it was always John by their side, never their father… Alan struggled to remember as far back as he possibly could to the first time he ever stepped foot in the infirmary...man he was so little then and it was the first ever time John wasn't around to read him a bedtime story. Dad had ran through the house with someone in his arms, apparently the engines in his new rocket ship were leaking fuel and creating fumes in the cockpit poisoning the pilot.

It was John's first ever test flight.

Alan could remember Gordon and Virgil holding him by the hands as they took him down there. John was hooked up to all sorts of scary machines just in order to keep him breathing.

It was the first time their father was watching over one of them since their mother died. Infact, John was the only one he seemed to watch over when he got sick after that - even Scott when he was in a wheelchair never got that level of personal attention and HE was - along with Virgil - dad's ‘golden child’ who got attention every other day of the year.

Alan never understood why that was but now it was all starting to fit together.

John stepped in to fill their mum's shoes to help out when she died. To himself and Gordon for many years he was pretty much like their mum, more than a brother right up till dad asked him to join with Scott to fly for IR. He realised that's why their father didn't worry about them so much - John did it for him.

The photos he asked John about must have been the ones when their mother was sick, cut short and pretty faded blonde in colour...when John said she had red hair Alan went digging for other pictures and he wasn't disappointed as he found alot of them in John's room. She did indeed have red hair and it occurred to him how much John looked like her and not like their father now he had them.

He couldn't be certain but he was sure now there father was always afraid of losing the only thing that reminded him of their mother if anything happened to John… so he looked after him when no one else could.

But that still left him with no one, as their dad was never found when he disappeared not long after Alan joined his brothers in trying to save the world… no one to watch out for the guardian angel who watched after everyone else.

Alan sighed. After all the trouble with Scott, his shifts on Thunderbird Five didn't change meaning the time he spent with John was still too short. He was starting to think he should throw it all in entirely just so he could be with him...to finally step up and protect him as now he was more vulnerable than he had ever been in his entire life. He looked over at his sleeping lover and kissed him before he got up to get some breakfast before his shift.

For once in the kitchen, everyone - including Scott despite his shameful behavior of recent weeks - was there and he realised that this maybe the only chance he was ever going to get as he wanted all of their approval and to have it as a surprise for his older brother and lover.

Alan stood up and coughed, trying to catch everyone’s attention. The only person who looked up was Gordon who noticed his younger brother had something on his mind, so he thumped the table giving both Virgil and Brains who sat either side of him to jump in fright before opening his mouth.

“Everybody listen up! Alan wants to talk to us about something.”
Even Scott who was sitting on the other table alone turned around in his seat mildly amused. It was very rare Alan asked to be the center of attention these days so as far as he was concerned, this was going to be entertaining.

“Er, thanks Gordon. Um….” Alan hesitated. It had been a long time since he was the focus of THIS much attention. “Uh…I know I’m supposed to be getting ready to start my shift now… but I want to tell you that I’m not going to.”

“And why not young man?” Grandma Tracy questioned him as nice as pie. It was hard to tell sometimes with her as she didn’t have a voice that lends itself to not being suspicious of her own son’s offspring - and for a very good reason too. Usually the boys had ulterior motives when it came to talking to everyone as a group.

“Because… Because I want to quit.”

“HA! You can’t quit just like THAT Alan. Who’ll man the station?” Scott snorted.

“I don’t know and personally don’t care.” Alan snapped back. “The point is, I want out. Is that’s such an impossible thing to ask?”

“Alan, I know the workload for you has gotten harder lately,” Kayo said calmly. “But you were told that when we agreed that you should take over John’s old post. You can’t suddenly say ‘it’s too hard’ and throw in the towel after four months.”

Alan frowned. Why was wanting to no longer do International rescue duties so hard for them to understand?

“You know if you quit, there’s no more space travel, no more watching the moon and the sun come up over the horizon of the planet and traveling to other stars…” Scott tried to use Alan’s favorite things about space against him to try and convince him that his decision was just a phase.

Alan took a deep breath. He was ready for all of this.

“All the fun died when John stopped being there.” he said, without flinching or backing down.

Scott rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t I see this coming? Kid, the blind bat doesn’t need you hanging around twenty four hours a day seven days a week to look after him, heck it would drive him crazy.”

“I know your decision is a noble one Alan but there’s people who need our help out there still -” Kayo started to say but Alan jumped in to cut her off.

“Not as much as they used to. We’re only needed for major disasters now which is what It should have always been - to rescue the unrescuable, to perform those amazing miracles. Besides, NONE of you guys EVER listen to me when I’m the one supposedly with all the damn important information! Why do I want to be in a position of something very important and fundamental when all you do is ignore me anyway?” he took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “Look, John has always looked after me and this house is full of so many everyday hazards, even if Virgil finally gets around to putting braille signs and things everywhere around the house… I mean we need to add railings to stairs and everything still….” He looked down at the table a few minutes before looking up again to continue talking.

“I owe him this. Say whatever you like about it but I owe him so much…. I want to be able to return it. Is that so wrong of me to do? If I’m in space all the time then I can’t get that chance to repay all that care he gave me when I was really little… it’s my turn to care for him.” he sniffed. “Just once I thought you guys would be on my side and back me up in this.”

Virgil frowned, he wasn't expecting Alan's resignation from the team but he could understand where he was coming from. If their roles had been reversed, he might be doing the exact same thing about now.

"I don't like this anymore than the rest of you..." Virgil spoke up. "But Alan's a grown man, he's hardly a kid anymore. How about we respect his decision not just as a member of the team, but as an adult and more so as his brothers?" He looked over to Alan as if he seal his point, his youngest brother giving him a grateful smile in return.

"This day was bound to come eventually from someone. Why should Alan get any of this heat from us? Just because he's the youngest and the first one to voice it out? We certainly can't be expected to keep IR running forever. Rescues services have come a long way since we started and we're hardly even needed except on the more tricky ones." Scott made to interrupt but Virgil wasn't done.

"I'm sorry if this comes across as selfish but how about one of us finally gets the chance to live out their lives? We've all sacrificed so much to be here, when are we going recognize the fact that we owe it to ourselves to live a little? Certainly not to a world that hardly appreciates our efforts in the first place. We're at the beck and call and we clean up disasters and what do we get for it in return? A slew of personal injuries a mile long and now one of us permanently damaged...." He said bitterly, he was more than just making a case for Alan. Eventually he hoped to get Gordon off this blasted island too to start their own lives together.

Alan winced when Virgil said the words ‘permanently damaged’. He wanted to rip into him and scream in his face that John was NOT damaged and NOT broken - he was still perfectly normal, just ‘inconvenienced’. He had proven that pulling Virgil's sorry behind from a burning building. Alan was realising Virgil’s love for him wasn't because of who he was...but out of pity for what he had become. His blood boiled and his cheeks were hot with anger at how fast Virgil discounted John as a useful person especially after the compassion he gave him the night before when that should have been Gordon giving him that comfort during his break down.

"I'm sure this was not Dad's intentions when he started International Rescue. If any of you thinks you can just emotionally blackmail Alan..." He said, his eyes resting on Scott as he said this. "... into staying here, you're gonna find that you're going to have to go through me first."

As he sat back down, Gordon gave Virgil an approving shoulder bump, his face beaming with pride at his little speech. "And me too as a matter of fact!" Gordon couldn't help but chime in.

Again Scott made to say something, but was interrupted by Kayo. "And me too..." she said as she smiled at Alan.

"And don't forget about this little old lady here. I completely agree with Virgil and respect Alan's decision. So we're all agreed then?" She said to nods all around. Grandma threw her arms open and motioned for them all to give her a hug. One figure sat not participating in the family hug, sulking in the corner.

When they dispersed, Alan grabbed hold of Virgil and pulled him aside.

“Thank you for backing me up in there…” he said quietly before he remembered WHY he pulled him aside. “However if you DARE think I'm going to let you just call John ‘damaged’ and walk away I've got news for you - He is NOT DAMAGED, just different. He still pulled off a rescue, still picked a fight with Scott over BOTH your sorry arses and fucking gave you the time of day when your brain was having a meltdown! You talk about him the same way Scott does and to me that isn't any better than he is! Even Gordon wouldn't do that! You guys think because he can't see he isn't the same person behind those empty stares, that he isn't affected by his own situation as much as everyone else is! None of you ever stopped to think about how he feels or ask him about his mental well being, especially now that you guys keep DUMPING stuff on his shoulders….just please stop it.”

He ran his fingers shakily through his short blonde hair which had started to go darker with age. He knew Virgil was going to tear him limb from limb but he had to get through to him - for both his own good and for John.

“You know sometimes he talks in his sleep? Usually because something is bothering him - but lately it's because he feels like he shouldn't be alive. Do you have ANY IDEA how much that hurts to hear when your older brother mumbles that he's worthless, that nobody thinks of him as a person but as a dog that you kick around because is mangy, ugly and covered in fleas? It hurts so much to think no matter how much I tell him he's brilliant and that I love him there's always someone like you with a backhanded comment or like Scott who tells him that he's a burden and a waste of space! It HAS to STOP.”

Alan searched his brother's expression, desperate for some hint of understanding and for once in his life - not ignore him.

Virgil was slightly taken aback. As he regained his composure, he realized something. The old Alan would never have confronted him like this, choosing instead to mull over it silently in his room, maybe even crying to John about it later in private.

But now? He was not only confident enough to challenge his older brothers but was braver than all of them put together to be the first to broach the taboo topic of resigning from IR… heck he had to coordinate a risky and complicated rescue with John, to pull his sorry arse from the building fire which was a direct result of him not listening to his younger brother's advice in the first place.

Alan was settling into a fine confident young man under John's love, care and attention. Virgil wondered if John knew this and made a mental note to tell him so. If he was this proud of Alan, he knew John would be a hundred times more so.

"I'm sorry Alan, that was highly insensitive of me. I obviously wasn't thinking before opening my big mouth. I guess that part of Gordon must be rubbing off on me..." Virgil started as he stole a glance at Gordon. Who was still happily chatting with Kayo at the dinner table. His Little Fish, his light...

"And you're right. We've been taking John for granted long enough, treating him for as a convenient dumping ground for our own needs with no consideration for his own. I apologize for that as well, god knows I'm guilty of that..." His mind thought of he was clinging to John in Two's cockpit after his panic attack just recently.

"I'd do my hardest to change, if you guys still deem me worthy of that chance?" Virgil smiled. He took a breath before beginning, John shouldn't be the only one who needed to know this. Alan needed to know too. "I'm more than proud of what you did back there, Al. I hate to admit it, because it makes me feel old as hell, but you've grown up. It took a lot of guts to do what you did. John would be proud and so am I..." He wasn't sure what he saw in Alan's face to what he said but as if to cement the sincerity of his words, Virgil reached out and enveloped Alan in a fierce bear hug.

 

Alan was about to reply to him when there was a loud clatter upstairs. he was the first to respond, bounding up the stairs two at a time with Virgil and everyone else in tow. John was groping at the wall trying to stand himself up, having fallen down a few of the steps. He was naked, shaking and clearly terrified of something and he had called out for Alan - by the sounds of his voice it wasn't the first time either - fear punctuated all through his words.

Alan hugged him tight as he managed to stand up and as he did so, John's arms wrapped around him in a death grip, his fingers burying and gripping onto his youngest brother's clothes. “It's ok John, I'm right here.”

“I had a nightmare that you were being taken away from me.” John’s voice was muffled by Alan's jumper as he spoke. “I felt around the bed and you were gone and realised that I couldn't tell if you were really gone, if I was awake or still trapped in that horrible dream. It's so hard to tell the difference now I don't know if I'm awake or if this is still part of my dream. Please tell me your real Alan… Please?” he begged.

“I'm real John, I promise you that I'm one hundred percent here holding you tight.” he ran his fingers over John's bare back until a polite cough from Kayo was enough to remind him they had an audience and his brother was not only naked but in serious need of being looked after. “come on, let's get you in the shower and dressed. You'll feel awake after that I promise.” Alan didn't bother to look at anyone as he helped John back up the stairs, he said he was going to be his blind brother's full time carer and he meant every word of it. Not caring about other people's thoughts about how they saw the bad times was a part of that.

Scott folded his arms. Well, well, well…. Looks like the tower of strength is crumbling and the power is shifting position in the house. He had to do something about that.

The decision to move forward

"Where are we going anyway? And why all this secrecy?" Gordon frowned, as Virgil led him by the hand down another crowded corridor of the mall. He was more than happy to be finally on a date alone with Virgil, glad too that some color was at last returning to his pale face.

"You'd see..." Virgil chuckled. "Just up ahead."

"Where?" Gordon craned his neck to see. He was curious as to what Virgil had up his sleeve. "Oh wow! Is this it?" He gasped, as Virgil led them through a double glass door.

Virgil nodded, hoping Gordon would like it. He had been planning this all this when resting in the infirmary, his way of saying thank you to the Little Fish who took such good care of him.

"This... this is the freaking legendary Flavor Graveyard from Ben & Jerrys! It's a fucking urban legend." Gordon gasped as he ran up and down inspecting the small batches of colorful tubs on the counter. "How did you do this? They *never* bring anything back once they decided to retired them."

"Well..." Virgil laughed at his brother's reaction, glad that he managed to pull the surprise off. "I know some people... who knew some people, and I called in a favor." He shrugged, more than a few actually he thought to himself.

Gordon was giddy with delight, a literal kid in a candy... well, ice cream store. He inspected each tub curiously, "No way! Wavy Gravy? This is vintage 1993 stuff!" He didn't wait for an invitation as he dug a finger into the tub to taste it.

"And..." Virgil said, as a staff handed him a gallon tub. "Special order. You get to take this home later."

Gordon walked over and inspected the label. 'Dave Matthews Band One Sweet Whirled' it read. Gordon's jaws dropped. This gesture was literally sweet enough and near impossible to pull off, and now he was holding a retired ice cream tub named after one of his favorite bands?

"Hey? You ok?" Virgil frowned, worried how quiet Gordon suddenly was.

Gordon threw himself into Virgil's arms, still holding onto the ice cream tub. "Thank you Virgil..." he whispered into his ear. "This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me..."

Virgil hugged him back fiercely, he realized now there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for Gordon. "Anything for you..." He broke away unwillingly. "Hey? We don't have all day you know? This thing's only gonna be here for today."

Gordon nodded, then noticed the curious crowd that had gathered outside, the longing looks of the kids faces was something he was familiar with. He tugged on Virgil's sleeve, hoping what he was going to say wasn't asking for too much. "Virge? I know you planned all this for me, but even I can't finish this much ice cream. Can we let those people in?" He asked, as he pointed to the curious onlookers outside.

Virgil sighed, trust Gordon to be this generous. That was just one of many things Virgil loved about him. How could he deny him anything? Certainly not when he was making a face like *that*? He nodded. "Yeah... why not?" He motioned for the staff to invite the crowd in, to welcomed cheers from the crowd.

People started taking pictures of the pop up cafe with their phones. "You know this is gonna be blown outta proportion on social media right?" He asked Gordon, who nodded. "Then let's get outta here? Before someone spots us? Go somewhere more private with that tub? I heard there's this outdoor charity movie screening to benefit the local animal shelter, we could always head there?" Virgil suggested.

Gordon didn't care. He'd walk to the ends of the earth with Virgil if he asked. He grabbed his tub and two plastic spoons, as they walked off unnoticed into the crowd.

 

John was struggling. There was going to be alot of things he was going to have to accept he was going to miss now he was blind - Grandma's lantern night time garden parties were one of them. Even now sitting outside at one of the patio tables, things were going on around him, laughter, drinking dancing….

The front yard and the pool area was always decked out with thousands of fairy lights, home made oriental lanterns, smoking paper mache dragons - Grandma Tracy always went over the top to impress her guests.

There he was, unable to be a part of it.

Dancing involved being near the pool and everyone was very strict about keeping him away from it, which also meant being away from any food, alcohol and any real conversation. Constantly felt like a broken record telling Alan to go and have fun instead of sitting with him and telling other people he was fine, that when another elderly lady asked if he was fine sitting in his own he snapped back then tried to apologise while the lady then called him an ungrateful spoilt brat amongst other things. He was about to retract his apology when a set of hands grabbed him roughly by the shoulders.

“See here, Master John if you don't start having fun you and I are going to have words inside the kitchen. Your gran put a lot effort into this evening and I'm making it my business to make sure it stays fun for everybody at her request.”

“Parker, go rob a bank or something will you?” John growled.

“Now you listen to me young - oh my, what happened to you?” Parker’s rough tone changed suddenly when he looked into the thirty five year old's face.

“Long story, Parker.” John looked sad. “I just need to be left alone for a while, that's all. I know Grandma put alot into this, she always does but it's impossible to be a part of it and I don't want to ruin other peoples fun. Heck watching you dance with Grandma is always fun to watch and I can't even do that so I really want to just be forgotten about for the night.”

Parker sat heavily down in the chair on the other side of the patio table from him and gave his hand a squeeze. Out of all of Jeff’s sons, John was the one he felt closest to as they had worked together often when it came to information gathering and had grown to feel like a second dad to the younger man as he was the one that caused the least amount of trouble.

“I don't think we'll be dancing tonight, Master John. We’re getting a bit too old for that.”

“Never too old, Parker… and please, just John. I don't deserve to be called anything more formal than that.”

He sighed. “I don't think I can keep this up, Parker. I’m losing my mind. I can’t tell if I’m awake or asleep, if I'm dreaming…. I know it will pass, but when?”

Before Parker could reply Virgil came bounding over with excitement and joy splashed across his face. Parker gave John a nudge to make sure the blind Tracy was looking in the right direction.

"Well... I did it!" Virgil couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Did what?" John laughed as he asked, picking up on the happiness in his brother's words.

"I enrolled and got accepted into the Royal College of Arts! Granted it's only on a part basis, till we get operations on the island shut down for good. But it'd give me and Gordon ample time away from here till we sort ourselves out permanently accommodation wise." Virgil beamed as he told John, after all he was the one who had encouraged all this.

"Gordon's going with you?" John couldn't help but tease Virgil.

"Of course! Do you know how many beautiful people there are at the RCA? Old Fish Face's going to want to keep a close eye on me." Virgil said as he laughed, but then winced at his own comment. "I'm sorry John... that was kinda an insensitive thing to say wasn't it?"

John shrugged "Nah, don't worry about it Virge. Feels nice to have someone not mince their words around me."

"Well, I'm off. Gordon and I have to start apartment hunting before the next term begins. And yes before you ask, right at the top of his list of requirements is that it must have access to either, or but preferably BOTH a beach AND a pool. Wish me luck in finding this impossible place." He said, as he threw his arms up in mock exasperation.

Before Virgil turned to leave, he decided to grab John in a bear hug. "I don't say it as often as I should, but I just wanted to say thank you. For always encouraging me and pushing me beyond what I think I'm capable of. And for getting all of us off this island. I hope now you'd start to live life for yourself, instead of always putting us first. Don't be afraid of spreading your wings to fly again. I love you, John." Virgil said as he kissed him lightly on the cheek.

And with that Virgil was gone, probably off to tell everyone his good news. Parker watched the soft smile on John's face slightly fade. “Wish you luck, Virgil.” he said quietly. “Maybe seeing you two leave might push Alan to do the same...he needs a life too.” the smile was now gone. “Parker, could I ask if you could be so kind as to take me towards the house? I’ll be fine once I'm inside….I just can't handle this party anymore.”

“As you wish, John.”

Alan looked up from listening to Virgil talking to him excitedly about going to a prestigious art academy to see John being lead back into the house.

Something was wrong.

Once Parker had left him in the kitchen, reality hit John like a bag of bricks. He was happy for his brothers, he wanted them to have lives…

Then why was he feeling like the world around him had broken apart?

“Heard the news? Seems like EVERYONE is leaving this place now. Good job you did there Johnny, now it will just be you and me…”

“Alan hasn't left yet...and Virgil and Gordon have things to plan before they go anywhere.”

Scott leaned in close to his sibling. “It's temporary, but they are leaving. Even Alan quit International Rescue.” he purred, leaving out the reason why he threw in the towel. He could tell John was surprised to be told that information which meant he didn't know Alan wanted to be his carer either.

He could use that to his advantage.

“He did? Good on him. He's still young and needs the chance to have a life too.”

“You know what that means though, don't you?” Scott said slyly. “It means your relationship with him is only temporary and about to end.”

Scott waited till he could be certain John processed this information and grinned when his brother's expression looked devastated. “You knew that didn't you though, John. Any relationship you got into regardless of who it with was going to end this way - and you already knew that. Like I've always told you, no one would want you because they love you...you're unlovable Johnny, always have been, always will be.”

Scott then walked away back outside to join the party, leaving his sibling trapped alone in his own personal darkness.

 

Alan found John sitting in the floor of the living room, back against the glass, the lights from the party illuminating his brother from behind in the dark room.

He sat beside him and touched him in the leg. “So Virgil and Gordon huh? Do you think they'll ever want to come back once they leave?”

“Christmas time if we are lucky. It will do them some good...it's never too late to take control of your life. I suppose you will want to go too?”

“I don't know. Maybe… I never thought about it.”

“I won't stop you if you want to. I've always told you to go see the world. That's why you quit isnt it? You want to do something else rather than be tied down here?” John put his hand over Alan's even though it was shaking. “You can tell me Alan, I knew the day would have to come sooner or later...you and me couldn't last forever.”

Alan realised what John meant and gently placed his hand on his cheek and one of his own against his brother's.

“John, if I ever left the Island I’d take you with me. I would never leave you behind or leave you for another person. I quit to be closer to you, to be there whenever you need me. I love you so much, you're more than just my brother - you're my hero, my best friend and you were also my carer, teacher and keeper….and now you're my lover and there is no way I'm going to walk away from any of that.” he kissed him before continuing.

“You always look out for me...it's my turn to return that, regardless of what anyone else thinks…and I'm never going to leave you. When I say that I've always loved you I mean that I don't want anyone else… just you and me forever… till the end. I love you that much, John… no one can change that, not even you.”

Alan leaned against his brothers back and wrapped his arms around him. He was going to have to take things into his own hands, especially since he saw Scott in the kitchen just as Parker left him at the house. The only reason he couldn't get into the house fast enough was because he had been caught by Gordon and he couldn't be rude to him, not after his exciting news. He knew Scott had said something to his lover and he had a good idea now how he was going to try and break them apart… especially now John was hitting the hardest stage of dealing with his permanent injury.

He had to stop his eldest brother before he did serious damage.

Virgil walked up to Gordon and hooked an arm around his younger brother's neck. "Woah easy Little Fish. Save some food for the rest of us will ya?" He laughed as Gordon kept stuffing his face like his life depended on it.

"Not on your life Virge. Once we head off to England, there's no telling when I'm getting a taste of home cooked food again." Gordon said in between mouthfuls of food.

Virgil laughed, how could he not love Gordon? His eyes rested on the basket of breadsticks. He had an evil glint in his eye as he took one. "Hey Gords, up for a game?" He teased.

"Huh? What kind of stupid game involves a breadstick, old man?" Gordon teased back.

"I learnt this when holidaying in Japan once. They call it the Pocky Game, but we could improvise with a breadstick. Bite off as much as you can without breaking it, first to pull away or break the breadstick loses." He explained, as he picked the shortest breadstick and put one end of the breadstick in his mouth, trying to find any excuse to be able to make out with his brother in public.

Gordon raised his brow, he'd question Virgil on the details on how he found out about the game in Japan, and more precisely WHO he had played it with back then. "You're on. Prepare to lose."

"Wanna up the stakes?" Virgil continued teasing, all he wanted was to taste the ocean on Gordon's lips. As his brother nodded, Virgil further broke the already short breadstick into half, before putting it back in his mouth.

Gordon stepped in front of Virgil and just as he bit into the breadstick, Virgil chewed off the rest and took advantage of the situation to plant a firm kiss on Gordon as he grabbed him by the waist.

"That is NOT playing fair, Virge!" Gordon laughed as he pushed Virgil away, embarrassed as he finally realized this was his brother's intention all along. Gordon felt a tap on his shoulder, turned as someone emptied the contents of their wine glass into his face.

"What the?" He wiped his face angrily just as to see Lady Penelope walking away.

"You ok?" Virgil asked quietly. Gordon didn't say anything, as Lady P's angry figure stomped angrily away, there was Scott smirking away happily raising his glass in mock salute. No doubt he had more than a few choices words with Lady Penelope. Sure, she was the one who had rejected Gordon's advances but her pride would surely have been hurt if Scott had revealed that he was now not only sleeping with Virgil and moving to London with him, while he pursued his part time studies there.

Gordon moved forward to confront Scott, but Virgil held him back. "Let it go Gords, he's not worth it. Let's not spoil tonight for Grandma shall we?" Virgil reasoned, letting go when Gordon nodded.

Virgil frowned, his gaze locking with Scott's in a silent challenge. He knew that Scott would be the biggest obstacle in their path to leaving the island. Would he ever let them escape his grasp? Virgil decided to leave it for another day, as he turned his attention back to Gordon, making a silent promise to look out not just for Gordon but for all his other brothers.

 

Alan ran a brush through John's hair as he ran water through the flame red locks. They had reclocated to the bathroom after a long talk and while everyone was busy at the party, John asked if he could do him a small favour.

His brother’s hair was quite long when wet, the thick waves made it sit short when dry but all brushed back it was sitting just at the base of his neck...no wonder he wanted it cut.

“You sure you want me to do this?”

“I’m sure.”

“Ok.” Alan took a deep breath, picked up the electric razor and clicked the hair trimmer in place before shaving the red flames off and watching them cascade onto the floor. They were not all going but enough at the back and the sides to tidy it up a great deal more than it was.

He then trimmed bits with scissors, fluffed his brothers hair so it was messy again and smiled at his work. He wasn't going to lop it all, no way - he adored running his fingers through it, it was soft and fun to play with.

Changing the end on the razor again he gave his brother a shave, just a light one that trimmed a little - Alan also had grown to like this mature look, something that suited John far more than his other brothers when they tried to grow anything - Alan chuckling at the thought of Virgil and Gordon doing the ‘movember’ charity moustaches and how hilariously bad they looked, Gordon all ginger coloured unlike his hair colour and Virgil looking like a cartoon villain.

He brushed his brother’s cheek and brought his lips into a deep kiss.

“Alan… I wish I could see how much you have grown.” John whispered when they parted. “Your growing up and maturing so fast…. You deserve so much more…”

“I have everything I want.” Alan kissed him again, this time parting his lips to explore with his tongue. John repaid in kind, giving him shivers when he could feel the ball of his brothers tongue piercing roll and caress his own.

He started to feel confident and bolder, his hands sliding under John’s starry jumper and running his fingers across his skin, breaking the kiss so he could remove his own dress shirt so he could feel warm gentle hands exploring him as well as his own starting the go on their own little adventure.

He gasped as John trailed kisses down his neck, the tickling fuzz he had left on his face sending shivers of delight down is spine and through his body - when he reached his nipples to tease him Alan let out excited little yelps as he allowed himself to submit to his brother's attentions.

“Oh damn John… even just by your touch…..you sure you're blind?”

John kissed his lips and his hands rans themselves up along his sides, along his chest and cupped his face. “I have a pretty good imagination...and everytime I touch you that image in my head comes to life as I can feel you move, feel your warmth and the beat of your heart…. I can also hear it along with the excitement in you breath, the cute little yelps in your voice….” he purred sexually in his ear. “I don’t need to see how beautiful you are because I can hear, touch, taste and smell how amazing you are instead and that paints the most incredible visions of not just your body but your mind, your soul...the purest bluest aura glows from within you….I know that you are truly amazing and I’m incredibly proud of you…. I don't need to have eyes that work to know that you've become such a mature gown up even though I feel sad that I miss seeing what everyone else can.”

“Maybe...just maybe I may not need to….if you don’t mind how the rest of my senses describe you to me.”

Alan quivered and almost melted with how ethereal he was being made out to be… somewhere in his lovers head he was this magical being… at least that's how he sounded.

“I wish I could see the world the way you do, John. Sure it sounds hard… but it sounds so beautiful at times… it would be magical if we could really intertwine our souls like that….”

“Who says it doesn’t when we are together? Two souls mixing colours together, blending into each other to create a new one that only occurs when we feel close to being as one.”

Alan let out a gentle growl. Damn could John fill his head with strange visions with just words..heh, he had always been the only one to make words have lives of their own. “What colour would you be?”

John laughed shyly. “Well… what would you think?”

Alan closed his eyes and nuzzled him, listening to him purr and fill his mind with warmth and fire.

“Red...just like the endless warm fire that burns in your heart.”

John’s hands slid down to Alan’s hips “May I?”

“Mix our colours together to make the most beautiful one in the universe?”

“Yes.”

“I think it sweet that you're asking.”

“I would never take from you without your permission. You're too precious for that.”

“I wouldn't mind if you did.”

“I could never…”

“I know.” Alan kissed him and lead his lover's hands under the rim of his dress pants. “That’s what makes you so different…. How much you think about someone else before yourself.” he leaned in to whisper, “I want you…”

Alan found himself being gently pushed back down onto the tiled floor with him pulling John ontop of him, stripping John’s shorts off and his pants were removed and slided off his long slender legs as his lover kissed him along his thighs before loving making love to his hardened member with his lips and his tongue.

“Ah!” he yelped helplessly as John nuzzled and licked him, the silver round ball of metal rolling hot against his already on fire and begging body. “Ahhhh please John… please make love to me!” he begged.

John licked his fingers and he could feel his lover carefully make his way around his backside and slowly pushed them in, causing him to shiver and arch as he was being teased.

“UUUHHH…” he whimpered, his voice begging for real attention.

He didn't notice that he had cum until John came up and kissed his lips, tasting faintly of saltiness and a little sticky too. He shifted his legs to allow his lover to rest between them and he tightened his grip around his shoulders as the distance closed and became more intimate, cool gentle blue auras starting to blend with fiery hot reds as Alan’s fingers knotted tight into John’s hair and digging his nails into his back while he was being kissed, nuzzled and teased in return while being made love to.

John could hear his brother’s change in breathing and tried to accommodate his attentions to allow a break to gain his second wind, wrapping his legs around his waist to hold him there tight and push him in as deep as he could go - Alan didn’t want him to stop or pull out - having him there felt like the last piece of the puzzle was in place to complete his unfinished jigsaw of his life.

Alan could feel his brother tense up and bite down on his shoulder as sheer power was charged into the last few pushes, lifting his lower half off the tiles before his sibling had to catch himself from collapsing on top of him. John then kissed the spot he had bitten as if to try and make it better, swearing as he didn’t intentionally want to hurt his young lover. Alan brought his hands up to his face and guided John back to his lips to kiss him over and over again till he noticed that they probably should clean up and move out of the bathroom as now they had John's shaved red hair spread all over the place, all over their clothes and floating around in the air.

He helped John off the tiles and dusted each other down, a challenge when his brother kept kissing him and nipping him playfully any chance he got before allowing Alan to lead him across the hall still naked to his bedroom before going back to clean up. Upon returning, Alan pushed John back onto the bed and started to assault him with kisses and tickling hands as now it was his turn to create fireworks with his older lover.

 

Virgil looked up from the music score he was working on while perched on Gordon's bed, amused to see his brother sitting on the floor torn between wanting to wolf down the entire contents of the ice cream tub in front of him and wanting to save some for later. "What?" Gordon asked as he caught Virgil looking at him.

"Nothing... How you ever eat so much and still have a body like that I'd never know. Some of us actually have to work for it you know?" Virgil laughed as he chewed on the end of his pencil out of habit.

"So... what part of my body Do you like?" Gordon asked teasingly, suddenly losing all interest in his ice cream.

"Well... how about you come here and I'd show you?" Virgil teased back.

Gordon didn't need any encouragement, as he leapt into his lover's arms, trailing kisses everywhere he laid eyes on. Virgil sat up and gathered Gordon in his arms, so that his brother was straddled across his lap. He kissed him back tenderly as his hands roamed under Gordon's shirt freely. Virgil's touch was soft but deliberate and it drove Gordon mad with desire. He felt like clay being formed under skillful hands, so that every curve of his own body was made fit with his brother's own.

They peeled the shirts off each other, their lips barely apart for more than a second. Just like how Virgil hands never stopped exploring Gordon's body as if he was committing every curve and every ebb of this beautiful being to memory. Virgil eased Gordon's body back onto the bed, teasingly brushing the bulge in his pants against his brother's own.

Virgil nuzzled his neck and his hand worked to get his shorts off. Once off, his kisses started to trail from Gordon's neck lower and lower. When he arrived at his hips, he used his teeth to pull off brother's underwear,p but at an agonizingly slow speed. While doing so, Virgil made sure he breathed out hard onto Gordon's inner thighs and was duly rewarded with Gordon dancing in goosebumps. "Fucking hell Virgil... you tease..." Gordon gasped, his own breaths was hard and fast, his heart about to explode out of his chest….and they haven't even had sex yet!

Virgil laughed as he took off his own pants and underwear but with a bit more haste than he did with Gordon. Apparently it wasn't fast enough though as Gordon engulfed him in another flurry of kisses. "Virgil... I need you inside me now..." Gordon begged as he whispered in his ear.

He laughed again as he held his chin up towards him for another soft kiss. His fingers lingers on his lips as he whispered back "Patience my little fish, we're just getting started..." Virgil had an idea as his eyes rested on something beside the now forgotten ice cream tub. He pushed him back on the bed, pausing just for a moment to admire his brother's gloriously naked body, his mind already taking pictures for precious memories to be saved.

Virgil went to grab the item beside the tub, and it was his turn to straddle his beautiful brother. "Now... how about we make this a little more... appetizing?" He teased, while shaking said item.

“Whipped cream?" Gordon giggled as he covered his face with his hands in mock embarrassment. But this was a fun side to Virgil that was rarely seen and he was lapping it all up.

Gordon gasped a little as the first coldness of the whipped cream was applied on his chest. It was quickly replaced with Virgil's warm mouth licking and nuzzling it away greedily, as his tongue waltzed on his skin in long sweeping motions. Virgil pulled away reluctantly and he knelt in front of Gordon and pulled one leg propping in on his shoulder. Before Gordon could react, more whipped cream was applied on his inner thigh as Virgil's mouth worked magic kissing and caressing his sensitive muscles. As he reached the end of his thigh, Virgil couldn't help but leave a playful bite there. Gordon gasped again, not expecting it at all. 'God and he's not even giving me head yet!' Gordon thought he was going to break from unbridled passion, he was sure he was gonna cum long before Virgil would choose to enter him.

Almost as if his brother had read his mind Virgil applied a generous amount of whipped cream to his private region, his body reeled from the cold. Virgil's mouth enveloped his hard member, his back arched with pleasure from the intense contrasting sensations of coldness of the whipped cream and the warmth of Virgil's mouth and tongue. His ears suddenly aware of how loud his groans were getting but he no longer cared if the whole damn island heard him. "Virgil... please... I can't hold... much longer..." He barely managed to get out as Virgil continued servicing him.

Virgil smiled as he enjoyed how his brother's body quivered with pleasure beneath him, he reached upwards till their faces were level again, leaning their sticky foreheads together. Virgil slowly entered Gordon and their bodies entwined to spin an unspoken magic, moving together as if as one. Gordon wrapped his legs around Virgil's waist, he didn't care if the world judged what they felt for each other as wrong, if he could he would never allow his brother to move outside of his own being again. They were one now and always will be.

Virgil arms moved to hold Gordon by his shoulders for a better grip, as their bodies choreographed a dance to a music better than any he could ever hope to write. It was then Virgil knew he was utterly and hopeless in love. As their bodies rhythm picked up from a slow careen to the fast paced Charleston, they climaxed together in a tangle of limbs, collapsing in each other arms.

"That... that was something else!" Gordon exclaimed in between furious breaths.

"I... I love you Gordon..." Virgil whispered, as he played with Gordon's hair.

"Huh?" Gordon froze, Virgil had never said he loved him before. It was more than he ever hoped and all he ever wanted. "Really?" He whispered back, as if anything above a whisper would break the magical spell in the air, burying his face in Virgil's chest.

"Yeah really. I love you Gordon. You found me and saved me, at a time when I thought I lost it all. You weren't the one I was waiting for but you were what my soul was searching for. You loved me at a time when I least deserved it and that was when I needed it most. You have a heart of gold and a stardust soul. I'd say it again over and over for the rest of my life, I love you Gordon Tracy. My Little Squidlet..." Virgil cupped Gordon's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him, his face streaming with tears of joys at words he'd never thought he'd hear, so they kissed again to seal this declaration of love.

Recollections

Alan looked up as the roar of engines flew overhead. Both Gordon and Virgil stopped playing, both excited that dad was home and both then looked up as the big green carrier bird flew over signaling the arrival of Scott. Both dashed off for the house leaving the seven year old standing in the garden, till Gordon came back to grab him.

“Come on Allie! Scotty and Dad probably have the BEST rescue story ever this time!” he yanked him by the arm, but Alan held his ground.

“Wait!” he pouted.

“Awww come on Alan! We’ll miss out if we're late!”

“No we won’t,” Alan stomped on Gordon’s toes in an effort to get him to let go. “Scotty ALWAYS brags on and on about how ‘awesome’ he thinks he is but he’s just a big mouthed bully.”

“So is Virgil sometimes but you don't hold that against him!”

Alan was about to say that it's because Virgil doesn't beat him up when the roar of another set of engines paused his brothers actions and Alan smiled as a huge red rocket circled around the island before gaining clearance to return to it’s silo, his blue eyes lighting up as finally after three weeks in space - John was home.

More than anything, he wanted to hear about the universe and the stars. He had all the books in the house about space read to him - fantasy and factual - but he finally had a sibling who was following along in their dad's own footsteps and wanted to know what it was like from the view of someone seeing it for the first time.

He relented and let Gordon drag him inside, into the endless showing off and gloating of the eldest Tracy, trying to talk himself up as the greatest thing since sliced bread - Alan let out a chuckle recalling John telling him the REAL greatest thing since sliced bread was it unsliced and a hand full of fingers, which lead to Scott beating him up good and proper.

“-So I pulled all this heavy steel off him and took his hand and said, ‘you’ll be right’ and dad then whisked him off to the ambulance as I pulled out another survivor-”

“Hey! Start again for me please!” Gordon whined, punching Alan in the arm for making him miss most of the seventeen year old’s tales of heroism, knowing full well he only had a few minutes to get away with it before Dad told him off - or worse - John revoked his bedtime story.

For Gordon, not being read ‘20,000 leagues under the sea’ and ‘The life Aquatic’ was worse than being grounded for a month. Alan would agree as the bedtime stories were the best part of John being home because their brother made sure each character sounded different and brought as much of the story to life as he could. So what if they were too old for them? If Scott and Virgil put that much effort into doing things with them than boasting about themselves like peacocks and butting heads like musk oxen, maybe they would get asked too.

Their father entered the kitchen, shook his head at Scott for being a show off and quietly made a coffee. After such a long day he was exhausted, though trying to keep his eldest on a tight leash to stay focused was what had worn him out the most.

Alan sat at the table, bored out if his mind. Sure rescues were cool and interesting, but they were just stories about Scott himself and little else.

Jeff looked up and smiled when John shuffled into the kitchen and plonked himself down at the table, struggling to stay awake. The sixteen year old was worn out and should have gone to bed the second he landed however true to his nature he joined the rest of his family to attempt some form of social interaction, something Jeff knew half his trip in space lacked.

While Scott was boasting and making an arse of himself, Jeff walked over and patted his second eldest son on the shoulders. Alan perked up when he heard him start speaking quietly, as not to knock Scott off his perch.

“How was it?” he asked. “I can see you didn't bring Lee back with you.”

“Captain Taylor is with them on Alpha one Dad. They were low on supplies by the time we reached them towards Saturn and we had to tow that hulk of a generation ship back in hopes that NASA can retrieve all forty passengers. They were never going to fit inside our cargo bay Dad and there was no way we could bring that ship back into our own atmosphere without working heat shields. Captain Taylor sent me home as there was nothing else I could do there….but I have to go back with extra supplies otherwise they’ll run out long before NASA’s retrieval team get there!”

Jeff seemed to think about it a few minutes before saying, “Don’t worry son. I can take over for a while. I’ll ask Lee what he thinks they’ll need for the time being and if we do have to run them emergency supplies we’ll go together. For now, you just rest up and relax as we might need you to fly again sooner than expected.” he patted John on the back before stretching and grabbing Scott by the arm.

“Time to get off your high horse, kid. You did a great job today but don't let it go to your head. Great heroes are always humble in their actions, never asking for praise or thank yous, they just do the job that's in front of them.” with that said, Jeff had left the kitchen to contact moonbase Alpha one.

Scott folded his arms and scolwed. “Then how the hell do people know who to call in an emergency if we act like secretive shadows all the time!?” he snorted.

“They don’t.” John mumbled, slightly irritated by his older brother’s arrogance. “We only help those who are beyond the usual means of rescue.”

“Then what’s the POINT?” Scott thumped his hands on the table.

“The point Scott, is to SAVE LIVES. Not to be lording over people that we’re so rich we can afford to build our own rescue services. If people begin to rely on us for every tiny thing, REAL HEROES like firemen, police and ambulance drivers will stop working and what will we do then if a MASSIVE EARTHQUAKE happened?”

“Pffft whatever.” Scott brushed it off. “So, where were YOU for three weeks?”

“I thought dad told you?”

“He may have, but I didn’t listen...I mean who cares what you do Johnny? You just lug equipment around for me when I’m stuck with you on Two and you're nothing but a rocket jockey when your with Dad or the Captain. You’re as interesting as mold on damp bread.”

John then stood up and growled. “For your information Fat Head, I flew to Saturn and towed a Generation Ship BY MYSELF back to Dad’s old moonbase!”

“What’s a Generation Ship?” Gordon asked, interested.

“It’s a big starship that is supposed to take colonies of people to live beyond our planet to see what else is out there in the universe. They've attempted it a few times, it's called Project Eden and the ship I towed back was called Eve - a play on Adam and Eve except the Adam ship is now long gone lost beyond our solar system like Eve was supposed to and a third ship called Eden is still being constructed in space as we speak. However they might now abandon it with what’s happened to the other two.”

“That sounds pretty cool to live in space to see if there's other plants besides ours!” Alan said excitedly.

“Yeah, it does.” John smiled. “Sometimes I wish we could be on one of them Alan and be REAL astronauts.”

“Heh like that would ever happen. Do you honestly think dad would let you follow in his shadows?” Virgil sniggered. “He would encourage and train one of us, not a short arse like you John.”

“Nor as chubby.” Scott laughed reaching around to grab John by the arm and purposely shake him to show any inch of puppy fat wobble.

“Got more of a chance than you muscle head!” John yanked his arm free. Unlike Scott who was built like a rhino and Virgil like a bull, he was more on the lean but still soft in places side. Because he had the odd area of fat instead of muscle, his two more athletically inclined brothers made sure he was humiliated for it. He also hadn't hit a growth spurt yet, which made him shorter and more of a target for teasing. He wasn't the only short one in the family but because Gordon was highly fit and was the premature baby in the group they never bothered to pick on him. Besides, before this trip Scott was given another reason to pick on him - one he couldn’t use in front of their other siblings. As long as John hung around with them, he was safe from it.

“Is that the best insult you can come up with? Pfft intelligence in this family was wasted in you.” Scott retorted. “Come on Virge, let’s do some weights in the gym and leave putty ball here with the ‘littlies’.”

“Hey! I'm just as big as you are!” Gordon huffed as he stalked
after them, leaving John and Alan in the kitchen alone.

“Can you tell me more about Saturn, John?” Alan asked, hopeful that talking about his adventure would cheer him up. He looked sad when his brother shook his head.

“Maybe later instead of a bedtime story?”

“Ok! You have to keep that promise, John!” Alan shouted excitedly giving him a hug.

“I promise.”

Later on that day Alan was playing games with John in his room when there was aloud thumping in the door.

“I know you're in there John, open up or I kick it down!” Scott’s voice boomed angrily. John was quick to gather Alan up and bundle him into his wardrobe.

“Shhh, stay here while I get rid of Scott ok?” he said worried before he closed the door, leaving Alan to peek through the crack that was left for him. It had become a habit over the past year for John to hide him and sometimes Gordon away when Scott was in a foul mood. Alan didn’t understand until Gordon told him what happened when he didn’t the first time Scott and his tirade of teenage hormones exploded. Instead of hitting John whom he was mad at, he had struck Gordon by mistake. Alan would have wanted to have seen what he was told happened next, as he was then told John hit Scott and pinned him to the floor and wouldn't stop punching him till their dad intervened. After that John would try to avoid a fight - as it meant he would be the one in trouble regardless if he wasn't the one who started it.

It made defending himself hard, towards borderline impossible and both Scott and Virgil knew it, choosing to exploit it until the day Scott threw Virgil into the pool.

After that, Virgil left John alone when he realised how much damage he caused. Scott however….

Alan didn't understand back then why Scott always chose to use John as a punching bag, but now as he hugged his older brother tight naked between the bed sheets, things that didn't make sense back then were making horrible sense now in ways that made him feel sick in the guts.

He ran his fingers through John's scruffy unkempt flaming locks, kissed his lover's forehead and held him as protectively as he dared.

He may not remember much about being little, but there were times where he wished he could forget.

Alan remembered John hiding their boardgame before letting Scott in his room, moments before Scott struck him.

“You think you can show me up in front of everyone with your lame space adventure!? How could you do that to me!”

“Didn’t do anything, Scott. I just told dad what happened and what was still going on. You upstaged yourself like you always do.”

Alan reeled back as the door on the closet had John heavily slammed against it and pinned there under Scott’s heavy bulk.

“You made ME look like an ASS.”

“Yeah, you are a bit of a dumb donkey sometimes but you don’t need my assistance for that.”

The door rattled violently as Scott lifted John and pinned him down again against it making sure his head hit it with force.

“I dare you to say that again, Smart arse!” Scott growled. “You're not better than me in any way shape or form ok? Also why the hell did you tell Gordon about Lord Creighton-Ward's daughter from that party dad dragged us to last month? The one where you HUMILIATED me and dad in front of EVERYONE! Dad may have forgiven you for it but I NEVER WILL! You cost me any hope of getting a girlfriend at that party you know that?”

“I don’t know how, you're not the one who’s gay.” John snapped back. “Imagine going to these stupid charity things in hopes to be matched up with some pretty woman that you're not remotely interested in?! You can’t expect me to pretend to be something I’m not!”

“Do you even know what being ‘Gay’ means, John? It doesn't JUST mean you're not interested in pretty ladies!”

“Yeah, in fact I do. Do YOU understand what it means Scotty? Do you honestly think I’m going to go up to other attractive men at those parties and ask them if they're interested? Blokes at those things are ONLY after woman with MONEY. Having an attractive piece of arse is just a bonus.”

“The only way you’ll ever be attractive to anyone is if they were desperate and had no alternative. The only sexy redhead is a female one and you dear brother have not only the flaming locks of a girl but the entire physical build of one… too bad your a BOY.”

There was another thump as Scott lay into John against the door before the heavy footsteps died away and the weight in front of the wardrobe was taken away. Alan poked his head out before running to his older brothers side, John holding a shirt to his face to stop his nose from bleeding all over the floor.

“I’ll go get dad!” Alan said before an arm reached out to stop him.

“Don’t, as I will be the one in trouble.”

“Why John? Scott hit you!”

“So? It doesn't make a difference. He will lie. He always lies.” John gave Alan a hug and it was then he could see exactly what Scott had done to his face - the red marks would become deep bruises, the blood still coming from his nose and the large gash to his lower lip - stuff that maybe his pretty boy features look like they'd been photoshopped on top of.

“Don't ever listen to him ok? Right now he just can't see the bigger picture but one day it will change. Real heroes don't hurt people, they protect them and save lives. He has to learn that by himself.”

“That's why you didn't hit him, huh John?”

“I'm not a hero Alan… I’m just a coward. There is a difference there too.”

“You're not a coward. You have to be brave to stand up to bullies.” Alan hugged his brother very tight.

John gave Alan a smile. “Yes, but he’s our brother and like how I love you, I love him too. He’ll grow out of it… you’ll see, it’s just a phase… he won’t be a bully forever, I promise.”

Alan remembered not long after that, Scott had his ‘accident’ and John’s health and resolve went downhill severely after that. He went from reading Alan stories at night to helping Gordon with his swimming and running along the beach with Virgil in the morning and late afternoons to hiding in his bedroom after spending hours of having Scott boss him around and bully him despite how caring he was to him and his injuries.

Alan knew now that John and Scott were sexually active with each other back then…. The thought made him cringe. The reason he remembered it so vividly was because John would frequently break down and Alan would find him always in tears, often he had bruises which John passed off as injuries from helping Virgil with rescues to moments where his brother was violently sick after enduring harsh beatings and on more than one occasion had found John’s bed sheets and clothes soaked in blood. If he only put up with it because he loved Scott and hoped he would change then John was just as at fault for his own stupidity as Scott was for abusing him.

He remembered when Gordon and himself found John lying unconscious on the bedroom floor, blood on his lips, hands, all through his shirt, his stomach and…

The worst part, Scott lied.

He recalled how mad their father was, not just for his son trying to mutilate himself, but because someone had sexually assaulted him. You couldn’t hide the fact that something had been going on before his brother collapsed how he did. Their dad was furious that he never got to the bottom of it either as while Scott was recovering they had several visitors on and off the Island, friends of his eldest son and people who were at the party the day John exploded about being set up with girls he was never going to be interested in.

Jeff may have been a little miffed that day, but he never held it against his son - and was certainly very peeved that someone else had.

Visitors to the island were BANNED after that UNLESS their father knew exactly who they were first. No one was allowed to hurt his boys - if they could do that to them without his knowledge then he’d be damned if he’d let it happen again.

Being sixteen and being able to fly a Thunderbird should have been the best time of his brother’s life. The first set back inside the cabin of the big rocket which almost killed him with toxic fumes lead to a year of the worst decisions he had ever made…. And he knew that. Alan was in no doubt now that deciding to escape to trap himself of the space station was the only option he had that allowed him to keep helping their father out and punish himself for everything he had done at the same time.

However there was that niggling bit of information John dropped on him when they were in the back of the carriage.

Black mail.

His older brother had too much too loose if he didn’t do what Scott wanted.

That made Alan so furious, he was digging his fingernails into John’s skin before he realised that his brother could feel it, the mild uncomfortable yelp from his lover in his arms a warning that he had to control himself.

Sure it happened such a long time ago… but Alan couldn’t believe that now he was old enough he could put the pieces together into something that not only made sense, but was scary to think about that all of that happened when he was seven - under the spell of his siblings being the greatest people on the planet… and all the things John had ever said to him back then….

John truly believed he screwed up his life and wasted it and now Alan knew exactly why.

No wonder he was worried about hurting Alan or Virgil if they got involved with him…..he had every reason to believe he was a monster.

Alan nuzzled his lover till he settled and cuddled him afraid that he would lose him. If Scott was determined to break them apart - it wouldn’t just be hurting him, it would probably kill whatever independence and fight his brother had left to cope with being alone in his own darkness.

He had to do more than just talk to Scott…. He knew he had to make sure he would NEVER hurt anyone again.

Violence is not the answer

John awoke alone in bed, disorientated for a few minutes as the where he was. He should really stop drinking when he is having a mental shut down who knows what he could have done while not thinking with a full deck?

He scratched his head and realised his hair was shorter by the feel of how spiky it felt around his ears. What exactly did he ask Alan to do again? Oh right, hair cut….

Wait, didn't he and Alan….

He had to find his younger brother.

John headed for the kitchen stairs, hands searching for the newly installed railing grateful he now no longer had to guess where the stairs started anymore. He made a mental note to thank Virgil and Gordon later for finally putting them in as no he didn't need to wait around for help to get around between floors.

How long does it take to grab a glass of water? Alan had been gone a while now and with Scott and his own secrets out for all to see on show John was very worried indeed. He still didn’t hold any resentment towards Scott - after all it takes two to tango - however the plain fact was that his younger siblings were all engaged in some level of incest now, by passing the desire to find other relationships and he was getting desperate for his own need for sexual relief...there was no telling what damage this was doing to his sense of pride, ego, self esteem….social conscious….

Someone of Scott’s loyalty and integrity can only take so much. It would be a matter of time before he hurt someone...and himself.

As much as John hated it - he understood how his siblings brain worked and would probably be the only person to offer him forgiveness after everything he has done after repressing his own mistakes for twenty years - unless he did something unforgivable….like kill someone.

John heard voices and paused, something sounded very wrong.

“I get your point Scott but regardless if there was a thing between you two or not, I would still be chasing after John. Out of everyone I’ve ever known, he is the only one I’ve had feelings for… Shit dude I’ve been in love with him since I was fourteen! I doubt seeing other people off the island would have made much if a difference.”

“You had Kayo here.”

“So did you. We ALL did. We also had dad trying to set you guys all up and tons of times spent in close proximity to Lady Penelope.” Alan’s voice laughed. “It still doesn’t mean anything. You can’t change how you feel about someone sometimes.”

“Feh, you think you know everything squirt?” Scotts growled. John could judge that Scott was closer to him than Alan was just by the location of their voices.

“No but I can read you REALLY well. You NEVER really ‘hated’ him did you? At least until he admitted the one thing you could never do….in front of DAD.”

“You know NOTHING SQUIRT.”

“Oh I know LOTS of things. Be surprised how much I know just from talking to Virgil, Gordon and Penelope… oh that’s right you forgot THAT happened in front of her and her father too! Then you made him pay by finding all his weaknesses out before striking out with blackmail…. Because you could NEVER admit that you were in love with one of us - No not Scott, Dad’s main man as that would be WRONG. So you made him suffer and without him around you didn't have those feelings anymore… but now knowing all of this stuff with all of us...you want him back and will hurt anyone - even him - to do it.”

“Why you lying little shit!”

“Scott, put down that -”

John stepped out from hiding and reached out, grabbing a part of Scott’s shirt before his voice moved around the room where he had to reassess where he was again. Scott was taken by surprise and lashed out as he spun around, the knife in his hand slashing John across the face.

Shit! He had no idea his older brother had something dangerous in his hands!

As John reeled in pain, Scott made another lunge - this time will the full intention of his blind brother as his target.

Alan was faster and shoved John backward as the knife went into and along his side. He collapsed on the floor with a loud yelp as Scott yanked the weapon free and immediately John dropped to the floor after the sound of pain, wrapping his arms around him protectively exposing his back to two more wild violent jabs from Scott.

Scott was full of rage, hurt, frustration and bloodlust and didn’t care who or where the knife went as long as it caused pain. He raised it again for a third stab when -

"That's quite enough, Scott. I think you've done enough damage for the day." Virgil scowled, as he grabbed Scott's wrist in mid strike. "Get them to the infirmary Gordon." He said to his brother.

"But..." Gordon hesitated, afraid that Scott might hurt Virgil again. "NOW Gordon!" Virgil said firmly, though the anger wasn't directed at him.

As Gordon huddled John and Alan towards the infirmary, Scott took advantage of the distraction and jerked his hand from Virgil's grasp still swinging the knife wildly. Instinctively Virgil brought up his left arm to protect himself. The knife cut through his flesh with no remorse. He recoiled backwards slightly in pain as Scott moved towards the retreating figures.

But Virgil was faster, he grabbed Scott back by the shoulder dodging wild swings from Scott's knife. Virgil tried to wrestle the knife from his eldest brother's grasp but Scott easily anticipated his moves, after all they've had more than one practice sparring match together. " Scott *please*... you don't want to do this..." he begged through gritted teeth.

For a second Scott seemed to falter, Virgil used the opening to pin him against the wall. His heart broke, this wasn't the brother he knew and loved. The tears came unwillingly as he leaned his forehead against Scott's. "This isn't you... what happened to the person I always ran to? Who I could divulge secrets to and count on his support not judgement. What happened Scott?"

The impact of Virgil's words settled in deep and a wall crumbled inside Scott. He let go of the knife and he collapsed into a heap on the floor. "All of you have each other... Everyone's leaving... I'm going to be left here... alone..." His own tears streaming down his face.

Virgil knelt in front of him and gathered Scott in a fierce hug. "You'd never be alone Scooter. We're family... always will be. You don't give up on family. We'd get you the help you need ok?"

Scott didn't say anything as his body shook with silent sobs. They stayed like this till Grandma Tracy and Kayo found them. Kayo took Scott to the bathroom to wash all the blood... Virgil's blood off him, while Grandma Tracy tried to stem the bleeding and bundled Virgil off to the infirmary.

He had forgotten about his injury, Virgil just felt numb inside wondering how things got to be so messed up and if they could ever function like a family again.

 

Gordon looked up worry in his features when Virgil entered the infirmary and fear seeped into his features once he saw the wound on his arm.

“Oh hell, are you alright Virgil!?” he said as he ran over in panic to inspect it.

"Don't worry Gords. It's just a flesh wound." Virgil tried to reassure Gordon but couldn't help flinching a little as his brother inspected the wound.

 

“Flesh wound my arse! That's deep!” Gordon dragged him to a chair and demanded he sit down before vigorously cleaning the injury before hunting for things to stitch the gaping whole in his brother's arm. “At least it's not as bad as Alan’s gash to his side, Brains had to give him a jab of mild tranqs to knock him out though - shit he can bite really hard into flesh when he’s in a state.”

"He tried to bite you?" Virgil's eyes scanned Gordon's body for injury. "Or Brains? Did he break the skin when he bit? How is Alan now and John's injuries?" His medic's mind running at a hundred miles a minute, he hated that he wasn't helping to tend their injuries instead of finding himself on the receiving end of getting treatment.

“Only because I pinned him down. My hand will be fine. Alan was terrified Virge, he was practically hysterical….he had every reason to be on edge after that.” his expression darkened. “I don't know about John, Brains is worried that one of those knife wounds did some spinal damage but one definitely missed his lung cavity. He's being operated on right now.”

Gordon sniffed. “We have to keep an eye on Alan incase he starts showing signs of internal bleeding we may have missed because of the fight gave us… I’m worried about leaving them here Virgil, I know we can't take them to england with us, but maybe we can help them find somewhere in Australia? A nice house, no stairs…. Somewhere safe. Even if Scott hadn't snapped, this place is just too dangerous to keep someone like John here and Alan would benefit from being somewhere completely new.”

Virgil pulled Gordon into a hug with his good arm kissing the side of his head as he did so. "Hey now, it'd be ok. I'm really sorry but I hope you don't mind that England's going to have to wait. I could push school back another term or two, while we get John and Alan's new living situation sorted out. Which may not be a while till they both recover from their injuries. And..." Virgil didn't know how to broach this topic with Gordon but he had to try.

"... and there's the matter of Scott. I promised him I'd get him the help he needed." He studied Gordon's face carefully, worried about how he'd react.

“You realise if we do that we're all going to be dragged into it due to the ‘romances’ we're all involved in right? It WILL split us all apart. Then there's the fact they’ll need to talk to John about most of it…..” his voice trailed off as he looked really worried. “They'll put him in a care home the rest of his life away from any of us. If that happens he won't last long.. blind son a billionaire that has a mental history - someone will not only take advantage of him but might hurt him even more. That would be a horrible way to lose him Virge.”

Both of them turned to the sound of footsteps entered their room and Kayo sat with them. After attending to scott she came down to help Brains and was taken aback by what she saw.

“Alan is sitting with John, no matter what Brains put into his system to get him to rest he's fighting it to stay by his side. As for John, I know he’s already blind but he has now well and truly lost his right eye and is still in a pretty bad condition. If he pulls through we’ll need to start thinking about a place to live as if he can still walk it will be limited as to how far. Brains was very insistent on how little permanent damage he could be certain of until he is awake to check. How you feeling Virgil? I see you got involved in this mess.”

"Yeah I got off lucky." Virgil smiled weakly at Kayo. "But John and Alan..." He stared off into the closed off area of the infirmary before turning his attention back to his brother.

"Don't worry Gordon. No one's taking John away especially not from Alan. We'd find a way out of this." Even coming from his own mouth that argument fell flat and uncertainty hung heavily in the air.

"You should go to Alan. Try to convince him he needs some rest. John's not going to up for a while yet." He nudged Gordon.

"But what about you? This clearly needs stitches." Gordon frowned, torn between his siblings.

Virgil smiled, Gordon looked really cute all worried like that. "I'd still be here. Kayo can help stitch me up just as well. She'd probably enjoy it a little too much though."

"Hey! I resent that!" She said as she playfully punched him on the shoulder of his injured arm, apologizing profusely when Virgil winced loudly in pain.

"See? She's lapping it up already..." Virgil winked at Gordon, hoping he would leave soon. In truth he was barely holding it together from the pain and significant blood loss. He couldn't risk collapsing in front of Gordon again, not while Alan clearly needed him more.

Gordon stood up, knowing when not to argue was one of his lesser known skills, he left Virgil in the capable hands of Kayo only to be worried by the state Alan was in by John's bedside.

"You need to rest, Alan." He said resting a hand on his younger brother’s shoulders.

"No.... Someone has to be here Gordon. We weren't last time and now it's more important that someone is than ever."

"Alan-"

"You can't talk me out of it ok? We took it for granted it was always dad sitting here with him that we forgot last time... and he really should have had one of us there...."

"Alan you're starting to ramble..." Gordon frowned when he noticed his younger brother's expression. The drugs he got given were affecting him and Gordon was now concerned that if he went to sleep he might not wake up again. Maybe they'd given him one too many?

"How about we sit together, would that be better?"

Alan nodded so Gordon pulled up another chair beside and leaned his younger sibling into him so he could keep a close eye on him.

"John’s going to be ok..." Alan mumbled. "He better be ok..or I'll damn kill Scott."

"No one's killing anyone, Alan."

"Why not? Why do we have to be stuck here... waiting for it to happen again? One day there will be no more fight left...." Alan let out a painful sounding cough. "We can't go anywhere...can we?"

"Maybe you can Alan. We can help."

Alan mumbled something incoherent forcing Gordon to check him over. He had passed out and Gordon realised he was bleeding out again as his own yellow and gold shirt was covered in dark blood.

"Shoot!" He cursed, sitting Alan up before lifting him off the chair and over to an empty bed. His younger brother was bleeding heavily out from his stitches which indicated internal bleeding was still present and pushing the blood out of the only place it could.

"KAYO! BRAINS! VIRGIL!? SOMEBODY?!" Gordon yelled at the top of his lungs as he pulled Alan's shirt off and cut the soaked bandages to get a better look at what he was dealing with. Shit, right now he really needed -

A pair of hand reached over his and inspected the stitches.

"Going to need a scalpel, some stuff for stitches and that thing we use to clear excess blood."

Gordon looked up into John's serious and still groggy features. He barely looked lucid.

"SERIOUSLY?! You're going to cut him open when you can't even see?"

"No, I am." Scott's voice came from behind Gordon along with the sound of gloves snapping on over his hands. "Gordon I need you to get me those things and hook Alan up to monitors for me."

Gordon opened his mouth but no sound came out. Scott turned to John who was using his hand pressed against Alan's neck to check for a pulse and felt around the injured side with the other as if he could locate the source of the hemorrhaging by touch alone.

"Around under the chest cavity, there's a unusual amount of swelling, feels abnormal like fluid."

"Right. Gordon?"

"Yes, sorry getting them right now!"

Scott looked at his blind sibling who was counting Alan's pulse beats out loud. God it had been a long time since he had done anything like this - the last time it was with John they were both clueless and at the very least his brother could see to be useful. They had not worked together like this on an emergency in years.... and they were about to do this even more clueless than they were as teenagers!

Scott swallowed. There was only two ways this could go - one of which was not an option.

"Are you sure you both can do this?" Gordon asked worried, handing Scott the equipment he needed, the entire episode involving him inflicting said injuries temporarily forgotten.

"Do we have another option?"

"No."

"Right, ok Gordon he needs oxygen on before I him cut him open."

Gordon nodded and grabbed a bag and placed the breathing mask over Alan's face while he squeezed air into his lungs.

"Incision?"

John felt around with his hand and indicated to where Scott had to let the blood out from.

"If I remember you need to be careful cutting around this area here as doing so means it will bleed worse and we'll lose him. There should be....around here that you can let the excess blood out without too much of a problem." He moved his hand carefully, as if he was reading Alan's body like a medical book in Braille.

"You sure?"

"Let's just say I recall those damn medical books and briefings dad gave us more vividly than I thought I would when I've got nothing but my own darkness to create the world with."

"That's good enough for me. " Scott gave Gordon a reassuring smile before he plunged the scalpel in where he was told to.

Gordon had to look away a blood oozed out from the incision otherwise he was going to vomit and that would be unsafe to do with a patient in his care.

"Keep giving him air Gordon," John said darkly. "I can hear that you've stopped - can't afford to until Scott locates the internal bleed."

"I'm not sure if I can do this, fuck I'm the reason he's like this..." Scott swore as he applied pressure and helped clear the excess blood.

"He needs you... I need you to do this Scott. Think of this as a step in the right direction again."

"WAIT!? You trust him after EVERYTHING he has done?" Gordon looked gobsmacked.

John was glad for once he couldn't read anyone's expressions.

"As someone who is trained to save lives, yes... yes I do. As a reliable work college, yes to that too." He paused. "As my brother.... maybe more than he deserves no matter how many chances he has blown to let things lie. Blood is thicker than water."

That last sentence hung in the air long enough for Scott to get his confidence back and hunt for the injury that Brains failed to find, once located he gave out directions that were obeyed until Alan was stitched back up despite the large amount of blood loss which was unpreventable. Gordon helped Scott carry him over to John’s previously occupied bed to hook him up properly and now the worst part had begun... no one knew if he was going to be ok until he came to.

John leaned against the blood covered bed, adrenaline wearing off to unveil the pain in his back just for standing. Something was wrong and he was confused as to why he was having difficulty remaining upright. He brushed his face and hesitated. His face felt like there was stiches ...

"So Scott... what changed?" Gordon growled, still finding his older brother as trustworthy as a starving orca in seaworld.

"Give it a rest...." John muttered. "Just for now."

"A rest? You've got to be kidding me!" Gordon exclaimed loudly. "This is sooo messed up! You're going to forgive him just because he saved Alan's life, which BY THE WAY was HIS FAULT was in danger in the first place?"

John sighed. “What do you want me to do Gordon? The only thing right now I care about is Alan.... that's my only priority because thanks to me he's in this fucked up mess when he shouldn't have been - not you, not even Virgil! I can't pretend that any of this isn't my fucking fault...because it is." John snapped back. "I have spent fucking twenty years of my life paying for that mistake and I'm STILL PAYING FOR IT but with all of your lives as well... know how that makes me feel? Do enlighten me because right now I'm confused as hell and eager to be the first person to throw myself from the second story balcony before any of you guys decide who's going to push me."

He sighed. "The only reason I'm hanging in here is because of Alan. If it was up to me I'd have given up a long time ago as let's face it, there is fuck all I can do around here... I can't see you guys having fun, I can't assist you on rescues heck I can't even give anyone decent company anymore.... but Alan at least tries so damn hard to find reasons for me to still have a purpose - relationship or not, unlike Scott here who probably has left the room by now who tells me the truth... that there really is no place for me in this house and hasn't been for years....I'm not sure about you and Virgil, the mixed signals you give is infuriating when I can't look you in the face to read what's there."

"But we must keep trying. Giving up isn't an option - that's dad's words, not mine. When things look bleak and beyond repair you just keep trying even if you're going to fail. It's what life is about, one big ride of ups and downs with only one way off." John slid onto the floor as his legs decided they had enough. "As shit as this has been, I don't want to get off this ride, I want to know what's at the top of this disaster of a mountain... as maybe it's nice and sunny once you climb out of the mud slide."

"Woah.... that's pretty deep."

"Thank you Scott. I guess it's time to stop putting on the best imitation of myself and just learn to live with what I am. It's hard to hide behind a mask when you can't see the ones others have in return."

John smiled. Maybe Scott stayed because he felt guilty? Who knows?

Kayo was almost done stitching up Virgil's arm when she noticed how quiet he had become. As she looked up she saw how he was gripping the side of the chair tightly for support, and how pale his features were.

"Virgil? You still with me?" Kayo asked urgently as she closed the finishing stitches and pushed the medical tray aside. She forced Virgil to look at her as she knelt in front of him to check his vitals, she didn't like how labored his breathing sounded and that his skin was clammy with cold sweat. "You're going into shock... Don't fight it Virgil... just relax."

Virgil shook his head stubbornly "Don't... don't tell Gordon I passed out... he needs to focus on Alan and John right now... I shouldn't be adding to his worries..." He bit his lip as he started shaking.

"... don't put me on the infirmary bed..." Virgil begged, hoping he could get everything he wanted to say before his body shut down. "Otherwise... he's going to know... Just leave me in a chair or the sofa... I don't care... Please... just promise me Kayo..." His eyes was having trouble focusing on the two Kayos dancing in front of him.

"Leave it me. I'm covert ops remember?" Kayo joked but got no response from Virgil. "Just lean back Virgil. You need to listen to your body."

"Than... thanks Kayo..." With that, he finally let go of the death grip he had on the chair and slumped forward into her arms.

It took her a while but Kayo finally managed to get Virgil onto sofa bed in the infirmary's waiting area. She covered him with a blanket to make it seem like he had fallen asleep while waiting for Gordon. Before she left she set a reminder on her watch to check in on Virgil in another hour to make sure he didn't have any further complications.

Kayo did something she hadn't done since she was a little girl. She said a prayer, to anyone above who was watching and who would listen that her brothers would survive this and if it was asking for too much that they somehow miraculously remained a family.

New Home

Chapter Summary

sorry for the delays guys! was going to do this as ONE chapter and realised that I could stretch it out to three - so we're going to do that!

Alan awoke in the infirmary to the beeping of machines around him and rested his eyes on Kayo who was sitting beside him.

“Hey, welcome back… how you feeling?” she said softly.

“Like my entire chest is on fire.” he said horsley. “Whats going on?”

“You had an internal injury and needed an impromptu operation….erh…” Kayo hesitated before deciding to roll ahead and tell him. “Scott had to cut you open yo fix it.”

If it wasn't as if Alan could turn any paler but he managed to still have all the colour drain from his face. “You guys let Scott cut me open!?”

“I don’t think Gordon had a choice Alan. It was that or you died. Scott couldn't have done it just with only Gordon’s help either.” she glanced in the direction of the infirmary window where a soft arm chair had been placed, facing his bed and in the warmth of the outside sun’s glow. Alan could just make out someone sitting in it but couldn’t tell who it was from his angle of staring mostly at the ceiling.

His memory flicked a card. “How’s John?”

Kayo looked towards the chair again. “No idea. He hasn’t spoken or left this room for a few weeks. Won’t let us touch him to look at how he’s recovering either…. Never seen anyone so frightened of him before.”

Alan tried looking again and this time Kayo was nice enough to raise the bed a little so he could see. Now he could make out his older brother asleep on the chair, his missing eye still covered up and weeping which confirmed Kayo’s words about nobody touching him.

“Scarier than your dad could be.” she added absent mindedly. “Though I could be wrong but I don't remember your mum that much to draw a comparison, though my dad used to say she was a woman you'd never want to be on the bad side of.”

“Wouldn’t know, but like the rest of us he has his moments.” Alan forced himself to smile. “More so than usual though I think it's about time. You can't keep kicking someone without expecting to be attacked one day.”

“Well I’ll let the others know you're awake and make sure it's not Grandma making you breakfast.” Kayo kissed his forehead before leaving, glancing one more time in John’s direction and thought better of disturbing him and left.

Alan was sore, however it didn’t stop him from throwing a pillow at his sleeping brother, hitting him in the chest. He frowned when there was no reaction and wondered how deep asleep he was. He fought to get himself out of the bed, drag himself and his drip over to his brother and sat on his lap, cuddling into him.

He felt John's arms wrap around him and stroke his back gently. Alan smiled softly before drifting off again.

It was a few months before Alan was one hundred percent but within that time things had been swiftly put in motion. The first involved some clever forgery and thanks to Kayo - fake marriage licences had been created for both sets of brothers and alot of tweaking was involved to make them unrelated on their birth certificates, John’s being the hardest since he was the only one who needed the entire certificate changed to make him a citizen of another country than America - but after that was all sorted, the rest came easy and just seemed to fall into their laps.

Which was a change - so far their luck had been pretty dismal but it had to change sometime.

“This place is really lovely!” Alan grinned from ear to ear, touching the marbled kitchen bench. “How long did it take to find this place?”

“What do you mean FIND?” Gordon snorted. “We built - OW! Hey Virgil what did you do that for?” he rubbed his ribs after being sharply jabbed in them.

“We knew you’d like, and we’ve taken the liberty of paying it outright so you don’t have to pay any bills unless it’s the essentials.” Virgil smiled.

“That’s very kind of you.”

“And we also installed lots of signage for John so it should make it easy to get around if you’re not here.” He added. “Anything that could be helpful, we added.”

“As long as you didn’t make him feel like a total invalid.” Alan warned. “You know he’d hate that.”

“Oh I made sure Virgil didn’t go overboard.” Gordon patted Alan’s shoulder. “Ok so we made sure this house was flat and big enough for a family of four - three bedroom, main one with ensuite all that jazz… but I’m sure you’ll have uses for those spare rooms.”

“Are you suggesting you guys might visit despite the fact our new home is suppose to be super remote and super secret?” Alan gave his sibling an amused look.

“Er well yeah… maybe… on our holidays, Don’t want to completely out of our lives…. Or at least mine.” Gordon admitted looking at the floor and coughing before looking up again. Alan held his amused smile. As much as Gordon loved Virgil, there was no way he could fully ever let go of John and himself. They used to be the three amigos when they were younger and while they may not be as close as they used to be, he couldn’t live without them for long periods of time.

Alan started to laugh. “Sure. on that note, you guys positive Scott can’t find this place?”

“Dead certain.” Kayo’s voice was heard as she entered the kitchen. “Brains may have wired the entire place up with the latest tec for your comfort but he’s made sure to instal some devices on my own request similar to the cloaking devices on Thunderbird Five so phone calls to the Island or any of us will always be scrambled and untraceable.” she looked a little saddened. “You really sure you want these in place Alan?”

“I’m sure, even if it’s only temporary. Once Scott gets help and gets over it maybe we’ll let him know where we are…. But till then, best to just stay apart. He’s not on his own though, he’s still got you, Brains and Grandma… and maybe these two clowns when they have holidays to escape the cold english snow!”
“The only issue I can see is the open living and kitchen area.” Came another voice, alot quieter than the rest from just outside the kitchen that lead off to the two smaller bedrooms and second bathroom. “As long as no one leaves anything in the middle of the floor I think I can manage.”

John slowly walked in, his hand trailing along the wall getting a sense of the house layout with his fingers. “I think Brians’s little hidden shelving that goes into the wall all nice and tucked away is a bit much. It’s like I stuck my hand right into a damn hole in the wall! I understand it’s so I can get around but SHEESH.”

Alan walked over to his side and lead him over to where they were all milling about. “I know you can’t see it, but it does look really nice. Like those futuristic houses you see in video games. BEST bit John that Gordon was showing me earlier was that you can call up a holographic tv or made holocalls from ANYWHERE in the house. Ok I doubt you’d be using that much other than emergencies but it means less junk in the house and - you’ll like this bit - you can turn the radio on anywhere in the house too with just your voice. Isn’t that AWESOME?!.”

“Heh, yeah I guess it is.” John smiled

“So how long till the rest of our stuff arrives, Virgil? I mean having all the furniture is nice but uh we do need our other stuff to make his feel like home.” Alan said jovially.

"Hmmm we did pay for it to be shipped expressed, so tomorrow mid day at the latest I would say?" Virgil smiled at his youngest brother.

They all been through hell this past year and he hoped that Alan and John especially could finally have some semblance of a normal life again. As much as Virgil was looking forward to it, he would need some time getting used to living alone with Gordon in England. Other than his college days in Denver, he had never lived apart from his brothers. He was going to miss all of them even Scott.

“We can live till then, can't we Alan?” John smiled softly. It had taken time for them all to get used to his new look, Alan having cleverly styled his hair to hide the missing eye as trying to hide it with an eye patch looked ridiculous in a blind man. He barely smiled now unless he was alone with the youngest as even though he couldn't see he knew just looking at him at the moment made everyone more uncomfortable than they were before around him. It was in their voices and how they spoke, until they all reached Alan's level of acceptance. Granted - Gordon wasn't far off it making pirate jokes and allsorts as if very little had changed but he still had a way to go.

“I think we can manage. So… you guys staying for dinner or flying back to the island?”

"We're staying till your stuff gets here, that is if you guys don't mind? I mean how else are you going to move all that stuff without me and Muscles here?" Gordon joked as he playfully poked Virgil's chest.

"Oh you ‘know’ you like my muscles." Virgil laughed as he flexed his bicep in Gordon's face for good measure.

Kayo pulled a face and Alan laughed uneasily. John tilted his head to the side he knew Alan was standing and said, “He’s thinking with his dick again isn't he?”

“Pffttt!” Alan snorted and burst out laughing. “What else does he think with John?”

“Clearly not his brain.” Johns soft smile turned sly.

Kayo started to crack, a huge grin on her face and along with Gordon and Alan - laughed like they hadn't in ages.

"Ok ok I know when I'm outnumbered." Virgil smiled as he threw his hands up in mock defeat. "Come on Starfish, how about you and me go grab some grub for everybody?" He said as he winked and took Gordon by the hand.

"Can we get some donuts while we're out?" Gordon asked as he jumped off the kitchen island chair.

"Yes Homer Simpson. You are such a glutton." Virgil bopped him lightly on the nose, before turning to the others. "We shouldn't be long. Be back before you know it." They walked off whispering and laughing along the way.

“Give then three hours before they realise they were supposed to get food.” John chuckled.

Fun in Two

As Virgil landed Thunderbird Two he shut off her engines and started walking away from the cockpit, he felt Gordon gently tugging at his sleeve. "Yeah? Everything ok? You don't want Chinese food for dinner?" He asked.

Gordon was acting... weird. Well, weirder than he usually was, Virgil thought to himself. Maybe he was feeling unwell? His face was certainly all flushed. Virgil was starting to worry.

"No... I mean yes... Argh fudgicles!" Gordon swore as he cleared his throat. This was so embarrassing but he'd been wanting to say it for quite a while now. "Actually... I was thinking we have some time before we have to go back... I was wondering... you know..." At this point, Gordon was looking everywhere except at Virgil in the face, who he was sure was probably enjoying this way too much at his personal expense.

Gordon took a deep breath, "Argh to hell with it. I want to try having sex again in Two, because we didn't finish what we started the last time. And... and... this time I want to be on top for a change!" He cringed internally as he realized he had probably yelled out that last bit. Gordon wanted to crawl into the belly of Thunderbird Four and live out the rest of his days in his little yellow submarine. But no, Four nestled back on Tracy Island in the Pod Bay. He steeled himself for Virgil to turn him down.

"Ok, why not?" Virgil smiled. Gordon was always so bold and sassy, seeing him laying his heart out on a platter like this, reduced the older Tracy to mush on the inside.

"Really?" Gordon's eyes lit up. Virgil didn't get to respond as Gordon flung himself towards his lover and his momentum threw them both backwards. Luckily Virgil had quick reflexes and just about managed to grab Gordon, who wrapped his legs around his waist and kissed him with unrestrained passion.

They stumbled backwards together and didn't stopped kissing each other till Virgil's back bumped into his craft's hull. "Easy there my little tiger shark, let's move this to the med bay where it's more comfortable?"

"Fuck the med bay Virgil. I'd take you right here..." Gordon growled seductively as he continued kissing Virgil, pushing him down till he was flat on his back, all the while his fingers working feverishly at those blasted buttons. Gordon decided then that he was going to burn all of Virgil's horrible flannel button shirts once they were home and replacing it all with tshirts instead. Hell if he had it his way, Gordon would have Virgil strutting around naked all day. Much much easier.

Reluctantly he pulled away from the kiss, conveniently straddled across the growing bulge in Virgil's pants. Gordon leaned back and took a short moment to drink in the view. His fingers traced and lingered longing over firm sculptured muscles. Gordon wondered how in the world did someone so perfect belong to him.

Virgil shivered under Gordon's flirting touch, his skin covered in goosebumps at the anticipation. If Gordon kept teasing him like this and didn't speed things up a little, he swore he was going to cum all over the both of them.

Gordon started to unbuckle his pants as Virgil did the same. Gordon more than lost it a few times as their erections rubbed furiously against each other while they did so. Once naked, Gordon hesitated for a moment. He had never been the sexual dominant in their relationship, he didn’t even know if he could do it right.

Virgil read his brother perfectly. “It’s ok. I’d show you...” He took Gordon’s hands to guide his younger brother’s hard member and slid it into his own being. They gasped together at Gordon’s entry. This felt strange even to Virgil, but there was no denying how good it felt too. They fit perfectly with each other, they always have even before becoming lovers.

He didn’t need to show Gordon what to do next. Hips moving, their bodies flirted dangerously with each other as they timed their movements in sync with the other. Virgil brought his fingers down Gordon’s back, stroking him longingly from the crown of his head to the small of his back. Gordon shuddered as he caved under Virgil’s touch, moaning his brother’s name as he gave one final thrust. The sweet release flooded down their legs, neither one moving from the embrace of the other that felt like home.

As they cuddled together for warmth on the cold floor of Thunderbird Two, Gordon smiled as he nuzzled into Virgil and breathed deeply. Virgil always smelt of the mint sweets he liked to chew on after a cigarette, with the scent of tobacco lingering on his skin especially on his fingers and the mild musky aftershave he wore. If love had a scent, Gordon thought it would smell exactly like Virgil.

“Gordon?” Virgil whispered softly. “Yeah?” Came the equally soft reply.

“I was thinking...” Virgil was nervous, and he paused for a while to phrase his next words. “Since we’ve already got the papers for our ‘marriage’ I was thinking of making it official.”

“Huh? I don’t follow.” Gordon frowned, wondering what Virgil meant. How much more official could they be?

Virgil kissed Gordon on the forehead, before turning away to grab his discarded pants and fishes around in one of the pockets. He propped himself up on an elbow, and with his heart thumping wildly in his chest, revealed a little red and gold box in the other hand.

He opened it to show Gordon, a pair of platinum gold bands with a filigree design made with their initials. “I designed these a while back and... well, I was planning on doing this when we got the keys to our house, but the moment seemed right...”

“The thing is when I’m with you Gordon, it’s like the world around us has turned to ash because you’re all I can see. You came along and offered me an entire galaxy when I was only expecting a single planet.”

“I could watch a million sunrises and never see one quite as beautiful as your eyes slowly opening in the morning. And I realize now that I am nothing more than a gathering of a million thoughts of you swimming inside me.”

“I breathe easier with the weight of your body lying on my chest. I promise you, with me your heart will always be safe.”

“Will you marry me, Gordon Tracy?”

Gordon bolted upright, grabbing the box from Virgil’s hands for a closer look at the rings. “Holy crocodiles, where did you pull that out from? Your arse crack?! You think I would have seen a bulge like that in your pants for sure!”

Virgil almost snorted in laughter at Gordon’s openness. Truly the kid had no filters and was one of the many things Virgil loved about his brother. He sighed and sat up alongside Gordon, who had his mouth wide open in awe and shock still inspecting the rings.

“Urm Gordon? You er... kinda left me hanging here?” Virgil teased.

Gordon shook the cobwebbed spell form his head, “Yes. Of course yes, a hundred million times yes!”

Virgil finally relaxed as he let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He carefully took the smaller of the two rings and placed it on Gordon’s left hand, before doing so with the other ring on his own left. Virgil brought Gordon’s hand and kissed the ring, as if to seal their love.

Gordon couldn’t believe what just happened and yet there the ring was on his left hand shining and glistening. He cried happy tears as he kissed Virgil and they slowly melted into a puddle of limbs on the deck of Thunderbird Two.

Afterward

Dinner passed quite fast - Virgil and Gordon seemed to be in a hurry to get somewhere so Kayo and their brothers said their goodbyes and left, leaving Alan alone with John, in house that was all theirs.

Sitting on one of the new couches, Alan was cuddling John into him and smiling.

Gordon and Virgil may not have said it aloud but the new shiny rings on their fingers spoke for them. Sadly both had forgotten John couldn't see them and expecting him and Kayo to tell him just wasn't fair.

“Gordon was pretty much a bundle of energy when they had come back.” John mused as he felt Alan ran his hand through his hair. “Something must have happened on their little food run.”

“More than just something.” Alan chuckled.

“Oh?”

“Don't worry John, if they wanted us to know they'd have said something.”

“I guess.”

Alan really wanted to tell him but if they were going to be quiet then he had to too. Was a little unfair, John was now going to be in the dark about everything involving them next time they visited. If they dressed differently, had new hair styles….all those changes of watching them growing up he was going to miss.

“John?”

“Hmm?”

“They had engagement rings.”

Alan waited for the words to sink in. John sat upright and his one functional blind eye blinked in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes. I think they were hoping we didn't notice.”

“Huh. Fair enough. I guess we don't have to know everything they do anymore, hey Alan?” John seemed to look thoughtful. “That's going to be hard to get used to.”

“Sorry John.”

“Why are you sorry? It's about time! We've all been in each other's faces for practically most of our lives, a break is warranted.” he mused. “Guess if there's a wedding I might miss out on how over the top they go but it won't matter, it’s their happiness that counts.”

“Actually they were probably going to have it here in the quiet… that’s if it’s ok with you.”

John snorted and shrugged. “Why wouldn't it be?” He smiled. “Can't be scared of a party of people I can't see.”

“True.” Alan gave his older brother a sideways glance, taking in the details of his obvious disfigurement in the face. “Though I think you won't need to worry about that.” He leaned in for a kiss and gently traced over the deep scar that ran through where John’s eye should have been. He may not be afraid of how scary John now looked but there would be quite a lot who would be… Heck Gordon couldn't even speak to him without looking at something else but John’s blindness prevented him from seeing the sadness in his eyes when he was being spoken to.

He would always forever be the same old John to him, no matter what he looked like.

Alan stood up and took his lover's hand, also getting him to stand. What was it they said? Oh yeah, the radio was voice activated.

“Track 38 please.” Alan smiled as he spoke clearly enough for the in built systems in the house to hear him. “Virgil’s tunes.”

“Virgil’s tunes?”

“Yeah, there's a nice little number buried amongst his piano music.”

“Ah.”

Alan wrapped his arms around John and slowly to the tune, took the lead into a slow dance. “It's just perfect for right now.”

John nuzzled Alan’s hair as he was pulled in close. “Love you lots, Alan.”

“Love you lots too John.”

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