welp... we're going to attempt to post here more often

 well, that's the end of my social media era. unless it's here or Cara, I'll not be posting elsewhere unless forced to. knew the second they'd bring the online changes in for under 18s here it ment tec companies and platforms would demand our cards & drivers licenses to use them. NOT ON YOUR LIFE. I trust you with that data as far as I can throw you and it ain't far! so we just cut ties with it altogether. sorry but fuck that shit. with ai generators baked into everything and all tec in our homes pretty much listening devices to grab all our personal data to sell for profit I trust NONE of these companies to prevent data breaches.

while we're at it, we're also temporarily disabling youtube. I have HEAVILY been relying on it to get me through the past few months with my grandmother's ailing health and now she passed on we've gotba very unhealthy addiction to needing to use it all the time. enough is enough. if my kids can't use it, neither can I, simple as that. It'll be healthier in the long run, especially because my own physical  & mental health has taken a nose dive in December alone. I don't want to get into it, but more than just my grandmother dying is a factor - a lot of things have died for me this year in regards to relationships, trust in/respect for certain people, romance, love... yeah a lot has died for me and we're not dealing with it well, except sending my blood sugars through the roof with stress, stress eating, no sleep... we're having really serious hyperglycaemia crash outs. Things aren't great and I need to turn that around before it kills me. My 40th was ok... just a fizzer with us realising how much anyone honestly cares about us, the ones who do without telling me how I should be, how I should act, how I should stay hidden under a mask of pretend to make them happy are my two friends & my kids. the rest all want me to be something I'm not and after 40 years, will never be for them. finding out unofficially we're auADHD thanks to my kids psychologist asking when I'm getting my diagnosis to sort out medication and looked, I've lived this long without it. I don't think medication would improve matters beyond making me feel more fake and non existent than we already are. I've lived with it for so long, cool now I can go... oh shit it was obvious when I was younger now looking back but yeah.... it's not going to do anything for me as an adult beyond giving people fuel to nit pick and put me down more with an excuse behind it.

anyway, here's to a new year. we're going to be kicking it off with a Scout leadership training course, a wedding & midsummer pride. I have realised my achievements in the past year meant nothing to anyone but myself so... we'll keep doing it for myself. anything to change myself for the better, no matter how much others hate it.

also, expect more art here, especially 18+ stuff. 

This was supposed to be for my birthday btw... yeah ahh it's 3 days late, I doubt it counts now 😆